I moved to England the first time nearly 8 years ago. I stayed there for 3 years, and we've now been back in the US for 5... and this upcoming move back to the UK will be permanent. Despite the fact that the paperwork logistics of this move are ugly and hairy and stressing me out to the point of psychosis, (though I'm assuming the pregnancy hormones have a lot to do with that as well), I'm really super duper chilled out about the move. It doesn't occur to me to be nervous, or to worry about my life there... and it has struck me just how DIFFERENT this immigration is than my last one. I just know a bit more about what to expect this time, and I thought I'd share a few of my thoughts about my 2nd move:
1. England is a foreign country.
This seems blindingly obvious now, but when I moved the first time I thought, naively, that since we spoke pretty much the same language it couldn't be THAT different. That the differences were mainly in terminology, architecture, that kind of thing. But going into immigration naively expecting an "older america with an accent" just set me up for more of a culture shock when I got there.
2. It will be hard.
Homesickness is fickle, unpredictable, and a total jerk. Some people don't even get it, others can't shake it, and a lot of us fall somewhere in the middle most of the time. But I know to expect bumps now, that sometimes the bumps will feel like mountains, and that for every pain of homesickness there will be the joy of something else... if I look for it.
3. Be careful with blame.
This one is a bit broader, but it stems mainly from my experience with the NHS. I had an absolutely horrendous time with it during the birth of my son. At the time, and for a long time, I blamed both the country and the medical system for what happened. I know now that my blame was placed too broadly. Every system has major faults, they just happen to be different major faults. But shitty doctors exist in both countries. So do horrible teachers, bad schools, rotten governments, bad city councils, horrible neighbors, violence... you get the picture. But the opposite is true as well. And I think an immigration experience can be made miles better if a person realizes that a lot of problems they encounter aren't due simply because they are in a foreign country... just that perhaps they feel worse than the devil you knew back home. This isn't always true, of course... but it is a lot.
4. Let go.
Part of the reason my first stay in the UK didn't last was because my mom was dying back in the US. It was impossible for me to jump into a new life in the UK fully because of that, and in the back of my heart I was always holding onto America's hand just waiting for the day to come back. In effect, I didn't give England a fair shot and never treated it like my true home. It wasn't. I don't hold any guilt for that, it is just how it was. And I wouldn't change anything either... going back in time I'd still have moved back to the US because - if nothing else - it meant I was there for her in the last year of her life. But going BACK to the UK this time, I know I have to LET GO for it to really work. If I never think of it as my true home, then it never will be. If I never dive in fully and adopt the country as my own, then I'll never get to the point where I'm truly at peace there. Not everyone can do this of course... much like I couldn't the first time. But this time is different, and I know that for it to WORK... particularly in my heart... I have to dive in, suck it up, and make it work.
5. It will be awesome.
Even people who immigrate to the UK, hate it, and move back without ever looking back... I truly believe they are better for the experience. I believe there is always something enriching to gain even from the crappiest of times. Also that being an American with the unique privilege of living overseas is something to be relished, even if it doesn't work out in the long run. There will forever be things you love and hate about both places.... but in this next adventure I'm going to do a lot more focusing on what I like, rather than focusing on what I'm missing. Less time comparing, more time just enjoying the awesome things England has to offer me... particularly now that England has been in my life so long that I've been reassured over and over again that the awesomeness prevails. Then again, the awesomeness of the US doesn't escape me... and I prefer to live in a mental state where I love BOTH countries, just like I love both of my parents, despite how different they are. Both awesome, just in different ways... so just soak up the awesome as much as you can.
