Getting married b4 the wedding to have the spousal visa in time for the real one

I am wondering what you all think. My fiance who is English and I were thinking about getting married this fall before our wedding day. We would only tell close family that we got married at the court house before the wedding so we could get the spousal visa in time for our real wedding in Feb 2010. What do you all think about this? We would not consummate until the actual planned wedding day in Feb 2010. My fiance and just cannot bear the thought of being away from each other after the wedding in Feb for months at a time.

People don't take very kindly to being lied to. If you want to be with your fiance, get married and just be with him. If you absolutely positively must have your big day, make it an affirmation celebration instead or just have the reception. It just doesn't seem worthwhile lying to people and potentially having to deal with the fallout much longer than the year you'd be lying to them.

I mean when we're talking about a choice between a very delayed reception and a fake ceremony, I'd say the delayed reception wins. Especially since having a ceremony in the UK if you've already married is not by any means a trivial thing to arrange.

Just get married, live normally and then hold a reception when you're ready. I'm not even sure I understand why you're considering lying at all when such a straight-forward solution is available.

Because it isnt like we really will be married because we do not live in the same country. We see each other every couple of months. We also are not sleeping together and will not until after Feb 20th (it would still be like we are engaged). All we are looking for is a piece of paper so after the what I would consider is the real ceremony then I can move back with him. I wont consider myself married until the church wedding. I am not trying to lie to people at all. I just wish you could get the spousal visa before you are married that is what I am saying. I think it is silly that you have to wait until after you are married and to be away from your spouse for months at a time when you are married.

Because it isnt like we really will be married because we do not live in the same country. We see each other every couple of months. We also are not sleeping together and will not until after Feb 20th (it would still be like we are engaged). All we are looking for is a piece of paper so after the what I would consider is the real ceremony then I can move back with him. I wont consider myself married until the church wedding. I am not trying to lie to people at all. I just wish you could get the spousal visa before you are married that is what I am saying. I think it is silly that you have to wait until after you are married and to be away from your spouse for months at a time when you are married.

It would be a chaotic mess if the UKBA started handing out spousal visas *before* people were married, to be honest. It's one thing to get a fiance visa because that visa is granted with the pretense in mind of the couple being engaged, but a spousal visa is just that--the parties involved are married, hence the basis on which the USC is making the application in that case. If you do the application right and have a fairly straightforward app (and use a courier) you can look at a couple weeks for an approval at the most--it's difficult to be apart from your spouse when you're technically married, but in our cases it's necessary. I can see why the rules are the way they are, I guess.

I agree with Mort--get married in a small civil ceremony or whatever first off, then once the visa is approved and you're in the UK you can have a big party or whatever to further celebrate the marriage. My marriage was small, and in a courthouse, but we plan to do bigger things once I'm in the UK and we're sorted--it does seem like a fairly simple answer IMHO.

Where are you planning on having your large, 'real' wedding? Why not have that in the UK and then get a fiancee visa ahead of time. That way you don't have to be apart after the wedding.

If you are having it in the US then have your fiancee plan on staying in the US for a month or so until you get your visa. If you have it all filled out before the wedding and use a courier it shouldnt take too long and you don't have to be apart then.

Because it isnt like we really will be married because we do not live in the same country. We see each other every couple of months. We also are not sleeping together and will not until after Feb 20th (it would still be like we are engaged). All we are looking for is a piece of paper so after the what I would consider is the real ceremony then I can move back with him. I wont consider myself married until the church wedding. I am not trying to lie to people at all. I just wish you could get the spousal visa before you are married that is what I am saying. I think it is silly that you have to wait until after you are married and to be away from your spouse for months at a time when you are married.

Even if you just have a civil wedding in the US first, YOU ARE STILL LEGALLY MARRIED IN THE EYES OF UK LAW! Do you think you could get a spousal visa if it wasn't a real marriage? And the best you can do after that is to have a blessing ceremony in the UK since you cannot legally be married twice!

I agree that unless your finances are just in tatters, a fiancee visa would be the best way to go since then you'd be able to have your 'real wedding' without having to lie to people because that's exactly what you'd be doing.

Lot's of people do this.  I know quite a few forum members who have had more than one 'wedding'.  There have also been a couple who have not told everyone.  It's your decision.  The second wedding could not be a 'real' wedding but I'm sure if you talked to your pastor you could work something out.

Good luck.

Lot's of people do this.  I know quite a few forum members who have had more than one 'wedding'.  There have also been a couple who have not told everyone.  It's your decision.  The second wedding could not be a 'real' wedding but I'm sure if you talked to your pastor you could work something out.

Good luck.

I agree with Mindy

Also, lots of people get married and only let a few people know. It's called eloping.

Once you get married at the courthouse, you will be legally married in the eyes of the US and the UK governments. When you want to consummate the marriage is your own privatge business.

One thing that has been not pointed out in the thread so far is that if you have your courthouse wedding and then come the UK on a spousal visa., you will be able to work as soon as you get to the UK. You won't be able to work if you come over on a fiance visa.

We got married in the US and returned to the UK for our wedding in a Church of England church.

Everyone will know you are already married.  The ceremony is different between a blessing, which is what you will have to do and a wedding, which you can't do because you are already married.

If you make your vows to each other, in a public place, before family and friends and you are taking your vows seriously, whether or not it is in a church, then you are married.  It is the committment you make that is important. 

In many areas of the US people didn't get "married" for years.  Methodist minister used to run a circuit and it sometimes lasted two years.  So if people wanted to get married they did and waited for the minister's return to be blessed.

I agree that unless your finances are just in tatters, a fiancee visa would be the best way to go

I have to say, the fiance visa is a big expense whether your finaces are in tatters or not--ant then to have the spousal visa (FLR) come up right after is a huge cost.  Unless you are  really wealthy, in my opinion.

I have to say, the fiance visa is a big expense whether your finaces are in tatters or not--ant then to have the spousal visa (FLR) come up right after is a huge cost.  Unless you are  really wealthy, in my opinion.

That was my point just said in a more PC way...my apologies if I've offended you. Time and cost were 2 the reasons hubby & I did the civil ceremony in the US, afterall it was the commitment we were making to each other, not the spectacle that most 'real weddings' seem to take on. To us it was our 'real' and only wedding...i just take offense to the OP stating that a civil wedding in the US isn't a real marriage and I'm sure that some of us who only had the civil ceremony feel that way as well...

Afterall, as you pointed out, a huge lavish UK wedding & all the trimmings like the OP is planning isn't cheap...

I think what the OP is really confused as to visas and is oblivious that there is such a thing as a fiancee visa so she can have her 'real wedding' without the shame of having to have a US civil wedding.

I don't think it's a good idea to lie to people.  But if you won't consider yourself married until it's done in a church, then I don't see anything wrong with what you propose.  But there's no point trying to deceive people when it'll be obvious from your visa type that you're married.  I say do what you want, but tell the truth about it. 

My fiance's work does not permit him to take a full month off for the wedding plus he has two children that he is very active in their lives. This is my first marriage and I do not want a big wedding in the UK. I am paying for the wedding and only know his family and a couple of his friends in the UK. I want the big wedding in Ohio because I am from Ohio and want everyone that is near and dear to me to come. I am going to have a big wedding as well because I just have a lot of people that are important in my life. I am going to have around  200 to 300 guests and 10 bridesmaids. I have people who are going to come from other states for the wedding. There would be no reason to have a big wedding in the UK since my fiance has been married before. I will be 26 and my fiance will be 34 when we get married. I also want a big wedding so I can have a chance to see everyone that is new and dear to me before I move to the UK because who knows when I will see them again. I am very much closer to my friends and family then he is to his. If it were not for his children he would be moving to the USA because he likes the USA a lot. I do not want him to move over now to the USA purely for the the fact of his children. I could not do that to them. They are so very sweet.

I am sorry if I have offended anyone. My intentions were not to offend at all.

You really are overthinking this.  Don't lie, no one will care if you have two weddings.  And if you use a courier, you aren't going to wait months before you go to the UK.  Really this isn't as big of a deal as you are thinking right now.


Oh, and I had a friend that did the two weddings thing for almost the same reason.  It was a major problem.  The lies to had to keep piling on to keep the illusion were numerous and OTT.  She really thought that she was protecting her family/friends in some way -- when no one cared.  She was actually married for a couple of years before the second wedding even.  And the marriage started to crack soon after the second marriage, she felt trapped that she couldn't separate from her husband because it was so soon after what everyone thought was the first marriage, and she thought people would think she was stupid.  It has caused her countless problems when there really wasn't an issue to begin with.  Seriously, it is 2009, no one cares.

If your future husband being away from his kids is your main concern and not having to have a shameful civil ceremony, what you can do is this...so your 'for show' wedding will be your 'real' wedding:

You can apply for your spousal visa online before your actual ceremony. You pay for it online & schedule your biometrics appointment for the day after your ceremony and then you overnight your documents to your courier in Chicago who will hand deliver your application to the Consulate the same day or the next day. The consulate will then process your application within 24-48 hours and you should have your visa back a day or two later from your courier. As long as your County can get you the Certified Copy of your marriage certificate the day after your wedding you shouldn't have a problem...

Barring any unforeseen system failures or immigration issues that you may have had previously you should be able to go to the UK a week or so after your wedding. And that way you won't have to lie to anyone or have that 'civil' wedding that you're so ashamed of.