Please tell me I'm being daft...

I think I'm overthinking things like usual

My lease runs up in July and I will be moving in with J! Yay! However, one small part of me is terrified...  Not of living with him, as we spend most of our free time together- but we spend all that time at my house, for some unknown reason.  However, J owns his house and I only lease, so of course, makes sense to move in with him.  But here's the reason I'm scared:
Its his house.  Its not our house.  Its already furnished and decorated.  I feel like if I move in, that I'm stepping on his toes and I won't be able to hang up my pictures or take over the closet or that I need to ask permission to go in the fridge, as I still feel like a guest there since we're never at his house.  I know after a few weeks, it will be fine, but I am worried. I think he's a bit worried too about me invading his space.  I know we'll overcome this, but is this normal? I should be excited, not scared, right?  I would feel completely different if we moved into a new place together, as it would be our house and not his house.  

As I know so many of you move here into already established households of your spouses, how did you deal?

Please tell me it will be ok.

Sorry for being so silly.    

Oh and its not like I haven't lived with anyone before.  I've had plenty of roomates and my ex and I lived together for 5 years.  But we always set up the places together, dividing and conquering as we go...

You are not being silly!  I think it's totally normal to think that way. (Mostly because I did )  IT WILL BE OK!!!!

I went through the same thing six years ago when I moved into Rich's house.  He was really good at always correcting me, especially after we got married that it was "our" house.

Is it possible that you can agree to re-decorate a bit?  Nothing major, but some kind of compromise between both your tastes?

For me, Rich didn't care what I did.  He had bought the house right before we met.  Didn't really do anything to fix it up at all.  So I started small.  Changed the curtains, bought some artwork.  Changed the linens, etc.

After we got married we moved onto some bigger things, bought new furniture, did the bathroom over then the kitchen, the windows.  Painted the rooms.  Then of course we moved a bit over two years ago.  And I finally got rid of the sofa I hated

I don't know when I started feeling like it really was "our" home, but I know I do now and have for a long time.

Thank you Stacey, that makes me feel SO much better  

I think we'll have to do some compromises to start to make it feel like our house and not his house

Thank you Stacey, that makes me feel SO much better  

I think we'll have to do some compromises to start to make it feel like our house and not his house

Great!!! 

You will be fine!  He will be fine too!

I don't think your being silly either...I will be moving late this year/early next year and have had some of the same thoughts.  It's strange to me to go from being independent, owning my own home, etc and then moving into someone else's home (even if it is my husbands).  I've explained how I feel to DF and he understands.  We are redecorating (or I should say I am telling him what to do and he is redecorating  ) a lot of the rooms, before I get there...so I think that will help me feel like it's a bit more "my home". 

I was also worried about my daughter not feeling like it's home, so we've decided to decorate her room how she wants it...initially I was going to decorate it just like her room in the US, but she wants new colors, etc. 

Anyway...all of that was to say, I think it's normal and in time, I am sure it will feel like your home too.

It'll be fine, Laura! And I'm sure J will totally understand.

Thank you Cella72 and balmerhon. 

It does seem silly in my head to be worried about it all, but still nags at my mind, ya know? 

I don't know how to handle it, but my mom moved into my dad's house.  She seemed to handle everything I suppose. 

It took me until a few years ago to realise that it also meant that she moved into the house where he lived with his first wife!  HA!

Oh thank you so much for bringing this up!! I have been worried about the same thing.  My husband has his house in England, of course, and I will be moving in in a few months and wont be bringing a lot of my belongings because of the cost of shipping it all.  I am feeling like I dont want to over-step boundaries and ask him to change anything in "his" house for me.  Bless him, though, he has been like Stacey's husband and corrects me when I call something "his" rather than "ours".  It will take me a while,  but I'm trying! 
Basically, Phat, I'd like to think it perfectly normal

I agree with what everone else said. I think what you're feeling is perfectly reasonable. It is his house, but you need to start thinking of it as combining households rather than you moving in and figure out what you'd like around to make you feel comfy. After all, you guys spend lots of time at your place so J must feel comfortable and like it there so surely he'll be happy to make his place more you-like, so to speak. He already enjoys being in you-like places.

I have to give my DH total and absolute props for being WONDERFUL about this -- partly because he could not care less about things like home decoration, but still. I'm a highly territorial person who has lived alone...forever, really. I didn't have any close siblings or roommates in college or anything. I felt intensely uncomfortable about moving into 'his' house. We bought a new house a year before I moved over, and he paid for me to come over and help him move into it, knowing it would help make it psychologically 'ours'.

After six months, I'm still struggling a bit with the idea, though. One thing that helped was insisting we each get a room of our own to do totally as we please. This isn't a huge house, but it was big enough for that, thank goodness.

I vote for totally normal as well.  My BF and I are talking about moving in together and I am worried about the same thing.  So much so that it may affect the decision.  Like Stoatula, I am highly territorial and am really nervous about combining our things -- mostly because I love my things!!! 

Plus my BF is a bit of a packrat, where I am the opposite, but that is a different post entirely.

Thanks everyone, great advice.   

We had it the other way around where DH moved in with me (I'd been in my flat for 15 years).  I over compensated and chucked a whole load of my stuff out so that he could move his things in and/or we could buy new things together which I kinda regret but it's fun replacing things.

For me there were areas which had to be 'mine' but I'm talking small areas like the dressing table in the bedroom and the kitchen in particular, the rest is a combination of his, mine and ours (okay, it's ours but you know what I mean  ).

You've had great advice so I'm not adding anything new, but just to say...you'll be fine and you'll have great fun putting your touches to the place.

You've had great advice so I'm not adding anything new, but just to say...you'll be fine and you'll have great fun putting your touches to the place.

Thanks 

J and I have been chatting and he's really apprehensive about it all as well.  But we know we need to work through it.  Its good thought that we're talking about it