Back from Manchester and so horribly depressed.

Well Im back from England.  As some of you know I lucked out and was the first day that flights were resumed from the volcano.  I got to fly and see my fiance for 5 days after waiting 5 months.  It was my first time going to Manchester before I move in September.  I had worries about seeing each other after 5 months apart (worried things would be the same etc).  And i want to tell you all that IT WAS WONDERFUL.

We had such an amazing time.  Things were just like they were before we were apart.  Nothing had changed and we are more in love than ever before.  I LOVED MANCHESTER with a passion.  I cant describe it other than saying in those 5 days it felt more like home than anywhere I have ever lived.  I felt like I was meant to be there, and enjoyed every minute there.  Being with my fiance made me so unbelievably happy, and I have to be honest without being together I feel empty like a hollow shell of a person, and for those 5 days there with him I felt alive, like I was my old self again.

But with every happy moment there are sad ones, and now I am back in the US and am so horribly, horrifically upset.  I loathe it here, I loathe feeling empty and sad again, and lonely.  If someone ripped my heart out of my chest..it would probably feel better than what im feeling now.  I am crying constantly and violently crying.  I lost the will to do anything.

I started crying the night before I left and still havent stopped.  My fiance tries and calms me saying that I am coming back in July (yes another visit - I have to) and that I will be moving there Sept 3rd.  But I am missing him so badly, missing the place, missing feeling myself and whole again.  I ams till on English time, and I havent washed my clothes because they still smell of my fiance's cologne.  I physcially made myself ill last night from crying and being upset.  I wanted so bad to just not fly back to the us and say screw it.  But i cant as everyone tells me.  I have to sell my stuff and get everything arranged.  Not to mention I cannot legally move until Sept.  Its killing me.  My fiance says I should focus on coming over in July and that will make me feel better, and focus on being her in Sept, but I am so upset. 

Please help.

Awwww. (((HUGS))). I know that feeling. But all you can do is what your fiance says and force yourself to do what needs to be done and persevere until you get to be together again. The last few months are the worst - you are in limbo, just waiting for your new life to begin, yet you have to do so many things in order to make that happen. The best advice I can offer is to keep yourself busy as much as possible so you don't have too much down time to dwell on being sad and missing the one you love. It's also great to spend as much time with your family and friends as you can because you really will miss them dearly once you have moved away. Try to set small goals for yourself (Like, say, cleaning out a closet one week and then organising your photos another week, etc.) and work on those to keep yourself occupied, which also helps you get things done before you move. Hang in there. It seems like forever, but it really isn't very long. You will survive it and appreciate your fiance much more for what you have been through. Good luck.

Awww, we've all been there! I agree with the small goals idea--it will go by so fast if you've got little things to keep you busy.
I'm glad you loved Manchester.  I love it here too!  Where did you go? What did you do?
I know what you mean about leaving the boy, I always feel like I leave my heart behind when we're separated.  And I'm a fairly independent ornery type person, so I was surprised at how much being with him made everything just... better.
July isn't that far away! Hang in there.

I don't have much advice to add.  I know what it's like...the majority of us have been there or are going through it right now.  The first week or so after a visit is always the worse...me and my hubby would set aside some extra time to spend together (on the phone or online) to help us get through those days. 

As Jewlz says, try to stock up on time with family and friends.  You don't realize how much you miss having them around until they're not around anymore.  The small goals are also a good way to keep yourself distracted.  Anything to keep yourself busy (even if it's just researching the visa process or something that might otherwise be considered boring).

Try to keep your chin up...July is not that far away and it will be September before you know it!

I stayed right in the city centre, and it was wonderful.  He took me to the Arndale, Trafford Centre, Wigan, Ashton in Makerfield, Bolton, Salford, and one day we went down to London.  It was amazing. We watched a movie at the Odeon, we shopped, we ate out, he took me to Tesco and Morrisons (what little pleasures), and I loved every single minute of it. I tried pasties, and tea cakes (omg so yummy).  I didnt get to try gammon (like we planned), and I met his mom for the first time!  She said she felt like she had known me for years and could talk to me like i was her daughter.  I was going to meet his sister but she was ill.

I am so unhappy here, but my fiance and I think that me booking my flight in July, and getting that sorted and me starting to sell my things will help make it feel like its happening and make me feel better.  

So thats what I guess I will have to do - start selling my things on Craigslist and yard sales etc, and soem stuff Id like to ship over (gotta figure out how to do that), and plan my trip in July...July isnt long but it seems like it.  I was thinking of making it over July 4th, but flights are outrageous priced so maybe end of June?  Have to look into it.  
Its so hard being apart.

Yes, it's very hard being apart. As soon as I saw this place, the little village where I would live with my honey, every fiber of my being resisted having to leave. But, every time you have to go, its one less time you have to go before you get to be together for good.

Also, spend a bit of time researching the area where you will live. Just search around online for events and restaurants you want to try or nature walks you'd like to do and things like that. Listen to a Manchester radio station online. Stay in touch with the news over here by reading up on the election online. Search for local photographs on Flickr. I found doing those things to be helpful and to help me prepare for my new surroundings when I would finally be here for good.

I feel exactly the same way right now. I left Portsmouth on Monday morning. You should see my eyes, they are almost swollen shut from crying. It's ridiculous because I'm usually not this emotional and it seems like this time it's been the hardest to leave. Perhaps because I'm  in the home stretch too and will be seeing DB in July and moving in October? I really want to just jump on a plane and go back even though I was there a month.
So I know what you are going through right now and I definitely sympathize. If you want to talk more, you can pm as I'm severely jet lagged too.
In the meantime, I'll be taking the great advice of everyone on here and keeping myself busy. I'm having dinner with friends tonight

Katrinacov,

Boy are you and I going through the exact same situation right now. I could have written your post as my own. I'll PM you my email address or you can use it to look for me on Facebook. I can completely sympathize and I know sometimes it helps talking about it with someone who understands...at least for me.

I'm not moving over to Scotland until Aug. 1, and this is the second longest time my fiance and I have spent apart. I started a countdown the day we settled on, and saw it was exactly 100 days, and I burst into tears. It's been a struggle since. The timing couldn't be worse, as it's my time of the month and I am overly sensitive/emotional right now. I am really not dealing well with having to wait this long to be with him again, but he has been very patient and reassuring. A few days after I came back, I was at work and a song came on our playlist about long distance love...there is a line it it that says, "I thought I packed it all but I forgot my heart." And I swear, I had a mild panic attack right there. I know how you feel, this is HARD. And as someone mentioned it is very difficult when you get this close to the move, because you feel like you are spinning your wheels just waiting for your life to begin. The only thing that saves me from insanity is work, spending time with my daughter and friends, phoning and webcamming as much as we can, and looking at a lot of things online regarding the move...wedding dresses, renting a property, visa information, etc. And I just keep telling myself, this is the LAST TIME we have to be apart.

I also know exactly how you feel about Manchester. The first time I got to Scotland, I was completely overwhelmed by how much it felt like home. When I moved away from Texas, I thought it would always be my home. But there was some strange feeling about Scotland...like it was home and I was always meant to be there. Like fate or something, and believe me, that's coming from someone who doesn't really believe in that kind of stuff.

My fiance and I have used that word "shell" so many times. That's what it feels like to leave each other. I think you really do leave your hearts behind with each other. But you WILL get through this, and it will have been worth all of it. I'm saying that for both our benefits!

*hugs*
Carrie

Katrinacov,

Boy are you and I going through the exact same situation right now. I could have written your post as my own. I'll PM you my email address or you can use it to look for me on Facebook. I can completely sympathize and I know sometimes it helps talking about it with someone who understands...at least for me.

I'm not moving over to Scotland until Aug. 1, and this is the second longest time my fiance and I have spent apart. I started a countdown the day we settled on, and saw it was exactly 100 days, and I burst into tears. It's been a struggle since. The timing couldn't be worse, as it's my time of the month and I am overly sensitive/emotional right now. I am really not dealing well with having to wait this long to be with him again, but he has been very patient and reassuring. A few days after I came back, I was at work and a song came on our playlist about long distance love...there is a line it it that says, "I thought I packed it all but I forgot my heart." And I swear, I had a mild panic attack right there. I know how you feel, this is HARD. And as someone mentioned it is very difficult when you get this close to the move, because you feel like you are spinning your wheels just waiting for your life to begin. The only thing that saves me from insanity is work, spending time with my daughter and friends, phoning and webcamming as much as we can, and looking at a lot of things online regarding the move...wedding dresses, renting a property, visa information, etc. And I just keep telling myself, this is the LAST TIME we have to be apart.

I also know exactly how you feel about Manchester. The first time I got to Scotland, I was completely overwhelmed by how much it felt like home. When I moved away from Texas, I thought it would always be my home. But there was some strange feeling about Scotland...like it was home and I was always meant to be there. Like fate or something, and believe me, that's coming from someone who doesn't really believe in that kind of stuff.

My fiance and I have used that word "shell" so many times. That's what it feels like to leave each other. I think you really do leave your hearts behind with each other. But you WILL get through this, and it will have been worth all of it. I'm saying that for both our benefits!

*hugs*
Carrie

Hi Carrie,

I just noticed you were in Washington too. And I'm right in the same boat with you Katrinacov too. I just had a good cry with my mom. She thought DB and I had broken up because I couldn't even get my words out. And like I said, I've never been this emotional over leaving. I think it must because it's the homestretch. I'll have to look at it like only one more visit and then I get to go home for good!

Hey aricarai, Snohomish, eh? Too bad it's not closer, I'd buy you a drink/coffee! This place is a godsend for that purpose...not just for information, but for sympathy from people going through the same thing. It helps to not feel completely alone in this. I think your right about it being so emotional because you're finally almost to the finish line.

Hey aricarai, Snohomish, eh? Too bad it's not closer, I'd buy you a drink/coffee! This place is a godsend for that purpose...not just for information, but for sympathy from people going through the same thing. It helps to not feel completely alone in this. I think your right about it being so emotional because you're finally almost to the finish line.

Where is Belfair at?

Past Tacoma, over near Port Orchard/Bremerton area.

Yikes that is far, but if I'm ever out that way...I'll let you know. It would nice to meet up with someone who is going through the exact same thing as myself.

Agh I cant get out of my depression.  I am SOOO utterly depressed, I am crying so hard Im making myself ill.  I am SOOO alone, and my fiance is the only one who helps me and makes me feel better.

I think he is getting tired of always seeing me cry and sad.  He usually chats with me after i get out of work (late for him) but tonight he left early...he says he was tired but i think its because i was upset and crying after work.

I hate being upset and to make matters worse he is worried I might hurt the baby being so upset...cause a miscarriage etc.  We are trying to get pregnant. 

I just need to stop crying and being upset.  Everyone tells me to focus on it being July when i visit...but all i see is 2 months or horribleness.

I feel so alone. 

I know it's so hard trying to get back on track after such a wonderful visit with your significant other. At least you don't have that much longer until you can be with him again. Just try to focus on the positives; hang out with your friends and family, make a list of things to do before you leave the states, focus on your job, the bright future you two will be having, maybe join a gym or a club etc. Keeping yourself busy will make the months, weeks and days go by so much faster. I hope everything will work out for you and that you get out of your funk soon because it's not a very healthy way to be. I know it's easier said but Chin up! You'll be with your love soon enough.  ((HUGS))

Also @ aricarai & @ Carrie2Scotland it's awesome seeing people from Washington on here! I thought that I was the only one.