Wow...I didn't know what I was in for.

 
 So I have been here for a little over 2 months, and it was great for most of it.
My boyfriend and I had a few spats here and there, but nothing huge.
 
 Within the past week he has turned into a different person, and I am really thinking I may pack up and go back to America. For example- Yesterday we had an okay day out...I thought we were getting along fine. We get home and I have a fb message from my best friend, telling me that a girl that I went to school with from first grade on had hung herself, leaving behind 3 small children. I said "OH MY GOD! My friend died!". (I haven't been close with this girl in a very very long time, but it's still upsetting!) My boyfriend didn't say anything...he just continued messing around on his computer. I went into the bedroom, shocked from the news, and I just sat in silence for a while. I went into the kitchen to make a drink and my boyfriend looked at my scowly face and rolled his eyes and said "So what's your problem?!". I was like...NO sh*t I JUST FOUND OUT MY FRIEND DIED! And he said "Oh so one of your million internet aquaintances is dead. How is that my problem?" That escalated into a huge fight. He can be so, so cold... This is just one of many arguments that we have been in this week. The other day he lost his phone charger and was fully convinced that it was somehow my fault. It resulted in him telling me I had to move out, then he smashed his phone against the wall. (Side note-His charger was found about 10 minutes later, in the spot he left it). Later that evening he started being nice again, and he tried to make it seem like it had been my idea to move out. I don't even know this person that I am supposed to marry. I would not even be friends with someone  who acted like this.

 Should I wait this out and see if it is a phase? He used to be the sweetest ever...but I have been in cruddy relationships before, and the longer you stay, the harder it is to leave. I'm kind of in shock right now. WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY AND WHAT DID HE DO WITH MY BOYFRIEND?!!?!?


Life just isn't easy, is it. I can't decide what to do.

In my opinion.  If you hear warning bells, you should listen to them.

I agree.  There's a reason you're questioning this.  I also don't think how someone reacts to situations will change unless the person sees a problem with their actions.  From what it sounds like, your boyfriend doesn't see anything wrong with his actions...

 Good luck sorting out what you're going to do.  Sorry to hear about things taking such a a bad turn

Agree with Mindy 100%.

In my opinion.  If you hear warning bells, you should listen to them.

I have to agree. Whatever is going on with him, there isn't an obvious excuse for it, and maybe now that you are there with him, he is just showing his true colours. I'm so sorry to say that. But the things you describe are very much like my ex-boyfriend who was very sweet to begin with, then slowly raveled out into a psycho who was very controlling, said horrible things about my friends and family, and basically just treated me like sh*t, and I thought I knew him, too.

And you have your son with you, who shouldn't be subjected to dealing with someone who is clearly unstable. My biggest pet peeve is inconsistent people - those who are sweet as sugar one day, then act like they don't even know you or care about you the next. No one needs that in their life. Someone who truly loves you will treat you with respect, caring, and tenderness -- not apathy or disdain, especially when someone you knew passed away. My ex did the exact same thing to me when a friend from college passed away. He was so rude and uncaring, and basically said the person meant nothing to me, which is what your DF did to you. How should he know how you felt about someone that you knew before he came along? It's just not right to treat someone like that.

As far as my DH goes, we might disagree sometimes, but we never say horrible things to each other or throw things or act like jerks to one another. An argument or heated discussion about who moved the phone charger would be just that - not some blown out of proportion temper tantrum. If he had acted that way after I moved in with him, I would've gone back to America. No one should have to deal with that, especially after they just gave up everything they had and everyone they knew so that they could be with each other. As you have said, the longer you are here, the harder it will be to leave. I think you should get out now, while you haven't been gone too long, and pick up the pieces of your life. You deserve better and so does your son. You have family and friends who love you and will be so happy to have you back.

I'm so sorry it turned out like this. Unfortunately in most long distance relationships, you don't get to find out who your partner really is until after you are living with them and get to spend each day with them. All you can do is trust that it will be what you wanted, but sometimes, it doesn't turn out that way. But if you had never given it a shot, then you never would've known. Don't kick yourself. Just take everything into consideration, and make a decision based on what is best for you and your little boy. Hugs to you, A.  

I agree, too. It's not too late to turn back.

Does your boyfriend agree that his behavior has changed (for the worse)? Does he see a problem with how the two of you are interacting?

I'm just wondering, because sudden changes in behavior can signal a deeper problem, like a neurochemical imbalance or a physical disorder. Total Jekyll and Hyde behavior should be checked out.

If that's not the problem, would you consider counseling?

No matter what happens, I wish you all best. ***HUGS***  Good luck.

I also agree with Mindy.

So sorry you are having to deal with this.

I totally agree with Mindy too!!!  I've been there as well.  I wish I had listened then!

Hugs to you for losing your friend.  It's an awful feeling no matter how close you are or were to them. xxx

First, Huge Hugs!!! I am so sorry that you're going through this.

I agree with everyone and I too was in a relationship that slowly started going bad, I stayed in way too long (7 years) and in the end it eroded my self confidence so much that I completely lost myself along the way. Nearly 3 years later and living what still seems like a dream to me sometimes, I am still dealing with the damage done.

You have to think of your son. Do you want him to learn that treating his mom (or women in general) like this is OK? You either need to have a serious talk with your BF or you need to go back to America. Being a mom comes first.

 Thanks for all the responses, guys. It is nice to have somewhere to vent...

 Jewlz, you are right. I can't subject Alex to this. I am going to lay down a major ultimatum tonight, though I doubt it will do any good. One last shot at making it work, I suppose.  I don't understand how someone can be so cold. I wouldn't even treat my worst enemy with such contempt if someone they knew had just died. Who does that? And this could just be the tip of the iceberg.

 Cellar Door- If he notices that he is being different, he won't admit it. He does see a problem with how we are interacting, but lays all the blame on me. I am FAR from perfect...but I do have a good hold on my temper, and I am able to have logical discussions about problems. If we argue,he has no need for facts and seems to be running on pure vitriol.
 I do wonder if he has some sort of mental imbalance that is just rearing its head.
I may just be imagining it, but he gets this wierd look in his eyes when he gets mad...and it feels like I am looking at a complete different person. I don't want to leave , and I would be up for counseling if it would do any good, but I doubt he'd be up for it. I do love him very much but I learned a long time ago that I can't change someone, especially if it is a mental disorder that I am up against. If he won't get help, I certainly can't do anything for him. Dammit, Scotty I'm a hairstylist, not a doctor!
Thanks everyone. xxxxxx
 

 Weby, your right.  So far, he has been behaving when Alex is around..but it will have a huge adverse reaction on Alex if I am upset all the time, even if he doesn't see the cause, and it's just not fair.

*hugs*
 

I agree with Mindy and WebyJ!!!

Dear, you sound like you might be a sensitive person. I could be wrong, but I'm just guessing because I'm a *very* sensitive person. I could never be with someone who wasn't considerate to my sensitivity.

What does he say? Perhaps he also didn't realize what he was getting into? And perhaps the reality has set in for him as well...I'm definitely not trying to make excuses for him. Talking to him might help, but in relationships there are quarrels and if he reacts that way when he is upset, it is most likely not going to change. Please keep us updated on what happens!! And take care!

I would be cautious and definitely agree with Mindy.  People can change and
may not always be the person we thought they were. It's so hard to walk away from a life you thought was going to be amazing but I would hate to see things had continued to deteriorate when there is a child involved. I am so sorry that he's treating you this way. Just remember you don't deserve it and shouldn't stand for it. 

I agree with the others.  I don't want to sound like a doomsdayer but I think it is really unlikely that he is just have an unusual mental disorder or chemical imbalance.  It is probably more like that this is just how he is and since you now live there he thinks he doesn't need to put it on anymore.  He sounds like some with huge anger and control issues.  Those don't usually get better but much worse.

I agree with the others, but I will also throw out that you are *both* dealing with major adjustment issues. I've been with my husband for almost 9 years (married for 5) and we are in a bad place now due to chronic stress and adjustment issues. Stress can do unreal things to a relationship. BUT my husband is willing to talk and get help (at first he wasn't). If your partner won't, then it's time to go because you ARE a mom first.