Facebook 'Divorce' Dilemma

I'd feel bad defriending anyone I know and didn't just add for a game. I have hidden people before, though. In that case, they really don't know. I'd notice if I was defriended.

I also have hidden all the games I don't play, which means all games except for Farmville are blocked. I only don't hide Farmville because I can get coins and animals from the news feeds.

I also have different levels of security for people.

I know, yippeee!!! I did that on mine, too. Plus divorced a few people. Plus hid a few others I didn't want to necessarily divorce, but who annoy me sometimes. I feel great! My Facebook is like pure joy now. 

I've been doing the same now too (well, now that you all told me how to do it).  I'm a hiding machine! 

I think I need to 'divorce' my Aunt!

Last night just before going to bed I was checking my FaceBook and I get this IM from my Aunt's FB account (I just approved her friend request less than 24 hours previous) saying that 'hi i'm xxx, your cousin's girlfriend...I'm working on your aunts farm and was just looking at the pictures of your daughter and she is so beautiful!'

OK is it just me or did I overreact by getting upset by this? I only add people that I know (in some way shape or form) and not complete strangers and I feel really violated that my aunt is allowing someone to use her account and there by allowing a complete stranger access to my information and to photos of my daughter!

I have different levels of access to my profile depending on who people are. Family and good friends have complete access, and then online friends have another level of access and people that I don't know at all have ZERO access! Which is why this really got to me because if I don't tell someone how to find me on FB you can't just type in my real name and find me that way! My own brothers couldn't find me, I had to give them my email address...

I dunno maybe I overreacted.

defriend if you must, but you can't really control that sort of thing.  For example, my husband, if he wanted to, could probably access most of my stuff on the internet because we share computers and I don't always log out of every website every time. I trust him not to do that and he absolutely doesn't, but he *could*.  I bet you we're not the only ones!

I'm all for privacy controls, but the point is, I feel it's best to assume that everything you post on the internet has the potential to possibly become public (but obviously with privacy controls, that risk is minimised considerably, to the point where I feel comfortable posting some personal stuff I wouldn't otherwise.)

Last night just before going to bed I was checking my FaceBook and I get this IM from my Aunt's FB account (I just approved her friend request less than 24 hours previous) saying that 'hi i'm xxx, your cousin's girlfriend...I'm working on your aunts farm and was just looking at the pictures of your daughter and she is so beautiful!'

OK is it just me or did I overreact by getting upset by this? I only add people that I know (in some way shape or form) and not complete strangers and I feel really violated that my aunt is allowing someone to use her account and there by allowing a complete stranger access to my information and to photos of my daughter!

I dunno maybe I overreacted.

WOW! No I don't think you over reacted. I would have been surprised as well. And I would not have been too happy about that comment about DD from a total stranger. It may be quite harmless but nonetheless I would find that uncomfortable. I would have de-friended her immediately and then sent her an email explaining why.

Yes I agree with Springhaze that everything on the web has the potential to be coming public (right or wrong the potential is there).

WebyJ, did you speak with your aunt about this? That does sound pretty inappropriate. Though, I am sure the woman meant no harm by telling you have a gorgeous daughter (which you do!  ) but still... if your cousin's girlfriend wanted to check out your Facebook page, why not just send a request with a message saying who she was and asking if you could be friends?  Did you message her back and ask her why she was using your aunt's account?

WebyJ, did you speak with your aunt about this? That does sound pretty inappropriate. Though, I am sure the woman meant no harm by telling you have a gorgeous daughter (which you do!  ) but still... if your cousin's girlfriend wanted to check out your Facebook page, why not just send a request with a message saying who she was and asking if you could be friends?   Did you message her back and ask her why she was using your aunt's account?

I haven't spoken to my aunt about it. It happened just as I was going to bed late lastnight and with the time difference I won't be able to until later and with stuff going on today it still might not be possible.

I'm going to send her an email and let her know what happened and explain.

See I've never met my cousins girlfriend. Apparently they've been together for a long time but then my cousin has had a major drug problem in the past and is recovering but apparently she had something to do with getting him involved in the first place. Not exactly the type of people that I associate with or even want to associate with. But I love my aunt & my uncle and I've not seen either of them in 2 years and this is the only way have I can really keep in touch.

I did ask the girlfriend what she was doing and she said that she was working on my Aunts farm for her. OK, if she was just doing that then why was she looking through my pictures and then checking to see who was online and messinging complete strangers. I know she was just trying to be ice and complimenting my daughter but, did she not really not stop and think that she just may have been invading my privacy?

I still am not sure what to do.

I would de-friend your immediately.  You don't need to give the cousin's girlfriend *any* explanation at all.  Then either phone or email your aunt explaining that you will re-friend her on the condition that only she uses her facebook account to access your page.  No-one else, period.  It's not anything personal against your aunt, just the stranger (to you) who accessed her computer (it was invasion of your aunt's privacy as well, and most likely she wasn't even aware of what happened).

I don't think you're overreacting either. I too have different levels of access to my page because of my children. I would have been upset too. I agree with Andee, if it were me I would de-friend her and then tell aunt why. I am assuming your aunt is a bit older and often they haven't been around the internet enough to know internet etiquette very well. She probably just doesn't understand that you just don't do that.

I would be pretty upset too.  How old is this girl?  Like you said Weby, seems like she thought it would be nice, but she didn't really think about the ramifications of invading not only your privacy, but everyone else who is on your aunt's facebook page.  I don't think you should automatically defriend the aunt over it because it's not her fault.  She might not have known the cousin's girlfriend was doing that and she shouldn't have to suffer her relationship with you because of someone else's mistake.  Just making her aware that the cousin's girlfriend is doing that and you don't want strangers looking through your page should be good enough.  But as others pointed out, it makes you wonder how many other people have been logged onto someone else's account and looking through your personal information.

I may be the lone voice of dissent here, but I do think you may be over-reacting a bit here - at least without knowing the full circumstances of the situation.  I'd reserve judgment until you've had a chance to talk to your aunt - everyone seems to be assuming that your cousin's girlfriend has acted without your aunt's permission, but what if your aunt was showing her the photos and bragging about her cute little great-niece?  Even if the girlfriend was accessing your aunt's account without her knowledge, and even if she's some sort of drug fiend, what possible effect will her having viewed photos of your daughter actually HAVE on your daughter?

Obviously I don't know your aunt or any of the rest of your family, but it seems to me the actual impact of this event is rather low, and that you might want to reserve judgment until you have all the facts.  YMMV.  

I may be the lone voice of dissent here, but I do think you may be over-reacting a bit here - at least without knowing the full circumstances of the situation.  I'd reserve judgment until you've had a chance to talk to your aunt - everyone seems to be assuming that your cousin's girlfriend has acted without your aunt's permission, but what if your aunt was showing her the photos and bragging about her cute little great-niece?  Even if the girlfriend was accessing your aunt's account without her knowledge, and even if she's some sort of drug fiend, what possible effect will her having viewed photos of your daughter actually HAVE on your daughter?

Obviously I don't know your aunt or any of the rest of your family, but it seems to me the actual impact of this event is rather low, and that you might want to reserve judgment until you have all the facts.  YMMV.  

I wouldn't defriend your aunt before speaking with her. It is true that this girl and your aunt may have been viewing your page together, and perhaps your aunt encouraged her to send the message. You should perhaps just tell your aunt that it made you a bit uncomfortable as you have never met this person, and wasn't sure if she was using your aunt's Facebook account without her knowledge.

I think I'm just beyond irritated at the moment with the irresponsibility of the actions of my aunt. She's given this girl/person access to my me and my family without my permission. IF I wanted to give this person access then I would have put a friend request to her. But she is a COMPLETE stranger. I have never met her in my lifetime and I feel like what my aunt did was give this lady the keys to my house and she rifled through all my stuff. I feel violated. I know what was going through her head. 'OOOooo she's the one who lives in England!' and she just had to be nosey.

You should at least be able to trust your family and I guess I have learned that I can't trust my aunt.

So, I have 'divorced' my aunt if she wants to be added back on I better get an apology and an explanation.

For the record, she's my daughter, and it's my husband & my decision. My Aunt disregarded my decision. Because, if I really didn't care who can see my daughter, then my photos would be public for everyone to see.

I think I would have spoken to my aunt about it before I divorced her, but it's your family and you have the right to make whatever choice you want. I'm curious though, does your aunt and other family members have pictures of your daughter displayed in their home? Do you make them take them down if they have say, the cable guy, coming over? What about other people you've never met? What if your cousin's girlfriend had sent you a note, through the mail, saying that she saw a picture of your daughter at your aunt's house and thought she was beautiful. Would you still be so angry?

I guess my point is you ultimately have no control over other people's actions. My mom carries around pictures of her grandsons and will show them to anyone because she's proud. No one was being malicious in this situation, she was complimenting your beautiful family. I think I would have been a little freaked to get a message from my cousin's partner, but I probably would have spoken to my aunt about why she's letting a someone use her account before I divorced her.

I think you have slightly overreacted but let me explain. 

I am someone doesn't share personal photos of children over the internet, as others have said, I assume that whatever goes on the internet is public.  I used to be on another small forum and the first time I saw others post photos of their children, I was the one that queried if that was safe and was told I was overreacting as a response.   

I think if you allow people access to your personal data you have to take it that they are free to do with that information what they will.  You cannot instruct someone else how to handle their facebook account.  As Bmore has just stated, if these were physical pictures hanging in someone's house, you better believe tons of "strangers" would see them and it would be completely appropriate.  Facebook is the new living room.  Your aunt didn't see anything wrong with sharing the pictures and you probably wouldn't have if you mailed her an envelope full of pictures yourself.  I don't see how this is different.  I think it is a bit mean to divorce your aunt when she probably doesn't realise what she has done has offended you, and I don't think she should have been expected to anticipate that you would be so angry.