Arrived home 2 days ago, feel like my world has ended... :(

I really should be asleep by now, I have work in the morning but my SO gets off work in an hour and I know I won't sleep until I've spoken to him.

I'm the opposite of most of guys, I'm the UKC and my guy is a USC. I recently spent a month with him in the US, Buffalo to be prescise. So it's his turn to visit me next, which will be in October.

I feel like my heart has been ripped out, it took everything I had to get on the plane home. I went through this last time we parted in February, took me a couple of weeks to get my bearings back. I keep waking up in the middle of the night shaking, reaching out for him and wondering where he is.  I can't stop crying, and I'm guess I'm just reaching out to you guys for some help, advice, anything... I talk to him everyday, on the phone, webcam, AIM etc.  He's deeply concerned about me and obviously he's going through the motions too. All I can see is him crying at the airport every time I close my eyes.  I know this sounds like I'm being really dramatic, but it hurts so much...

Also, when he visited the UK in January (for 2 weeks) he entered the UK at Manchester Airport...  He didn't put an address on his landing card, barely had any money on him (due to him sending it to me beforehand) and he was taken to secondary.  At that time he didn't had a job, neither did I but the IO let him through and gave him the 6 month stamp....

In his passport there is also a "leave to remain for 6 months and no recourse or access to public funds stamp"...is that something all non UKC's get stamped in their passports? I'm just wondering if the fact he was held a little last time going to affect his next visit.

This time he has a job, we are MUCH more prepared. So he will have a letter from his employer, enough funds for his trip etc.  I'm employed too, we're going down the K1 Visa route, as I want to live in the US.

He'll be flying into Birmingham this time.

Would it help if I wrote a letter? I'm assuming the fact that he went home when he said he was (after two weeks) will work in his favour, positive travel history etc.

Thanks for reading and any help you could give is greatly appreciated...

- Stephie

Pertaining to the question about the stamp, that's the stamp you get when you're permitted into the country as a visitor for 6 months. As for whether or not that will affect him the next time he comes through immigration, I'm not 100% certain--he didn't get refused entry and was eventually let through, which is really good, since if he would of gotten bounced he would have to get prior entry clearance while he was in the US. And since he is a lot more prepared this time with letters from his employer, and sufficient funds, he should theoretically have an easier time than he did last time he went through immigration since he can prove stronger ties to the US. I'm not sure if they'll question him any more closely than they might otherwise do because of the detention in Manchester, but the fact that he didn't get bounced, and left when he said he would leave will certainly help him.

I also know some UKCs have written letters for their SOs to help get through immigration, so I suppose you could do that if you wanted to. I didn't have one for my trips, but you could just write something out explaining your situation, and that you'll make sure everything is sorted in terms of money and housing and such.

I went through the 'flashback' type things as well when I first got back; my husband doesn't cry a whole lot, but he cried the last time I left and the memory was really vivid and it took a while before the sting of it would lessen. It hurts, but I've found time heals a lot of things, and when you have a trip to look forward to it makes things a *tiny* bit easier

And much love for Birmingham International, I've dealt with them twice so far <3 Though usually when I go through immigration, it's a ghost town since I'm one of the first flights in, so there's usually only a couple of other people in the US/Rest of the World line.

Pertaining to the question about the stamp, that's the stamp you get when you're permitted into the country as a visitor for 6 months. As for whether or not that will affect him the next time he comes through immigration, I'm not 100% certain--he didn't get refused entry and was eventually let through, which is really good, since if he would of gotten bounced he would have to get prior entry clearance while he was in the US. And since he is a lot more prepared this time with letters from his employer, and sufficient funds, he should theoretically have an easier time than he did last time he went through immigration since he can prove stronger ties to the US. I'm not sure if they'll question him any more closely than they might otherwise do because of the detention in Manchester, but the fact that he didn't get bounced, and left when he said he would leave will certainly help him.

I also know some UKCs have written letters for their SOs to help get through immigration, so I suppose you could do that if you wanted to. I didn't have one for my trips, but you could just write something out explaining your situation, and that you'll make sure everything is sorted in terms of money and housing and such.

I went through the 'flashback' type things as well when I first got back; my husband doesn't cry a whole lot, but he cried the last time I left and the memory was really vivid and it took a while before the sting of it would lessen. It hurts, but I've found time heals a lot of things, and when you have a trip to look forward to it makes things a *tiny* bit easier

And much love for Birmingham International, I've dealt with them twice so far <3 Though usually when I go through immigration, it's a ghost town since I'm one of the first flights in, so there's usually only a couple of other people in the US/Rest of the World line.

He wasn't held that long, half an hour at the most. They called me to clarify a few things, he didn't put an address on his landing card, I think that's what started the whole thing off.  As he didn't know the address of the hotel we were staying at, we were naive then. I was terrified of going to US, thinking they wouldn't let me in. I flew into JFK, got asked two questions, did my fingerprints and that's was it.

Yeah, I'm not an expert so I can't really claim X or Y with much authority, but my guess would be that he'll do okay coming through immigration this time, especially since you guys are prepared and he has proof of ties to the US to prove to them he needs to get back and won't be at a high risk to overstay. Really, the only way they'd know in Birmingham is if something came up on their computers from the IO at Manchester, but since it was only a half hour and he was let go after with 6 months stamped, it *should* be okay.

I think my husband was a little nervous at first coming to the US, when he went through Newark, NJ since I think the security is a bit more obvious there than at Birmingham. But he had a similar experience to you, got the fingerprints and a few questions and was waved through--me, I was asked if I had a job, and where, and all that crap when I came back into the US which kind of made me go wtf?

It sounds like he went through a similar situation to mine when I visited my boyfriend for the first time.  The IO had me sit to the side and wait for everyone else to go through and then put me through the wringer.  He then called my BF to make sure our stories matched, which they did, and he eventually gave me my stamp and sent me on my way.

Mine was due to the IO thinking I said I was visiting my "friend" when I actually did say "boyfriend".  I now make sure to fight against my tendency to nervously mumble.

I have been back twice since then.  The first time back, I was a wreck thinking I would get the same spiel or worse, but it wound up being much easier both times.  As long as your BF is prepared, I would think he should probably be alright.

ETA: And as far as leaving each other goes, I'm just a puddle of woe-is-me for a couple of weeks after, so I feel your pain.  It doesn't really get much easier, but I like to think you learn how to cope a little better each time.  Now I try to get myself out of the house as much as possible.  For me, Target heals all wounds.

hey stephie, just wanted to say i feel your pain! Of course everyone here at some point has or is still going through something similar. I posted something like this about..close to 2 months ago(cept me coming back from UK after 2 weeks).

Like you we speak daily, email, phone, skype!! Its def not the same, but really does brighten my day. The first few days back were the worst, but seems within a few weeks your back into your normal routine. Whats been helping me, is telling myself this is temporary, and has motivated me to work lot more..extra money and plan my next move.

She is hopefully coming to visit next month, im really crossing my fingers..we shall see!! i do plan on going back in October! After another semester at school, im gonna try for the 6month internship in the UK with BUNAC, though that will be a challenging task on its own. None the less its the goals and the drive that help me through the weeks...and keeping busy!

I dont have any info or advice on your other questions, just wanted to say your not alone, stay strong, keep busy and look forward!!

HUGS! I know the feeling.  Just have faith that you're working towards a more permenant situation, and take each day as it comes.

Ugh. I went through it for a decade -- two or three trips a year. If I ever see flippin' Heathrow again, it'll be too soon. Keep your eyes on the prize.

In all that time back and forth, I was never given a hard time by an IO. Being older helps -- but being male should help your guy.

Good luck!

Cried myself to sleep again last night...

I spent months getting myself into a panic about visiting him in the US, thinking they were going to deny me entry.

Now I'm back in the same cycle worrying about what's gonna happen when he comes here.

 

I would try not to worry about that until it's closer to his visit.  If you spend the entire next 2 1/2 months freaking out about him not being able to visit, it'll put more strain on the relationship and make him more stressed when he comes, which might make the IOs question him more (if they think he's nervous/hiding something).

I would try and find fun things to do both on your own/in your real lives with local folks, and together (watch movies together, play games, etc), and focus on enjoying what you can do together now.  It sounds like his life is much more stable, and he has obvious ties to the US now, so hopefully his next trip to visit will be a breeze.

Good luck!

I remember all too well the worries and the sad times, waiting for the next visit and wondering if everything would go ok. But, it always did. Five years of visits back and forth and neither one of us were ever refused entry. Try not to let it consume you, I liked to count down the days until we would see each other again. Made it seem like I had some control over the distance I guess. Make it a positive and distract yourself with things to do in the meantime to try and curb your worries and sadness. Best of luck to you both.

Thanks for this....I am missing the BF terribly since he left last week (Tuesday) and I don't get to get out there till Sept. arggg

I kinda feel in a fog and it doesn't help I am bored to death in my job so it drags by but I am not dumb enough to look for a new job now!

Sept will be my first time over to the UK for 16 days and all this talk kinda freaks me out - so I would not lie I would just say seeing my BF and they could give me a hard time - lovely.

Stephie - Other note your are correct Skype is my new best friend!  Although last night was the first time we did not speak before bed and I tell you it was WEIRD - I mean not every night is a phone call, some is chat or email (pending if he is on the rig) but he was home last night but got tied up painting and I had already texted to say I was going to bed as I have not been feeling well.  God it just sucked - I woke up 3 times

BTW - I am Jenn and this forum makes everything so much better to read about others so you just dont feel alone and most others just don't get "it"

Hopefully today will fly by

Side Note: know what helps me - a pillowcase with his scent - sounds lame but <shrug> it does. 

I kinda feel in a fog and it doesn't help I am bored to death in my job so it drags by but I am not dumb enough to look for a new job now!

There's no harm in looking, provided you don't quit your job or burn any other bridges.  If you find something, great, and if not, at least it's something to help pass the time.

eques... hee hee I nee to hold this job - I am the manager and I know I will be able to work remotely which is extremely important just in case this turns into me moving across the pond.  Keeping the bigger picture in mind ;-)
I actually want a PT job just to have something else to do!