Male Midwives

When I went to see my GP I was told they had one male midwife in the area. And it got me thinking whether I would want him looking after me and the babies. I know it sounds sexist, but what the hell would he know about being pregnant and how could he give me the care I need?

I've had a few weeks to think on it and felt I would be totally against the idea if I ended up getting him. Yesterday I met my midwife, and not surprisingly, I got the male midwife. He asked if it was a problem. I asked how much experience he had and whether he had experience with twins and he told me he's been qualified for 20 years. Well, I could hardly argue with 20 years experience and don't feel too weird about it now.

I suppose my reasons for thinking it'd be bad is because I've had a fair amount of experience with male professionals dealing with female issues and none of it has been good. So I'm sort of waiting to see how this pans out with the midwife. He seems nice enough and was chatty and joking around which put me at ease. That was at least the first hurdle.

So what do you think?

I should also say, I'm aware that my way of thinking is quite sexist but it's only because I speak from experience. I've had some bad experiences with male doctors which has left a sour taste.

Isn't that kind of like having a male obstetrician in the US? I remember when my cousin was pregnant there were like 5 different doctors in the practice. Her favorite was one of the male doctors and her least fav was the female ones. The female doctor seemed to have the attitude of 'oh, suck it up I know what you're going through and it's not that bad' kind of thing. He knows how to give you the care you need because he's been trained properly. You don't have to have been pregnant to know how to care for a pregnant person.

I say give him a go. It's not really fair to judge him based on past doctors. If it goes along and you don't feel you're getting the proper care, then you could always request a switch.

Whilst I cannot say that I have had a male midwife before, I can say that the male nurses that I have had in the past when I've been in hospital have been more attentive to my needs and actually better than most of the female nurses I've had.

For someone to have 20 years experience being a midwife, whether male or female, I'd certainly feel comfortable having them as my midwife. And for a male to have been in the profession for 20 years says something about his level of skill, ability to do the job and even if he can't feel empathetic (because he can't really put himself in your position) but can be sympathetic to your condition.

I'd say give the man a chance! 20 years experience has to count for something...who would you rather have? A 19 year old female just trained as a midwife who has never had children or a man with 20 years experience with pregnancy and having babies? I'd say the choice for me would be made in a heartbeat!

Whilst I cannot say that I have had a male midwife before, I can say that the male nurses that I have had in the past when I've been in hospital have been more attentive to my needs and actually better than most of the female nurses I've had.

This has been my experience as well.  I do wonder if this is because the industry IS "typically female."  Thus, if a male is going to do well as a nurse/midwive/whatever, he is going to be really dedicated to overcome all issues that come with gender stereotyping.  IYKWIM.

This has been my experience as well.  I do wonder if this is because the industry IS "typically female."  Thus, if a male is going to do well as a nurse/midwive/whatever, he is going to be really dedicated to overcome all issues that come with gender stereotyping.  IYKWIM.

Exactly! 

I know it sounds sexist, but what the hell would he know about being pregnant and how could he give me the care I need?

This is a bit silly, as not all female midwives have children and therefore wouldn't "know" what it's like to be pregnant!  Neither my regular midwife nor my student midwife have children yet they are completely professional and I trust them with my care because they are educated, well-trained and experienced (well, not so much the student but let's ignore that point).  A male midwife is no different to a male OB, like others have said, and neither would bother me the lease.  In fact, they're more like to bother my husband who tends to be overprotective about these sort of things.

I am glad you posted this.  During my pregnancy my husband and I were having a conversation and were wondering if Male midwives existed.  Interesting to know they do.

As for feeling comfortable with one...
The rational part of my brain is saying, it's all about the training they have and just because a woman may have gone through a pregnancy before, doesn't mean she is better prepared to guide you through your pregnancy.  Each and every pregnancy is different and a midwife regardless of how many children she may have had is not going to have experienced the exact same symptoms etc.  So it makes no difference if it's a man or a woman.

The more emotional (hormonal) part of my brain is saying, No way.  It's weird.  Why would a man want to do that all day long.  I don't want to ask him all the embarrassing questions that go along with pregnancy.  I don't know if I would ever be able to relax.  

I would probably see how it goes for the first few appointments and take it from their.  If he makes you feel comfortable and gives you confidence in his care, that's great.  If you are still worried, you can always ask to change.

The more emotional (hormonal) part of my brain is saying, No way.  It's weird.  Why would a man want to do that all day long.  I don't want to ask him all the embarrassing questions that go along with pregnancy.  I don't know if I would ever be able to relax. 

I would probably feel this way a little, and I tend to prefer female doctors because it's easier to open up to them about certain problems, I think. I haven't had the best experiences with male doctors in specifically female situations, either. But, I do agree it would be unfair to judge someone new based on past experiences. As others have said, to go along in his field for 20 years, he has probably faced a lot of doubt and had to prove himself several times over. If he didn't love the job, I doubt he would put up with that for 20 years. And if he loves the job, then most likely, he is pretty darn good at it. I would give him a shot.

I can understand your initial reservations Ashley, I am not keen on seeing male health professionals about gynaecological issues. When I was pregnant I did see a male midwife a couple of times and he was great! Way better than a male obstetrician I saw who was incredibly rude and patronising.

Hope you don't mind a view from the other side. I wouldn't have a problem with a male mid-wife but then it would never be my decision anyway. But I do wonder if fathers would be more opposed to a male mid-wife being on the scene than the mothers.

I view this situation similar to if I had see my GP for man problems. I could end up with a female GP. They are a medical professional but they are people too so if I felt uncomfortable, didn't click, whatever, then I may consider another doctor, male or female.

I have 3 kids (ok fathered) and one of the mid-wifes (mid-wives?) at 2 of the births, was old, frumpy, single and had no children. My wife and a few others didn't particular like her. Always matter-of-fact, overbearing bossy type. But she had loads of experience but then I thought she was ok.

But at the end of the day if the mother is not comfortable with a male mid-wife then so be it. I would say for any other medical procedure, it would be silly to consider the gender of the medical staff. But as pregnancy is not a normal medical procedure, ie it's not for attaining healment of an illness/aliment, it is a very personal phenomenon complete with a gamut of emotions, then I would say it would seem quite 'rational' for her to prefer a female mid-wife.

I'd say give the man a chance! 20 years experience has to count for something...who would you rather have? A 19 year old female just trained as a midwife who has never had children or a man with 20 years experience with pregnancy and having babies? I'd say the choice for me would be made in a heartbeat!

This is why I'm giving him a chance. If he had said he'd only been doing this a few years I'd probably tell him I wasn't comfortable with it but 20 years experience is something I want, male or female. I'm pretty freaked out about having two kids and I want someone who has been there and done that.

But I do wonder if fathers would be more opposed to a male mid-wife being on the scene than the mothers.

Before I knew I had the male midwife Jon and I did talk about it and he was actually against the idea of having a male midwife. When I phoned and told him it was the guy, he sounded a bit unsure about it and asked if I was ok with it.I told him I was and that's all the reassurance he seemed to need.

I think a friend of mine may very well have had him as her midwife, so I'm going to ask what she thought.  But I'm giving him a chance. He seemed like a nice enough guy and I'm not particularly embarassed about asking personal questions. Hell, after what I've gone through to have these babies, nothing embarasses me anymore. I just want to be sure he'll take my concerns seriously and not blow me off like I've had in the past. I'm guessing that he wont. He is the midwife supervisor for the area and presumably you have to be pretty good to get that job.

I can understand how you feel Ashley.  For my first appointment with an OB I was nervous about the male doctor, having only had female doctors before.  I'd worked up my courage to face some old guy who'd been practicing for years, only to find out at the last minute he was a good looking just-qualified doctor who was younger than me.    It threw me for a minute but turned out fine in the end.  He was a wonderful doctor who went to bat for me with the insurance company to help me though pregnancies, miscarriages and the birth of my son, and I will always be grateful.

The more emotional (hormonal) part of my brain is saying, No way.  It's weird.  Why would a man want to do that all day long.  

I don't understand this thinking, hormonally produced or otherwise.  Childbirth is an amazing thing.  Gynocology is incredibly interesting and complex area of medicine.  Why wouldn't a man be just as interested?

I've had male OBs for non-maternity issues, and a male midwife was also part of the team that handled my village when I was pregnant with my first child. I also had one male midwife on the staff at the hospital where that baby was born. Like you, I was initially hesitant about the them, but found them to be fine. The caveat is that I did not have the male midwife as the one I checked in with regularly throughout my pregnancy. I only saw him occasionally.

I don't understand this thinking, hormonally produced or otherwise.  Childbirth is an amazing thing.  Gynocology is incredibly interesting and complex area of medicine.  Why wouldn't a man be just as interested?

I wonder how many women specialize in erectile dysfunction and other male issues? Not being cheeky, just going with the conversation!