Shoplifting

I'm definitely not a shoplifter, but I'm followed EVERY single time we go into our local (major chain) shop.  I am not sure why.  Maybe I look like someone who has shoplifted there.  Maybe it's because I am a slow shopper.  Who knows?  Well today I decided to look up what my rights would be if I am ever accused of shoplifting.  I think it's just a matter of time because I am sure that at some point I will accidentally set off the alarm with something in my handbag like a library book or something purchased elsewhere and the guards group by the doors every time I leave the till.  It's not my imagination.  My husband has taken to shopping with me because it bothers him so much.  Since I definitely don't want something like this on my record, I decided to look up my rights and how to handle the situation if it happens.

I eventually found something pretty shocking about how some retailers deal with alleged merchandise loss in the UK, and I figured that people with kids, particularly those nearing or in their teens, should be aware of some of these practices:

http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/index/campaigns/current_campaigns/unreasonable.htm
http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/unreasonable_demands_final.pdf

Basically, they may demand payments for items and "costs" even if the police aren't involved or don't pursue charges.  You don't need to sign anything, and you don't need to provide your identity to security staff.  IMO, if anyone is accused of shoplifting here, I think they should ask for the police to be called, give your information in writing to the police if requested, and sign nothing other than a police statement.

As for me, I am considering writing to the chain in question.  It not only makes me uncomfortable and embarrassed when we are shopping, it makes me feel like I've done something wrong when I haven't, it makes it easier for real thieves to steal, plus, we've all set off the door alarm at one time or another, and I dread that eventuality.  This is a busy shop, and every single time the two obvious guards follow us for at least part of our shop, and at no time do we not have at least one of them peering down the aisle at us.

A competitor of theirs has opened a shop near here, and despite the fact I'd rather go to our usual shop, I am not totally adverse to shopping elsewhere.

Weird.  Have you tried asking the management about it?  It could just be bored security guards playing "stalk the n00b."  It might be helpful to know if they're being set on you on purpose or if they're doing it of their own volition.  Thanks for the links too, I'll be sure to read up on those!

If this happens so often, where even the guards follow you, have you ever thought about just turning to them and asking them "can I help you?"  I would be curious to see the reaction.  Or maybe have your husband do it, if you think the target is indeed you.

Well, it happens when I am alone, so I think it's me.  We sometimes use our mobiles to add up the total before we get to the till, which I think is probably seen as "odd" here (although people do it all the time in the States).

They don't follow right behind me.  It's a big store with a centre row running down the middle of the aisles.  It's almost always crowded which buggers belief why they have time to follow me around.  Basically, they usually stand in the centre row, slightly off to the side, peering down the row at us.  When we get to the till, they move to the doors and stand by the alarm.  There are two exits, both on the same side, so when both are open, one stands by one, the other the other.  I stand well back and wait for people to go through, and go through on my own.  I do this because one time the woman ahead of us set off the alarm.  The guard did a quick glance at the woman's receipt and waved her through because the "real" criminal (ME) was coming through.

I know it sounds like I shouldn't get upset by this, but we've been here three months, it's happened almost every time since we've been here (and definitely every time in the past month or so). and it gets old quick.

ETA: I've shoplifted a grand total of twice in my life, both as a kid.  I felt bad enough about the second time that I never did it again.  The first time I think I was too young to realise really how bad/dumb it was.

I know it sounds like I shouldn't get upset by this, but we've been here three months, it's happened almost every time since we've been here (and definitely every time in the past month or so). and it gets old quick.

I don't think this at all but I do think if you hit the problem head on, it would make you feel more in control of the situation.

ETA:  If they aren't following right behind you, I would probably weave around the store a bit more to see what they do.  Eventually you will have cornered a situation where you can confront them or management.

Poor you. For some reason you've set off their radar and now they think for whatever reason (they probably can't even remember why) you're a person to watch. It may even be that you just look like somebody who's shoplifted in the past.  Plus, it's a vicious cycle of the more you look at them to see if they're watching you the more they're watching you because they think you're looking at them in order to see if they're not looking.
I would consider writing a letter or asking to talk to the management if you think you can keep your cool but I wouldn't bother talking directly to the security guards because that is a known ploy of real shoplifters -confronting the person watching them to make them feel uncomfortable  and it'll make them think they're right. 
Unfortunately, shoplifting is a huge problem for stores so  they probably feel justified - no doubt real shoplifters are walking off with half the liqueur everytime you're there.

That would really, really upset me.  I have a hard time standing up for myself, and the thought of confrontation makes me gaggy, but I think the head-on approach is the only thing that is going to get you satisfaction.  I've simply stopped shopping at places where staff have been jerky to me, but this is a different matter, IMO.

I'd have to drag my husband along for moral support (and he is much more level-headed than I am), but talking to the stores management is probably your best bet.  I'm with Mindy on not addressing the security staff themselves, though. 

I am one of the most honest people I know and have worked in retail almost all my life.  The same thing happened to me for a while when a particularly zealous security guard was following me around every time at our local Morrisons.  I thought it was maybe because I was a slow shopper, as well.  I also felt really uncomfortable about it, but eventually the store got a total revamp and new and different security guards so I was no longer singled out.

I think had it continued I would have politely spoken to the store manager about it, and let them know how uncomfortable it made me feel.

Plus, it's a vicious cycle of the more you look at them to see if they're watching you the more they're watching you because they think you're looking at them in order to see if they're not looking.

That's exactly what I was thinking--maybe they're looking at you because you're looking at them..and they get the impression that you're up to no good.

I'd confront the situation by bringing it up with the store manager, and if that does no good--start shopping elsewhere.  The store should want to keep its valued customers satisfied..and if they're not making your shopping trip a comfortable one, I'd move on!

Maybe he finds you are attractive?

Why not take a photograph of the person you think is a guard?

You also could ask them if they work for the store? Although they could be under contract?

I'd shop elsewhere. Life is too short to go places where you feel uncomfortable. You're the customer here; I would not stand for this and would take my business elsewhere.

Every time I went into the local family-run Asian mini-mart this young man stationed himself at the end of whatever aisle I was in and fixed me with a steely glare. I asked the lady behind the counter why, and she laughed and said "His father said he was sloppy so he's trying to prove he's not. Take no notice."