rant: you dont know someone until.....

They say you don't truely know a person until you live with them. And boy... is that the case this past week.  A friend of mine came from the USA to stay with me a week.  I was excited, of course, and she would be crashing on our airmatress in the living room for the duration of her stay and I had the majority of the time off work. I had alot of things planned to keep her busy, from the sights around Brighton to London to Stonehenge.

So why has her stay felt like a burden?

Firstly, we went to the Seven Sisters chalk cliffs on Friday along the premise we had to be back in Brighton in time to change and meet my colleagues for a team night out drink.  Not the whole outing, just make an appearance.  We get to the cliffs and immediately she states her desire to not return for the drinks. Fair enough.  I have no one's phone number so I just assume they will know I'm not attending from my absence.

Saturday night we hang out with my two best friends I've made since moving, and I start picking up signals of bitchiness whenever the conversation isn't revolving around her.   She then starts correcting my male friend's pronounciation of british words... when he IS BRITISH. He is pretty much like "um....riiiiiight" and I can understand the sentiment.  

Sunday my hubby, who is amazing, drove us the 3 hours out to Stonehenge which is practically my friend's personal mecca (he is wonderful, he drove me out there for the first time, and again when my mom visited). We pull into the parking lot and my friend enquires about Stratford Upon Avon and how close it is, and if we could go there after Stonehenge (mind you, at this point we hadnt even reached the gates to pay to get into the park of Stonehenge).  Hubby replied that as is, we wouldn't get back to Brighton until 8pm as it is and he had some web design work to finish.  This sent her off into a FREAKING huff when this wonderful person, my hubby, had just driven us out to STONEHENGE for a person, my friend, whom he has no investment in.  

She wasn't happy I had to work today, but I was!

tomorrow we are going to London to do Tower of London, Big Ben, Buckingham, and a Jack the Ripper tour.  She was disappointed we couldn't leave sooner in the day due to an eye appointment I have, and she was a bit huffy when i suggested we may not be able to do minor things like Abbey Road or Notting Hill just because of time contraints on the opening hours of ToL and the time of the ripper tour.   And I want to scream really?? seriously?? We are bending over backwards to entertain you while you're here and you are essentially upset because 1. we cant alter the space-time continuom so you can fit the entirety of ENGLAND into a week time span 2. we can't 100% stop our lives just because you've come to visit.  And I told her you cannot "do london" in an afternoon.  Hell, you need 2 days for the British Museum ALONE!  

Wednesday she goes back.  I'm really jonsing for World of Warcraft, I haven't played in a week. She got huffy when I fired up the game while we were sitting idly for 30 minutes waiting for my hubby to return so we could leave for Stonehenge.  

I feel bad for feeling this way.  Obviously she IS a friend, but maybe one you can only take in really .... REALLY... small doses. She leaves Wednesday, and it's been a learning experience.  I'm not angry, just a bit like WTF O_O.  

Thanks for reading the rant.

ETA: I just wanted to add to anyone reading that I really do like her as a friend, we got on well (but only ever hung out for a few hours at a time before) when I lived in the USA.  Maybe things are going on with her that I dont know about that are adding to her behavior, maybe she is jealous of liviing in the UK... I really dont know. I'm not trying to be bitchy, just a gracious host.  But it's costing me the last of my months wages to do alot of this stuff and I simply cannot give anymore... and I get the feeling from her it's not good enough.

Ugh, that's horrible.

I'm sorry she's being such a horrid houseguest!  *hugs*

Sorry her visit has been less fun than you anticipated.  I think that doing vacation-y type things with a person tells you a lot about them & your compatibility together.  That's why DH and I did a lot of traveling before we got married - because if we hadn't enjoyed those moments together, it probably would have been a deal breaker on the marriage. 

Fortunately for you, her visit is soon coming to a close! 

That sounds awful!  I haven't had any friends out yet, but my mom arrives a week from tomorrow.  I think her expectations of the trip are realistic (let's hope so).

I really hate it when someone tries to pack everything into a trip and blames you when it can't all be done or when you just can't do anything right.  It's so frustrating when you are totally stressing yourself out on their behalf and they just can't see it. Good luck and I guess just count down the days. 

thanks for the sympathies guys, it's nice to sometimes just have a good long rant.

Sorry her visit has been less fun than you anticipated.  I think that doing vacation-y type things with a person tells you a lot about them & your compatibility together.  That's why DH and I did a lot of traveling before we got married - because if we hadn't enjoyed those moments together, it probably would have been a deal breaker on the marriage. 

Fortunately for you, her visit is soon coming to a close! 

That's so true!  I went to DC with one of my best friends from HS last summer...here we are, almost a year later, and we're still not really on speaking terms. 

Tim and I always planned for a "less is more" approach to traveling - So what if we only did the Tower Bridge and the HMS Belfast on a day in London? It's not like London is going anywhere! 

The first time I came to London, I stayed with a friend who had recently moved here.  She couldn't take time off work, so I did stuff on my own, coming home in the evening to spend time with her.  18 years later we are still friends (though now she lives in the States and visits me in London!) so I think I was ok as a guest.

Is your friend a bit dependent on others?  Why didn't she do a little exploring on her own?  That might have made her a bit more appreciative of all your efforts...and your hubby's too.

Sounds awful! And like you're doing everything you can to make her trip memorable, if she wants to b*tch about it and ruin it, then that's her lookout.

I know exactly what you mean though, I only have a couple of friends (aside from DB) that  I would go travelling with, I think travelling can be really tough on a friendship, there's different expectations, budgets, levels of tiredness, it can be so draining. Last time I was in NYC I had a broken foot and it was so great to be able to say "right, I've had enough, can't stand anymore, I'm going to sit in this bar for 2 hours whilst you trawl century 21" and it didn't matter to my mate, we just met up later and exchanged stories.

At the end of the day, you can't use all your valuable time off work, money and energy on someone who sounds like they don't really appreciate it.

ha, this sounds so familiar. The very first time I visited the UK, a friend and I were staying with family friends and she acted awfully similar to the way you described. But we mostly just ignored her whining and demands and got on with things. But we were barely 18 and 17 then - how old is your friend?

26.  LOL.

She went back yesterday.  I spent 3 hours cleaning my tiny flat and then a further 10 hours relaxing, playing WOW, and reading haha.  Life is good. It was, at the end of it all, a learning experience.  As big a pain as it all was, and as much as I learned some people should never share the same living space, all is well now.  And woot to that.

I had a friend once stay with me who complained that my towels were too thin and that there wasn't anything she liked in my fridge. 

I am wondering if she felt a bit jealous of your life here.  I am not saying she was consciously being rude because of this, but she might have resentments either because of the loss of you being near geographically or that you are living in a place she'd love to live (your comments about Stonehenge for example).

If this was really out of character for her, there might be something more to it.  She might not even realise she was doing it.

Yikes! I had one sort of drunken outburst from my close friend when she came to visit, but it was due to the alcohol, we just got on with it the next day. DH has said before about American versus English methods of travel - it seems Americans like to see as much as possible and photograph everything, whereas a lot of English people just like to lay on the beach and drink... lol. It's all my in-laws ever do, and they never take photos or anything. I think it's because it's so expensive and rare for Americans to travel abroad that they have to pack everything in for fear of not ever making it back to see the stuff that was missed. (DH marvels at people who travel Europe in 3 weeks, spending a few days here and a few days there - you spend so much time just getting from place to place! He says it sounds soooo exhausting, and would be a travel nightmare for him.) I think my attitudes about travel have changed a bit since I have been here, I feel more relaxed, and I know that the chilling out part is often better than the tourist trap stuff anyway. Maybe you have started to change in this way, too, so that the rushing around, trying to cram everything in (not to mention you live here now) is more than annoying. Anyway, at least she is gone now and you can relax. Hopefully your next visitor will be a little more low-key!

Isn't there some saying about houseguests and fish both stinking after 3 days?  I've pretty much always found that to be true.  3 days is just about enough. 

I hope you are able to stay friends despite this bad experience.  I've learned from living with friends that some people can be great friends but be a pain to live with!  After living with best friend (who I've known since I was 4) we didn't speak to each other for about 6 months.  We got over it eventually though.