Stupid questions

If you don't like the questions that people are asking you, just pretend your phone is ringing, or excuse yourself politely. Or...LIE.

IA.  Because of my job I get it at least once a day - sometimes more.  If it's somebody who's being rude I tend to lie and cut them off.  Otherwise I go through the whole thing.  You can answer them without giving too much away.  No.  Pennsylvania.  Yes, near New York/New England  OR No, that's Transylvania.  My husband is from here.  Well, I've been here 20 years.  And done.

I think it's a difference of interpretation. I don't see those as "personal" questions.

I think it's small talk - people saying something for lack of anything else to say. They're not really asking for you to confide in them and would probably be quite taken aback if you did. When someone asks, "How are you?" you don't give them a full-blown rundown of everything in your life. It's just a question. Taken literally, it may even be seen as intrusive, but it's just people being polite and showing an interest.

This may be the minority opinion, but I don't think someone asking where I'm from is the least bit intrusive.

I agree completely. I don't really want to live in a place where strangers ignore each other and don't feel comfortable making small talk. I've lived in a place like that and it's very isolating.

People don't think when they see someone on crutches, with a weird accent, or whatever else that sets them apart that they might have had to explain that something a few times already...that day.

This reminds me of eighth grade, when a girl that I sat next to in math class showed up with her leg in a cast, on crutches. I was the epitome of astonished concern but apparently she had only heard those questions, oh, about a hundred times. Let's just say she wasn't nice about it.

Anyway, I don't think the questions are rude or intrusive. But answering them can be Exhausting-capital-E when you're the new face in a crowd of people that know each other fairly well, like at my daughter's school. I know they're just being polite and trying to welcome me into the group - and better yet, I know that after they've all heard the story of where I came from, the questions will stop - but that initial hump of explaining who you are for the freaking fortieth time in one afternoon is tiring. But it has to be done so we can get to know each other and talk about more important things like gossiping about the mothers behind their backs.    Just kidding! Just kidding.

I think it's small talk - people saying something for lack of anything else to say. They're not really asking for you to confide in them and would probably be quite taken aback if you did. When someone asks, "How are you?" you don't give them a full-blown rundown of everything in your life. It's just a question.

Oh, I agree.  And I hate "How are you" too, if I'm honest.  I'm not a fan of small talk.  But as I said, I don't mind these questions in a social setting, as long as they're not asked in a rude way (which happened once at my sister in law's baby shower, of all places).  But I can't fathom the people who interrupt me in the supermarket queue, for example, to strike up a conversation about my nationality.  That's not being friendly, it's being rude.  Strangers don't have to ignore each other, but it's possible to be polite and friendly without asking personal questions.  How about a nice inane chat about the weather, instead?  That I don't mind at all.   

If you don't like the questions that people are asking you, just pretend your phone is ringing, or excuse yourself politely. Or...LIE.

I do lie.  Or at least, I abbreviate the truth.  And I think that's why I hate the questions, because I resent being put in a situation where I have to lie. 
 

This may be the minority opinion, but I don't think someone asking where I'm from is the least bit intrusive.

I agree completely.

I also think it's amazing that two of the most common complaints on these boards (aside from mixer taps and lack of dryers   ) is that British people are unfriendly and that it's super hard to make friends. And yet there's quite a lot of strong dislike here of people asking questions. It's curious.

I do lie.  Or at least, I abbreviate the truth.  And I think that's why I hate the questions, because I resent being put in a situation where I have to lie. 

Really?? But... and sorry, I really and truly don't understand. Why not just say "I'm American. I've been here for x years and I love it." or something like that - just a one sentence answer that takes about 5 seconds of your time and if they pry, just change the subject or say "sorry, that's a sore subject that I'd rather not go into". I honestly don't get the need for a lie.

But maybe this is just another one of those things like not wanting people to know if you're married or not....

LOL. seriously though. I loved ordering groceries online in the UK, especially without a car.

My favorite thing about the UK. That and the diet soda.

It's just a fact of life unless you stay in the same area you were born your entire life. It does get irritating but mostly I think it just comes from a natural curiosity so I just go with it. If I'm really not in the mood I just say "I'm English" and leave it  at that. I've been answering these questions since I was old enough to talk, so getting on for 40 years now!

I think it's a difference of interpretation. I don't see those as "personal" questions.
This may be the minority opinion, but I don't think someone asking where I'm from is the least bit intrusive.

You are not alone.

And sometimes if you're just not in the mood, then use brevity in your answers. Most be people get the hint. I wouldn't lie.
Lies can backfire on people. What if later you and this person hit it off and become friends? Then ya got some backtracking to do.

Probably gonna get some stick over this, but I would like to point out another observation that may contribute to people asking you when they hear the American accent and this is only my observation...

Americans tend to open up and give you their life story shortly after meeting them compared to other nationalities. American, as a rule, are very friendly. So it could be that they know they can ask and they will get answer. They will get conversation. It's good to talk.

Can I recommend Bill Bryson's books? Look at his views of living in the UK and travelling from an American married to a English woman. He's good.

Yes, near New York/New England  OR No, that's Transylvania. 

LOL...

I'm still trying to get over having groceries delivered...I wonder if they do that in the tiny village I'm moving to?  Sounds like fun...

I'm still trying to get over having groceries delivered...I wonder if they do that in the tiny village I'm moving to?

My village is so small you can't even get a pint of milk or a paper without getting in the car and both Tesco and Ocado deliver here, so I think you're in luck!

I get questions from people all the time and it's always the same: why'd you leave California to come HERE??   I don't mind. It's a bit of a laugh at the end of the day if you've got a sense of humour and actually like talking to people.

[quote author=historyenne link=topic=57955.msg821441#msg821441 date=1255862545

I do lie.  Or at least, I abbreviate the truth.  And I think that's why I hate the questions, because I resent being put in a situation where I have to lie. 
 
[/quote]

But you aren't, its your choice to tell someone a lie, and its your own problem (if you will) if someones genuine curiosity annoys or bothers you!

I get questions from people all the time and it's always the same: why'd you leave California to come HERE??   

blame it on Baywatch 

But a few more programs like Jamie Oliver did might help to dispel some myths. Maybe.

But you aren't, its your choice to tell someone a lie, and its your own problem (if you will) if someones genuine curiosity annoys or bothers you!

Didn't we just get done saying that people don't really want to hear the whole story when they ask these questions, that it's akin to "How are you?"  No one wants to hear any answer except "I'm fine" "Yes, I like it here" etc.  So those are the answers they get, whether they're the truth or not. 

We've all been saying "Oh, it's just curiosity" like that excuses everything.  I think next time someone asks why on earth I would want to move to England, I'll reply by asking if England is such an undesirable place to live, why have they stayed here all their lives, in the same village they were born in, and never even considered going someplace else?  I'm genuinely curious about that, but I doubt they'd appreciate being asked. 

But you aren't, its your choice to tell someone a lie, and its your own problem (if you will) if someones genuine curiosity annoys or bothers you!

I disagree. People are curious, but they are not entitled to have that curiosity satisfied.

It's unfortunate that the reaction seems to be "it's your own problem," and not maybe a little bit of introspection on how the questions we, ourselves, ask make others feel.