Stupid questions

I don't feel the need to defend my thread. I know my personal opinion (it's right for me)and my British husband agrees it's intrusive and overly personal for the supermarket checkout people to pry. I'm their absolutely captive audience who is trapped until they finish beeping through my groceries and I pay for them. I can't really be rude to them so I have to answer their questions.

Then again I've had weirder checkout person conversations regarding MY HAIR. You'd think they'd never seen a person with waist-length hair before. I get stared at on the tube and I just keep it in a braid/plait. It's not that strange, honest. I also promise it's not bright purple; it's a natural shade of red. I have stopped small children in their tracts with this hair at supermarkets. Yup, I'm definitely the freaky one here...

And on the other hand, I've had absolutely lovely conversations with older persons in my travels around London. They've never started with the question Where Are You From. One of the best came out of me picking up a lady's cane that she dropped and she asked if I was a student (hm, I seem to get this a lot too but I'm generally somewhat flattered by it at age 27). Turns out she used to work in a gallery in central London and made toad-in-the-hole and cups of tea for Iris Murdock. She was an absolute joy to talk to and made my day.

If you don't like small talk, don't come to Ireland. They are the masters of small talk. One day I was in the grocery store and one woman asked how I would prepare this package of fish, one asked me why they insist on packaging bananas like that as she can't possibly eat all of them, and another asked me what fruit this was (it was a lime). People will chat with you in the checkout line, the checkout person will chat with you. I dropped my computer off to be fixed and it was the inevitable comment about it being my first winter in Ireland and how was I going to cope. I get this one a lot. The guy at the post depot hands me my package and makes the comment that he hopes it's good news. 

I like it. But, I also like to talk.

I am half American and half Scottish and the Scots don't follow the English reserve stereo type. Dare say nor do the Geordies or Scousers.

Oh mostly certainly not the Geordies I have come across! Not reserved at all. I have talked about all sorts of things with my work colleagues (hemorrhoids to sex to you name it - not that I started these conversations, mind!) and no one is bothered at all by formalities or reservations about things like that. It's one reason I love living up north - people are so friendly and open, not easily offended, love to make inappropriate jokes, and just like to have a good time! I can live with that. I would much rather have that than people just keeping to themselves and being quiet all the time. I work in an office environment, but I hear people laughing like hell all day long. I think it's great that the people around here can let loose and have some fun.

For the record, I don't mind small talk. I help people out. Recently they moved the snacking nuts towards the confectionery section because they're overloading the supermarket with Christmas stuff but that's a different rant, and when the staff member a guy asked couldn't find them, I pointed it out to them (after somewhat making sure I remembered where they were). I do not mind that.

I do mind being cornered by checkout people by awkward questions about my immigration which I consider to be a personal matter.

AnneR: I doubt we will ever agree on this,

I think we can officially agree on that.

I don't feel the need to defend my thread.

Nor is anyone asking you to. It's been vaguely irritating, but I actually think it's been pretty interesting to see that there is such a VAST range of opinion about something as simple as a relatively benign question (IMO, obviously). What I think is just normal human curiosity and kindness is very clearly a bombshell to others and that's interesting.

But I'm still not going to think anything sinister is behind it next time someone asks me. Nor am I going to think it may not be appropriate for me to ask where someone is from. 

But seriously, does EVERYONE have to be exactly the same?  If you're the slightest bit unconventional, you're a nutter?  No wonder people think "Where are you from" is a brilliant conversational gambit. 

I think most of us have said that it's just the opposite - not a gambit in the least but rather a relatively innocuous comment that can either be a time filler or an ice breaker. I consider myself to be quite unconventional but I still don't mind a bit of a routine chat....

Anyhoo, different strokes. Best get back to work now where there's no chit chat involved! 

Nope, we all do not have to be the same. That's the beauty of being a human.

I don't consder this an argument or even a debate, I just think it's a sharing of ideas and opinions and experiences. It's like talking. I like it. Not advocating anyone to be like me.

I've learned that some take this with a pinch of salt, some take it with a huge dose of salts and others are asking - salt? I've learned how this issue affects people in varying degrees ranging from having a negative impact through nonchalant-easy-going-no-impact to having a quite positive impact.

It's been quite enjoyable hearing how others handle the situation. I think it has given some a new way of answering these questions or at leasting 'topping up' their answer bank. I may, one day, answer in an unconventional way and use Q-G's answer 'Men'. But even though I'm not English, I may be too reserved to try that one. All depends, if the timing is right, well maybe. It'd certainly be an interesting ice-breaker.

Well as we say back home, Ya'll have a nice day and come back, ya hear? 

I may, one day, answer in an unconventional way and use Q-G's answer 'Men'.

 

If you don't like small talk, don't come to Ireland. They are the masters of small talk. One day I was in the grocery store and one woman asked how I would prepare this package of fish, one asked me why they insist on packaging bananas like that as she can't possibly eat all of them, and another asked me what fruit this was (it was a lime). People will chat with you in the checkout line, the checkout person will chat with you. I dropped my computer off to be fixed and it was the inevitable comment about it being my first winter in Ireland and how was I going to cope. I get this one a lot. The guy at the post depot hands me my package and makes the comment that he hopes it's good news. 

I like it. But, I also like to talk.

I remember reading an article or blog posted by someone here about how Irish people love small talk and seem friendly, but they usually keep people at arm's length when it comes to making closer friendships. Do you find this to be the case?

I don't mind small talk, in fact I'd love move of it.  I do think social boundaries are slightly different here, but I in no way think that any of us experience more dumb questions because we're in the UK.  In fact, I heard my share of weird responses to me being from the US (well outside the country really) from the Finns, who are probably the world's most socially reserved people.

A final thought from me: Although "where are you from?" is a somewhat problematic  question for me because I'm never sure if people want to know where I was born (Iran), my ethnic background (Persian & English), where I grew  up (Berkshire) or where I got my accent (New Zealand), I have to say I do prefer it to mindless talk about the weather!!!!! There is another mum I see every day when I drop my son off at nursery. I've seen her every day for the past year pretty much and every freaking day she says hello and then follows a comment about the weather, how hot/cold/wet/dry/windy it is.

Like I said before, if I'm really not in the mood for a chat or in a hurry and someone asks where I'm from, I just say "England" and leave it at that. Sometimes people follow up with a "but you don't look/sound English" which I do think is starting to verge on the nosey and rude and in that case, my general response would be "good!"

Believe me if you think reactions are bad if you say you're American, imagine saying you are from Iran. I've heard it all: "but you speak such good English" "are you a refugee?" "poor you having to leave your country" even "have you had FGM?" !!!! 

Ok, that's me done here.

Believe me if you think reactions are bad if you say you're American, imagine saying you are from Iran. I've heard it all: "but you speak such good English" "are you a refugee?" "poor you having to leave your country" even "have you had FGM?" !!!! 

  Whoa, I thought it was bad for people to ask me if I was a Bush supporter, am I sad he left office, what have you, or that sort of thing when they find out I am from Texas. That's horrible that people would even ask if you had FGM! If you had, would you really want to talk about it??!!

Believe me if you think reactions are bad if you say you're American, imagine saying you are from Iran. I've heard it all: "but you speak such good English" "are you a refugee?" "poor you having to leave your country" even "have you had FGM?" !!!! 

That is what I was trying to get at in my first post in this thread.  It sort of comes with being an immigrant, but we're not exactly going to get the worst of it as Americans.

I remember reading an article or blog posted by someone here about how Irish people love small talk and seem friendly, but they usually keep people at arm's length when it comes to making closer friendships. Do you find this to be the case?

that's a tough question. Dublin isn't really a fair representation of Ireland because there are so many transient people here. Everyone seems to know someone here from college etc, so they're not really interested in making new friends. Even other Irish people will say it's tough to meet new people here. Plus, I'm married, so while desperate to make new friends, I have a security blanket. It might also be different if I worked and saw people on a regular basis. 

Believe me if you think reactions are bad if you say you're American, imagine saying you are from Iran. I've heard it all: "but you speak such good English" "are you a refugee?" "poor you having to leave your country" even "have you had FGM?" !!!! 

I can imagine. But then could I really imagine? Specially given the questions you've been asked.

These question are totally out of order. What kind of life form could even ask any woman a question like your last example? Really beggars belief.

Good to see things from a different perspective. Thanks for sharing.

One day I was in the grocery store and one woman asked how I would prepare this package of fish, one asked me why they insist on packaging bananas like that as she can't possibly eat all of them, and another asked me what fruit this was (it was a lime). 

I'd be down with questions like that.  Maybe I just don't like to be questioned about myself.

I think we can officially agree on that.

Agreed 

Agreed, but as I said before I don't enjoy small talk, so while the strategy of asking a stranger where they're from to start a conversation may work with most people, when someone does that to me I just think they're the same as everyone else and there's nothing there to hold my interest.

Thinking that someone is the same as everyone else just because of the question they ask, isn't that a bit judgemental?  Like a lot of people on this board, I get asked the same questions all the time; but, I just let it roll off my back.  It is part of being an ex-pat.  Although, you did say that you don't like being questioned about yourself, which is fair enough.  We all have different levels of comfort and that is okay.  It is what makes life so interesting.  However, immediately judging someone based on the question "Where are you from?" is a bit odd.  That person could be wildly interesting; but, uses a tried and true method of breaking the ice.  I am not trying to be rude here but rather point out something that is food for thought.  The next time you hear that overly used question, answer it, and then ask them a really intriguing question.  You could meet someone very interesting!

In the end, there are various ways to look at this issue.  Whatever works for you, works.  Nothing wrong with that.