SPLIT: Pros & Cons of Pregnancy over age 35 (Was Preg. Over 35)

No amount of testing will change a foetus. A pregnancy over the age of 35 is much higher risk and therefore it is simply better to have a child earlier. Preoccupation with how many tests is optimal just detracts from what really matters.

Sorry, that's probably reads as annoying and judgemental, but once you've had a child your awareness of the risks you (not the doctors!) have taken will become much more acute.

I don't think anyone's preoccupied with the tests, they just want to know what's available here as opposed to the US.

I'm happy for you to start a discussion about whether tests are appropriate or necessary, but please do it in another thread.

No amount of testing will change a foetus. A pregnancy over the age of 35 is much higher risk and therefore it is simply better to have a child earlier. Preoccupation with how many tests is optimal just detracts from what really matters.

Sorry, that's probably reads as annoying and judgemental, but once you've had a child your awareness of the risks you (not the doctors!) have taken will become much more acute.

Well, yes, that does sound judgmental. I'm sure a lot of people would agree that it's better to have a child younger but life simply does not work out that way for some people. Myself, I did not even meet the right guy til I was 36 (having been raised by a single mom, I did not want to go that route myself when I was younger). Given that so many people are having children older, I think a thread like this is useful for people thinking about having a kid in the UK.

Of course testing does not change the fetus but it does you give you more options and can alert you to serious problems. Probably everyone has a different idea of what the optimal amount of testing is, but people's opinions are determined in part by the society they come from and what is considered normal there. That's what I thought this thread was getting at, same as all the other threads that talk about transatlantic differences in, say, peanut butter. For any particular difference, some people will be bothered a lot, some people not at all, some people in between. I don't think it's really fair to judge anyone's reaction to differences, just because you don't share it.

No amount of testing will change a foetus. A pregnancy over the age of 35 is much higher risk and therefore it is simply better to have a child earlier. Preoccupation with how many tests is optimal just detracts from what really matters.

Sorry, that's probably reads as annoying and judgemental, but once you've had a child your awareness of the risks you (not the doctors!) have taken will become much more acute.

While I agree, pregnancy is often a situation outside of your control, as a 37 year old woman, who is currently 23 weeks pregnant following a loss at 19 weeks earlier this year, I can say that any extra tests that can help me to know that I am going to have a successful pregnancy with a (hopefully) healthy baby at the end, are a great comfort.

I don't think that post was necessary for this thread.

It seems pretty unfair to play the "you'll understand when you have a child" card to people who you've just suggested should have started earlier.     Bleck. 

Ok folks let's try and stick to the topic.  And yes,  if you think your post sounds judgmental, you should be thinking twice about posting it at all.

Thank you.

Starting your family when you're younger is probably a better descision health-wise, but like jenx said, it's just not possible for some people.

And if I'm going to get poked and prodded more because I plan on waiting several years to start a family, I want to be warned ahead of time!

I didn't have my first until I was 32.  It was not out of choice, I went through a protracted separation and then a divorce from the man I married at 23 when he came to the conclusion that he never wanted any children.

I had my third and last nearly one year ago, when I was 37.

I was not offered any testing other than a nuchal with bloods, which was standard for everyone in the trust where I am.

I am glad that there is a more relaxed attitude towards pregnancy after the age of 35 here, however (my first was born when I was 32 and my second when I was 34) because it is true that you can't change a foetus, and for me and my spouse termination isn't an option, so we'd have opted out of amnio or that if it had been offered.

Plus, people have been having babies up until the menopause for thousands of years.

Being poked and prodded is just par for the course with having a baby, IME. 

You really do get over it and as time goes on and your children grow (my youngest will be ONE next week!) so many other things become significant. 

BUT, having said all this, the conception of our second took some time. 

And to be quite honest, I hope my children all don't have to or want to wait as long as I did. 

I'm in good shape, I eat well, etc.  But I'm not what I was 10 years ago or more, and, having started in my 30s, my age gaps were all pretty short and now they're not all babies, it's a difficult stage at present. 

And, being an immigrant, I don't have the family help my sister had when hers were younger or even now (she's only 4 years older, but her children are teens). 

It's not easy, don't take it for granted, and if you are over 35, for every story you hear about people falling pregnant at the drop of the hat, there are others who weren't so lucky.

Best of luck to you!

My theory is that I don't want to bring children into the world until Tim and I are ready to be parents.  If it takes us 5 years (to when I'm 35), then it takes us 5 years. If we feel ready in three, we'll start trying earlier.  And if I wind up not getting pregnant, than obviously being a parent was not meant to be, or we were meant to adopt.

My cousin had her first child at age 40. She was put on bedrest after her 7th month, but a friend of mine was also put on bedrest when she was only 24, so I don't think age had anything to do with it.  Her personal advice to me was not to wait until I was 40 because she hates being an "old mom" compared to her son's classmates all have parents around my age. 

OK,  as people seem to want to discuss this aspect further, I've split this into a new topic, so have at it!

My apologies for upsetting people. Believe me, I did try to word my post very carefully. It was aimed as a reply to the original poster who wanted to wait for a while before having children in order to travel and was very unspecific about the tests she asked for information about.

I am also a (borderline) older mother having had my first baby at 33 and am now inevitably only able to have more after the age of 35. I wanted to, very gently, express how your perspective changes, from concerns about your own health and a unformed idea of 'pregnancy' before you have children, to an acute sense of how your actions can affect your child afterwards when you have a real person to deal with.

Now, I don't for a moment judge why people have left their decision on children as I myself had valid reasons and some that were less valid; it is of course extremely important to be in a stable and loving situation. What I wanted to get across is that ante-natal testing is the wrong thing to focus on here, especially if you are not even sure about what these tests are. 

To reiterate, I don't for a moment pre-judge the OP's reasons for waiting or knowledge of the tests. I suspected that she might have been in a similar position as I had been and wanted to share my changed perspective. I don't assume that she is stupid, I am  just trying to show how her perspective may change as it is impossible to appreciate the change it goes through after a child is born.

Again, genuine apologies to those I have uopset. I have no doubt that you are all excellent and thoughtful parents.

Considering all of the parents I know, I would have thought it was the norm to have kids in mid or late thirties. I decided to have my daughter when I was 22, and I was the only person I knew my age that had children. The playgroups we attended when she was a toddler were full of moms in their late thirties or early forties - again, I was the odd man out. I was kind of embarrassed for a while, actually, like I was an errant 14 year old who had decided to have kids!

That said, their birth stories were much more horrific than mine, but having met enough mothers I now know this was just a fluke, not due only to my being younger.

It's a trade-off. I get to enjoy my children while I'm younger, and will have an extra 15+ years to spend with them over the course of my lifetime (hopefully), which was an important part of my decision to have kids at a younger age. But on the other hand, I didn't have the opportunity to establish myself professionally and enjoy earning money without spending it on ballet lessons, private education, etc. But... eh. I'll still be young when they go off to college, so I can enjoy whatever lifestyle I want then.

There's so much more to be taken into account than the physical risk of having a child while older (and 35 is hardly old). We're fortunate to live in a society that allows us to be healthier and live longer than ever before, and where we can have the luxury of pushing back childbearing until we're ready - emotionally, financially, socially, whatever. Modern medicine and a healthy lifestyle do wonders for adding flexibility in this regard.

That said, their birth stories were much more horrific than mine, but having met enough mothers I now know this was just a fluke, not due only to my being younger.

I think for every horrific birth story, there is a handful of perfectly regular births. The problem is, everyone wants to hear about the horrific things. Sort of like how everyone wants to know about your bad immigration story, but doesn't care about the run of the mill encounters.

There's so much more to be taken into account than the physical risk of having a child while older (and 35 is hardly old). We're fortunate to live in a society that allows us to be healthier and live longer than ever before, and where we can have the luxury of pushing back childbearing until we're ready - emotionally, financially, socially, whatever. Modern medicine and a healthy lifestyle do wonders for adding flexibility in this regard.

I completely agree with you.  Plus with people getting married older, it's bound to push parenthood into the "higher" ages, too.  55 years ago when my aunt got married, she got told she was an "old bride" at 21.  No one has said anything like that to me and I'm 30!  I think that shows how modern attitudes are changing.

You're right.  35 isn't old, but it is around age 35 that a woman's fertility starts to decline, so it's probably a good benchmark.

Being very overweight also increases the risk of having complications in birth, too, no matter what your age, as does smoking.

My 'easiest' birth was my second child, born 2 months shy of my 35th  birthday.

It's entirely likely I could born my last with no drugs or assistance, the way I did my second, but I was on my own, quite far from our home and was quite frankly a bit scarred psychologically from the rapid, no drugs delivery so I had an epidural.

My dad's mother had her 1st when she was 16 (the child sadly died age 2) and then four more in her thirties, then a sixth at 47 (surprise!), all at home.