How long is long enough before you say "I do."

I would have to agree with the others.  Love at first "sight" is a wonderful thing...my hubby and I met at work and I still remember the very first moment I saw him.  I don't think anyone here is going to deny the very real possibility that you could have just found your soul mate and everything will be perfect.

But keep in mind two things:  One, it's very easy when meeting online to get very, very intense.  You don't even know if you have any actual physical chemistry with this man yet.  I and the others here have heard many a story that started like yours and ended with, "It was so awkward and upsetting."  Or, after a month, "He's not the person I thought he was."  Nobody wants to see that happen to you. 

Two, you have children, apparently.  Don't you think perhaps before bringing someone into your child's life in such an important capacity (stepfather) you should get to know them a little better?  Two weeks spent in each other's actual company and you plan to get married in December?  What if your children hate him?  What if your children don't want to go to England with a relative stranger? How would you feel if your child came to you at some point and said they were madly in love and planning to uproot their family to be with someone 10 years younger that they've been speaking to for a week?

Like I said, please don't think I'm saying this is an impossibility.  It could all be the wonderful thing you've envisioned (although have to agree with Lola there...don't count on that thatched roof cottage  ).  Just please put some real thought into it, as an international move is incredibly complicated and to have to do it twice...my my.

Why aye, I'm in Geordieland, pet!    

I just narrowly missed meeting you the last time you were here...MFredericka invited us along to meet you, but DH and I had plans that night.  When will you be back over?  We should meet up!   

The twins and I will be in Newcastle Sept. 6 thru Dec. 15. We'll definitely have to meet up! Have you visited with MFredericka and her husband? They are so fun to be with!

(Sorry for the temporary thread hijack!)

Yankeegirl...

I knew my husband as a friend for TWELVE YEARS before we got married, and even after knowing him for all that time, when i moved in with him, i realised i STILL did not know him well enough to marry him!

Please be careful and sensible... remember, you have children to think of. 
Good luck.

My advice?  BE CAREFUL, not just for your physical safety but for your emotional well-being.  You've known this person for a week.  And really, you don't know him in the kind of way where you should even be thinking about marriage.  I'm assuming you've been married before because you have children.  There's a lot of work that goes into making a successful relationship.  I don't know how you even consider marrying someone after a week. 

I know I'm being blunt and maybe a bit harsh.  I've been burned badly in an online relationship with someone I thought was "The One."  Turned out that everything he told me about himself was a lie and I was left to pick up the pieces of my life and go on.  There are a lot of hurdles to overcome in any relationship and imo, one week is ridiculously soon to even be discussing.  Even 2 months is soon but that's just my opinion about relationships. 

If he's the right person, it'll all fall into place the way it's supposed to.  But don't put your entire life up in the air for someone you haven't spent time with face-to-face. 

Amy, we're about the same age, so I share some of your life experience to know that you've been through things that make you just a little more savvy about your decisions. And yet...

"Internet love" is going to bowl you away. It's going to be a love you have never known before. I don't care who the guy is. It has nothing to do with the guy, it's all to do with a very strong medium, a way to 'meet' people. You're going to meet this man in person and so convinced you will be that he is THE ONE that you will overlook the things that normally you'd not give the time of day for. He's a smoker/you're not. He goes out with his mates several times a week/you're an at-home sort of person. He's footie crazy. He only washes once a week. He leaves the toilet seat up. Oh man...the list is endless. And don't overlook your age difference. You might have loved Herman's Hermits and the Kinks, but he was into a Flock of Seagulls and Boy George.

You've already decided you'll have sex. You're already committed to marriage. You've mentally moved to the UK. Making these sort of decisions without having met him is going to make it tough to say 'no' if things don't work out.

That's the caution I want to give. I certainly don't deny the sincerity of your feelings. I just recall all the pain I personally have been through by making decisions ahead of time and then feeling pushed to a point I couldn't back out. This is, of course, all before my own Brit husband...I actually met him in person and then fell head-over-heals. You see, I'm an Anglophile...I love England, always have been drawn to it, the culture, the words, the beauty, history, accents...everything. I came to see the country, and only then did I meet the man of my dreams.

He's a smoker/you're not. He goes out with his mates several times a week/you're an at-home sort of person. He's footie crazy. He only washes once a week. He leaves the toilet seat up. Oh man...the list is endless.

Err - Lisa - I think you're remembering a former partner here 

OK - I admit the toilet seat thing.

Seriously, Amy - only *you* can know about the timing and it CAN work out well as it has for us (though our meeting circumstances were different). But the change from the USA is huge-er than you can imagine and you'll have some tough times along the way.   Marriage was supposed to be for life - but if anything a move such as this is more permanent in this day and age.  Go for it - good luck to you - but be brave enough to say "I'm not yet sure" ... at least until after spending quality time together IRL and prefereably in a regular rather than a fiesta / holiday environment.

Thank you for all your input - in reading all your responses I am reminded that time not always measures matters of the heart - accurately.  I knew my ex-husband 10 years before we married - and he was physically abusive the first month we were married - and I ended up in the Emergency Room.  Maybe I'm a fool - but I love my bloody Limely with every fiber of my being - and I'd rather be a fool that takes a chance on love than a wise man that never does.

Peace from the U.S.
Amy

Thank you for all your input - in reading all your responses I am reminded that time not always measures matters of the heart - accurately.  I knew my ex-husband 10 years before we married - and he was physically abusive the first month we were married - and I ended up in the Emergency Room.  Maybe I'm a fool - but I love my bloody Limely with every fiber of my being - and I'd rather be a fool that takes a chance on love than a wise man that never does.

Peace from the U.S.
Amy

I don't think any of us are questioning the time so much as we're worried about the fact that you've never met this man and you've never visited his country.  Even if you'd been "together" for 10 years, if you'd not been to England before moving over I'd give you the same advice.

Please just keep in mind that you've never met this man.  I am speaking from experience...I thought I knew my husband before we met, but I really didn't.  I had to reconcile the man standing in front of me in the airport with the man I'd fallen in love with two years before.  You've only been in touch with your man for two weeks, so imagine how much you don't know about each other!

My measure of whether I'm doing something rash is to ask myself what I'd say to a friend/relative going through the situation.  So, ask yourself how you'd respond if you daughter came to you and said she'd met a man 10 years her junior on the internet.  She's never met him, but she's in love after two weeks and she's planning on marrying him (in a matter of months) and moving over to his country (which she's never visited).  Hopefully you'd tell her to get her head straight and take some time before making such huge decisions.  That's all we're trying to do for you...we're not saying things won't work out...we're just hoping you'll be careful and take your time. 

In this day and age, you have to treat everyone on the internet (present company excluded! ) as a psycho until that has been proven otherwise.  Please tread lightly....I would hate for your heart to be broken...or worse...

Thank you for all your input - in reading all your responses I am reminded that time not always measures matters of the heart - accurately.  I knew my ex-husband 10 years before we married - and he was physically abusive the first month we were married - and I ended up in the Emergency Room.  Maybe I'm a fool - but I love my bloody Limely with every fiber of my being - and I'd rather be a fool that takes a chance on love than a wise man that never does.

Peace from the U.S.
Amy

I don't think any of us are suggesting that you are a fool, or that you shouldn't go for what you want here.  We're just trying to advise a little caution, that's all.  And you did ask us what we thought.

Lola has some excellent advice above.  I too am terrified of flying, but if you want to move to the UK you really, really should visit at least once.  Take the kids, too, and see how they like the place!;D

Please keep us updated.  It isn't often we get to hear such an exciting story, and I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say we're rooting for you!

Thank you for all your input - in reading all your responses I am reminded that time not always measures matters of the heart - accurately.  I knew my ex-husband 10 years before we married - and he was physically abusive the first month we were married - and I ended up in the Emergency Room.  Maybe I'm a fool - but I love my bloody Limely with every fiber of my being - and I'd rather be a fool that takes a chance on love than a wise man that never does.

Peace from the U.S.
Amy

It may seem like we all want you to fail.  But we don't.  We really don't.  We are wishing you all the best and really hope that it works out for you.  We're just urging caution.

And slightly off-topic, but calling someone a 'bloody limey' is fairly rude, and may be a joke between you and your boyfriend but I wouldn't use it in mixed company. 

Well I have been married before for nearly 11 years to the most insensitive, controlling a$$hole that ever walked the face of the earth. After we divorced all I could think was "good ridance!" I had two children with him and never in a million years thought I would ever re-marry. But one day I was online and got a random message from some guy in England. We started chatting and emailing and then web-camming. This all started in March 2000. He came to visit me in May of the same year. I went to visit him in Aug and he came back in Oct and I went back with him. We got married 5 months later which made it one year total. We have been married nearly 3.5 years and I still feel we are honeymooners. I could never get tired of him. He is such a great guy! A good dad to my sons from my previous marriage and a good provider for the family. For the first time in my life I know what LOVE really is. I have no regrets getting married so quickly. I think if you KNOW he's the right guy for you then go for it!
best of luck
Pebs

Lolabola. Had a laugh when I read your post. I honeslty thought ALL English people lived in thatched cottages or castles. I never heard of a terraced house in my life. And the weather! Here it is late July and Im sending the kids to play in sweatpants and jackets! Where's my castle and cottage? Wheres my tea and crumpets? Wheres Prince William? Why doesnt my husband talk like they all do in the Royal family...instead he talks like they do in the Royle Family! lol
Love it here but it wasnt easy at first
Pebs

I think if you KNOW he's the right guy for you then go for it! 

But how can she know it's the right guy after two weeks and having not met him nor been to his country?  I'm all for the hearts and flowers and romance of it all, but really...two weeks, sight (and touch and sound and smell, etc.) unseen?  Put me down as a skeptic on that one!   

Maybe I'm the pot calling the kettle black...after all, I met my husband online too.  But we waited 2 years to meet and 4 years to marry, having visited back and forth several times.  And despite that, I still experienced major culture shock upon moving here...and we still needed to get to know each other in ways we wouldn't have had to had we been able to be together daily throughout our courtship.  I just think it pays to be cautious with international/long-distance/online romance (especially when kids are involved).

And the weather! Here it is late July and Im sending the kids to play in sweatpants and jackets!

Seriously!  I practically wore one of our duvets throughout the winter and I'm still dragging it downstairs nearly every night because I'm freezing.  I'm thinking of designing duvet covers to go with my outfits since I'm practically wearing my duvet as sportswear now!   

instead he talks like they do in the Royle Family!

ROFL!  Takes some getting used to, doesn't it?

Love it here but it wasnt easy at first

Noooooo kidding!  The first four or five months were...well, less than pleasant!  But it does get better every day and I can honestly say that I love living here (98.5% of the time) now!   

Seriously!  I practically wore one of our duvets throughout the winter and I'm still dragging it downstairs nearly every night because I'm freezing.  I'm thinking of designing duvet covers to go with my outfits since I'm practically wearing my duvet as sportswear now!   

LOL!!! Lola, you have hit on an excellent idea! I think duvets to wear that match your clothes are great. But take it further! make jackets and things out of those nice, soft down duvets. You could get a whole line of stuff going! Much better than fleece!

I also remember in Maryland we had a really cold basement. This was in the early 80s and my mother bought from Sears these things called 'snug sacks'. They were sort of like sleeping bags but instead of zipping up the side, the zipped up the middle and then the top opened so you could fold it over your arms and shoulders and secure it. They were awesome!!

Hey! I remember snug sacks. I had a blue plaid (or should I say TARTAN) one! In fact I bought one for my baby here in the UK.