The official UKY inlaw venting thread

Yes - that is the smoking jerk. Thus why I don't want to work for him/his family.  And her dress is from the 1970's. It's was pretty and stylish then. I have no idea what size she was. My own mother got married in the 1980's and her dress is extremely '80's. I don't think I've ever seen sleeves that big/puffy before. It was a great, stylish dress then, but I wouldn't want to wear it now! And you're right. I want my own dress. I had bf tell his mom thanks, but I kinda already had another dress in mind (ie not that one).

You have my sympathy on the mom thing. My mother has been driving me nuts. (which is nothing new! There is a reason I live 6 hrs away.) Maybe we should start and "official UKY mothers/family venting thread"?

It's just pointless really, I can see the merit in wearing maybe your mother's dress (if it wasn't so 80s) as it might be a sentimental  experience, but your MIL's dress? It's weird, I wouldn't even think to offer unless it was vintage Vera Wang or something!

My mother is definitely driving me mad, yes I know I need to lose some weight, no you going on about it constantly is not helping, no you and my sister calling me on the same night to tell me that I should diet now as I "shouldn't get married whilst I'm so "huge" as whenever I see the pictures I'll regret it" doesn't help. No I didn't buy you anything in NYC money is a bit tight as you know, yes it is difficult for a "fatty" to buy clothes, no I don't need a hair cut, no I didn't throw away that pencil skirt you hate blah blah blah.

I appreciate I'm not the doll daughter she always dreamed of dressing up (also, get over it, I'm 25 FFS!), but lately she's just  gone way too far and basically taking out all her frustrations on me, been like that since xmas.

....Head Explodes.

It's just pointless really, I can see the merit in wearing maybe your mother's dress (if it wasn't so 80s) as it might be a sentimental  experience, but your MIL's dress? It's weird, I wouldn't even think to offer unless it was vintage Vera Wang or something!

My mother is definitely driving me mad, yes I know I need to lose some weight, no you going on about it constantly is not helping, no you and my sister calling me on the same night to tell me that I should diet now as I "shouldn't get married whilst I'm so "huge" as whenever I see the pictures I'll regret it" doesn't help. No I didn't buy you anything in NYC money is a bit tight as you know, yes it is difficult for a "fatty" to buy clothes, no I don't need a hair cut, no I didn't throw away that pencil skirt you hate blah blah blah.

I appreciate I'm not the doll daughter she always dreamed of dressing up (also, get over it, I'm 25 FFS!), but lately she's just  gone way too far and basically taking out all her frustrations on me, been like that since xmas.

....Head Explodes.

God, I sympathise, MK. My mother was like that. It got the point that the minute the conversation started heading in that direction, I'd hang up the phone. After a while, I wouldn't even say anything first, just hang up. It always made me feel a bit better to think of her ranting into dead air for a few minutes. You should try it -- might reduce the agita.

Not that it stopped her talking about it, mind, cause she'd still try to bring it up, but hey -- at least I wasn't there to hear it.

My mother is definitely driving me mad, yes I know I need to lose some weight, no you going on about it constantly is not helping

That's awful. Thankfully, my mother was never like that. But unfortunately, my father is. And now my mother isn't around anymore to run interference, so I have to deal with it on my own - something I'm not very good at. He knows how to push all my buttons - especially when it comes to weight. Big hugs to you; it's not easy.

I say I am not going to have this conversation, or words to that effect, three times.  Then I hang up the phone.  I unplug it if needs be. 

On the weight thing my mom does this too, and it drives me batty.  I'm clearly not even close to being overweight, I'm just no longer the size zero I was when I was a ballet dancer. Of course! She constantly says things like "Are you really going to eat that?" or "I know you're sad you've gotten so heavy." I just roll my eyes and pretend she's nice.

I just roll my eyes and pretend she's nice.

 

Well...we would be getting married in two months except DB's mum wants him to wait until he's older and he wants her blessing. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm American and her ex-husband (DB's father) is American and DB moved over here when she hoped to never see that. We're having a hard time with that because I want my mom at my wedding and DB feels torn between wanting his mum's blessing and also wanting to make sure my mom is at our wedding.

Well, I had to interact with SIL at a family function over the bank holiday and I was so happy to not hear a single negative comment out of her. I hope when we have another family function at the end of the month, this is repeated.

However, MIL and A(unt)IL drove me crazy with talking about everyone's weight and appearance like none of us could hear them talking about us! Being judgemental over such superficial things makes one sound, well, superficial. It also feels like it is serving  as a social regulatory and controlling function: 'you are (obviously) a more superior person if you are thin!' Get over it! Sigh! 

About the living with in laws thing - YES! I totally agree! I have been here just over a month and living with my husband's parents. I've stayed with them for 3 months before, which still wasn't ideal, but as we weren't married then and I was just visiting it was a different situation. Now I feel like because I don't have a job (which I will rant about in another post) and am having a hard time adjusting all together I am lazy and taking advantage. It is very generous of them to help us out, and I am very grateful for that which makes me feel guilty about getting so frustrated. Being trapped in this little town and living with the in laws, feeling like children having to ask to get things at the store, or for DH to use the car, or them arguing in general like kids and parents do is no way for a married couple to start their lives together. And on top of it all, I can't STAND how disgustinly messy and unkempt and unorganised they keep their house and all of their belongings. I almost feel like a live in maid/cook some days!! I do love them, but I think I will love them much more when we move out!

AND let me add the fact that it irritates me to no end that (due to walls being thin and being in close proximity ALL the time) they are in all of our business - always knowing when there are arguments or fights or disagreements, and even worse COMMENTING on it, or trying to get involved. They must think I'm an awful cow at times.

MOOO

AND let me add the fact that it irritates me to no end that (due to walls being thin and being in close proximity ALL the time) they are in all of our business - always knowing when there are arguments or fights or disagreements, and even worse COMMENTING on it, or trying to get involved. They must think I'm an awful cow at times.

MOOO

Wow, what a tough situation.  I hope you can get your own place soon!

Wow, chi chi chapi, that is exactly my situation (except the live-in maid bit, my MIL won't let me do any housework, which makes me feel guilty).  The worst thing is the lack of privacy, I cannot WAIT until we don't have her knowing all our business all the time. 

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to vent, I totally understand what you are going through. 

I'm glad I've seen a lot more people on here in that situation. I never knew so many had or do live with their in-laws. I was feeling a little bit like a loser. The good news is I'm starting work soon - it's only temporary but hopefully it leads to something more! - so maybe it won't be too long until we're out. Either way, I'LL be out of the house more so I can start enjoying being here when I am.

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to vent, I totally understand what you are going through. 

Same goes to you!

DH has been at his parents' place for less than 24 hours and the venting has already begun!

My MIL has an eat-in kitchen and has a dining table in there.  I guess since the last time we were there, she has pushed it into a corner and now they just don't use it to eat at.  Instead, they take plates into the living room and sit on the couch. 

DH, his sister, and her daughter were all there for dinner and DH was like, 'why don't we just pull out the table and eat on it?'  My MIL said no, we can just set up a card table and use that.  So that's what they did.  I can't even picture it. SOOOO glad I didn't go on this trip!!

FiL keeps turning down the "larder" to save electric.  We pay the electric.  When he turns down the fridge, our food goes off.

I have to bite my tongue not to suggest alternatives to making our food go off such as:

1)Turning off lights.  There are plenty of lights that never get shut off in this house.  The entryway, stairs, downstairs hall (two sets of 3 lights), and a kitchen lamp.  Of course, they claim they do this because my MiL fell down the stairs about 15 years ago.  Well, that is why we have light switches.

2) Don't run the tumble (vented) dryer for 2 hours non-stop without checking on it.

3)Don't run the kettle after you make your drinks on the off chance that someone will need tea soon.  FFS, it doesn't take that long to boil it from cold.

4)Why do we need 100 lights on anyway?

5)Take things off standby

6)And after my MiL gets done charging her phone every day, she should unplug the charger. 

BUT LEAVE THE THING THAT KEEPS MY FOOD SAFE ALONE!