Ms vs. Miss vs. Mrs

nae bother... I'm already half-way there!

 

Now that I think about it, I am soooo nowhere near ever getting re-married, that perhaps I will find myself reverting to this too....I'm already doing the grumpy yelling at the neighbor kids bit!  

Thanks ladies!

Hi Becca,
I don't know the ettiquette on it. But I am like you I use Miss for the little girls and MS. for the single ladies. When I did my wedding invitations I went by what last name they were using. Jason's mother is divorced from his father but still kept her married name so hers was addressed as Mrs. Margaret Byrne. If it was a couple that are married it would be Mr and Mrs Bob Smith. If it was a single female and her boyfriend I addressed it Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. Joe Brown.
So that is how I handled it. I only kept Miss for my two nieces who are 5 and 6 and were the flower girls. Their Invite and name card was filled out as Miss

I hope this helps

Thanks Josy.  This does help!

Weddings are tough. Good luck.  Just as a bit of personal advice, if you can't see how this would upset anyone, and your mom really feels it is important, let it slide.  That way you can get your way on other things.

There's a handful of people I think would be offended if I used the wrong title,but in the end, it's probably not a huge deal either way. I can always change the people who I think would be offended by Miss to Ms.

If it were me, and I were paying for my own wedding (as DH and I did), I would address the envelopes exactly how I felt comfortable - whether that was using Ms or otherwise.  

Tim and I are paying for the wedding.  My mom is picking pu a few incidentals, but the bulk of the cost is being handled by Tim and I.  But that's a good point.  If I'm paying for it, I should be able to write what I want on the envelopes!

I like what wikipedia has to say about it - Ms is ALWAYS correct unless you know what that particular female's preferred title is:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ms.

Even more interesting is both Emily Post and Miss Manners say the same thing!

When I did my invites, I thought about the person I was inviting and what I thought they would want to be called.

Good point!

"Miss" sounds to me like I'm the never-married virgin spinster of the parish!  

Hey, you must know my aunt! :p

I feel that Ms seems more mature and allows for possible status of either currently married or has been married. I don't know why but it just seems more dignified and worldly than Miss, which feels to me like both the little girl and the old spinster lady designation....

Ms for me.

I agree with you, but at the same time I have this urge to make it "proper", know what I mean?  

Of course, I'm also sending adult children who live with their parents their own invitation because it always annoyed me that I was never given the "& guest" option since I live with my mom.

Etiquette guide to addressing correspondence:

http://www.emilypost.com/everyday/forms_of_address.htm

In America we tend to reserve the term 'Miss' for ladies under 18.  This may not be proper etiquette, just seems to be the way we do it.  I personally would feel ackward addressing something to someone older than me as Miss.

Me too, with the exception of my aunt, who really is the never-married virgin spinster of the family!

Why not just take out the Ms/Mr/Mrs/Miss altogether?

Unless you think it's too informal, I'd just label it with firstname and lastname only and breath a sigh of relief that I've not annoyed anyone with how I call them.

Even more interesting is both Emily Post and Miss Manners say the same thing!

But they're both American. And, as others have said, technically your mother is correct. If you're inviting British people, I'd do it the British way for them. Use Ms for your American friends if you don't find it too confusing having two ways of addressing invitations. I prefer Miss and Mrs myself, so that's what I used. Like Q-G, I quite enjoyed the idea of being a 40-something-year-old Miss.

Unless you think it's too informal, I'd just label it with firstname and lastname only and breath a sigh of relief that I've not annoyed anyone with how I call them.

My elderly aunts would be been annoyed at the informality of that!

Face it - whatever you do, someone is going to be put out.  

I just did informal postcard-style invitations so I wouldn't have to worry about it.  

Why not just take out the Ms/Mr/Mrs/Miss altogether?

Unless you think it's too informal, I'd just label it with firstname and lastname only and breath a sigh of relief that I've not annoyed anyone with how I call them.

Depends on the situation though...some people would actually be offended by not being called by the proper title.

Divorced women can be in a category of their own because it's sometimes hard in those situations to even know the correct last name to use (aside from title).  A friend's mom's legal name looks like this:  FirstName FormerHusband'sLastName CurrentHusband'sLastName.  She got rid of her maiden and middle names to keep the same last name as her children from the first marriage (as her middle name).  Yeah...

Why not just take out the Ms/Mr/Mrs/Miss altogether?

Unless you think it's too informal, I'd just label it with firstname and lastname only and breath a sigh of relief that I've not annoyed anyone with how I call them.

Except for those who would be offended at the informality of it all!

x posted with Chary.

Yeah, you can't win. Someone will be put out about something. We had family put out that we had a gift registry!

I just cut out the confusion by getting a Ph.D. so I could be addressed as Dr. When that isn't an option I usually choose Miss, but feel very annoyed about it because I didn't spend nearly 5 years slaving away in the lab to be called Miss, thank you very much
Of course, if you don't want to wait until everyone on your list either a) gets a Ph.D./MD or b) buys one of the internet like Gillian McKeith, you can always buy them titles and refer to them as Ladies!

I usually choose Miss, but feel very annoyed about it because I didn't spend nearly 5 years slaving away in the lab to be called Miss, thank you very much

What does 'Miss' have to do with education, though?

What does 'Miss' have to do with education, though?

Good question!  I'm perfectly happy to be called Miss or Mrs.  I really don't like the sound of Ms. 

you can always buy them titles and refer to them as Ladies!

So I didn't actually BUY titles, but I did put a joke post up on my blog and facebook telling people that "if there was a title they wanted to be known by for the invitations let me know". You would not BELIEVE how excited people got. I had tons of Lords of such and such and Lady of so and so, a few Dread Pirate and wenches, a "right hounourable" gentleman, and, my personal favourite: "the very model of a modern major general".
That wasn't even half of them, and it was fun.  Anyone who didn't actually reply got the standard Ms/Mr/Mrs/Miss unless I knew they wanted it otherwise.

What does 'Miss' have to do with education, though?

Well, I don't know about here, but in America, you would be addressed by your title of Dr. if you have an MD, PhD, or other doctoral degree. Not Mr, Miss, Mrs, or Ms.

So I didn't actually BUY titles, but I did put a joke post up on my blog and facebook telling people that "if there was a title they wanted to be known by for the invitations let me know". You would not BELIEVE how excited people got. I had tons of Lords of such and such and Lady of so and so, a few Dread Pirate and wenches, a "right hounourable" gentleman, and, my personal favourite: "the very model of a modern major general".
That wasn't even half of them, and it was fun.  Anyone who didn't actually reply got the standard Ms/Mr/Mrs/Miss unless I knew they wanted it otherwise.

I love this!!! Can I have an invite to your wedding? I wouldn't need to go, I'd just want an invite!.

a few Dread Pirate and wenches, a "right hounourable" gentleman, and, my personal favourite: "the very model of a modern major general".

Brilliant! 

Well, I don't know about here, but in America, you would be addressed by your title of Dr. if you have an MD, PhD, or other doctoral degree. Not Mr, Miss, Mrs, or Ms.

I think that's not a strict rule for doctoral degrees other than an MD.  My mother and husband both have doctoral degrees but would never go by Dr.  It's a hot topic of debate.