My Grievance for the day...

You guys are probably going to get tired of seeing my moany groany face around here.  I have to post because my sister is too involved with her own problems and I obviously can't talk to my mother because now that she is coming to grips that we're leaving, I don't want to let her know I have any anxiety or reluctance about supporting my husband in this move.

Thanks to a three-day-weekend my husband got a chance to re-hash all this stuff (pros and cons of moving) again.  Upon talking to his dad on Saturday, he wants to go home even more.  He is soo homesick I think he's going to have a heart attack if he stresses anymore about staying in the U.S. vs. going home. It's all about priorities, but it's hard to place all of them in perspective when you try to project the future.  My MIL and FIL are both getting very frail and they really need us.  My FIL is having surgery this week and won't be able to walk for 5 months. My MIL does not drive and she is a skinny little thing who also had heart surgery earlier this summer.  I'm afraid she' going to try to take care of him all by herself and end up in worse shape.  Needless to say, I think they need us!

Finally, he gets on the phone yesterday to follow up on a resume he sent abroad.   The guy was really excited about my husband's work experience, so I'm hoping it's good news.  However, we are still waiting to hear back.

This is all moving so slowly due to time restraints, and a lot of my stress is getting it to all fall into place.  We need to put our house on the market or leave it.  This is a horrible time to sell a house- in the fall, and with the housing market being so bad right now, it may take ages to sell.  Also, leasing it out is not an option.

We have a house waiting for us but we are waiting for paperwork to show its going to be leased.  I keep stressing to my husband that the emails he has regarding the house/job are not going to be acceptable evidence for my visa and he needs to get serious or we are going to be left without a place to live no matter where we live.  

So here I am excited, stressed, worried, scared, sad.  I fear leaving everything I know for something I don't know.  I fear starting over again.  In a way, though, it's exciting. I am going through so many emotions, I can't predict/control where my own moods are going.  With potentially getting one step closer to moving, I'm starting to gut out the house to sell.  I'm starting to throw stuff out (what a relief) and I'm planning on boxing stuff to put in the shed so I can have a huge yard sale before we leave.  We aren't taking anything with us except maybe very special things.  The hardest things for me to let go of are the things that belong to my children. I can't seem to get into their rooms to sort everything out without feeling sad, especially when I sort through the cards and drawings.

It sounds silly but I really have been going through a grieving process, thinking about my parents, things I'll miss, my nieces, the weather.  I have not been too bad lately, but there are some days I just can't shake it.  Then, some days my husband can't decide or wants to get things in order where we can leave at a moment's notice.  That's impossible.  So there's some more stress. He doesn't realize that it all just doesn't come into place like that.  If it did (and it might) it would be a miracle.  He doesn't realize that if I apply for a visa now, it will be good for a limited time- not for years!

Please tell me that this is the hardest part- deciding to move, when to move, the emotional ups and downs, getting it all to go over smoothly!

Thanks for letting me vent too!  I honestly have no one to talk to except people who are very negative about the whole situation, and honestly, I just don't want negative, toxic people affect the outcome.  Can you guys identify with that one?

Hang in there and take everything one step at a time, keeping your eyes on the prize. Don't let your family's negativity get to you.

I would recommend taking as much of your special or meaningful belongings as possible. For example, your children's cards and drawings -- things like those are "must keeps" for life, really, so don't go too crazy getting rid of them just for the sake of saving some money in shipping costs or suitcase space. I believe some things, even material things, if they have an emotional resonance for you in your life, are more valuable than the money issue of how to move this stuff from one country to another, and you will be surprised how comforting it will be to not have left behind or given up quite everything. To still have your sentimental belongings, things of your children's childhood, etc, will be meaningful and help in a stabilising feeling for you in your new life in the new place.

So even though it does feel good and cathartic to clear out your house, remember you don't have to leave behind quite everything! Even if you are going to take very little, be sure you do take anything that is precious to you. It will give you a sense of continuity and decrease the negative feelings of loss that can come and go on those days when you forget the "gains", once you are here and dealing with adjustment.

Good luck with everything, and don't let the naysayers make this harder; it's already hard but if you both know you are doing what you feel is best, keep moving forward and don't let everyone else get you down.

Yikes, it does sound like a giant ball of stress. I mean, when I moved, it was just me - no kids and husband was already here, and even then it was stressful! You aren't alone in feeling this way. I agree with Midnight Blue, that you shouldn't toss out everything unneccessarily. Anyway, your in-law's might want to see all those drawings and little things their grandkids did that they missed seeing! It's worth the extra £50 per suitcase or whatever to bring that sort of stuff with you. It's your family history!
Would it be possible, if your husband gets the job, to go ahead and move over and get things set up while you tie up loose ends in America? I know it sucks to be apart, but many couples have done it this way for various reasons. Then he could get here ASAP to look after his folks, yet you would still have time to say your goodbyes and get things in order there. Just a thought.
Anyway, I hope things get better for you soon, and definitely don't let the naysayers drag you down! Some people are just jealous, others are selfish and want to keep you close for their own happiness, but hopefully there will be at least one or two family members or friends that want to see you happy and support your decision to move. It's an exciting time! Try to enjoy it.... You're moving to Scotland!!!! How cool is that??!  ((HUGS))