The Hardest Aspects of Moving

In your experience, what parts of the US-UK move were the most troublesome (either logistically, financially, or emotionally)? Were there things you thought would be hard but which were in fact surprisingly easy?

Are you writing a book or something and using us as your research?

My first transplant was easy-peasy but that was 30-odd years ago.  None of this visa folderol.  Giving up my cat was the hardest then -- decided not to subject her to the 6 month quarantine that was mandatory then. Not finding a job at my level of professionalism was the worst thing.  That was very depressing.

Are you writing a book or something and using us as your research?

No, planning a move to the UK and using these boards as a resource. I thought that was kind of the point. Sorry if I seem nosy...

No, planning a move to the UK and using these boards as a resource. I thought that was kind of the point. Sorry if I seem nosy...

No apologies necessary...it is what it's for...I have a suspicious nature and everytime I read one of your questioning posts I think of essay exams from Uni.

No, planning a move to the UK and using these boards as a resource. I thought that was kind of the point. Sorry if I seem nosy...

Nothing wrong with that.  Just be aware that a lot of people view it mainly as a community.  And they tend to get bored with the people who view it just as a resource.  So, if you're wondering why you're getting less responses to your questions that is probably it.

I moved as a student and already had friends here, so the whole thing was fairly straightforward. I had student housing, but I would guess that finding housing is the most difficult part, what with having to find a place, finding a letting agent who will rent to a new arrival or arranging a mortgage without a credit history, etc. Apparently it's also difficult to get a bank account, though again, as a student I had no trouble. Personally for me the hardest part was that a year after my move my dad became terminally ill, and I spent the year of his illness travelling back and forth and feeling extremely guilty about not being there when I was here, and about not working on my Ph.D. when I was there. Otherwise it's been grand and I couldn't imagine living in the US again.

When dent_arther_dent asks these questions, I actually don't mind answering because I often feel I'm only useful when sharing my slice of experiences of the practical or emotional aspects of my move. 

I quite like someone on here grilling me about how it was for me, because in giving my angle maybe I can help someone know what to expect in the wide range of personal experiences -- all of them quite different -- that are to be discovered amongst the people on this site. We've all had different types of move, different reasons, and differing experiences with how easy or hard, which bits were easy that were horrible for other folks -- I love the mix, and somewhere along the line one or other of us helps someone else who might be similar in something.

Got a friend coming over for a couple of hours, so I want to answer about my stuff later, and I'll be back in a bit.

And don't anyone ask if that's a threat or a promise, hahahahh!!

In your experience, what parts of the US-UK move were the most troublesome (either logistically, financially, or emotionally)?

Two things: dealing with the PETS scheme, and doing my own packing.

PETS Scheme:
Although I'm not a dim or stupid person, I found the myriad details inherent in each step of the PETS preparation very stressful and even hard to grasp at first; hard to get the sequence all correct in my head without several misunderstandings and mixing up even the confusing names of the paperwork. There is much about these forms and the "devil in the details" requirements that CAN trip a person up even when they thing they are being diligent in their research.

I managed to get every step right in the end, but while it was all ongoing I made several mistakes that, although caught early, kept the entire experience quite stressful. It lies more in the fear/anticipation of getting something wrong, rather than in reality, but that feeling of stress and fear of the consequences of any mistake is real none the less, when in the middle of it all, I personally found.

Packing my own boxes for ocean shipment:
I've posted about this in another thread, but I found the process of going through my belongings, deciding what to bring, sell or give away or throw away, and deciding even how best to physically pack the things, very stressful.

I may have become a little deranged as I remember going into angst and agony over simply the arrangment of items in a box.....it got crazy for me. Knowing this stuff was going to be probably handled quite roughly, living through a two month journey on the open ocean, and that I was responsible for how well things were wrapped in order not to break, I felt myself no expert but under pressure, to myself, to do it right. I think I did lose my mind a bit, over it all, in a functioning way. The seven months it took to plan my departure, from the start of the PETS scheme to the final couple of months of my stuff being all over the apartment in a constant state of packing assembly line, was all just very, very depressing, disruptive, and crazy-making to me.

I have to qualify all this by stating that I was dealing with all this without any hands-on help around me. And also, my personality type is a bit of a Nervous Nelly and sensitive soul when it comes to my home environment and the establishment of my life as I know it -- I'm one of those who are not good with change even when it's for the most joyous cause. I'm a homebody by nature, need to feel rooted even if it's only rented accomodation, have never travelled much -- it was already out of my nature to have emigrated to the US in the first place! And oddly that one was MUCH easier -- but I was younger and even owned less stuff in those days, had no pet, etc. Much more free and easy at 27 years old, than it was by the time I was doing all this at 46 and starting menopause.

My advice, though, to anyone doing this:
It is natural to feel stress duing any move; even moving across town, let alone across the world, is up there on the chart of life-stress-factors along with bereavement and divorce and job loss.

But TRY not to let any stress do lasting damage, either to your self, your health or your relationship. It was during this time that the very relationship I was moving for came under all the strain of this. He started to get very uncompassionate toward how I was feeling. I felt increasingly unsupported emotionally because of that. He even started, I think, to interpret my stress as translating to not really wanting to do this. That was not correct, it truly was just the disruption that I couldn't handle, no underlying wish not to be with HIM. Sometime a cigar is just a cigar. I very much wanted to be with him, I just wasn't a good personality-type to be undergoing the upheaval of my whole life as I'd established it, at my age and with my need for consistency and rootedness and not being good with upheaval in general. If there is a partner you are doing this move for, I think they have NO idea how frightening it can feel to be the one giving up one's life. It should also be exciting but yes, for me I got overwhelmed.

Pets and packing, for me.


What were there things you thought would be hard but which were in fact surprisingly easy?

Putting my cat on the plane! By the time we were at that stage, I knew I'd done everything I could and felt confident he was going to be alright and in safe hands. When we arrived at Gatwick, he was, and I could hardly believe PETS had worked!!! That I hadn't messed up and landed my cat in quarantine! At THAT stage I almost felt like PETS is a piece of cake! It just didn't feel like it when I was snowed under in paperwork months before.

Oh, man. I'm tempted to say "everything." I'd worked the same job with the same people for 25 years; I sold my house in the teeth of this housing market; I had a house full of junk to boil down to a movable pile.

On the other hand, we'd been planning this for a decade, so I knew it was coming and I had spent quite a lot of time in the UK.

Timing was hard, and got harder and harder as the process neared conclusion. I made lots of lists.

Things that were harder than expected: being a foreigner. It's really hard being a foreigner. I don't know how to do ANYthing for myself. I don't know what anything is called or what it should cost.

Despite all the time I spent visiting the UK, I was unprepared for the relentless grind of my own ignorance. I ask dumber questions than any toddler -- because kids naturally absorb so much information from their surroundings, but I have to ask.

I was unprepared for people in public who startle at the sound of my accent.

I still can't accept the complete meaninglessness of things that used to be so extraordinarily important. My Blue Cross card. My old cellphone, which won't work here. My old keys, which no longer fit any lock on earth. Knowing where to find the best pizza in a city I will probably never set foot in again.

I have no regrets at all; I love my new life. But it feels a lot weirder than I expected. Heh. I probably should've moved around more as an adult.

Things that were harder than expected: being a foreigner. It's really hard being a foreigner. I don't know how to do ANYthing for myself. I don't know what anything is called or what it should cost.

Despite all the time I spent visiting the UK, I was unprepared for the relentless grind of my own ignorance. I ask dumber questions than any toddler -- because kids naturally absorb so much information from their surroundings, but I have to ask.

I have no regrets at all; I love my new life. But it feels a lot weirder than I expected. Heh. I probably should've moved around more as an adult.

Stoatula -- if it's any comfort, all the above goes for me too, and I'm originally FROM here !

I was shocked at how so much had changed that I too did not know any longer what things are called, how to do anything, where to go. My boyfriend assumed that because I started out here, I would. But so much has CHANGED....I didn't. I needed exactly the same help and education and toddler-level "this is what you do" that any American would, and part of what broke our relationship down was that this was a complete shock to him and he left me to my own devices quite mercilessly!!

WE DO need a ton of help when we wind up here. I would wish all UK spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, to please, please be prepared for that in your US partner coming over here. You WILL have, in most cases, a newborn baby on you hands who needs guidance in everything from what an Oyster card is to how to sign up with a doctor. PLEASE give your US partner the help. Mine didn't. 

PLEASE give your US partner the help. Mine didn't. 

I use to know how to use a public telephone, in the UK, but I think they have changed several times since then.
Lets see. Put twopence in and dial and wait for the other end to answer. Then press button "B" and presto you can talk.

Now I think you put the money in and you get to talk for a time to be determined by distance.

 OK so say I'm talking to someone in the same town. How much would that cost and how long could you talk for?

In the US I haven't used a public phone for years and I think they have removed 99% of the phones. I think you could talk locally for as long as you like for 25 cents???

In the town I live in if you asked where you could find a public phone I think a lot of businesses would tell you you could use their business phone.

OK I'm going to make a point when I go out to ask people where there is a public phone.

Sorry for the highjack.

I use to know how to use a public telephone, in the UK, but I think they have changed several times since then.
Lets see. Put twopence in and dial and wait for the other end to answer. Then press button "B" and presto you can talk.

Now I think you put the money in and you get to talk for a time to be determined by distance.

 OK so say I'm talking to someone in the same town. How much would that cost and how long could you talk for?

In the US I haven't used a public phone for years and I think they have removed 99% of the phones. I think you could talk locally for as long as you like for 25 cents???

In the town I live in if you asked where you could find a public phone I think a lot of businesses would tell you you could use their business phone.

OK I'm going to make a point when I go out to ask people where there is a public phone.

Sorry for the highjack.

Jim, I'm not quite sure what it is you're driving at here.

Forgive me for being dense, but would you like to tell me why you quoted something from my post, then proceeded to talk about public telephones?

If you are being sarcastic, well I don't think I deserve that. My post was a sincere effort to express something about the original topic that many find to be difficult. Your response seems bizarre and thus making fun of the entire thing. I may be wrong, but it sure seems that way to me.

So why would you do that? If you are not interested in the topic of this thread, or if it annoys, offends, or otherwise irritates you, you don't have to take part in it, surely?

If I or my post or anything I said, equally, annoys, offends or irritates you, why bother to respond unless with a direct expression instead of something silly?

Just to wind me up? A poor attempt at humor of some denomination? Why do you even bother?

You are making light of something that has the potential to wreck lives. Many people's international move goes very well, everyone gets through the stress, and all is fine. It so happens mine ruined my life and I'm STILL picking up the pieces.

I try to post what I think will help others stay calmer and get through what I failed to get through without destruction.
Thanks for making light of that.
If you had any idea how close to suicide I have come during the past several months of my life or if you knew me in person and saw the real flesh and blood woman with a life and emotions and a history then I don't think you would be quite so flippant and cavalier with something I'm sharing that was the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life, and I hope will NOT be for others doing the same thing.

Jim, I'm not quite sure what it is you're driving at here.

I'm sure no offence was intended.  Jim is kind of known for, um, flight of ideas.

Hi there,

personally for me the move was alright. if anything I missed my life and friends. I was very much like Daddy's girl and been away from Seattle was hard. Housing, banking, had no troubles as my husband was were nearly 2 years before I came and took care of everything. I soon as you started working you'll make friends. it took me 2 months to get a job, because I had no UK experience. If you move to London were I live be aware that people are not as friendly... if you go up north or in the Midlands people tend to be more friendly. I guess the best way to discribe is reserved rather than /unfriendly/friendly Best of Luck