What do you think of this situation.

Background – I left my job at a large company almost a year ago and since then I have been working for my husband.

Since I no longer have a separate work life or work friends, I’ve been trying to develop my own interests and meet new people on my own and make my own friends, so I’m not constantly tagging around after my husband and his friends, after spending the whole day sitting in an office with him.

So for example, I've been taking dance classes and voice classes.

A while back, I was at Future Prospects in York, and on the bulletin board someone posted that they were Spanish and wanted to meet people to practice Spanish and English with, speaking half the time in English and half in Spanish.  I thought it would be a good idea since I haven’t had an opportunity to use my Spanish since I’ve moved here.

So I ripped off a piece of paper with the email address and stuck it in my bag. My MIL was there and she took one, too, but she never contacted them.

Yesterday, I was on Gumtree, and I noticed the same ad, so I eventually emailed the person. It turns out that he recently moved to York from Spain and is taking an English course at York University. He told me that he has other “language exchanges” that he meets in town for a drink.

When I asked him when and where he meets these other people, so that I could see if I could join them, he said that he meets each person individually.

So basically, this would involve me going out for a drink and chatting (in English and Spanish) with some guy I’ve never met. (I checked out his Facebook page, he looks like a young, decent-looking guy).

How does this seem to you guys? I had assumed, since he had put up an advert in a public building and an advert on Gumtree, that he would be doing this with a group of people.

How should I respond? I want to make friends, not “friends.”

For further background – Saturday night I was at a party with DH and was talking to one of his male friends about physics  and my educational background and later DH said the guy was chatting me up. DH wasn’t being jealous or possessive – he said it matter-of-factly, like “you’re sexy, he didn’t know you were married, therefore he was chatting you up.”

That's a tough one - personally I'd probably pass.

Not that there's anything wrong with the guy or with getting more experience speaking Spanish - but I just wouldn't feel comfortable hanging out that way because I am married and it would feel too much to me like a date. Not that it is, it would just feel that way to me and I hate being uncomfortable.

Good luck!

Language exchanges are perfectly normal.  I did several in Japan and I know that some of my students here in the UK (from other countries) do them as well.  There's always the chance that he's a sleaze or looking to hook up or something, but there's also a good possibility that he's simply looking for a chance to improve his English by conversing with a native speaker. 

If you're uncomfortable meeting a young man one-on-one, how about arranging to meet him in a public place like a cafe or a quiet pub and bringing a friend along?   

I think the fact that you are asking/questioning it, gives you the answer you are seeking. It would be great to find a group to belong to, sounds like this guy is trying to meet chicks

(I checked out his Facebook page, he looks like a young, decent-looking guy)

Does this determine the kind of person he is or his intentions? If he were ugly would you even be asking the question?

I'd pass on this.

I dunno, seems fine to me. Just meet him somewhere public- pub, coffee shop, cafe, whatever.  If he wants to converse to pick his language skills up, then great. If not, and he's looking for something else, well never meet him again. 

I agree with phatbeetle. As long as it's a public place, there shouldn't be a problem. I had a friend who met up with someone to practice Welsh language skills in a similar manner and it was fine.

I agree with phatbeetle and chary.  Meet once, in a non-date public setting (coffee shop, library) and give it a go.  If he's got a mind to exchange anything other than appropriate conversation, you'll probably know within the first 20 minutes.  Creeps are almost never subtle!  If he turns out to be one, make your excuses and leave.

If you want to add an extra measure of safety, arrange for your husband to meet you there at a certain time.  That also gives your husband a chance to meet the guy, and voice any objections (i.e. maybe he'd get a different vibe off the guy). 

Also agree with PB, Chary and Woad. But honestly, you have to trust your gut with this, whatever the answer is for you.

It can't hurt if it is in a public place plus you may make a friend out of it and practice those language skills!  I would have the hubby meet for a drink say 45 minutes after you meet this person as well so it puts everything on the table and its open and honest.

I have TV brain by the way I saw What do you think of situation and thought I cant believe someone is taking about Jersey Shore (tv show) haha

I think the fact that you are asking/questioning it, gives you the answer you are seeking. It would be great to find a group to belong to, sounds like this guy is trying to meet chicks

(I checked out his Facebook page, he looks like a young, decent-looking guy)

Does this determine the kind of person he is or his intentions? If he were ugly would you even be asking the question?

I meant that there is nothing that would make me think he is an axe murderer. (Of course, he could be a nice-looking axe murderer.)  I was also hoping that his facebook profile might have shown his relationship status (but it wasn't visible).

I just wouldn't feel comfortable hanging out that way because I am married and it would feel too much to me like a date. Not that it is, it would just feel that way to me and I hate being uncomfortable.

That is how I feel.  I have male friends and DH has female friends, but the first time we met our opposite sex friends we weren't alone with them in a pub.

I guess it really depends on you and how comfortable you are with doing it. As someone else said, you are questioning it, which means you aren't totally comfortable with the idea. Why not look for a group of people to practice with? On meetup.com there is a Spanish language group that meets in Newcastle and practices speaking Spanish, maybe there is one in York? Or maybe you could find some other groups on there to meet up with. I would prefer to do it that way, as you are being exposed to more people and you can just gravitate toward the ones that you hit it off with, rather than meeting one person at a time.

Personally, I wouldn't do this just because I would be uncomfortable meeting alone (even in a public place) with someone of the opposite sex while married.  If it was someone I had known for awhile, I wouldn't think twice about it though.  I'm not a jealous person but if my hubby said "I'm going to meet an attractive woman, alone, in a coffee shop so I can practice speaking another language"...I would think that a bit strange. 

I'm always overly-suspicious of things...but it seems weird that he specifically wants to meet one-on-one.  Seems like the whole thing would be more beneficially if there was a small group of 3 or 4 people at a time...but I guess that partially depends on the skill level of the person and whether they can keep up with that many people talking at once.

I agree with the others though...the fact that you are questioning it to begin with is a sign that you are at least slightly uncomfortable with the idea.

Are you more concerned about it being inappropriate to meet alone with a man...or the possibility of him being a serial killer?  Have you talked to your hubby about it and gotten his feedback on the situation?

Update - I emailed him back and said that I was really interested in joining a group, so wouldn't be seeing him.

I don't think there was anything fishy about him - I think he is genuinely trying to improve his English. He advertised in a public place so he could have as many men contacting him as women. The other people he meets with could all be men.

He told me that he finds it easier to learn a language in a one-on-one setting, and that makes sense to me - it would like having a private tutor.

I just didn't want to put myself in a situation that had the potential of becoming uncomfortable.

I will take Historyenne's word that language exchanges are perfectly normal. It's my being a married woman meeting privately with a strange man that would have made things awkward.

Thanks for your advice everyone.