Official UKY parent venting thread

Thats when its easy! I just flew home on my own with a 5 month old and a 4 year old. It was pretty easy, but tedious!!!

Maybe it's just thinking of last Christmas when we flew to FL and all caught a bug but I'm in no hurry to fly again 

Phew!  Just talked to them and it looks like it was Dad getting the wrong idea again.  False Alarm! They'd got talking to a British Ex-pat who was from somewhere in the Lake District who said it was high and Dad was thinking it was like my Uncle's in Colorado (1600 ish feet) rather than the just under 500 that Keswick actually is.

I love my father dearly, but his passive aggression is something I cannot deal with. About 99% of the time I see him, we get into a fight. Again, he is extremely passive aggressive. It is impossible for him to say, "I don't want you to go to England because I'll miss you," instead of "you can't handle anything, even if you wanted to."

He is a penny pincher to the nth degree. He shut off his main house phone and got a PAYG phone because he says he doesn't need to pay for a phone when he "doesn't need to call people." However, he is scared to pay 10 cents per minute, so he comes over to use my phone. I swear, one of these days, he will shut off his electricity 

I remember one afternoon a week ago. I hadn't slept the night before and wanted to take a nap in the late afternoon. My father showed up unexpectedly and wanted to come install something for his computer. I kept saying, "no, I'm too tired. I was actually just about to fall asleep."

I told him that he should have called before coming over to save himself the trip. Of course, he got furious, saying that "his daughter wanted her father to call before showing up." I kept refusing to go to his house and install something on his computer because I was throbbing in the head from lack of sleep. He left saying that "he didn't want me to do too much work." 

I also told him that instead of reading my mail, he should just give me my letters if they're ever sent to his place. He gets furious, asking why he can't read my mail. I tell him because him and my brother have done that in the past and often I never get my mail as a result because they just toss my mail aside.

GAH I'm just so tired of fighting with him over such stupid sh*t! At this rate, we won't make up before I return to England next week.

Argh they're at it  again!

Mom & Dad had booked their flights to come visit after the baby is born.  Arriving April 13 and leaving Easter Monday (not going into the annoying crap it took to get that sorted).  Now we get an email this morning saying

I finally booked our coach.  We are arriving at 14:50 on the 12th of April.  We are leaving Easter Sunday April 24 at 12:15pm.  We are going to spend the afternoon in London area for our anniversary.
Now I am going to look for a hotel for that night.
I hope all is well
 
Love
Mom


 

Why does she do this stuff??? She's so damm impulsive she does things without thinking or asking the advice of sensible people.  Grrrrr.

We were planning on cooking a nice family Easter dinner... that's out the window now.  Not to mention their anniversary isn't even on Easter, it's the 20th!!! If she'd actually discussed this with me first we could have arranged for them to take the train into London for the day on their anniversary or something.  I'm just so annoyed with her right now I could spit!

Why is my Mom incapable of telling me stuff??

She let me know my great-aunt died via a post on my facebook wall and that my Dad is now on oxygen via email rather than calling.  She's been pulling this crap since 1991!

Man you  have had it tough with your mom SlicesMissus - hugggs for the you and the family.

Aaaarrrgh my Mom is driving me nuts about when we're introducing Thomas to solids! Just because I was days old when she gave me cows milk and a helluva lot younger than six months on solids she thinks that's what we should do with Thomas.  She refuses to respect our difference of opinion.


(last night, 11 pm my time, up feeding Thomas didn't see message blinking)
        Is our little Thomas up?
        Poor little cherub, must be hungry


(This afternoon, in the context of conversation about the pro photos that were finally ready from April)
Mom:        I know you would hit me it you could but when does he get his rice
me:         emaild you the pics
Mom:      got them
Me:        three weeks
Mom:        Are you pleased with them
Me:        pics? yeah, Alex was too
Mom:        Was he up late last night
Me:        yup
        growth spurt
Mom:     Trying to fine an envelope to put the t shirts in
        He wanted a feed
Me:        he wants one practically every hour
Mom:    Needs food
Me:        :-P
        breastfeeding specialist said this morning not to give him anything else til 6 months
Mom:        I don't care what you say and I know it's your choice but it so not fair, poor little guy is hungry
        get real
        You could never get through a meal without feeling really guilty for eating in front of him
Me:        actually I don't feel guilty
Mom:    Bye

Aargh. Am moving to the UK in Sept to be with my husband. He has missed out on so much of our daughter's life and I can't wait for our little family to be together.

My mother, who I will say has been unwaveringly supportive to me financially up to this point (I have been living with her since my baby was born), is being impossible about the move. She can't even stand hearing about it, so I can't have normal conversations about anything. When she does talk about it, it's with the utmost sadness and mourning, as if I was going to live on the moon rather than England. It's nothing but guilt to me.

I understand that she has been very supportive, and that she will miss her granddaughter, but it's like she doesn't understand that I need to start my own family and can't go on living in this house without my husband. I can't help feeling like she's being selfish (though who am I to talk, as I have been accepting her hospitality) and it doesn't seem like normal behavior. I wish she would just be excited for me. It's put a damper on this whole process.

Awww Nicole, my dad did the same thing before I left for the UK. I remember one day he was over and was criticizing the way I was cleaning dishes, saying "oh if you can't even wash a dish properly, how can you survive in the UK?" Normally he doesn't speak with me that way, let alone about dishes He said and did all sorts of things in that manner. I was only expecting to move to the UK for a few years, which is still the plan, but I wondered why my father wouldn't be happy for me. Your mom is probably acting that way because she knows that she is going to miss you 

I think that we forget a lot of times that while it is a busy, and hectic time for us moving across the pond, our loved ones are dealing with their own set of emotions. I can't describe what they're feeling since I've always been the one who was leaving. All I know is that we expats are allowed and expected to go through emotional hardships and find ourselves acting out in strange ways. I can't imagine that our loved ones won't act in strange ways, partially to mourn their loss and partially to get us to stay.

My sympathies Nicole, it's a pretty common reaction of parents from what I've seen on here.  Mine were more like "why don't you hurry up and move already?" 

Following up on my last vent, I found the photocopy Mom made of page in my baby book yesterday.  Said I had "cereal May 19, WHOLE MILK May 24, Fruit May 24, Vegetables June 28".  I was born on May 3rd.  She was (against the pediatrician's advice she has admitted) giving me baby cereal, cow milk, and fruit at/before I was THREE WEEKS OLD! It's a wonder I wasn't a sick baby or developed allergies/intolerances. 

It's a wonder I wasn't a sick baby or developed allergies/intolerances. 

Wow, that's just utterly shocking! You are lucky!

Wow, that's just utterly shocking! You are lucky!

I know right? Also very lucky Mom is in Florida and thus unable to sneak feed Thomas stuff.  Wouldn't put it past her! Thankfully current plans for next visit he'll be 13 months and thus able to have a lot of stuff.

Aargh. Am moving to the UK in Sept to be with my husband. He has missed out on so much of our daughter's life and I can't wait for our little family to be together.

My mother, who I will say has been unwaveringly supportive to me financially up to this point (I have been living with her since my baby was born), is being impossible about the move. She can't even stand hearing about it, so I can't have normal conversations about anything. When she does talk about it, it's with the utmost sadness and mourning, as if I was going to live on the moon rather than England. It's nothing but guilt to me.

I understand that she has been very supportive, and that she will miss her granddaughter, but it's like she doesn't understand that I need to start my own family and can't go on living in this house without my husband. I can't help feeling like she's being selfish (though who am I to talk, as I have been accepting her hospitality) and it doesn't seem like normal behavior. I wish she would just be excited for me. It's put a damper on this whole process.

i'm in quite the similar position with my mother.  it's been nothing but sadness, mourning, and anger towards me since my husband and i began discussing the visa process.   she's even gone as far as to say that i'm betraying her by moving over and that she'll never forgive me.    now, i love my mother to death and i would do anything for her as she's been there for me since the day i was born.  no matter what trouble i was in or how big of a mistake i'd made, she was there to support me.  she's been there ( to the best of her ability ) to support my son and i financially as well.   i have great respect for her considering everything she's gone through in her life and how she's carried on through all of it.

but now?  now she's just giving up on everything.  as time draws closer to when my son and i are supposed to leave, she's been resentful and moping about like we're dead to her.  i understand that it's not an easy thing for her to cope with, but she's taking this to extremes.   it's to the point where i'm so afraid of leaving her that i don't even want to leave if it's going to be like this.   i love my husband dearly and i want to be with him and my son as a family, but i feel so disheartened and depressed about everything now.   my mother outright REFUSES to speak of this in any kind of positive light.   i don't know what to do to reassure her about things because she just doesn't want to hear any of it.  she makes me feel like every little thing that's gone wrong in our lives has been my fault.

I have said it here before and I will probably say it again: (as someone with crazy relatives before moving)

The only person you can control is YOU.  

You can give your mom or dad all the comfort in the world.  You could sacrifice your happiness and stay in the US.  You can be depressed because of their attitude and actions.  You can beg them to be happy for you.  You could be the best daughter in the world until you leave.

None of it will make any difference unless the person wants it to.  And clearly, right now, your mother, father, friends, whoever, don't want to feel better.

It is hard to accept, especially as women since we tend to be taught that we should make everyone feel better (especially when you become a mother) but honestly, you can't and it isn't your responsibility to do so.  

We are talking about grown, healthy adults who have the ability to set their own moods.  

It might be different if the person in question has metal health issues, but even then you couldn't control that either.   Kids are also different, of course.

I, random internet poster, give you the right to be free of guilt associated with others feelings (within limits of course, don't go killing anyone's dog!)    It takes a while, but you can get there.

I have a rule, if someone is being totally negative and they will not stop (within reason again), then I give them three chances if it continues I leave the room or hang up the phone.  Even when I was stuck living at home.  If it meant going to the bathroom and locking the door, or putting on headphones, or picking up the hpone to call someone, then that is what I did.  

Good luck!

She was (against the pediatrician's advice she has admitted) giving me baby cereal, cow milk, and fruit at/before I was THREE WEEKS OLD! It's a wonder I wasn't a sick baby or developed allergies/intolerances. 

Holy COW. That is madness! I don't know what would drive her to want to do that...it just makes it more complicated once the baby starts solids! If only I still had to worry about just making bottles/breastfeeding!