Stupid questions

What sort of interesting questions could I ask to get the conversation started?
I just think asking 'more interesting questions' might be more intrusive at first. What are some examples that I could use? It might help me if I could try something different myself as I ask people all the time (ok quite often) where they are from?

OK, for the last time, if the questions are asked in an appropriate social setting then it's different!  What I object to is people commenting about my accent before they even know my name!  Especially if they don't care what my name is but just want to say something about the US!  Even though I do dislike the questions in general and would appreciate if people could be more original I don't really expect it.   

So yes, 'interesting questions' might be intrusive at first, they are not meant to be conversation starters!  But if you are really interested in getting to know me, you could ask me if I have any unusual skills or if I've ever taken an interesting vacation or what my opinion about Farm Town is.  I also don't mind being asked about my job, though some people do.  Ask me what I wanted to be when I was a child, ask me what my favourite holiday is or if I like ice cream.  Anything that's unexpected and gets more to the root of who the person is than the same old natter.  And if I must make small talk I'd much rather talk about the weather than about my immigration status.  There's a reason people talk about the weather.  It affects everyone and offends no one.  It's personal and yet not personal.  I love talking about the weather. 

Same reason you're assuming what she was assuming?? Seriously, take the snark somewhere else.

No snark intended, though I don't expect you to believe that.  But there's a difference between not liking a question and responding to it rudely.  And this:

I know it can get annoying when people ask where you are from or what brings you here, but I don't see why you'd want to be rude to people that are just trying to be friendly. I don't think I could justify acting that way to a stranger just because it's boring answering the same question daily.

didn't seem to appreciate that difference. 
 

Fine, whence then the assumption that just because someone doesn't like these questions they will respond rudely? 

I don't think that. I just wonder how else you could respond, really, other than just to say something pleasant or something dismissive. If someone says "You're a long way from home" I just say "No, I live around the corner," and we both have a laugh. If they say "My, that's a lovely accent, where are you from?" then I say I'm from Texas and if they ask why I'm here, then I say I married a local. If they just say "Canadian?" I say, "No, I'm from Texas. It's quite a long way from Canada" and just giggle or smile so it doesn't come off as being rude. I just wouldn't know how else to respond. But, usually, some good conversation comes out of it, and it's no bother.

I guess it is all down to what you think is appropriate interaction with a stranger.  I dedicated years of my life to learning French, and have travelled and lived in France, but when I hear people speaking it on the bus or in a queue, I never interrupt them to ask where they're from or to practise my French with them.  I want to, but I resist because I honestly feel that it's rude to do that.  Even for what might be a legitimate reason.  But if I met a French person at some sort of social gathering, then it would be something to talk with them about.  That's where I draw the line.  

That's a fair point. I wouldn't just interrupt someone who was speaking Spanish on the bus and ask where they were from or try to practice my Spanish. But if some English person were to use an expression in Spanish, then I speak Spanish in return and ask them where they learned to speak Spanish. It doesn't happen very often (twice so far) so it's always fun. So far, though, people only ask me "The Question" when they are sitting in the reception lobby at work or working a checkout line or something like that, so in a way, we are already having a social interaction. I have gotten some strange looks from people when they hear my accent in shops and pubs and the like, but no one has awkwardly interrupted my conversation to ask where I'm from, that I can remember.

Good post, Jewlz. I know it can get annoying when people ask where you are from or what brings you here, but I don't see why you'd want to be rude to people that are just trying to be friendly. I don't think I could justify acting that way to a stranger just because it's boring answering the same question daily.

Historyenne, I think Pkmac was referring to the rude response I had from the Polish girl. I don't think she was insinuating anything toward you or assuming you respond rudely to people.

No snark intended, though I don't expect you to believe that.  But there's a difference between not liking a question and responding to it rudely.  And this:

didn't seem to appreciate that difference. 
 

So, then you were assuming that I was directing my comment to you?  

Hmm, well I must admit that I do get asked the "where are you from" questions a lot, but I don't mind them.  I think, though, that I was well trained as a middle-school teacher and waitress--I try and remember that "no matter how many times you have heard the questions, it's the first time they have asked you". I also think I might be an odd-man out because I would prefer that the clerk at the store ask me instead of a million people at some social gathering I'm at.  But that might be because I find social gatherings absolutely exhausting on their own, so my tolerance is a lot lower.

It doesn't mean that I don't occasionally say "Why would you say that?" when the umpteenth person tells me they just. can't. believe. I would have left SoCal for Manchester or when I feel they are getting a little too personal, but I do try and just let it go (or, if I'm feeling especially silly I'll say "ohhhh, I got maaaaaaaaarrried" in a very schmoopy voice).  Plus, often these conversations are great practice for me because I am quite shy and would NEVER have started them on my own.

So, then you were assuming that I was directing my comment to you?  

No I didn't, actually, but you seemed to be saying that people who don't like the questions respond to them rudely and the people who don't mind them are polite, and I don't agree that that is the case.  I was wondering what made you feel that way.  If that really wasn't the point you were making, then I apologise for misjudging you.

Yoiks. If you like interacting with people, then have at it. I don't mind answering questions about myself in superficial social interactions (aka.. grocery store line, or what have you). It's just part of being human in society. I like daily interactions with people. It doesn't have to be at a formal party or whatever to talk to other fellow humans!

However, if you don't like idle chit chat then don't do it. It's ok. Life will go on for that person. [Though as a side note, I'd hate to be the one/first American they had met and come off as being rude. That is already a common stereotype of us in Europe and I prefer not to promote it personally.]

I have to agree with Jewlz and all the others who don't mind the questions.  It's led to some really nice exchanges with people.  It seems that 9 times out of 10 those who do ask (and I'm surprised I don't get asked more often since I work retail--with the public) have been to the US or have a relative who has moved there.

At my old job in the US, if ever a customer was in my shop and I could hear they had an Irish accent (only if they were speaking to me--I wouldn't interrupt private conversations) I'd get really excited and start asking them questions about where in Ireland they were from, etc.  It was my love of Ireland, its people and all things Irish that led me to do it, though I guess it annoyed some (though they didn't let on).

No I didn't, actually, but you seemed to be saying that people who don't like the questions respond to them rudely and the people who don't mind them are polite, and I don't agree that that is the case.  I was wondering what made you feel that way.  If that really wasn't the point you were making, then I apologise for misjudging you.

Apology accepted.

OK, for the last time, if the questions are asked in an appropriate social setting then it's different!  What I object to is people commenting about my accent before they even know my name!  Especially if they don't care what my name is but just want to say something about the US!  Even though I do dislike the questions in general and would appreciate if people could be more original I don't really expect it.   

So yes, 'interesting questions' might be intrusive at first, they are not meant to be conversation starters!  But if you are really interested in getting to know me, you could ask me if I have any unusual skills or if I've ever taken an interesting vacation or what my opinion about Farm Town is.  I also don't mind being asked about my job, though some people do.  Ask me what I wanted to be when I was a child, ask me what my favourite holiday is or if I like ice cream.  Anything that's unexpected and gets more to the root of who the person is than the same old natter.  And if I must make small talk I'd much rather talk about the weather than about my immigration status.  There's a reason people talk about the weather.  It affects everyone and offends no one.  It's personal and yet not personal.  I love talking about the weather. 

Sorry if you have been asked this repeatedly. It is new for me. I am asking you how could I, in ‘an inappropriate setting’ like in a shop, get to know you without asking these repetitive questions? I would only ask you if you weren’t rushed, snarling or snapping at kids etc, basically if you looked approachable and I heard your accent, I probably would ask you. But could I really go up and say Hi I’m Bob. What’s your name? What do you do for a living? That’s a bit forward.

I would say most people that ask me where I am from, ask, not to have a go at me or the US, but are genuinely curious and want to ‘connect’ because they’ve been there or have family there or some such other thing that strangers can talk about.

Funny you mention the weather because it is usually when I and a total stranger, in close proximity and experiencing some weather maelstrom, we kind of connect and say something like, great weather or driech day…yea it’s bloody awful. Hey you from America?

Once we have chatted, I may ask your name. If you don’t live in my town, probably not going to ever see you again. Why do I want to know your name yet? It was just, hopefully, a pleasant wee natter with another person, another wee experience. No big deal.

If I were in a work gathering and met someone new, I probably ask first what they do and how are they liking ‘whatever the gathering was for’ If they were a ‘talker’ I would certainly then ask them the routine questions. But if we worked at the same company, didn’t know each other nor met before, and we were at a social gathering, you wouldn’t mind if my first question was Hi, what did you want to be when you grew up? I couldn’t do that

On the rare occasion when anyone asks me 'so what brought you over here?', I always reply 'Men!', and we both laugh, and then the topic is dropped/forgotten.

BFD.

It was just, hopefully, a pleasant wee natter with another person, another wee experience. No big deal.

Well said.   If it's the person checking us out at the shop, I know they are just being pleasant. However, I do sometimes find it silly when they ask if I am "enjoying my holidays" while I am talking to my obviously English husband, chasing around my three year old stepson, and buying a month's worth of food, which I am packing into Sainsbury's bags that I brought with me to the shop.   Sometimes people really don't put things together before they ask. Still, I realise they are just looking to exchange some pleasantry while they scan my groceries.

I think for people waiting in my reception lobby, it's just a way to pass the time until they go in for their meeting or whatever, and as part of my job, I'm happy to entertain them for that short while and talk about whatever it is they want to talk about - sometimes it's just the weather, sometimes it's where I'm from or their experiences with America, etc. I've heard some hilarious stories and had some great laughs with people by just being open about it. Some people have been pretty creative. One person heard my accent, realised the car in the car park with the Arkansas state park bumper sticker must be mine, and asked if I needed a hand waxing the car because I had done a naff job.   Gotta love Geordies, they come up with some crazy stuff sometimes.

On the rare occasion when anyone asks me 'so what brought you over here?', I always reply 'Men!', and we both laugh, and then the topic is dropped/forgotten.

BFD.

Hehe. I like that. I might need to borrow that sometime. 

BFD.

Since we're in an asking sort of mood. BFD? Baked Fresh Daily?

But if they had thought before they asked that you must hear the same questions all the time, then that could have been avoided without making you feel bad!  You don't deserve that.  I think that's what Mort was getting at with the "thinking ahead." 

Right. Because I'm the sort who likes to test my weight on a sore ankle (for example) I also have a hard time avoiding train wreck threads, no matter how hard I try. And this aspect has been bugging me, pathetically perhaps, all evening.

Why should you have to think ahead when all you're asking is "where are you from"?? I really honestly do NOT think anyone ever means anything sinister by it and am absolutely gob smacked that anyone might think they were being rude/racist/intrusive by saying "where are you from?" What about "did you have a nice weekend?" or "how about this crazy weather we're having?" And that is the crux of my argument and bewilderment - people are just making chit chat or perhaps are genuinely interested in you.

Heaven forbid.

And that's me well and truly out of this conversation....

Just as an interesting point from the other side now... I miss the questions - no matter how silly they could be or if (on the rare occasion) they turned into an America-bashing session.

Now that I'm back in the US I only get teased for the accent/words I picked up. Being a Yank in the UK made me feel special.