How long til your ready for visitors?

My due date is the 4th of July and this is my first baby. I plan to have the baby naturally (no c-section) but sometimes i know that an emergency one needs to be done.  My mom wants to come over and visit with her friend the 15th Aug for 10 days. I am a bit worried that is a bit too soon after having the baby because what if it is a week or two late, then she would be here only 3-4 weeks after i have the baby.

How long does it take to heal? How long til you get into the swing of things with having the baby and are open for visitors?  Also, I dont really see my mom coming over to 'help' with the baby, and I will most likely be expected to entertain her and her friend a bit and show them around town and stuff.... although, i might try and ship them off to Edinburgh for a day or two trip. 

Also, DH will be back at work by then so he wont be much help entertaining them besides at night and on the weekend.

If your mother and her friend expect to be entertained then I would not recommend they come so soon after the birth.  My mom came just a couple days after my first was born but she is a real hands-on type of grandma so it was great.  My in-laws arrived about 5 weeks later and that wasn't so great as they are very much hands-off.

Entertaining house guests at the best of times can be stressful but with a newborn I would say to give it a miss.

When I read the subject line my first thought was it depends on who the visitors are! It sounds like these aren't helpful take care of you visitors. I heard many people say it takes 6 weeks before you feel human again and I certainly found that to be the case. I would suggest that if they really want to visit at that time then you politely suggest they stay at a nearby hotel and visit you now and then- that way you aren't expected to care for them. If you can at all move the visit later I would do that.

I've been dealing with a similar issue -- I'm due 10 April and my mom wants to come over from the States as soon as possible after. I think she would be semi-helpful, but she is also a total handful to deal with, and I know I just won't have the energy. I told her several times that we wanted some time to ourselves after but she kept making plans to come right away. Finally I had to really put my foot down and insist they not come until end of May at the earliest. She didn't like it, but once she knew we were saying the same thing to all the grandparents, she accepted it.

I feel guilty because I know a lot of women love having their mothers at the birth, or taking care of them after, and I feel bad that I just want my mom to stay away. But realistically, we just don't have that kind of relationship unfortunately (though she has been much more supportive the past few weeks and I'm hoping maybe all this will bring us closer together).

Anyway, whatever you decide, don't be afraid to really stick to your guns and ask people to respect your wishes. You know best what will work for you.

Would they actually be staying in your house? If so, I would say 6 weeks post birth would definitely a bit early.  If they would be staying in a hotel and visiting you for a couple of hours each day, that wouldn't be so bad.  But sightseeing with a 6 week old ... I think you'll want to pass on that. Even if you feel up to it, the baby will need frequent feeding and changing.

My mother came right away.  BUT she was incredibly helpful.   And when we had more than one my dad would come, too, and they'd basically run the house and look after the kids whilst I tucked up with baby.

If she's expecting to be entertained I'd say at least 2 months after your due date, and ideally three. 

If she gets shirty you will have to put your foot down.

I simply don't 'get' family who expect a new parent to entertain them.

My mom and sister are coming for the birth and staying on.  (We are in the US, though, so they only have a few hours' flight.)  We did this for my sister when she gave birth each time (three) and I am really looking forward to having them.  Of course, I am not expecting to do ANYTHING for them other than show them where the car is so they can go shopping.  I am there to take care of baby and they are there to take care of me and DH.  

Now my MIL...well, she is more what I would consider a 'visitor' and she will not be coming until a couple months after the baby is born.  I will not expect her to help, but I know she would be helpful if I asked.  I think we will schedule the baptism while she and FIL are here for their visit to kill two birds with one stone.  Of course, that means my side will be in town at the same time...sigh.

I think she might change a nappy or two but I really don't think she'll be here to give me a hand with taking care of the baby, which is why i think she is bringing a friend, so they can go out and do things. They are staying at my house as well but I am encouraging them to take a few trips out to London or Edinburgh while they're here (even though they're only coming for 10 days).  She says they'll help out whilst they're here, but im doubtful. I certainly wont be waiting on them hand and foot but anytime you have a visitor, they're usually hard work regardless of how much they 'help out'.

Problem is, i do want her to come when the weather is decent so at least we can BBQ, go to the park and walk to the pub... so i dont want to tell her to come in late Sept/October.  Perhaps I will tell her 22/08-01/09.. which is 7 weeks past my due date.... and explain to her that they need to find a way to entertain themselves because i will be busy with the baby... although its hard because public transport isnt the best where i live.

I feel guilty because I know a lot of women love having their mothers at the birth, or taking care of them after, and I feel bad that I just want my mom to stay away. But realistically, we just don't have that kind of relationship unfortunately.

This is exactly my relationship with my mother!  I think she's only actually coming because she feel obligated to, and when she mentioned possibly not coming my sisters shouted at her and told her she was being selfish.  

This is exactly my relationship with my mother!  I think she's only actually coming because she feel obligated to, and when she mentioned possibly not coming my sisters shouted at her and told her she was being selfish.   

Aww, that's a shame. I think if she's coming for sightseeing and not to help you out then you'll want to leave it for as late as possible. Surely you'll be too tired to entertain her and her friend.

I'm having the opposite problem. I want my mom to come after the birth to help but she says she doesn't think she'll be of any help because she thinks I know so much more than she did when she had me (or some crap like that) so she's not coming for a good 6 months after the babies are born. So I'll be stuck with two babies and my MIL, which I am not happy about.

I'm having the opposite problem. I want my mom to come after the birth to help but she says she doesn't think she'll be of any help because she thinks I know so much more than she did when she had me (or some crap like that) so she's not coming for a good 6 months after the babies are born. So I'll be stuck with two babies and my MIL, which I am not happy about.

Well, that was my problem last week. She didnt want to come at all and just wanted to wait for us to visit, which would be at least a year after the baby was born... but then one of my sisters shouted at her and told her she would never talk to her again if she didnt come visit and my other sister told her she was being very selfish... so she's been guilt tripped into coming, despite me not saying a thing. My sisters just know how upset I was at her for not coming to our wedding.. so they were just looking out for me... but i honestly just don't care if she comes or not at this point....especially because i know she really doesnt want to be here. 

She didn't come to your wedding?!?

I really wish I had some good advice to give you. Have you spoken to her about this?

She didn't come to your wedding?!?

I really wish I had some good advice to give you. Have you spoken to her about this?

Yep, thats just the kind of mum she is.... apparently when my sis said she was being selfish for not coming, especially since she didnt come to my wedding she said 'is she still mad about that? she really needs to get over it'. hah. But thats a whole nother issue.

I think if you have a mother who will look after YOU, not just hold the baby then right away.  If she is visiting and expecting you to host her, look after her, cook for her, entertain her etc.. then give yourself at least 4 months or until you are into a routine with the baby.  I agree, 6 weeks is too early. 

When my son was born, they arrived on my due date. He was 11 days old. This time around I am having my baby on the 17th Feb, they are coming on the 31st March.

Do I need to say anything else? Never again. It was an absolute nightmare having them here and I will not do it again. Think about your relationship with your parents before making the decision to have them here when your baby is brand new...think long and hard about it! Thats my only advice.

Sorry, I meant that the baby was 11 days LATE not 11 days old!!!

When my son was born, they arrived on my due date. He was 11 days old. This time around I am having my baby on the 17th Feb, they are coming on the 31st March.

Looks like you've got about 6 weeks between your due date and having you parents over.  Do you think that is sufficient time for you to get settled into things with the new baby? Because at the moment, my mom is talking about coming 7 weeks after... and im a bit wary that is too soon still.

Also, sorry if this is a dumb question but how long does it typically take for your body to physically heal where your at least able to get up and about and drive to the shop, go for a walk, etc... nothing to strenuous.

Thanks for all your feedback and advice ladies! Its been very helpful.