Any other tragically clumsy people out there?

Oh, man... I have so many of these stories...

I once opened my car door, but was foolishly standing in the way somehow and ended up popping myself in the eye with the corner of the car door. Might have lost the eye, but I had my glasses on that day, so I ended up giving myself a black eye from the rim of my glasses and breaking my glasses at the same time. Doh!

Once I signed up for a guitar class, and I dressed all cute because I thought there would be some hot guys in there. I was wearing these platform shoes (I'm only 5' tall, so I wanted to look taller). I went into the class and there were some cute guys! Only, I had signed up for the advanced class by mistake and I was a beginner. So I left the class, and as I walked down the stairs, I tripped over my biga$$ shoes and fell down the entire flight of stairs on my belly, still hanging onto the guitar which was making awful twanging sounds as it hit every step, and then me and the guitar were piled up at the bottom of the stairs. There was a hallway full of students who just stopped and stared. You know it's pretty bad when no one even laughs - someone always has an evil sense of humour and laughs, but not this time. Everyone was just staring in silence and a few people asked if I was allright. I gave a little nervous laugh and tried to compose myself (I'm sure I looked a mess) and said I was fine as I limped away carrying my guitar. I was completely covered in bruises.

I have also fallen down the stairs two other times on my backside and bruised my tailbone, as well as falling "up" the stairs twice during high school, one of those times I took my cute little boyfriend along for the ride because I was holding his hand!

Once I was leaving a pub I worked at (drunk, of course) and as I was waving to some friends, I stepped in a pothole on the grass, fell down, and twisted my ankle. I was on crutches for a few weeks. Another time, I was at work at a restaurant and as I walked through the kitchen, the busboys were power washing the floor. I ended up tripping over the cord of the power washer, catching air somehow and cutting my back wide open on a circuit box (which ripped my shirt in half) and then landed on top of the power washer. I had to go to the hospital because my back was cut wide open and bleeding everywhere and I had the world's biggest bruise on my thigh from landing on the power washer.

Since I've lived here, I've fallen down the stairs once (it was one of the times I mentioned) and fallen down the big hill by our house about 4 times. Last spring when my BFF came to visit, I took her to Earl Grey's house for a cuppa and as we were walking around the garden, I slipped and fell and ended up covered in mud. 

There have been countless other times I have hurt or embarrassed myself in some ridiculous way, but I think I have relayed enough of these incidents to assure you that I am the clumsiest, most accident prone person I have ever met.

I drop things a lot, I walk into things, I walk into walls when I turn corners and I've gotten my hands and feet caught in doors many times.

I have lots of bruises but I have never sprained anything or broken a bone.

My bones are indestructible.

Oh Jewlz, that poor guitar! 

I'd forgotten the time I was leaning back in my chair like the rest of the cool kids and managed to slip forward and bite all the way through my lip.

Blood poured down my face! My poor father had to drive me to the ER (with my mother freaking out over the phone that I would be scarred for life and never get a man--I was eight! I do have a small scar on both the inside and outside of my lip, but it's hardly noticeable now.)

I managed to sprain my ankle really badly walking up stairs.  I caught my foot on the lip of one and just mangled the ankle. And DH has just given up on asking me where my various scrapes and bruises come from.

I am the big joke amongst my friends, family and co-workers. Sometimes I feel like my life is one big Chevy Chase movie/SNL skit.

When I was growing up, my mom called me 'Grace' as a joke because I am the least graceful person around. She'd always tell me if I'd just slow down, I wouldn't fall or get hurt so much. But honestly, it doesn't matter what speed I'm going, it's going to happen.

I just fell in the hallway here at work a couple of months ago. I don't just fall gracefully..it has to be a full scene. I was walking down the hall toward the ladies room wearing 3 1/2 inch heels when my ankle turned. I did that thing where you stumble/run a few steps forward which I did quite loudly and then thought I could catch myself on the wall but it turned out to be slicker than I expected so I basically flung my whole body against the wall and slid down it and bounced as I hit the floor. I ended up with carpet burn on my knees and a few bruises but mostly a big, fat, bruised ego.

...wearing 3 1/2 inch heels...

Girl!  You are only supposed to wear those kind of shoes in bed! 

Girl!  You are only supposed to wear those kind of shoes in bed! 

 

But wearing them increases my chances of getting to the bed. 

I love this post because I am a terrible clutz.  Over this Christmas period alone,  I did the following:

I sliced my pinky finger twice in the same place with the vegetable peeler.  I then burned my pointer finger on my GHD.  I then sliced said pointer finger with the vegetable peeler (I know what you're thinking and it's not the peeler.  It's me.)

I walked straight into a plank of wood that hangs down about 4 inches from under my stairs and banged my head very hard.

I bent down to pick up a carrot that my son dropped from his highchair and I slammed my head into the kitchen chair so hard I still have a huge bruise on my forehead over 1 week later.

I dropped my iphone and the shattered the glass.

I drop things, I break things, I injure myself.  I've always been like this.  My most embarrassing story is leaving my apartment building years ago while the guy who lived below me was holding the door open for me.  I somehow fell down about 7 steps and landed about 8 feet from the bottom step right on the ground in front of the guy holding the door who was of course, cute

I also one time walked into an open metal drawer so hard that a tennis ball sized lump started growing out of my leg.

I am actually terrified of dropping my son or tripping down the stairs while holding him.  I've come close a million times already

Oh Jewlz, that poor guitar! 

Hahah... surprisingly, it's fine. I still have it. The horrible twanging made a hilarious soundtrack to draw more attention to my crazy stunt moves. 

I was known as the "Walking Accident" or WA by friends for a while as a teen, as I couldn't seem to do anything without injuring myself in some way.

Most notably was when I went to Band Camp just before my Junior year (1 week before my 16th Birthday & 1 month before my sister's wedding which I was to be a Bridesmaid in).  Second day into Band Camp and I was running to flag practice and jumped a ditch, lost my footing and ended up doing a nose dive onto a gravel road.  Stood up noticed a bit of pulling in my hip and my hands and knees were scraped to bits.  My Flag director wanted me to try walking it off, however next morning I woke to have my hip swollen and still had a slight limp.  They took me to the Doctor's two days later (at the same time *just* informing my parents after the Dr's visit) to find that I had fractured my pelvic bone and broken off and shattered part of my growth plate with loss of feeling to the exterior of my calf and thigh.  I ended up needing Ortho surgery where the Dr thought he would have to pin my nerve back to my hip and was prepared to do so, then scared the Bejesus out of my parents by rushing out with release forms for them to sign as I was the first documented case where the nerve had not in fact been amongst the bone fragments that broke off, but was still attached to my hip and stretched and tangled in the bone fragments because of the trajectory angle that I fell at.     So apparently there're pictures of my innards in some text book or medical journal somewhere.

Driving:
Got my first car on a Thursday, took my driving test the following day in it (passed), then Monday afternoon was on my way home from visiting the Drs only to be hit by someone who decided to run a red light at an intersection and turn left hitting my car.  Got it fixed and 2 months to the date and within an hour I got hit again needing the same work done again, plus a little more!     So the following week I went and got specialty plates that read "Im Jinxed."  My friends considered it fair warning.   

There're more, but suffice it to say those were the worst of the lot.

I guess if we're sharing injuries...over my lifetime I've fractured 33 bones, from my skull to my toes.

When I was 6, I was thrown from my horse and landed with my head on a granite rock and fractured my skull.

When I was 7, I jumped off of a concrete pier with my cousins, landed in the sand below and fractured my left arm in 3 places and managed to crush 2 of 8 bones in my wrist as well.

When I was 9, I got kicked by a my horse in the back and fractured 2 ribs.

When I was 10, I was playing softball in little league and I was the catcher, I blocked the plate and was spiked on my left knee and ended up tearing my MCL. Which required surgery to put back together.

When I was 11, I was riding my ATV and flipped it breaking my left arm in 2 places, my right cheekbone & eye orbit, fractured 4 ribs and lacerated my face just above my right eye requiring about 80ish stitches & a plastic surgeon to put it back together. I also severed my facial nerve on that side and so I have a permanent droopy eyelid, bonus is that it doesn't hurt to pluck that eyebrow  .

When I was 14 I slipped on wet pavement at school and fractured my right elbow.

When I was 15, I was playing softball in PE at school and slipped on the wet grass running to 2nd base and broke my left leg and nearly required surgery to put it back together.

When I was 17, my parents surprised me with tickets to a hockey game and I jumped up to run into the next room and accidentally kicked my mom's cedar chest with my toe and broke it.

When I was 21, I was dancing in my living room with the stereo turned up when the phone rang, so I ran over to turn the music down and was reaching over a high backed chair to do so and didn't reach high enough and broke my left ring finger.

When I was 24, I was getting ready for work and went out to the garage to get my work clothes out of the dryer and fell down the step and took all the skin off the front of my left shin, I ended up having a massive bruise that ran from the top of my foot to just above my knee.

And just this past Thanksgiving I was walking down the sidewalk in my old neighbourhood in Oakland and tripped off the curb spraining my left foot and bruising my right knee.

And a week after we got home I stepped on one of DD's hard plastic tonka cars and bruised the heelbone of my left foot.

That's pretty much all I can remember I know there's more...fishing hooks embedded in my finger, accidentally cutting my finger when I was 3 with a butter knife (yes, a butter knife)...I truly was an accident waiting to happen. No wonder my parents say that they should have named me 'Grace'...funny, my middle name means Grace.

WebyJ- Sharks fan?  When my friend and I went to the Sharks game a few weeks ago- he looked at me and said "Please don't try and catch any flying pucks- just duck anytime it comes towards the crowd.  Your competitiveness combined with klutz= Rescue 911 what's your emergency?"  Touche.

Yesterday I slipped on a banana peel on my way into the gym.  Yes, I actually slipped on a banana peel.  I just need to drop an anvil on a roadrunner and I'm all set.

WebyJ- Sharks fan? 

Yes Ma'am! 

Yesterday I slipped on a banana peel on my way into the gym.  Yes, I actually slipped on a banana peel.  I just need to drop an anvil on a roadrunner and I'm all set.

LOL!  You're practicing for all those wacky romantic comedies you will one day star in. 

I feel your pain, when I am bare foot I trip over my own feet and once at a holiday cottage I tripped over my hair dyer cord (my toes fault) and ripped out the light socket and twistered my ankle. Cost me the whole deposit there aswell

I am a total clutz, but I have never broken bones!  Just cracked my head open a few times, slammed my fingers in the car door (several times), tripped and fell down the stairs backwards while carrying my almost two year old son (and pregnant with his sister). 
My legs are always covered in bruises and I am totally one of those "space cadets" who runs right into a street sign while walking down the street!
My son is worse than me though.  By the time he was two he had had stitches twice and broken his leg.