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Topic: Family Angry Because of Child Involved in Move  (Read 1080 times)

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Family Angry Because of Child Involved in Move
« on: July 13, 2009, 06:40:59 PM »
I've talked about this subject before and I'm sure it's been tossed around a bit in the past...but I'm really having a hard time dealing with my family...not because of me but because of my daughter.  I have a 5-year-old daughter who has always been VERY close with my family (especially my mother) and they gave me the guilt trip when I decided to move to England about not being able to see her grow up and missing out on so many things, etc.  I COMPLETELY understand their point of view, and yes...I did and still do feel guilty about it...but my husband and I believed that England offered the better opportunities for the things we want in our lives.  Today I finally got to the bottom of one of the main reasons my mother was so "angry" about me moving over here...and it was:  if anything were to happen to me or my daughter, she won't be here to help us and she will feel guilty and helpless.  I guess in her mind, worse case scenerio...something "bad" would happen with my husband and my daughter and I will be stuck here with no family to help us get out of a bad situation (like if he were to turn abusive or something of that nature).  Like I mentioned, I completely understand her perspective...I am a mother and if I were in here situation I would feel exactly the same way...but I just feel like there MUST be something that can make this situation better.  I love my family to death and I miss them like crazy...but I absolutely love the UK and all the wonderful things I've been able to experience...

Anyone in a similar situation have any useful advice?  I've kinda resolved myself to the old "it doesn't get any better" mentality...but I keep holding out hope that eventually they will see that everything is going to be ok.  You wouldn't believe all the things my family has tried to bribe me with in order to get me to stay in the US...I just want them to accept that I'm in the UK to stay and for them to be ok with it...maybe even one day they will see how happy me and my daughter are here.


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Re: Family Angry Because of Child Involved in Move
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2009, 07:53:52 PM »
I think you are doing a great job talking to them and trying to understand their feelings. I think the key thing to point out is that they can be there....they are a phone call away and even just a plane ride away. I pointed out to my mom when we were ready to move that even though we are in another country it is no more difficult for her to get from NJ to England than for her to get to my brother in Oregon.

Not sure of your family's financial situation..but maybe making a plan to be sure there is money for a plane ticket in case of an emergency put aside somewhere could help. Also setting up regular phone calls/ web chat sessions.

The big thing is just acknowledge that they will always be a huge part of both yours and your daughter's lives. After doing those things to reassure them....just have a happy life and be sure to share your good and bad times with them..so they know they can be reassured that you are happy and that you will let them know if you need them.

Good Luck!
« Last Edit: July 13, 2009, 08:33:51 PM by HG »


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Re: Family Angry Because of Child Involved in Move
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2009, 08:24:33 PM »
Does your mom have a webcam?  I've found that has gone a long way to allaying my parent's fears.  I find they actually "see" and talk to me much more now that I live out of the country (via Skype and Windows Messenger).  We go to greater lengths to stay in touch, and I am ironically closer to my family now than I was when I lived in the States.  Obviously, it's different if you were living close to them before (I was in another state and still needed to fly to see them), but I think all you can do is go out of your way to show them you will still be connected.


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