I don't know how to get married, can you tell me what to do?

Yep,  I know....  it's good to be reminded of these things....  Can you believe we don't even have skype or videos?  He uses phone cards to call me.  I can't even afford to to use the internet as I go to the library to go online.

I am scared already of the work and understanding of the process and the money involved in all this.  I am really scared. 

The first step is to actually meet him in December.  I know I am thinking in a pre-mature fashion, but I am just getting a little prepared in case things do really work out with him.

The question I have that when the time comes, and things work out,  we have no phone bills to prove out calls.  We use phone cards!

Is this going to be an issue since we need to provide phone call evidence?  We talk on international phone cards with no record of talking...since we do not have skype.

Is that an issue?

I wouldn't sweat the phone issue--you don't *need* to prove phone evidence, it can be emails or letters through the post or photos of you together. Proving the legitimacy of your relationship isn't as big a hurdle as other things when the time comes--many of us just provide a few photos, and in the case of a spousal visa, our marriage certificates. When and if the time comes, you and your BF will be looking more towards finances and accomodation versus proof of a legitimate relationship.

I really don't mean to be nosy but I can't help but be curious.  If you don't have internet and you've never been to the UK how did you meet him?  

I didn't have internet access at home but still managed to meet my husband online!

I think doing your research and being a part of a board like this one is a good thing to do.  I did a lot of research before visiting Tim for the first time about what I needed as a visitor to get into the country and I already knew the ins and outs of both the fiancee and spousal visa requirements before we were even talking marriage!  But the one thing that I can't stress enough,and that I've learned since joining this board - rules and regulations are always changing and unless there is a hard and fast rule for something, everyone will have a different experience.  The rules that apply for getting a spousal visa today might (and probably will) change by the time you and your bf are even ready to talk about marriage, and might change again before you're ready to apply!

There are plenty of scary I/O stories, but there are also plenty of good stories. I  have always had really good experiences with the I/Os I have interacted with. I like to think it's because I show up prepared and confident (and dressing nicely probably doesn't hurt).

I didn't have internet access at home but still managed to meet my husband online!

I guess after all the hours and hours and hours my DH and I spent online getting to know each other makes it difficult for me to imagine doing that without a computer.  And here I thought it was hard for ME! 

ok so let me get this straight,


I know it's early in the game but I just want to be clear sooner rather than later if this all works out for us:

I cannot show up in shiny PVC outfits at court in fron t of a judge at all?  can I call a courthouse to find out if there is any 'appropriatness factor?'

I need to find someone ordained?  You mean a minister?

I wouldn't get married over the internet so that is out.

We are definitley not going to take a trip out to Vegas, so that is out.

But someone said they do the same thing in Atlantic City, New Jersey like they do in Vegas? with the little white chapel?

who marries you in atlantic city then if it is not a judge?  We can get away with wearing anything?

I would think Atlantic City would have something similar to the Little White Chapel sort of gig Vegas has, and whomever runs it will be legally able to marry you (ordained).

Again, as others have mentioned (and we mean it in the kindest way!) who will allow you to wear what to get married in is so far down the line it's a moot point at this stage.  First you need to meet, and make sure kissing the bloke isn't like kissing your brother if you know what I mean, amoung other things.  Do you mesh as well in person as online? Can you stand this person for extended periods of time? Is h who he says he is?

You gotta jump the hurdles before winning the race, as they say  

I said I think they might have facilities in Atlantic City to perform weddings.  At the very least, one of the casinos probably has a chapel room.  That's something you would have to research.

As far as PVC in the courthouse, you'd have to talk to the court house to make sure it wouldn't violate the dress code they might have and you might want to check with the judge to make sure he/she would be okay with it.  

People can become "ordained" over the internet for about $15 and it gives them the ability to perform marriages in any facility you choose.  It's not an actual ordination a regular minister would go through, it's basically just a form you fill out.  Some couples ask a close friend to fill out the form so they can be married by a friend instead of a church minister or a judge.  

Atlantic City isn't quite like Vegas.  New Jersey has its own marriage laws.  There will be places to get married, but you have to get the license in advance which takes 3 days.

ETA: which means you could potentially spend those 3 days in AC having fun!

Again, as others have mentioned (and we mean it in the kindest way!) who will allow you to wear what to get married in is so far down the line it's a moot point at this stage.  First you need to meet, and make sure kissing the bloke isn't like kissing your brother if you know what I mean, amoung other things.  Do you mesh as well in person as online? Can you stand this person for extended periods of time? Is h who he says he is?

You gotta jump the hurdles before winning the race, as they say 

This so much. You can meet up and he's completely awesome, or you can meet up and he's a complete ars***** who creeps you out, you really don't know until you actually meet him face to face. What you wear is the least of your concerns at this point until you guys have met, and you've been to the UK to see it for yourself before committing to moving over there. It took 3 years before me and my husband got to the point where a wedding sounded like a good idea, mainly because we took that time to really get to know each other and make sure we could live together without strangling each other--the distance is a PITA, but once the distance is breached and you're married and in the UK, you're still stuck married to this person.

Your best bet is to keep things to courtrooms, chapels, or other approved avenues for marriage--I wouldn't chance trying to find someone ordained on the internet to perform the ceremony, especially when immigration is involved. If you can't find something Vegas-esque in which to get married, you might have to bite the bullet and just phone up a judge and do it that way, sans PVC--in most courthouses you have to go through metal detectors and security to get in the building anyway. Me and my husband just wore trousers and nice button-up shirts--I'm sure an appropriateness factor would be similar to what you'd wear for a job interview, or if you were going to court (since that's where you'd be getting married anyway).

I wouldn't chance trying to find someone ordained on the internet to perform the ceremony, especially when immigration is involved.

New Jersey allows internet ordained ministers to perform ceremonies.  The issue I ran into was the state Commonwealth of PA telling me it was "at my own risk" because we have an obscure law on the books that states that a minister performing a marriage must have a "congregation" and "regularly preach" (which interestingly enough, also would bar a retire pastor).

But, given that the OP has a way to go before they start thinking about it, it's possible by then NJ won't allow it either!

It is just people ordained by the internet, the law states anyone who does not have a congregation, so my parents were married by a recently graduated seminary student and there marriage is not valid.  My friend from high school got married by her retired grandfather, also not valid. 

They are ok though because of the common-law marriage law.  But they repealed that in 2002. 

I got married in PA and the courthouse knew that I was getting married by some people ordained over the internet and they knew the people involved because they marry about 100 people a year in my city.

They do have a congregation however, and that is one of the requirements. 

The ACLU is on the case in PA and are predicting a win, so they had better or else. 

It is just people ordained by the internet, the law states anyone who does not have a congregation, so my parents were married by a recently graduated seminary student and there marriage is not valid.  My friend from high school got married by her retired grandfather, also not valid. 

They are ok though because of the common-law marriage law.  But they repealed that in 2002. 

I got married in PA and the courthouse knew that I was getting married by some people ordained over the internet and they knew the people involved because they marry about 100 people a year in my city.

They do have a congregation however, and that is one of the requirements. 

The ACLU is on the case in PA and are predicting a win, so they had better or else. 

I know, it's so ridiculous! The woman at the Lancaster County courthouse told me that there have been several cases over this, and in York County (the next county over from me) a couple was deemed to not be married because they used an internet ordained minister, but over in Bucks County a marriage was upheld.  Absolutely ridiculous.   Tim and I just didn't want to take any chances. Besides which,the judge for my district conducts business in an old farm house, so it'll be less courthouse and more like getting married in someone's living room!

When I was booking the appointment I was talking to the judge's secretary and she told me the judge has performed several marriages recently for couples who had originally been married by internet ordained people and needed to get married "the legal way".

Until the ACLU loses the case it is legal. 

That ruling in York applied only to the couple in question. 

It does stress me out, but we were married before that ruling and I was already here.