Getting married b4 the wedding to have the spousal visa in time for the real one

That was my point just said in a more PC way...my apologies if I've offended you.

No offense taken.    I am soon coming up to ILR and am really annoyed at how expensive it all is, so if I could have done it without doing a fiance visa first (which is what we did do) I would have!

My husband and I were just discussing this.  He pointed out, do you really want to start your marriage by lying before God and your family and congregation?

All it will take is for someone to stand up at the point of does any have any reasons and there goes your "wedding". 

The blessing ceremony was almost exactly like the wedding except we walked in together up the aisle and "confirmed" our vows.

I did what you're thinking of doing, sort of.  My husband and I eloped in May last year (in part to get my visa beforehand) and then had our wedding with all our friends and family in October..the October wedding was virtually indistinguishable from a "normal" wedding, so if you didn't know we were already legally married it would have been easy to assume that we were getting married for the first time then and there.

However, we were not comfortable with that.  We saw the legal marriage as a piece of paper mostly, but in the end we *were* actually married after our May wedding, and told people so.  We only told our parents before we eloped, and then let other people know afterwards, so by the time October rolled around, everyone at our wedding knew we were already married.  But you know what?  It didn't matter.  Our wedding in October was so much fun, and everyone had a fab time.

That's not to say there wasn't some family drama about it- there was, definitely.  But this is what was right for us, and the people that got upset about it had pretty much cooled down by the time our family wedding rolled around.

So all that to say, I totally understand why you want to do this, and I think there's nothing wrong with it.  I personally would not feel comfortable with not letting on that the legal marriage took place at a different time, but if you guys do and are prepared to keep that secret for the rest of your lives, then that's certainly your choice!  Good luck with everything.

All it'll take is someone in your family who doesn't know to ask for your experiences with uK immigration. How do you plan on explaining having a spousal visa before being "married?" Even people who wouldn't have given a rat's behind if you'd just been honest, will get POed if they find out they'd been lied to.

Just get married, get the visa, skip the lies and have a blessing ceremony or skip the ceremony and just have a reception.

And I also agree with bookgrl's entire post.

It seems to me that some of the replies here have been unduly harsh.  I think that what you're saying is important to you is:

1) having a big wedding - in a church, I assume? - complete with bridesmaids and ceremony and consummation on the wedding night; and

2) not being separated from your husband after your wedding.

I didn't get the idea that you were particularly ashamed by the idea of a civil ceremony, only that it wasn't what you would have chosen if not for immigration restrictions, and that you would prefer to consider (and have your friends and family consider) your wedding as the "real deal."

That said, have you planned a honeymoon yet?  Depending on where and for how long you are planning to go away (if at all), you may be able to acheive both of your goals.  Apply for the spousal visa online just before your wedding, get married, submit your documentation and biometrics via an expeditor (courier) then go on your honeymoon; if everything goes smoothly - i.e. if you can drop the marriage certificate off for immediate processing at the county courthouse, if your UK immigration history is uncomplicated (no bounces or detentions, etc.), if your finances are in order, if you're willing to honeymoon within the US (as your passport will be submitted with the spousal visa application), if you're planning to be away for, say, ten days to two weeks - then there's a good chance that you might be able to return to the UK with your husband, or if not, a matter of days afterwards. 

This scenario depends heavily on a number of variables, and you've got some research ahead of you (in terms of how quickly your county is willing to process marriage certificates, which courier to use, etc.), but it IS possible, and would allow you to skip the earlier civil ceremony and any sneaking around.

Best of luck with your plans.

Many people of faith do this; have a civil ceremony and then a religious ceremony.  I wouldn't be comfortable with the idea of hiding such a thing from my family, but as long as the second religious marriage is NOT a civil marriage as well then there is nothing legally wrong with what you propose.

Vicky

As the second religious marriage is NOT a civil marriage as well then there is nothing legally wrong with what you propose.

So are you saying then I could have two different ceremonies meaning the court house and the church ceremony? I just was thinking. How is it any different from people who marry someone from a different faith and they have two different weddings to accommodate both faiths.

I agree with you all about not lying. I am not a liar. I just when I had posted last night had talked to my fiance and he brought it up. I was just sounding it out then the more I thought about it I am not trying to deceive anyone. I talked to my mom about it and also some of my bridesmaids and they think it is a good idea and probably would do the same meaning getting married at the court house then having a church ceremony later if it meant being able to fly back on the honeymoon with him. If people ask I will tell them but I don't think that I need to put it in the invitation or whatever stating that we have just had a civil marriage b/c nothing will have change besides a piece of paper and the fact that I can apply for my visa. I know that in the eyes of the UK and the USA we will be married. I just really haven't decided on anything yet.

Thank you Meg for supporting what I meant.

I do have to ask though..why is it such a big deal that you fly back with your husband?  Especially since your visa should only take a week to actually process after you get married (either way you do it). 

I would think that the short wait to join your husband is bearable considering the whole LDR thing, but that's just me.

But, if you feel as though the church wedding won't mean less to *you* if you do a civil ceremony first, then do it if you want to.  Other people's opinions on the marriage don't matter nearly as much as yours and your soon-to-be husband's!

I have just seen some people's take months to get and I fear that mine would be one of them. That is the reason why the civil idea came up. My fiance really would like the civil because he does not like being apart. I know you all who have been in a LDR knows how it is and how hard it is on each other.

I also need to find the best courier available. I have been trying to look and everything is just confusing and I do not know which one to use.

I have just seen some people's take months to get and I fear that mine would be one of them. That is the reason why the civil idea came up. My fiance really would like the civil because he does not like being apart. I know you all who have been in a LDR knows how it is and how hard it is on each other.

I also need to find the best courier available. I have been trying to look and everything is just confusing and I do not know which one to use.

AFAIK, the ones that take months to process are for the people who either don't use a courier at all or who don't have a straightforward application. 

As far as couriers go, I can't help you there since I haven't yet started the process, but I know there are different couriers for different locations, so it depends on where you need to send your application (and those are done geographically).

AFAIK, the ones that take months to process are for the people who either don't use a courier at all or who don't have a straightforward application. 

Just what I was going to say . If you use a courier and your application is straightforward, it shouldn't take longer than about a week to be processed (usually within 24-48 hours, but maybe a couple more days if they are busy). If you're lucky, it might even be approved on the same day that the courier delivers it to the consulate .

So are you saying then I could have two different ceremonies meaning the court house and the church ceremony?

It is going to depend on the church.  You would need to check with the pastor.

Vicky

You can't legally get married twice but you can have two ceremonies.  Talk to your minister.  Like I said, I'm sure you'll be able to come to an arrangement.  People do this kind of thing.  I'm sure it's not that big of a deal.

I am thinking of doing the two different things too, get married where we are with my mom's side of the family, many of whom can't travel and then another one for the rest of our family and friends...I'd feel like it'd be one sided if we have one wedding since our families and friends are just so far apart form each other...I agree with those who've said in the end it's your decision on how you want to get married and how and when you want to celebrate it. I've been looking up articles related...and this one is pretty good...

http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2005-06-14-dual-weddings_x.htm
http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2005-06-14-dual-weddings_x.htm

"The dual wedding — one part "I do" in law, one part "I do" in spirit"

at least I think it's related lol. Hard for me to follow the thread this late at night lol so sorry if I am just rambling  ...but yeah many people do the two, get married legally and have a ceremony or vice versa  for different reasons..My parents got married at the justice of the peace, it was just easier that way, then a year and a couple of months later they had a formal western style wedding mainly because my mom's mom really wanted my mother to have a wedding of some sort that she could attend. Different strokes for different folks!   

So I just realized these were posts from a few months ago! lol I am kinda slow sometimes...what ended up happening? If you want to share of course. At any rate I am sure you will have a fantastic time whatever the outcome so long as there is love and happiness on the day(s)