Official UKY parent venting thread

i'm in quite the similar position with my mother.  it's been nothing but sadness, mourning, and anger towards me since my husband and i began discussing the visa process. 

...i love my husband dearly and i want to be with him and my son as a family, but i feel so disheartened and depressed about everything now.   my mother outright REFUSES to speak of this in any kind of positive light.   i don't know what to do to reassure her about things because she just doesn't want to hear any of it. 

Yes. My mother isn't this severe I don't think, but the sentiments are echoed. I can understand where she's coming from but at the same time, she can't expect me to live with her forever...or even get an apartment in this town. I've got a family of my own!

I feel like if it were my daughter, I would be a bit relieved to have my house back! Not so...she's prob be happy if my daughter grew up in this house and had her own children!

I have said it here before and I will probably say it again: (as someone with crazy relatives before moving)

The only person you can control is YOU.  

You can give your mom or dad all the comfort in the world.  You could sacrifice your happiness and stay in the US.  You can be depressed because of their attitude and actions.  You can beg them to be happy for you.  You could be the best daughter in the world until you leave.

...

I, random internet poster, give you the right to be free of guilt associated with others feelings (within limits of course, don't go killing anyone's dog!)    It takes a while, but you can get there.


Good luck!

Thanks for the good advice. I really need to look at it in a positive way, that I am starting a new family, rather than I am taking her granddaughter away. In the end I hope it creates more happiness than it ruins.

I think she will get more used to the idea, maybe, but it's hard not to be able to have a proper conversation about it, when it's all I want to talk about, and there's so much to be done.

So mom and stepdad have two houses, one in Missouri where I used to live and keep a bunch of my stuff, and one in CA that I am staying in before I move. Recently they went to the MO house and threw away some of my things. I don't understand why as they don't live there, don't plan on renting it or living there in the near future, and don't lack space. And they only picked a few things that they thought were "junky" because it was the day that you can leave anything at the curb to be collected.

I don't care so much about the stuff as the fact that they did it without asking....why?!??! What was it hurting them to just leave the stuff there? I feel like as always, I am just a kid to them and my possessions aren't important.

gah! Despite being told over and over not to send stuff to us by priority Mom just did so anyway.  Way to go Mom you just paid extra to have that package take longer to get to us via parcel farce!

This isn't a parent vent- but a family one, and it fits better here than anywhere else.

I have a few family members, including a half-sister, that are volatile and a bit crazy.  I tend to not share a lot about my life with them because they are manipulative and unstable.  Recently, I shared on facebook about my pregnancy, but I blocked all the people I don't want knowing from seeing any of my posts.  I should have said something to them, and I hold my hands up to that, but at the same time- they're so crazy that any way it would have been done would have ended with me being the brunt of abuse and frankly I was just holding it off for as long as possible.  Somehow, they found out and I've had a few nasty messages and comments today.  Worst of all, my half-sister put a status up saying that I'm a b**ch for not telling her in person and saying that I am dead to her.  With that kind of volatility, can you blame me?

At first, I was hurt but now I am p*ssed off.  It's one thing to say that to someone in anger, it's another to say that to a pregnant woman- to whom the precariousness of life is ever so poignant. 

I don't want to sink to her level, and say something nasty back.  DF says I should delete her, but I feel like that is playing games and just rising to the situation.  Le sigh.

This isn't a parent vent- but a family one, and it fits better here than anywhere else.

I have a few family members, including a half-sister, that are volatile and a bit crazy.  I tend to not share a lot about my life with them because they are manipulative and unstable.  Recently, I shared on facebook about my pregnancy, but I blocked all the people I don't want knowing from seeing any of my posts.  I should have said something to them, and I hold my hands up to that, but at the same time- they're so crazy that any way it would have been done would have ended with me being the brunt of abuse and frankly I was just holding it off for as long as possible.  Somehow, they found out and I've had a few nasty messages and comments today.  Worst of all, my half-sister put a status up saying that I'm a b**ch for not telling her in person and saying that I am dead to her.  With that kind of volatility, can you blame me?

At first, I was hurt but now I am p*ssed off.  It's one thing to say that to someone in anger, it's another to say that to a pregnant woman- to whom the precariousness of life is ever so poignant. 

I don't want to sink to her level, and say something nasty back.  DF says I should delete her, but I feel like that is playing games and just rising to the situation.  Le sigh.

Aww Sarah hugs to you! I unfortunately have MANY family members like this and as much as I love my mom and both of my older sisters they're guilty of this type of behavior time to time. I know around the time I got pregnant (granted I was 18) there was a lot of tension and it was hard for me, but I did what I had to do. I moved away for a few months and cleared my head so I didn't have to be around that hostility. Then when I moved back things got much better. My daughter is 6 1/2 now and we've lived far away from family for the past 6 years and now they're surprisingly supportive of my new relationship with my bf. It's hard not to "sink to their level" especially when you're being attacked publicly, but I'm a firm believer in being the bigger person as much as possible. Don't focus on that negativity, this is an EXTREMELY happy time for you Enjoy it and remember to be kind to yourself! If they can't be supportive and positive then maybe it is the better choice not to involve them. Best of luck hun!

Sarah, protecting yourself isn't "sinking to their level". You deserve to be safe from hateful comments just as you deserve to be safe from physical abuse and if blocking your half sister or that whole side of the family, if cutting off contact is what it takes for you not to be treated abusively, then doing so is a good thing.

Sarah-

I can completely relate-in fact, reading this made me feel slightly better to see someone else has to put up with crazy relatives (not that it's nice!) It was sort of the opposite.  I am nearly 36 weeks pregnant but purposely haven't put anything on Facebook. Until my sister-in-law decided it would be a good idea when I was around 15 weeks pregnant to respond to a fairly innocent comment about liking the new Gillian Welch cd with basically 'outing' my pregnancy.  I deleted the comment and this caused world war 25 with nearly all of my in-laws.  We ended up blocking them on Facebook as I wanted to use it but not feel like my every move was watched and no joke, nearly 19 weeks later, my poor husband got ANOTHER email from his brother complaining.  Seriously.  You do what's right for you, your family, and your unborn child. You don't need stress-and speaking from 7 years experience of having in-laws that are a bit crap, some people will never change. I'm happy to start a 'why are my in-laws so horrible and my own family saints by comparison' thread.......