Why so many gifts!?

MiL -- even before we were engaged -- kept giving me things when I would visit, like a little brooch (I wouldn't get caught dead in) and stuff like that.  I felt bad I hadn't brought her anything.  People are always unexpectedly giving me things and me empty-handed

My British family only brought gifts to each other on a major visit, such as when my brother and his kids would visit twice a year from hundreds of miles away, or my sister and hers visited several times a year from a two hour drive away (that's huge in the UK, hahah!)

But anyone of us seeing each other more frequently than that, no, gift-giving wasn't a thing in our family, aside from birthdays and Christmas, inevitably. So I can't in truth, from my family experience, say that this is part of UK culture. What many here describe seems very peculiar to this Brit.

Oh, we give random gifts all the time.

If I see something that I think MIL would like, I get it for her and just pop it in the post.

Or cards.  That, too.

But my family are gift-givers. 

The other day, I was in Tesco, and I saw TONS of different types of those Cath Kidston for Tesco bags.  I bought tons of them.  One for MIL, SIL, my sister, my mom, my nieces.

I saw some Barbara Daly lipsticks, and my sister had read about one in a magazine, in a shade called Gypsy.  But they were so cheap, why not buy her two and justify the postage? 

My mom was here, and she loved my lavender wheat bag and I used for sore neck.  She wouldn't take mine when I offered it.  But I went into a shop, attached to Inverary Jail, of all places, and saw some and thought, 'Even better, these are tartan,' and didn't think twice about buying one.

A friend sent me a Hawkins Bazaar catalogue.  Most of the stuff was naff, but there were some dead funny birthday cake candles in there that spelled out, 'Yer auld' and 'Lost Count'.  How can you pass that up for hte cheeky auld cudger in your life?  I got them both and sent them to my dad.

If you can't like 'em, join 'em, IMO.

Doesn't have to be anything expensive at all, even the other one in a BOGOF. 

Spread the joy!

Thankfully, hubby's family aren't huge with gift-giving except at birthday and Christmas time.  Even then I find gift giving and receiving difficult.  Unless it's money or a gift voucher I usually don't like any gifts I receive (sounds mean, I know...).  Also thankfully my hubby's family usually puts together lists of what they want for Christmas and birthdays or else it would be really difficult for me to shop for them.

My British MIL and SIL live about an hour away from each other, and they only exchange gifts on "occasions" like when one invites the other to dinner.  But if they just pop in for a cup of tea, then no gift.  The men don't trouble themselves, usually.  But they all really go over the top for birthdays and Christmas, IMO.  In my family we give one nice thing, carefully chosen.  I can't get used to the in-laws' habit of giving each other piles of stuff that just ends up stashed in a closet or gathering dust on a shelf.   

I could buy his dad gifts no problem - hes easy, but I know very little about his mother (shes very reserved and doesnt really seem to enjoy talking to me all that much...)  And of course shes the one who seems to care about the gifts.  His dad says my presence is gift enough  Good man!!

When in doubt, I go with flowers or wine.  Even a small plant if it's someone I don't see often.  I've been known to stock up on wine when there's a deal just so I've got some stashed away for last-minute dinner invites/parties.

My British MIL and SIL live about an hour away from each other, and they only exchange gifts on "occasions" like when one invites the other to dinner.  But if they just pop in for a cup of tea, then no gift.  The men don't trouble themselves, usually. 

Yeah, similar to my ILs.  We do bring wine when going to dinner (easy, practical and always the right thing).

But they all really go over the top for birthdays and Christmas, IMO.  In my family we give one nice thing, carefully chosen.  I can't get used to the in-laws' habit of giving each other piles of stuff that just ends up stashed in a closet or gathering dust on a shelf.   

Yeah, same here.  I can't stand clutter and all the piles of stuff get donated to a charity shop almost right away. 

Oh, we give random gifts all the time.

If I see something that I think MIL would like, I get it for her and just pop it in the post.

Or cards.  That, too.

But my family are gift-givers. 

The other day, I was in Tesco, and I saw TONS of different types of those Cath Kidston for Tesco bags.  I bought tons of them.  One for MIL, SIL, my sister, my mom, my nieces.

I saw some Barbara Daly lipsticks, and my sister had read about one in a magazine, in a shade called Gypsy.  But they were so cheap, why not buy her two and justify the postage? 

My mom was here, and she loved my lavender wheat bag and I used for sore neck.  She wouldn't take mine when I offered it.  But I went into a shop, attached to Inverary Jail, of all places, and saw some and thought, 'Even better, these are tartan,' and didn't think twice about buying one.

A friend sent me a Hawkins Bazaar catalogue.  Most of the stuff was naff, but there were some dead funny birthday cake candles in there that spelled out, 'Yer auld' and 'Lost Count'.  How can you pass that up for hte cheeky auld cudger in your life?  I got them both and sent them to my dad.

If you can't like 'em, join 'em, IMO.

Doesn't have to be anything expensive at all, even the other one in a BOGOF. 

Spread the joy!

Well it's not that my family had no "joy" or were mean spirited. And I'm sure that if I rummage through my memories of the family, I'm sure we did just pick up some extras of some cool item for another member if we happened to see something. It's not that we were "anti" gift or never thought of each other.

I was just trying to point out that the original poster's British in laws seem to be particulary "gifty" and as Brit myself, I wanted to contribute my personal take on that, by saying that I really don't believe this is a "UK" cultural trait she is observing in her in-laws, but something THEY do -- I believe it's their family's trait. She was asking if this is a particularly Brit thing and as a Brit I was adding my two cents (pence?!) that, in my observation, no, it isn't particularly and I believe it's just an individual family's habit or not, rather than anything to do with the general culture.

Now that's not to say that other British families, just like other AMERICAN families, may also be gift giving people at the drop of a hat. I'm just trying to give my input as I'm British, and say that, in my observation at least, for whatever that is worth, this isn't some "British" thing and my own family -- aside from "Ooh I saw these in Tescos here I got one for you too" -- just didn't do this unless it was birthdays or Christmas.

Yeah, same here.  I can't stand clutter and all the piles of stuff get donated to a charity shop almost right away. 

We give (and receive) nice things, though! Usually not things that would go to a charity shop! I mean, if it's family and they know you well enough, they'll get you something you'll appreciate, right?

Charity shops *need* nice things!  I work in one and you wouldn't believe the gorgeous things that get donated (Especially after Christmas!) which is a good thing. 

MIL (as sweet as she is) seems to have latched onto the idea that I am obsessed with sheep.  I do think sheep are adorable but I don't really want to collect sheep stuff. (I don't want to collect anything to be honest.)  The past two years I've gotten sheep ornaments, dish towels, mugs, etc.  I just don't need all that stuff, so I donate most of it.  Not *all* her gifts are that bad, though.

Even my own mom has recently sent me a random package (my family doesn't even do gifts normally) of a hideous aqua blue micro-fleece bathrobe (not my color and I haven't worn a bathrobe since I was 12) and a plush sheep.  I feel really bad, but I'm going to donate that to my work as well. 

Charity shops *need* nice things! 

I should have said "appropriate," not nice. Of course charity shops needs nice things. But if someone gives me a gift that I like and find pretty/useful/etc., I'm going to keep it.

I should have said "appropriate," not nice. Of course charity shops needs nice things. But if someone gives me a gift that I like and find pretty/useful/etc., I'm going to keep it.

Absolutely!  There are things I need and could use (I'd keep it if it I got it!) which makes the naff and inappropriate gifts seem even more of a waste.  God, I sound so ungrateful.

Oh, I have no problem re-working a gift.  That hideous blue micro fleece - I'd cut it up into squares and hem them to use for cleaning.

But we get and give nice things, usually, and also mostly edible or potable or gifts that will be used up.

I can't stand clutter, either, but my feeling about any gift I give is that it's no strings attached.  If the receiver wants to flog it, give it away, regift it, re-use it, that's fine with me!

I mean, if it's family and they know you well enough, they'll get you something you'll appreciate, right?

You'd think so, but my in-laws prefer quantity over quality in gift-giving.  They will give each other things from the pound shop that they KNOW will never be used, just to get the numbers up.  They will then wrap all of the cheap stuff individually, meaning that we all have to sit through interminable hours of the recipient feigning pleasure at each garish hair clip and set of paper aeroplanes.  That's probably a topic for the in-law venting thread, though    In fairness, some of their gifts are nice and thoughtful.  I just wish they would give ONLY the nice, thoughtful things and leave the rest at the shop. 

To the OP:

If you have already done the typical American things when you visit.  I would just bring Flowers, small potted plant, a bottle of wine or box of chocolates.  It says you thought of them and are thankful for the hospitality they are extending you. 

In general I tend to bring a little hostess gift in the above categories if I have been invited to a meal at anyone's home.  If I am staying at someone's house overnight, I try to get something a little more personal - maybe a nice set of soaps for the bathroom.

If you are planning to move over here and you will be seeing your inlaws every week, just popping by for a cuppa etc,  then you may find the gifts ease up a bit.  Still a nice touch every once in a while, but depending on the family not required. 

Good luck!