ARRRGH! Advice please - MIL situtation

It's amazing how much much "Aww..and your mom is such a lovely person. How sad that she feels differently about me," can disarm any  "Your wife is an evil so-and-so and she's trying to come between us!" kind of shenanigans.

Very true!

Guess I am the minority of one     To be honest my earlier post still stands however when I was younger and a newlywed myself I would have stood my ground if MIL was living in the same country.  It's the older more mellow me that prefers to keep the peace.

Best of luck

I have a phrase I LOVE to use in these situations. It is:

Now, why would you say that?


For example: She says: But I CANNOT believe you like your friend more than me?
You say (with total shock): Now, why would you say that?
She says: (nothing)
You say: Of course, I'm sure you understand how impolite it would be to leave a jet-lagged friend at the airport and waiting outside the apartment.  Maybe DH's friend Bob can go to the concert with you?


The beauty of asking it as a question (instead of going on the defensive and trying to justify yourself) is that it takes quite a ballsy person to admit they are just trying to pressure you.  And, it puts the onus on them.  Of COURSE you're not that sort of person WHY would they ever say so? 

YOU never committed to going to the concert, so MIL should have consulted you again before purchasing tickets to see if that was still the case [...] your DH fouled it up by saying maybe you could make it when he knew you would rather meet your friend at the airport, so leave him to deal with his mother.

THIS.  If she insists on harassing you about it even after your DH speaks with her/offers to pay for the ticket, then politely say what Mort suggested - "I'm sorry for the miscommunication, but unfortunately I'm not going to be able to attend the concert."  If she keeps on - "I'm sorry for your trouble - however, you did not confirm the date with me before you purchased the ticket.  I'm afraid all I can do now is offer to reimburse you, as I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ATTEND THE CONCERT."  Or, you know, something similar.  Polite, but firm - that's what I'd recommend.

I have a phrase I LOVE to use in these situations. It is:

Now, why would you say that?


For example: She says: But I CANNOT believe you like your friend more than me?
You say (with total shock): Now, why would you say that?
She says: (nothing)
You say: Of course, I'm sure you understand how impolite it would be to leave a jet-lagged friend at the airport and waiting outside the apartment.  Maybe DH's friend Bob can go to the concert with you?


The beauty of asking it as a question (instead of going on the defensive and trying to justify yourself) is that it takes quite a ballsy person to admit they are just trying to pressure you.  And, it puts the onus on them.  Of COURSE you're not that sort of person WHY would they ever say so? 

Nice.  Must file that one away.