Stupid questions

My village is so small you can't even get a pint of milk or a paper without getting in the car and both Tesco and Ocado deliver here, so I think you're in luck!

I'm in a tiny dot on the map, where the nearest little convenience store is about 2 miles away.  Tesco delivers here from town, about 4.5 miles distant.

People don't mean any harm, and yes, it's just a fact of life if you move to another country, but at the same time, it does get old.

It's not always a good time to be asked these questions that others dont' get asked, or to have to take time to handle them, even in the quickest simplest way.

The questions don't always come at a moment when it's okay and one is happy to share.

And I agree with the person who said people are not entitled to have their curiosity satisfied.

We all know these people mean no harm and it's just human, friendly curiosity. But there really are times when one wants to scream. I got this for twenty years in the US, as a Brit over there, same issue but in reverse. I did find it extraordinarily intrusive in about 80% of the settings or situations in which it would take place. There are times, situations and social settings in which you kind of have to accept that it's okay and then you're happy to answer the questions and enjoy the friendly curiosity.

But there are other times, situations and social settings in which it's very, very old, especially after YEARS and the ten thousandth time you've been through this same conversation.

I completely relate to those who are tired of it. It can be exhausting, especially for those who work with a constant stream of interface with the general public. I gave up jobs like that just to cut some this stuff down in my daily life. I also wound up either mumbling very few words in shops or to wait staff, or "allowing" the natural "American" sounds that had developed in my speech to take over enough for the odd sentence to sound like a native. Only because I might be tired, had a horrible day, did not want to get into it. Those are legitimate needs.

Just as a side but similar note, I get asked the same type of questions in America by my friends and family.  Obviously they know I'm married to a Brit and they know I'm American so those aren't every day questions.  But I've been getting a lot of "Why on Earth would you want to move to ENGLAND?" type questions for a few months.  Does it just bother you that it's strangers?  Would you be upset if you were at a family gathering with your spouse's family and they were all asking "So why did you two decide to move to England instead of the US?  Do you like it here?" etc.  I haven't experiences any of this yet so I'm just wondering if it's the "invasion of privacy by strangers" issue for some...or it's just the fact that you are tired of hearing the same questions repetitively, no matter who is asking?

I did find it extraordinarily intrusive in about 80% of the settings or situations in which it would take place.

I can agree with this.  When my hubby was visiting me, we went out to eat (we were at Outback Steakhouse so of course everyone assumed my hubby was Australian).  The waitress was blatantly flirting with him, right in front of me...asking him all kinds of questions and being overly giggly and the like.  When she came back with our drinks and asked for our order, she said "Where are you from?" to my hubby...to which I lifted my ring finger on my left hand and promptly replied, "He's from the land of 'I'm Married'"...she didn't bother us anymore after that...she also didn't get a tip. 

That may be... but it's a topic I'd really like to avoid. And it may be down to accent as well, but I have a fairly neutral "generic" american accent (non regional) which seems to confuse most people anyway. I've gotten Canadian and Scottish as far as random guesses at my accent so far.

I need a badge that says "DON'T ask me about my accent!"  Or pin my life story to my shirt. Having to repeat it 5+ times in one evening is tedious.

Or just go back to being a hermit. But that doesn't avoid the checkout people.

I admit it does get old. Even checkout people ask if I'm "enjoying my holidays." But, there aren't many Americans around here where I live, so it is a point of interest. It's the same for English people in the US, for certain, as well as Australians, Irish, French, etc. I remember asking a lot of people where they were from in the US, and sometimes getting it wrong (asking a South African if they are English, for example.) It could be worse - in Texas, if you are hispanic, you are automatically labeled a Mexican regardless of where you are from. Argentina is a long, long way from Mexico, so now I can see how they might feel about that, since Canada is a long way from Texas and I am often asked if I am Canadian. Also, Asian peoples are just deemed as Asian, or even worse, Chinese - most white people don't have a clue if they are from Vietnam, Thailand, Taiwan, Hong Kong, or wherever else. How frustrating must that be for them? They would probably rather someone ask them where they are from.

I can agree with this.  When my hubby was visiting me, we went out to eat (we were at Outback Steakhouse so of course everyone assumed my hubby was Australian).  The waitress was blatantly flirting with him, right in front of me...asking him all kinds of questions and being overly giggly and the like.  When she came back with our drinks and asked for our order, she said "Where are you from?" to my hubby...to which I lifted my ring finger on my left hand and promptly replied, "He's from the land of 'I'm Married'"...she didn't bother us anymore after that...she also didn't get a tip. 

Awwww, that's kind of harsh. Getting stiffed for a tip sucks. Maybe she was just trying to be nice. If you had been the one with the accent, she might have been asking you loads of questions. American waiters and waitresses often try to chat with their customers, and his accent just gave her something to chat about. (I was a waitress and used to chat with people about things like that all the time.) DH and I always laughed those things off when girls would giggle and gawk over him. I think a lot of people just haven't had many experiences outside their own culture and feel so excited to meet someone from another place. We went to a Wal-Mart in a tiny town in Arkansas and the checkout girl was giggly and asking DH loads of questions. We just thought it was cute. It probably just made her day to meet some English guy during her shift. I doubt much else exciting was going to happen in a small town Wal-Mart.

yea that mumbling bit works on my 'off' days

...to which I lifted my ring finger on my left hand and promptly replied, "He's from the land of 'I'm Married'"...she didn't bother us anymore after that...she also didn't get a tip. 

so you can be snarky   

Hm. I wonder if my reaction is blunted because I moved to Rhode Island from Tennessee thirty years ago and have a bland, unidentifiable newsreader sort of accent. I've fielded the "where are you from" question all my life, including in my own hometown.

I'm confused about this grocery delivery thing, though. I knew several people in New England who had their groceries delivered (people with health problems, but still...), but I don't know anybody in the UK who does. Is it really common in Britain? I'm totally not aware.

I'm confused about this grocery delivery thing, though. I knew several people in New England who had their groceries delivered (people with health problems, but still...), but I don't know anybody in the UK who does. Is it really common in Britain? I'm totally not aware.

Yea it seems quite common now judging my the delivery trucks I see around here.

But you'd never guess it when you pull into the Tesco carpark!

Have had my groceries delivered every week for the past two or so years.  It's a blessing around Xmas time.

After I had my daughter last year, DH & I ordered online a few times from ASDA and had it delivered. Definitely a godsend when I couldn't move very well just after a c-section and he didn't want to leave me & the baby alone to go do a shop.

That delivery fee is the best-spent £4.50 of my week, I think. Besides, the driver brings it right into the kitchen so even putting stuff away is not as much of a horrific chore as it usually is.

Didn't we just get done saying that people don't really want to hear the whole story when they ask these questions, that it's akin to "How are you?"  No one wants to hear any answer except "I'm fine" "Yes, I like it here" etc.  So those are the answers they get, whether they're the truth or not. 

What's wrong with just saying "well, I do really miss home, so I doubt I'll be here forever" - I still don't really get it I guess. Maybe it's just because I don't find speaking to people "exhausting"....

and not maybe a little bit of introspection on how the questions we, ourselves, ask make others feel.

But do we really have to engage in introspection just to have a conversation with someone?? If I had to think through everything I ever said to everyone I talk to through the course of the day, I'd never speak! I just spent about 15 minutes chatting over the fence to our neighbour - she asked if my husband couldn't help me do some digging in the garden. She didn't realise that he's been suffering with a horrible shoulder problem for a couple of months and is due an x-ray to investigate if he needs an operation. I didn't take offence - we were having a normal conversation....

What's wrong with just saying "well, I do really miss home, so I doubt I'll be here forever" - I still don't really get it I guess. Maybe it's just because I don't find speaking to people "exhausting"....

But do we really have to engage in introspection just to have a conversation with someone?? If I had to think through everything I ever said to everyone I talk to through the course of the day, I'd never speak! I just spent about 15 minutes chatting over the fence to our neighbour - she asked if my husband couldn't help me do some digging in the garden. She didn't realise that he's been suffering with a horrible shoulder problem for a couple of months and is due an x-ray to investigate if he needs an operation. I didn't take offence - we were having a normal conversation....

You are misconstruing the intent behind my comment in which I used the word "exhausting".

We're not talking about general chit chat with general people being generally " exhausting" and I believe you know that.

We're talking about a very, very specific piece of conversation that repeats over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over

again. For years andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears and.......years.

Nobody here said "speaking to people is exhausting" and it's facetious to deliberately pull that one out of context here.

There is a legitimate boundary here that some of us have found we need to set. That's healthy. This is a specialized bit of chit chat that only happens to we ex-pats. It's nice for those here on this board who have noooooo problem, ever.

But to some of us, sometimes it's no problem. Sometimes hell yes it's "enough already."

That's a legitimate experience, don't trash it just because you don't understand it and don't care to understand it, only mock it.

You are misconstruing the intent behind my comment in which I used the word "exhausting".

We're not talking about general chit chat with general people being generally " exhausting" and I believe you know that.

We're talking about a very, very specific piece of conversation that repeats over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over

again. For years andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears andyears and.......years.

Nobody here said "speaking to people is exhausting" and it's facetious to deliberately pull that one out of context here.

There is a legitimate boundary here that some of us have found we need to set. That's healthy. This is a specialized bit of chit chat that only happens to we ex-pats. It's nice for those here on this board who have noooooo problem, ever.

But to some of us, sometimes it's no problem. Sometimes hell yes it's "enough already."

That's a legitimate experience, don't trash it just because you don't understand it and don't care to understand it, only mock it.

Overreact much? 

But I've been getting a lot of "Why on Earth would you want to move to ENGLAND?" type questions for a few months.  Does it just bother you that it's strangers?  Would you be upset if you were at a family gathering with your spouse's family and they were all asking "So why did you two decide to move to England instead of the US?  Do you like it here?" etc.

For me, it's mostly questions from strangers I object to, as I've said before.  None of my family finds it particularly strange that I would want to move to England...but when I moved to Japan, I got lots of questions along those lines.  DH's family isn't particularly curious about it, they just accept that I'm here.  

What's wrong with just saying "well, I do really miss home, so I doubt I'll be here forever" - I still don't really get it I guess. Maybe it's just because I don't find speaking to people "exhausting"....

I don't really dislike it here, I love it in fact and have no plans to go back to the US.  But why should I have to tell everyone that?  If people really want to get to know me there are much more interesting questions they could ask, and if they don't really want to get to know me they shouldn't ask any questions at all, unless we're in a social occasion that requires polite chit-chat.  

I didn't take offence - we were having a normal conversation....

Great! But why denigrate people who might? (Yes, you did.)

And you call it "introspection,"  I call it "thinking before speaking." I find it hardly burdensome at all, takes only a second and it doesn't seem to limit my conversations very much. Though, I believe, the things that it does limit are probably best...limited.