I can't believe I'm asking this.

I don't even know if this is the right board and I know someone else posted something like this not too long ago...I felt so sorry for them. My "husband" and I just moved to the Outer Hebrides not even a month ago. Last night, I found out he cheated about ten months ago and has had an ongoing relationship with her ever since. He says he's sorry and wants to work things out, but I think he's just sorry he got caught.

We are both American citizens on Tier 2 visas; I am sponsored and he is the dependent. How do I even begin to file for divorce? Do I have to go back to the States? How long will it take? We do not have any kids nor any possessions for that matter. We are in about $8000 in debt in his name. I don't want anything, I just want out.

I don't really know anyone here yet so I have no one to talk to, I'm stuck on an island with him and can't get away. I have nothing to go back home to...and am feeling so alone, crushed, whatever...I don't know how I'll make it, but I guess somehow I will.

Any information would be appreciated.

Lizzy, I am SO sorry. That is just terrible. I have no advice wrt divorce or visas, but I just wanted to give you my utmost sympathy. That is just inexcusably awful. *giant hugs*

I'm so sorry Lizzy, if you ever just want to chat, vent or a shoulder to cry on you can always PM me. My ex sounds an awful lot like your husband does so I know how awful it is when these things happen.  I guess in order to help it makes a difference where you were married. Start with that and I will do a bit of research for you. Keep your head up and be strong.

I have no advice about the divorce part of it but I just wanted to let you know that I'm really sorry you have to go through something like this.  It's hard regardless and it's much worse when you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to.  You can PM me and we can chat anytime if you need a shoulder (I went through the same type of thing with my ex-husband - minus the living in a different country bit).

 

We were married in Hawaii in 2007.

Three years ago, I was in your situation, well here in the states.

One thing I learned that divorce is that it can be unnecessarily expensive.  When situations are simple, like no kids/no mutual debt/both parties agree, you should consider a online legal company like I did.  I used http://www.completecase.com to file all my divorce papers.  I heard about them on tv.  I saved thousands.  I used an attorney when we separated to address the joint mortgage and home equity that we had.  Before I had ever even filed for divorce, I ended up spending $3K because my attorney kept pushing me to change this and that.  Every time I did, it cost me money. I did not find out about Complete Case until after that.  I would definitely recommend a separation agreement to protect yourself in the end financially. Things can get complicated when there is another woman in the picture.

I know it is a difficult time.  It is heartbreaking and if he is your best friend, it is so hurtful to know about the dishonesty. I am a divorce survivor.  It was the darkest chapter of my life.  It was out of that dark chapter, I became the woman I am today.  It opened my life up to chance encounters like the one when I met my love in California on vacation last year.

PM me if you need to vent or have any questions. I know it is a hard time but you have to think ahead and get things sorted out legally.  You have to take care of yourself.  I will be sending good thoughts you way. I know how it feels and you are not alone

I'm so sorry about this.

I'm not sure how or if it may apply to you, but I hope the links can provide some initial information for you about divorce in the UK:

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/FamilyIssuesAndTheLaw/DG_4002976

http://ec.europa.eu/civiljustice/divorce/divorce_sco_en.htm

Maybe you need to contact the relevant state in which you were last resident for advice?

http://www.usa.gov/Agencies/State_and_Territories.shtml

Also:

http://travel.state.gov/law/info/marriage/marriage_641.html

I hope you are able to work through this in what ever way works for you. I hope the links are helpful, at any rate.

you can always call the US embassy for advice as well. Hugs!

No further advice from me, just commiseration, as I'm going through the same thing myself right now.  We were married a little over two years when I discovered something was, as they say, up.  Except my DH (and that D doesn't for dear!) wasn't sorry and had absolutely no thought for the marriage from the time he took up with her until now, as we finally, after weeks of anguish for me, are ready to move into our own separate places.    

Hang in there, it is indeed a tough thing to get through. 

(I just told my mom and my daughter in two marathon phone calls this evening, not an easy thing to get through.)

Hi Lizzy,

I am so, so sorry. Is he packing his sorry butt up and preparing to move back to the US? I'm just thinking about your emotional state right now and what you said about feeling stuck with him.

I was reading this link that mapleleafgirl72 provided:

http://travel.state.gov/law/info/marriage/marriage_641.html

and this part jumped out at me (emphasis mine):

RECOGNITION BASED ON COMITY: A divorce decree issued in a foreign country generally is recognized in a state in the United States on the basis of comity (Hilton v. Guyot, 159 U.S. 113, 163-64 (1895), provided both parties to the divorce received adequate notice, i.e., service of process and, generally, provided one of the parties was a domiciliary in the foreign nation at the time of the divorce.

I'm not a legal professional, but to me, that sounds like for you to divorce in the UK, at least one of you would have to have UK permanent residency, which neither of you have. Therefore, it sounds like you would need to file in the US state you're resident in. I would start by contacting a divorce attorney in your state. They almost always give free initial consultations, and I'm sure they could do it on the phone. They can explain the process for you - whether you need to be physically present to file, whether your state has any pre-divorce mediation requirements, etc.

If I recall correctly, you have a Tier 2 visa, and he is here as your dependent. The good news in all of this is that your work visa is still valid, so you can continue to live in the UK for its duration. His visa, however, is dependent on his relationship to you, so once you have separated, it is no longer valid, and he must return home.

Big, big hugs to you. Please let us know how you're doing.




 

Oh my gosh. I don't have any advice, but I'm so very sorry. 

(((hugs)))

I'm not *comparatively* too far away, only in Inverness, so if you need to chat or anything- let me know

There's some information here on how to obtain a divorce in Scotland. There is a residence requirement but it's not necessarily dependent on your immigration status.

http://www.desktoplawyer.co.uk/dtl/index.cfm?event=base:article&node=A76048BD35179

So sorry you are having to deal with this.

A good place to start when looking for an attorney is with a state bar sponsored legal referral service.  They usually have done an initial check to make sure that the attorney is in good standing with the bar and has some level of malpractice insurance.  In TX our referral service actually sets up an initial consultation with an attorney who practices in that area (divorce/family law) for $20.  I found this link for Hawaii's state bar:

http://www.hawaiilawyerreferral.com/

Lawyer Referral & Information Service
The LAWYER REFERRAL & INFORMATION SERVICE is a public service provided by the Hawaii State Bar Association, a 501(c)(6) non-profit organization. The referral service is the only bar-sponsored attorney referral in the State of Hawaii and has over 34 years experience. Our panel member attorneys are able to assist clients with all types of legal problems: family, employment, criminal, traffic, wills, real estate, social security, discrimination, and patent to name a few. The referrals are free and clients contact attorneys directly to find out whether they are able to assist and at what cost.

Hours of Operation
Monday thru Fridays 8:30am - 4:30pm

Contact Us
Evelyn Gomez
lris@hsba.org
(808) 537-9140
After hours: use the auto attendant feature


Residents in Hawaii please use the following numbers when accessing the Referral Service or any of the following programs listed below:

Kauai call 240-0872; Maui 270-0872; Lanai 568-0872; Big Island 930-0872; Molokai 660-0872; Lanai 568-0872.

Legal Line
Volunteer attorneys available to provide legal information and referrals Wednesday evenings from 6:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. Call (808) 537-1868

Good Luck

No advice, just really sorry that you're going through this.  I hope that the divorce process is as painless as possible.

No advice as well but I'm sending positive vibes your way --- and lots of  to you.