23 days until moving...

I'm moving to the UK to be with my husband in 23 days.  I feel like I *should* be the happiest person in the world right now as my dream has come true and everything I've worked for for the last 2 years is coming to fruition.  I am excited and I know this is the right thing to do and I want nothing more than to be with my husband and to start our life together... but right now I'm terrified.  I am an anxious person by nature, but even more so with something so huge about to happen and so many unknowns in the future.  Am I going to be able to find a job?  Am I going to have friends?  Am I going to be a burden on my husband?  Will I adjust well?   etc etc etc.

Usually I would speak to two people about fears like this: my husband and my dad, but right now I feel like I cant go to either of them.  If I go to my dad, he will worry about me even more so than he already does with his only daughter moving thousands of miles away.  If I go to my husband, he will take it personally and feel guilty that I'm going through this "for him". 

I think what I really want to hear is that this is "normal" (as if anything is normal, really) or maybe someone has magic advice on how to make these next 23 days calm and happy?  Am I the only person who has had a bit of a freak out before moving?

It is absolutely 100% normal. I remember people kept asking me if I was excited, and I was, but I was scared and nervous and sad, too. I couldn't tell people that because then I felt like I was letting them down. I mean, I was the one who made the choice to go, so I had to be happy about it, right?? I don't really have any advice for you. I really felt like I just put on a brave face and pushed off.

And don't worry about burdening your husband. You're married now. There will be a time that he'll feel like he's a burden to you too and you'll be the one supporting him in one way or another.

I agree with Bmore, it's perfectly normal. I can't give any advice either, since I'll be moving in 46 days so I haven't actually gone through the 'going to the airport and leaving the US behind to go live in the UK' moment. But, I've had moments of panic, where I realized I won't see my cat after 46 days (I know it sounds stupid, but I've had him for the past 16 years), and I won't live with my mom after the end of August (I've never moved away from home). I won't see all my 'normal' things for a long time, and I'll have to adjust to a new 'normal' for a while--and I'm a naturally anxious person as well so those panic moments can be quite a PITA.

And I also don't want to say anything to anyone because they'll think I don't want to go--and I totally do, I miss my husband more than anything in the world. It's just a natural apprehension, to have all those unknowns in place, and I for one don't deal well with unknowns. With that said, my husband is a bit aware of my anxieties, and he's been pretty good at not taking any of it personally--he knows me well enough to know it isn't that I don't want to be with him, that it's just me going through a huge time of my life and trying to find my own way of sorting through it.

You might want to talk to your husband about it a little bit, since like Bmore said, you're married now. One thing my husband told me is that I should be able to talk to him about *anything*, and I think if you explain to him that your anxious and scared about the unknowns you're facing, and that it doesn't have anything to do with going through it 'for him', he'll be able to help you cope with it.

I think it must be normal.  I hope so, anyway.  I worry about all those same things, and I'm nowhere near being able to move in with my bf.

I put it down to being a somewhat type-A, organized, planner by nature.  I know that I don't deal well with uncertainty.  I also feel really reluctant to talk to my bf or to my family/best friends about it, for exactly those reasons; I don't want them to worry or my bf to feel guilty. 

Instead, I just bottle things up, and try to plan for every possible contingency, and drive myself slightly insane.  And, at some point, end up sitting in front of a webcam, sobbing uncontrollably.  Which is exactly what I *didn't* want.

So, I agree that you should try to find *someone* to talk to.  If you really feel like you can't talk to your husband or dad, then is there another friend?  It doesn't even need to be someone you're very close to, just someone who you know is a good listener.  If you don't know anyone like that, then maybe you could talk to a professional counselor.  Just one or two sessions might let you get everything off your chest, and could help you look at some of your anxieties from a different, less-scary perspective. 

Hope you find something that can put your mind at ease!  Just remember how lucky you are to finally get to be with your husband.

Thank you for your responses... Woadgrrl - I am exactly the same as far as being super organized and I not only plan everything, but need to have a backup plan for everything as well.  Its hard to have plans and backup plans for things you dont even see coming and that is scaring me, for sure.

I get the "are you excited?" question at least once a day and I'm just giving them the big smile and "yes! yes!" answer that they want to avoid the "are you sure your doing the right thing" conversation.

I will talk to my husband b/c its beginning to cause a bit of a strain when I am not in the right frame of mind to have our casual conversations and such.

Its so silly, but I put my bedroom set up for sale on craigslist this weekend and it seems to have caused some of this anxiety.  I LOVE my bedroom furniture and it was the first brand new, high quality, grown up furniture that I bought and I felt really independant and adult when I bought it... and now someone else gets it and I get the hubs furniture that I dont love as much.  So dumb!

Good to know I am not alone though, that helps more than you know.

we're on an almost identical timeline for our moves over (i think i'm a day or two before you) and your post resonates SO much with what i'm feeling right now.  throughout this process, i always had just one main worry/hurdle to focus on: first, it was getting my visa approved, then once that was approved, i worried whether i was making the right decision to move so far away just to move in with my boyfriend, then my boyfriend proposed and i moved on to worrying over whether i would be able to find a job...now that i HAVE found a job, i feel as if i should feel completely relaxed, but...i'm anything but.  i don't want to let my parents or my fiance know how much i'm freaking out but i feel anxious about EVERYTHING--starting my new job, organizing a wedding, future visa applications, deciding what country to live in long term, making friends, healthcare, whether i'll find a dentist that is comparable to mine, not having health insurance if we do move back to the US, the price of buying a house in the UK, getting a driver's license, sorting out the domicile issue on state taxes, and on and on and on!  seriously, it's starting to become obsessive how much i find myself googling random information on all of these things throughout the day.  

i didn't realize just how hard this last home stretch would be.  i'm ready to be over there and am missing my fiance more than ever right now, but i find myself looking around the city and thinking about what i'll miss, what i haven't yet done that i always wanted to, etc.  i feel so torn...there's not really anything left for me to do in order to make this move happen.  it just sort of is now and it's such a weird concept to grasp after a year of working towards this.    

Its so silly, but I put my bedroom set up for sale on craigslist this weekend and it seems to have caused some of this anxiety.  I LOVE my bedroom furniture and it was the first brand new, high quality, grown up furniture that I bought and I felt really independant and adult when I bought it... and now someone else gets it and I get the hubs furniture that I dont love as much.

yes to this!  i initially looked into shipping my bedroom set over because it made me so sad to have to leave it behind, but i changed my mind in the end once i really thought about the costs vs the need. 

Good to know I am not alone though, that helps more than you know.

Not alone!! I am feeling all of these things, too. I'd say 75% of the time I'm just excited, and fairly certain everything will get done on time. The other 25% of the time I feel like I'm in my own I'm-Late-For-Class nightmare where I'm constantly feeling like I must have left a T uncrossed or an I undotted along the way and am racking my anxiety riddled brain to determine where/when. Almost every night, now, I'm waking up from a dead sleep with, "Oh my god, only 3 more weeks of work, will I get everything done I need to?!" or "I can't forget to pack those handtowels that are in my bottom dresser drawer!" running though my head. Crazy stuff that should /not/ be keeping me up, but totally is.

I worry I haven't spent enough time with DBF to be moving in with him. I worry I won't excel in my master's program. I worry I'll hate my new flat. I worry I'll regret bringing my drapes. Or not bringing my drapes. Or the plastic dishes I got for $1 each at Target but I totally love. I worry about BCI, and how we'll afford a wedding, and how I'll ever learn to drive on the other side of the road.

And if I'm not worrying about that stuff, I'm worrying, like you, about stuff I don't even yet know I should be worrying about. The plan B stuff. And I'm literally worrying that I'm not worrying about the right things.

That's a lot of worry. So no, hon... you're not alone!!

*hug* Email or PM me if you ever want to chat/commiserate.

I did feel better when I had the visa to worry about almost - it was something I felt like I had control over and now I'm just kind of floating around until the big move and I cant even think about driving on the "wrong" side of the road yet!!

Good news is that the three of us - sheateawholepie, lilybelle and me are all moving within a week or two of eachother, so at least we have other people who may be going through the same things at about the same times when we go over. 

And lily, I dont know how to get to Cambridge, but I'll figure it out to have that drink with you and Sarah! 

I do just feel like I've been hugged, and I totally needed that.  Thanks again.

And lily, I dont know how to get to Cambridge, but I'll figure it out to have that drink with you and Sarah!

this would be great!  if you can't make it to cambridge, i'm sure at some point we can figure out how to meet up someplace more central (london?). 

I'm moving to the UK to be with my husband in 23 days.  I feel like I *should* be the happiest person in the world right now as my dream has come true and everything I've worked for for the last 2 years is coming to fruition.  I am excited and I know this is the right thing to do and I want nothing more than to be with my husband and to start our life together... but right now I'm terrified.  I am an anxious person by nature, but even more so with something so huge about to happen and so many unknowns in the future.  Am I going to be able to find a job?  Am I going to have friends?  Am I going to be a burden on my husband?  Will I adjust well?   etc etc etc.

Usually I would speak to two people about fears like this: my husband and my dad, but right now I feel like I cant go to either of them.  If I go to my dad, he will worry about me even more so than he already does with his only daughter moving thousands of miles away.  If I go to my husband, he will take it personally and feel guilty that I'm going through this "for him". 

I think what I really want to hear is that this is "normal" (as if anything is normal, really) or maybe someone has magic advice on how to make these next 23 days calm and happy?  Am I the only person who has had a bit of a freak out before moving?

Completely natural to be nervous and questionning what you are doing. You are leaving a whole life behind now. That is pretty overwhelming! And also natural to be sad to see your things going.

You should talk to your husband though. Considering yourself a "burden" sounds a bit worrying TBH. You should be a partnership, not living in fear of upsetting him. You don't want to start keeping your feelings hidden at the start of your marriage. 

You should talk to your husband though. Considering yourself a "burden" sounds a bit worrying TBH. You should be a partnership, not living in fear of upsetting him. You don't want to start keeping your feelings hidden at the start of your marriage. 

I agree with this. Even though you think it might make him feel guilty, I think it would also make him feel good that you're confiding your thoughts and feelings in him. You might be pleasantly surprised! But, yes - talk to him.

And don't worry! You are totally normal and are having a completely normal reaction to things. Don't worry!

If you ever find your way to Cornwall, let's meet up, OK?

I was entirely stressed out too - having nightmares, really irritable, fairly needy.

My last cell phone bill was over $200 - it was the only time I've ever gone over my minutes and it was by a LOT.

My only advice is to try to stay busy, focus on the happy when you can and don't feel bad about feeling bad.

Forgive yourself for being human.   

Perfectly normal.

SOmething really resonated with me, as a fellow anxious person.  My "stuff" is important to me -- comforting even.  Like your bedroom furniture.  Don't feel like you should slot yourself into your husbands ready built life.  It will be yours too and if you don't like his bedroom furniture -- get something else.  At the end of the day, it isn't about furniture, it is about giving you comfort (and keeping your sanity) and that is priceless.

Also you have to tell your  DH about your fears NOW.  Culture shock is hard and he needs to understand from the beginning in order to support you properly.

I was a complete wreck that last month. Once I got an offer on the house, everything had to move VERY fast...the sale, the visa, the cat, the job, the packing. I couldn't have done it without alcohol (I am so not kidding).

My friends didn't help. Everyone wanted a last lunch or to throw a party...which was very sweet of them but I was kinda busy.

It's only now, eight months later, that I get the occasional pang of homesickness. NOT regret -- absolutely everything about my current life is better than my previous life. It's just...I lived in the same place and had the same life for, like, thirty years. I was too busy to go around and say goodbye to my old haunts and take pictures and stuff, which is probably just as well. But I do sometimes feel kind of...untethered and floaty.