Stupid questions

Mocking, denigrating.... OK, whatever. I give up. Believe it or not I actually was trying to understand something that I just plain don't get. Think Grievances is going back on ignore for a bit. I'm clearly better at vacuous chit chat.

That's a legitimate experience, don't trash it just because you don't understand it and don't care to understand it, only mock it.

I have NEVER known Anne to "trash" or "mock" anyone on UK Yankee on all the years she's been posting here and I don't see that she is doing so here. In fact I would go so far to say she is one of the nicest and most helpful regular posters we have.

Great! But why denigrate people who might? (Yes, you did.)

And you call it "introspection,"  I call it "thinking before speaking." I find it hardly burdensome at all, takes only a second and it doesn't seem to limit my conversations very much. Though, I believe, the things that it does limit are probably best...limited.

See above.  Plus, people in glass houses definitely should not throw stones Ms Mort!

I agree completely.

I also think it's amazing that two of the most common complaints on these boards (aside from mixer taps and lack of dryers   ) is that British people are unfriendly and that it's super hard to make friends. And yet there's quite a lot of strong dislike here of people asking questions.

I agree with this. When someone hears my accent, it gives them an opening to start a conversation with me. I'm not going to knock people who are making an effort to be friendly.  I would rather they ask me a stupid ice-breaker question than ignore me because they can't think of anything brilliant to say.

Regarding  hearing the same question over and over - you may have heard it over and over from different people, but the person saying it to you has only said it once.

I agree with this. When someone hears my accent, it gives them an opening to start a conversation with me. I'm not going to knock people who are making an effort to be friendly.  I would rather they ask me a stupid ice-breaker question than ignore me because they can't think of anything brilliant to say.

Regarding  hearing the same question over and over - you may have heard it over and over from different people, but the person saying it to you has only said it once.

So true. I do get sometimes tired of the questions, but realise that the person asking them doesn't know that or deserve for me to be a jerk about it. I think I may have answered in a bored / disinterested way once or twice, and felt terrible when someone says "Oh, I guess people must ask you that all the time. I'm sorry." So now I try to just act like it's the first time anyone has asked me. Sadly, I met an American couple a few months ago and asked them some of the same questions I get bored of people asking me! Then, I wondered, where the hell did that come from? 

Recently, I met a Member of European Parliament at work and he asked me "What brings you to the UK?" and I told him I married a local. He said, "So did my wife - she's from Pittsburgh." And then we had a great conversation. You never know what someone might say once you answer those questions, or what kind of conversation it might lead to. Besides, sometimes the attention is nice when people tell me how lovely my accent is.  The people at the driving test centre were cheering me on yesterday for learning how to drive on the other side of the road! Apparently someone who works there is from Minnesota, but was off work yesterday. I find most people are genuinely supportive of my being here and are just trying to be nice.

So true. I do get sometimes tired of the questions, but realise that the person asking them doesn't know that or deserve for me to be a jerk about it. I think I may have answered in a bored / disinterested way once or twice, and felt terrible when someone says "Oh, I guess people must ask you that all the time. I'm sorry."

But if they had thought before they asked that you must hear the same questions all the time, then that could have been avoided without making you feel bad!  You don't deserve that.  I think that's what Mort was getting at with the "thinking ahead." 

I used to work as a server at a wine tasting bar, and every day we had three or four customers who would make the exact same pun on the name of one of our wines.  It was unbelievably annoying but each one of them thought he or she was being terribly clever and original.  Since then, I've made a conscious effort not to ask obvious questions of people.  It can be hard, but has led to much more interesting conversations than we would have had sticking to the same old topics. 

Jewlz, I like your anecdote about the European MP, but he had a legitimate reason to bring up the subject, not just idle curiosity.  Plus, that's what I would class as a social situation requiring small talk.  Would you (general "you" not just Jewlz) consider that you owe random strangers the story of your life just because it happens to cross their minds to ask?     

Jewlz, I like your anecdote about the European MP, but he had a legitimate reason to bring up the subject, not just idle curiosity.  Plus, that's what I would class as a social situation requiring small talk.  Would you (general "you" not just Jewlz) consider that you owe random strangers the story of your life just because it happens to cross their minds to ask?     

Well, that's the thing - you never know if it's idle curiosity or some "legitimate" reason for asking. What would define a legitimate reason for asking? Some people ask me because it has been their dream to travel to America and they want to know what it's like. Some people just want to tell me about their cousin who lives there, or how great their holiday in Florida was, or what have you. I am sure those people feel they have a legitimate reason for bringing it up, too. A lot of people are probably looking for a way to have small talk and found something else to talk about rather than the weather. It doesn't really matter. I think most people are just curious, just like I was when I would ask someone in America where they were from. It's just a way to make conversation. Though, I learned not to mention anything to most English people before I moved about where I was moving because mostly I just got negative comments about Northern England and why would I want to marry a Geordie?  So, rather than disillusion people by saying that their holiday to Texas wouldn't be anything like what they dream of, there aren't any ranches in Dallas, and that was just a silly tv show, I just try to say positive things to be polite. I'll never forget the time I asked a Polish girl where she was from (in Poland) to make conversation and her rolling her eyes and saying "What do you know of Poland? You wouldn't know the place I'm from even if I told you." It was hurtful and embarrassing when I was just trying to find something to say to her. I wouldn't want to make anyone feel like that.

Well, that's the thing - you never know if it's idle curiosity or some "legitimate" reason for asking. What would define a legitimate reason for asking? Some people ask me because it has been their dream to travel to America and they want to know what it's like. Some people just want to tell me about their cousin who lives there, or how great their holiday in Florida was, or what have you. I am sure those people feel they have a legitimate reason for bringing it up, too. A lot of people are probably looking for a way to have small talk and found something else to talk about rather than the weather. It doesn't really matter. I think most people are just curious, just like I was when I would ask someone in America where they were from. It's just a way to make conversation. Though, I learned not to mention anything to most English people before I moved about where I was moving because mostly I just got negative comments about Northern England and why would I want to marry a Geordie?  So, rather than disillusion people by saying that their holiday to Texas wouldn't be anything like what they dream of, there aren't any ranches in Dallas, and that was just a silly tv show, I just try to say positive things to be polite. I'll never forget the time I asked a Polish girl where she was from (in Poland) to make conversation and her rolling her eyes and saying "What do you know of Poland? You wouldn't know the place I'm from even if I told you." It was hurtful and embarrassing when I was just trying to find something to say to her. I wouldn't want to make anyone feel like that.

Good post, Jewlz. I know it can get annoying when people ask where you are from or what brings you here, but I don't see why you'd want to be rude to people that are just trying to be friendly. I don't think I could justify acting that way to a stranger just because it's boring answering the same question daily.

oh Jesus five pages of the obvious.  they ask you why did you come here because they hate it here and wonder if you're nuts!  i always say, 'I don't know what the f*** I was thinking.'

I think there's a difference between not liking the questions and answering them rudely.  I have never responded as the Polish girl did, but I still don't like being asked, and wish people wouldn't.  Pkmac, what makes you assume that everyone who doesn't like those questions would respond rudely?  

I guess it is all down to what you think is appropriate interaction with a stranger.  I dedicated years of my life to learning French, and have travelled and lived in France, but when I hear people speaking it on the bus or in a queue, I never interrupt them to ask where they're from or to practise my French with them.  I want to, but I resist because I honestly feel that it's rude to do that.  Even for what might be a legitimate reason.  But if I met a French person at some sort of social gathering, then it would be something to talk with them about.  That's where I draw the line.  

Pkmac, what makes you assume that everyone who doesn't like those questions would respond rudely?  

I don't think she meant everyone.

I don't think she meant everyone.

Fine, whence then the assumption that just because someone doesn't like these questions they will respond rudely? 

I'm cool with it, generally. I'm on the shy side and I find that getting questions like that is a good ice-breaker. It helps during job interviews too, when I get a curious interviewer. I do feel fortunate that I'm from California so I don't have to go into very much geographic detail when they ask where I'm from. But then again, I've only been there for a few months. Maybe after being here for years, it'll start to become somewhat annoying. Being from California means I usually get something like "*gasp* Why would you leave that lovely sunny and warm weather to come here?"

If people really want to get to know me there are much more interesting questions they could ask,   

What sort of interesting questions could I ask to get the conversation started?
I just think asking 'more interesting questions' might be more intrusive at first. What are some examples that I could use? It might help me if I could try something different myself as I ask people all the time (ok quite often) where they are from?

And then we had a great conversation. You never know what someone might say once you answer those questions, or what kind of conversation it might lead to.

That is so true.

Same reason you're assuming what she was assuming?? Seriously, take the snark somewhere else.

Fine, whence then the assumption that just because someone doesn't like these questions they will respond rudely? 

I didn't say anything about assuming others would be rude. I said that I didn't understand why someone would be rude, like the girl that Jewlz was talking about.

Though, I might be safe to assume...