Part IA, Part UP

I will keep my fingers crossed TamaMoo that your new neighbors are an old couple who bake, play quiet games of scrabble and go to bed at 8pm.  

  Thanks!  It has been bliss without her down there. So far no one else has moved in, but I can't imagine wanting to move in winter, unless it was an awesome place, great deal, or I just had to.

It is odd to get someone who doesn't want to be neighborly at all, and she would look away if we saw her in passing. At first, I'd say 'hi' anyway, but gave up after a while.

IA: Knife 1 - Tam 0  It isn't horrible but if I wasn't being so lazy I'd go get a stitch or two.

UP: Pizza for dinner tonight. The chicken I was cutting is now in the crockpot for tomorrow instead of being Kievs with baked potatoes and whatever we hadn't decided on yet.

UP: I slept all night last night, and woke up in my own bed, for the first time since my sister passed July 5 of last year. I didn't spend hours (or even a while) before sleeping, or wake up unable to go back to sleep, needing to read, play games on my phone, or otherwise occupy my mind. It was just easier to go to the guest bed so I didn't wake hubby.

(worse than) IA: I've spent the day not knowing how I feel about it. While it feels like healing is starting, it feels more like it means I am moving on, and I'm not sure I am ready for it. I know it has to happen, but I can't get past wanting to hang on a little longer.

My son and I were talking to his therapist about this sort of thing: not wanting to let go of the bad feelings because you might lose the good memories too. He recommends Mindfulness as a way to get through the tough nights.  You don't have to suppress the bad stuff -- just learn to accept it and get through it.  He says there's no such thing as "closure" -- that's a myth.

I think it's especially hard to lose a sibling.

He recommends Mindfulness as a way to get through the tough nights.  You don't have to suppress the bad stuff -- just learn to accept it and get through it.  He says there's no such thing as "closure" -- that's a myth.

So true.

IA: work has been insanely busy for a long due to staff member long term sick leave

UP: I might finally get extra hours to cover the absence, so I am not driven insane 

My son and I were talking to his therapist about this sort of thing: not wanting to let go of the bad feelings because you might lose the good memories too. He recommends Mindfulness as a way to get through the tough nights.  You don't have to suppress the bad stuff -- just learn to accept it and get through it.  He says there's no such thing as "closure" -- that's a myth.

I think it's especially hard to lose a sibling.

That is the part I need to get a grip on, learning to accept and get through. I truly agree there is no such thing as closure. Memories sneak up and cause moments of grief decades later when you truly love someone.

That is the part I need to get a grip on, learning to accept and get through. I truly agree there is no such thing as closure. Memories sneak up and cause moments of grief decades later when you truly love someone.

That just reinforces those we love are always with us. I always think it's about accepting your feelings as they are and that is the tough bit about being human and the pain of loss and loving. Hugs.

That just reinforces those we love are always with us. I always think it's about accepting your feelings as they are and that is the tough bit about being human and the pain of loss and loving. Hugs.

Thanks for the hugs. I agree with what you said. Loved ones are always with us and it is all about learning to accept our feelings, which isn't always easy to do.

I suppose I worried about moving on for nothing. I have only had the one night. It isn't that I obsess about her, or sit around crying all the time. I have, for the most part, learned to accept she is gone, and deal with it, going about my day able to function, feel other emotions, laugh, enjoy myself, remember her, etc. It is just that I seem to think more at night. I suppose that will fade in time too. I can sleep most of the night, most of the time (when the guy downstairs allows it), but not all through the night.

I truly believe that one never moves 'on'; rather, you move 'forward' with the new normal.  It's not always easy and it will take some getting used to.  Just continue to hold onto the good memories.  I cannot imagine losing a sibling.  Just the thought of it makes me tear up.  Embrace the emotions that you are feeling, good and bad.  Best of luck with your healing.

Thanks. I've had two friends who lost sisters, one of the sisters was also a friend of mine. They have been a great help to talk to and confirm that the ups and downs are quite normal.