Last Weeks/Days in US Was it like you thought it would be?

I have been so busy cleaning, packing, planning, panicking (LOL), reading/researching, selling things, etc. that I have not had time to really "grieve" if you will, my leaving my home and my family.  Of what I am afraid is that it will hit me big time within a few weeks of arriving there.  For all those who've made the move, was it all you thought it would be -- homesickness, family reactions, your emotions?  I know everbody is different, but what were your reactions, feelings?

As some of you know that have read my posts in the past, we have been thinking about this move for 2 years now. Last year when we found out that my parents-in-law were not doing well, it nudged us to move forward.  It has been an up and down process and so much as gone wrong with finding a home, finding a job, etc.  I tried to let my parents know early on that we planning this so they wouldn't get too emotional, but they did anyway.  I'm not going to re-hash all that, but it was very scathing, hateful, hurtful.

I have been letting my parents keep the boys a little bit and they have been saying some strange things to them.  When I bring it up, they deny it.  I stopped letting them spend extra days with them.  All my mom does is cry every time she sees the kids.  She says nothing to me.  My dad seems alright but mainly talks to my husband and barely says anything to me, like I'm the bad guy.  I just feel invisible to them like I don't matter to them at all.

My sister insisted on buying some big items out of my home, furniture, electronics, etc (more than $3000) and now all she does is complain how badly they are financially.  I still have yet to get a penny from her and now she is asking what I have left that she can have.  I'm insisting I get the money soon so if I have to show funds to the consulate, that it's there in the bank and I can just send off a statement from the bank proving funds.  I just feel like she's screwing me around!

I wanted my last couple weeks home to be memorable. I wanted my family to give me well-wishes, not "go-to-hell wishes" LOL.  I wanted my dad to share family stories and have bbqs and laugh.  All their misery and b.s. just makes me want to leave that much sooner.  Those feelings make me feel bad and I know I'm going to regret feeling this way.

I'm going to take pictures of things I'm going to miss and spend my last couple days enjoying what I can even if my family is being adversarial.  That's all I can do...

Thanks for letting me vent!

Yeah, I think it is rare to get the fairytale send off.  My dad who came to SC where I was living from Iowa to pick up what I hadn't packed and to drive my car back to Iowa so they could sell it, did pretty well.  He took me where ever I wanted to eat and we did a few fun things but it was only me going, I'd already moved far away from my parents and they'd had about 6 months to process it.  My mom still isn't a fan and my extended family has sort of forgotten my existence, but that's fine because I didn't really fit in with them anyway.

I think it's really hard for people to accept and understand that you've made this life altering decision and I think sometimes people get afraid for you.  I mean, like my extended family saw it as a step into the great unknown because they didn't know a thing about Britain except the beer is warm, it rains a lot, and everyone has bad teeth.  They still joke that my teeth are still in my head whenever I go back.  Sometimes it's jealousy... jealous that you are being different, doing something different, sometimes it's jealousy because you are brave enough to do it or that they always wanted the opportunity and sometimes I think it's anger that someone(s) they love are being taken away from them.  I dunno, and I'm rambling and not making sense, but I think that quite a lot of people are people of habit and when you brake the habit, people aren't sure how to react or what to do about it.  

Sorry, that probably didn't make any sense.  But anyway, good luck with your move and your family.  And I think even with the time I had with my dad, I still feel like I didn't do enough in those last weeks and I should have had one last mexican, or one last burger or whatever.  

No internet_addict, that made perfect sense! I think it sums it up perfectly. I know my parents, particularly my father gave me all sort of hell before I came over to the UK. I think the reason our families sometimes have us a hard time is because they know they are going to miss us. Just eat your favorite foods, see the friends you love, and let your family know that you will still love them even thousands of miles away.

Thanks, you guys!  I was also going to add that my parents are insisting on taking big toys they got for my kids, no biggie, but we could use the money to re-establish.  My mom is taking my son's Wii that she bought, but I bought all the games, a fit board, the outdoor challenge game- probably $200-300 worth. I told her I needed to sell it so I can get furniture and household goods over there, and her comment was "well, maybe I can help you guys out a bit..." A bit?  $50? LOL!  Plus, she's insisting I save every baby item, crib, baby accessories, clothes, etc for my pregnant neice.  My mom is also getting my china and silver.  I'll help out my family, but I feel they are abandoning me and that any financial compensation is like aiding and abetting a criminal!

I'm just cutting my losses and looking forward to making good memories and having maybe not new things but different things as I will probably have to buy a lot of 2nd hand things at first until we can establish credit in the UK.  What I think makes my situation harder is that we've got three children.  I wish I'd moved over there at the beginning of our marriage so I wouldn't have to go through this, but I know that back then I was never strong enough or mature!   

I'm really excited about moving now vs. 4-5 months ago really dreading it.  I feel guilty for being excited like I should feel bad.  I want to post my progress and joy on my FB page but my mom is an addict.  She checks every hour to see if I had written something.  She lives only 3 miles away from me, so I don't know why she stays glued to it and remarks on anything my friends post under my status.  UGGGH!  If I'm approved soon, I will be putting all over my FB and not give a damn what she says. LOL.

OOoooh, I had this issue as well! My sister was (coincidentally) moving into a new place when I was packing up for the UK, and my parents just expected me to give her 1000s of dollars worth of furniture.  That was a HUGE fight when I told them she could pay a family rate of a little bit less, but otherwise I was selling it!
Sheesh.  That, and the fact that some of the stuff I did give away my parents were pissed because they didn't get first dibs! they didn't NEED any of it (I gave some bookcases to a friend), but the very IDEA that I would put a friend first. Well!

I did end up giving my sister my bed, just to stop the whining.  But yea, it was annoying. I think it's just so complicated with families.

Well I havent moved to England yet, but I can understand how family get a bit weird, or not so supportive and/or happy about this life decision.

I can sorta understand if you family has never been to the UK or knew anything about that country, BUT my entire family is from England, and they still will not approve, and are not supportive at all....to the point of disowning me - AND THEY ARE FROM THERE!?  Good grief.

You have to do what makes you happy.

I think in the end it will all work out, and nowadays the internet and skype makes things easier!

To top it all off, now my sister is not sure she can pay for the things she's getting at all.  I told her I don't have time to waste as we are planning on flying out on Tuesday (hopefully)!  She at least owes me a thousand for what she already has....I guess I'll post everything on Craig's list again! GRRRRR.

What pi$$es me off to no end is that I turned down 2 potential buyers on my furniture and about 5 on my electronics she's getting.  This isn't the first time she's tried to screw me over.  I have loaned her money over the years, invested money into a business with her that she ended up running in the ground. I think getting a break from my family in general will do me a world of good! 

Still, I was hoping for a nicer send off than this!

Yeah, I think it is rare to get the fairytale send off.  

I think it's really hard for people to accept and understand that you've made this life altering decision and I think sometimes people get afraid for you.  I mean, like my extended family saw it as a step into the great unknown because they didn't know a thing about Britain except the beer is warm, it rains a lot, and everyone has bad teeth.  They still joke that my teeth are still in my head whenever I go back.  Sometimes it's jealousy... jealous that you are being different, doing something different, sometimes it's jealousy because you are brave enough to do it or that they always wanted the opportunity and sometimes I think it's anger that someone(s) they love are being taken away from them.  I dunno, and I'm rambling and not making sense, but I think that quite a lot of people are people of habit and when you brake the habit, people aren't sure how to react or what to do about it.  

Sorry, that probably didn't make any sense.  But anyway, good luck with your move and your family.  And I think even with the time I had with my dad, I still feel like I didn't do enough in those last weeks and I should have had one last mexican, or one last burger or whatever.  

This really struck a chord for me! My friends and family kept joking about the awful British food and everything else that was going to be horrible about the UK and how much I would miss the US. Boy were they wrong!

Thankfully I was so happy to be joining my husband (then fiance) that they couldn't wipe the grin off of my face! 

julie.bug, don't let them get to you and don't let any of this ruin what should be an exciting time for you. A new life, a new country and your husband and children all together! Enjoy this! 

BTW, I know everybody slates Taco Bell but as I was waiting at the airport I had my last US meal at Taco Bell - it was the best meal I could've had! 

Getting ready to tell my parents soon, and I am really starting to dread the reaction.  I am hoping to take the info that you are giving here and actually make it a good send off rather then the crazy last week that it should be.
I am moving from Iowa too, so it should be a good thing.
I think my family can sense that we are getting ready since there have been a lot of comments that were not there 3 weeks ago. 
My Aunt asked my wife "since your mother passed away the pull inst as strong to go back now is it."  Weird question, since they haven't seen each other in a year.  Not quite the opener I would have chosen.  So I hope that it turns into a party rather then a riot. We shall see how they react.

Juliebug, are you here yet? Just realised this thread was started a while back.

As far as my send off, I do have to hand it to my mom and grandma that as devastated as they were, they held it together, pretended to be mostly just happy for me (they were and still are, but I know they miss me more than they would ever say) and tried their best to keep the tears to a minimum. In fact, as I went through security and looked back at my mom, stepdad, and beloved grandma standing there waving at me, I was the only one crying my eyes out. I'm sure they may have cried once I was out of sight, but they must have discussed it with each other to try to keep a hold of themselves to keep me from getting too upset (I was upset enough as it was, and also a bit terrified, as well as being excited). If my grandma had started sobbing her heart out at the airport, it would've been the death of me. I was so emotionally drained from several days of weeping friends and relatives and my own crying (my face was red and swollen for the last couple of days) that I couldn't wait to get on the freakin' plane and just get it over with. It was pretty harsh. But I had a terrific going away party with my friends (though I got uber drunk and cried like a baby at the end of the night, of course) and muddled through a going away party with my extended family, who really touched me by pitching in all the money they could afford (they don't have a lot) and raised up just over $600 for me to take with me to the UK. All in all, I felt loved and cherished and that I would be missed. I am very lucky.

Juliebug, are you here yet? Just realised this thread was started a while back.

As far as my send off, I do have to hand it to my mom and grandma that as devastated as they were, they held it together, pretended to be mostly just happy for me (they were and still are, but I know they miss me more than they would ever say) and tried their best to keep the tears to a minimum. In fact, as I went through security and looked back at my mom, stepdad, and beloved grandma standing there waving at me, I was the only one crying my eyes out. I'm sure they may have cried once I was out of sight, but they must have discussed it with each other to try to keep a hold of themselves to keep me from getting too upset (I was upset enough as it was, and also a bit terrified, as well as being excited). If my grandma had started sobbing her heart out at the airport, it would've been the death of me. I was so emotionally drained from several days of weeping friends and relatives and my own crying (my face was red and swollen for the last couple of days) that I couldn't wait to get on the freakin' plane and just get it over with. It was pretty harsh. But I had a terrific going away party with my friends (though I got uber drunk and cried like a baby at the end of the night, of course) and muddled through a going away party with my extended family, who really touched me by pitching in all the money they could afford (they don't have a lot) and raised up just over $600 for me to take with me to the UK. All in all, I felt loved and cherished and that I would be missed. I am very lucky.

Your family sounds wonderful!  That's why you're so sweet (((HUG))).

I'm not there yet.  I'm stuck.  It is prolonging the goodbye to my family and probably making it worse.  We were planning on being there already.  First it was a delay in the mail.  Now it's a delay on the visa and of course, the volcano.  Something's got to give for my sanity.  I'm not letting my family bother me too much right now because I'm more concerned about being without a place to live May 1.  If that visa doesn't come through soon, I will be having to stay with my family and hear day in and day out about what a mistake it is to leave and all the other b.s they've been putting on me.  UGGH!

Your family sounds wonderful!  That's why you're so sweet (((HUG))).

I'm not there yet.  I'm stuck.  It is prolonging the goodbye to my family and probably making it worse.  We were planning on being there already.  First it was a delay in the mail.  Now it's a delay on the visa and of course, the volcano.  Something's got to give for my sanity.  I'm not letting my family bother me too much right now because I'm more concerned about being without a place to live May 1.  If that visa doesn't come through soon, I will be having to stay with my family and hear day in and day out about what a mistake it is to leave and all the other b.s they've been putting on me.  UGGH!

Oh no! That sounds horrible. I hope everything works out and soon! It's so hard to be in limbo, its definitely the worst part. Settling in here was far easier than having to tie up loose ends and drawing out the long goodbyes. Believe me, once you get past that part, you will feel a great weight has lifted. Then you just have to adjust to your new life here, which is a whole 'nother thing!  I assume you are moving to Scotland? Anywhere near the Borders perhaps? I don't live too far from there, maybe just an hour's drive. Oh, and of course I have to sweet to the only other Julie Bug I've ever met. 

Oh no! That sounds horrible. I hope everything works out and soon! It's so hard to be in limbo, its definitely the worst part. Settling in here was far easier than having to tie up loose ends and drawing out the long goodbyes. Believe me, once you get past that part, you will feel a great weight has lifted. Then you just have to adjust to your new life here, which is a whole 'nother thing!  I assume you are moving to Scotland? Anywhere near the Borders perhaps? I don't live too far from there, maybe just an hour's drive. Oh, and of course I have to sweet to the only other Julie Bug I've ever met. 

We'll be in the Central Belt somewhere, but right now we have no clue where.  We will be staying with a couple that have been friends of my husband for 20 years.  Then we'll be searching for a home.  I feel homeless right now as it is.  I'm sitting in an empty house right now and cannot wait to feel settled again.  I think I'll have to pop the cork on some champagne when we get our own place and hang the first picture.  I'm hanging on by images of hope at this point, and I know that sounds melodramatic.  Seriously though, I feel like a refugee 

Seriously though, I feel like a refugee 

You don't have to live like a refugeeeeee.....
Now I've got that Tom Petty song stuck in my head and I've yet to meet anyone here who even knows who Tom Petty is. 

My husband loves Tom Petty!  It's one of the things we bonded over when we first met!