I think Lola has a good plan, though obviously you don't want to 'whinge' about it. As you posted here, in a matter of fact way, you can do that in an 'essay'. I would also reiterate my thought about contacting whatever dept you intend to study in. If you can make a friend there, you'll have their additional support.
Do you know what the minimum requirements are at your chosen unis (and your US equivalent?). Or, could you just literally start over and not even have your US college history included? It's more unusual, but you'd hardly be the first 'mature' student to start an undergrad degree here.