blowing this out of porportion?

So i am in a LDR with a girl in another country. We did not meet online, met when i was on holiday in her country. We kept in touch throughout months and i went to visit again during the summer. We had a great time and since then we started dating. talking everyday since i got back home. We then made it into a relationship. I am her first love. Since then she came to stay with me and ive been back twice and bout to go back in few weeks ago. Next year ill be moving there.

heres my issue, i know shes about me and maybe my old unhealthy views or stubborness kicking in. After my next trip were gonna have our longest period of distance and not seeing each other....5-7months when its been no more then 3 lately. The thought of that already sucks. Anyways i was talking to her and wanted her to come as soon as she finishes school for the year since we gonna be apart longer. She just said she might come later and go on vacation with her family somewhere else first instead. Now i have no problem with the vacation bit, however i would have perfered if it was after she saw me first, due to having to go a longer period this time. to me its like um where are your priorities? here i am wanting to see u sooner and u later? though nothing is set in stone was just a talk. I guess it made me feel like im putting more into this as in ill be the one moving and i def go out of my way. I am not doubting her feelings its mutual. But do i have a right for feeling that way? It kind of pissed me off, maybe it shouldnt and its no big deal. so any feedback. like i said its not about her going on vacation, its the sequence of events. i feel like she should want to see me first..i dont know..do i say something or just shrug it off. im probably blowing it out of porportion.

So i am in a LDR with a girl in another country. We did not meet online, met when i was on holiday in her country. We kept in touch throughout months and i went to visit again during the summer. We had a great time and since then we started dating. talking everyday since i got back home. We then made it into a relationship. I am her first love. Since then she came to stay with me and ive been back twice and bout to go back in few weeks ago. Next year ill be moving there.

heres my issue, i know shes about me and maybe my old unhealthy views or stubborness kicking in. After my next trip were gonna have our longest period of distance and not seeing each other....5-7months when its been no more then 3 lately. The thought of that already sucks. Anyways i was talking to her and wanted her to come as soon as she finishes school for the year since we gonna be apart longer. She just said she might come later and go on vacation with her family somewhere else first instead. Now i have no problem with the vacation bit, however i would have perfered if it was after she saw me first, due to having to go a longer period this time. to me its like um where are your priorities? here i am wanting to see u sooner and u later? though nothing is set in stone was just a talk. I guess it made me feel like im putting more into this as in ill be the one moving and i def go out of my way. I am not doubting her feelings its mutual. But do i have a right for feeling that way? It kind of pissed me off, maybe it shouldnt and its no big deal. so any feedback. like i said its not about her going on vacation, its the sequence of events. i feel like she should want to see me first..i dont know..do i say something or just shrug it off. im probably blowing it out of porportion.

I think you have a right to be a little upset. I know this feeling because my boyfriend sometimes seems like this. When you're in a LDR, it's easy to have some doubt, especially since I know you are making the expensive commitment to study overseas to be nearer to your girlfriend in 2010. I can say, as a woman, I have felt pressure and the need to not 'plan my life around my boyfriend' or be 'clingy.' Of course, I'm not saying you want your girlfriend to, but I have had people roll their eyes at me for skipping out on future plans because I wanted to see or plan to see DBF. And because of this pressure, I've held back a few loving words to DBF as to not seem clingy. Again, I'm not saying this is the case for your girlfriend, but I bet the separation is difficult for her as well and she is just trying to make the best of it until you two are together 

As you said, it is way into the future. Have you spoken to her about how you felt that 5-7 months without seeing each other was going to be tough on you? Have you tried to meet 'half-way' and have a tiny vacation together that is within both of your budgets? I have a feeling this conversation just occurred so I can understand feeling like you're on fire.

yeah we just had the conversation. I guess i am a bit wrong i know not everybody on same page but i know the distance is just as hard on her. I guess it took me a bit by surprise how she would even think or create a position to make it longer. Or maybe she thinks by going first we would have more time together afterwards? i just wanted to hear other peoples opinions before talking to her about it. Her mom and sister "have talked about taking my gf somewhere next year" though no dates or anything and probably wont be for some time. I just like to know and have dates set it helps with the distance. I guess i expected her to want to see me as soon as she could as i feel, maybe i initially looked at it wrong, maybe she doing it so we can hang for longer period.i dont know. I am sure she could pick when to go on the other vacation, i just figured she want to see me sooner then later due to our biggest distance to date around the corner.

I think you are being a bit unforgiving. While you are in a LDR and that is hard, she may not always be able to put you first.  It doesn't mean she isn't trying and doesn't care and shouldn't be a competition to see who wants to see who first.  If she is just finishing school, maybe her family already planned something and it will be difficult for her to put them on hold?  Maybe the family cannot do it another time.  Or maybe she is trying to strike the best balance she can.  It won't help your relationship if you make her feel bad about that on top of everything else.

  If she is just finishing school, maybe her family already planned something and it will be difficult for her to put them on hold?  Maybe the family cannot do it another time.  Or maybe she is trying to strike the best balance she can.

Just what I was thinking.
You need to pick your battles, Syntax... my personal opinion is that this shouldn't be one of them.

thanks. Well no its not planned on there part, she would be in control of it if it does indeed happen. I am all for the trip mind you.  Balance would probably be correct. I wont make her feel guilty tho whatever she chooses. I guess i just like to know ahead of time roughly when things are going down. Seeing i got the biggest distance coming up id be nice to have a rough date set knowing im a see her, def helps.

I think you have plenty of time (at least 5 months, from the sound of it, and possibly longer depending on when your next visit is) to work this out. In the grand scheme of things, unless the planned vacation is for an entire summer or something, I don't think it's that big a deal, honestly.

There's also the possibility that, while the distance is hard, being physically apart isn't as big a deal for your g/f as for you. I was in a long-distance (albeit 200 miles, not 2,000+) relationship, and my b/f was quite happy if we spent a weekend playing computer games together from our respective apartments, whereas I would have been way happier if we'd been in the same room. As a result, I was the one who made all the trips to him, suggested things to do in person, etc. For me, being together 3 weekends out of 4 was better, while he would've been OK with 1 or 2. Neither of us cared any less than the other (at first, anyway...there's a reason he's an ex  ), but that was just our comfort zones.

Perhaps, along these lines, the concept of a 6-8 month wait between visits rather than a 5-7 month one isn't that big a deal to your g/f. Especially if it's a family vacation, which presumably she has less control over planning than if it were just her going. (This is along the lines of "well, if you're going to cut off my toe, may as well take the gangrenous foot as well. It'll hurt either way.)

You can/should bring this up as a concern if it's a big deal to you, but I think if you go in guns blazing and "why would you want to go on vacation before coming to see me?!" she will feel guilty, even if that's not your intent.

no the distance is hard on her. She says it all the time a good bit. We both have our good days and bad with it. Ive been alright this time around and seeing her soon for the last time for awhile.

It might even be the case that if she does the vacation thing with her family first, then she will have more time afterwards to stay with you, whereas if she came to see you first, then she might have to cut her visit with you short in order to go on vacation with her family.

thats what im hoping..though family thing isnt set in stone or mandatory..then again neither is seeing me lol

It's sometimes very hard to balance a boyfriend with a family, especially when they both want to do things at the same time.  It's also possible that knowing you're moving there is making he want to spend a little more time with her family, since after you arrive, she won't be doing things with her family (unless you participate to). In the big scheme of things, an extra month or two really isn't as big of a deal as you seem to be making it out into.