How did you decide where to live? the future?

I moved over here last October to be with my husband. Before I moved, we talked about our future but it was not in depth, by any means. We just kind of thought we'd figure it all out when the time comes and no matter what, we'd work something out. I came over here with the intentions of only being here for 2-3 years and then we'd go back to America so I could further my education there, etc. W

e have been talking lately about the future and it seems so daunting. Starting here has been a lot of work in terms of getting ourselves a nice place to rent, me finding a job, getting furniture, a car for me, establishing a life, etc. We both feel so scared about the future now. Both of us starting over from scratch in America is scary considering the fact just me starting from scratch here has been hard enough!  We would have to go through the whole visa process again, find jobs, buy cars/furniture, etc. I still want to go to America but, now my husband isn't as open to it.

I am just curious as to how you talked about this situation with your significant other. What compromises did you make?

I have read about people moving to either the UK or USA with their spouse and starting from scratch. I know it is doable, but certainly does not sound easy. I suppose where there is a will, there is a way.

Ultimately, I know it is up to my husband and I. I guess I just wanted to hear from others what they considered about their futures, what compromises they made, how hard it was to start all over again, etc.

For us, it was an easy choice in practical terms.  DH was already well established in his career here, with a good amount of savings (for making a house downpayment).  I had 'just a job' (story of my life - lol!) & nothing to really hold me financially to the US.

He is close enough to his family that we see and spend time with them several times a year.  I was used to living a good distance away from my family members, and not necessarily even seeing them every year.

The compromise was largely mine - to move and adapt to life here.  On the other hand, he was able to provide me a good degree of financial security and a stable home life that I had not had before in my adult life up to that point.  We made a good, right & sensible choice, under the circumstances - one with which we have both been content. 

For us, it was a matter of cost and geography and timing.

We met in Canada. I already planned to move to the UK. Mr MLG had an expiring work visa for Canada. He then got a job in the Netherlands and I got a job in London. Did the long distance thing for 1.5 years. Got married and I moved to the Netherlands, knowing it was not permanent. Because of geography, cost and his employer repatriating him to the UK, returning  to the UK was the obvious choice.

The only thing I'd really consider / research is professional requirements in your field for both the UK and the US, as this will be a hurdle of paperwork for the country you don't qualify in.

The opther big issue we learned from Canadian / British friends is that they went to Canada, but returned to the UK before the British spouse naturalised and to this day, they regret waiting for him to naturalise for the flexibility and permanently visa free hassle it would have given them had they waited. So in your shoes, I'd stay in the UK until I naturalised as British, but that flexibility is something important to me. But that's just me.

Other than that, I'd say settling in takes longer than most people anticipate. It took 4 years of me being back in the UK a second time and already being British before I felt settled and at home. But a lot of that had to do with loving where we live and settling in terms of buying a house and making a home and making friends.

I think you have to work out what your fears and priorities are together.

But I'd like to chip in and say how privileged and lucky you are to have the option to live in the UK, US or EU if you so desire, especially in your own right if you become British.

HTH! 

Wellllll, we were originally planning to have him move to the US (I liked SoCal, he didn't really seem to care, he had easily transferable skills..etc), but then the bottom fell out of the economy, and we decided to live in the UK instead. I love it here, it turns out, so we have no plans to go back to the US. Currently, we are looking at Vienna, as DH has a job offer there, but I wouldn't go over until I had my UK citizenship. Where we are living is sort of fluid, though, as soon as I get that British passport!

I moved over here for a job and met my husband while over here.  I didn't have any particular amount of time I was going to stay, but now it looks like I'll be here for a good long while.  My DH's parents are elderly while mine are quite a bit younger (and have other family around)...so we are going to remain here as their support.  Plus I love my job and my life in London.

I was just establishing my career in the games industry and he was a student, so it seemed easier for him to come over on a student visa whilst I built my career up.

We're hoping to move to the US end of next year but we keep putting the time off and moving it around depending on what we're doing or wanting.

I'm not worried about it, home is wherever we are together, the rest is just location and we'll make the best of it  

When my husband and I got married five years ago in the US, I thought we would only be there for a year. I just wanted to finish up with University, and then move to the UK. In the end, life got going and we ended up staying for three years. I can't honestly say why/when we decided to move to the UK, but it was just always the plan so we were sticking to it. We were young when we got married, so moving to the US was pretty easy for my husband. He was only leaving a job, as opposed to a career, and he didn't have a home/furnishing to sell.

Moving back the UK, was definitely trickier. In those three years, we had picked up a lot of possessions and attachments. We had careers, cars, and cats by then. In some ways, I was pretty worried about giving up our comfortable lives and starting from scratch, but another part of me couldn't wait to begin what felt like our "real lives". Knowing we would move at some point, made it hard to settle in the US. We didn't feel like we could buy a house or start a family.
We have now been in the UK for two years, and things have just really fallen into place for us. We quickly found great jobs where we are completely happy in, have amazing friends, and are about to buy our first home.

It's a tough choice, because if things don't work out quickly after moving it can feel like you've made a big mistake. So many people feel depressed and resentful after the moving to another country. But life is all about perspective.

We made the choice to live in the US because I (the USC) still had a teenage son.  My husband had never had any children.  My parents are still living; his are deceased.  We each have a sibling. 

I had a house (albeit with a mortgage); my husband rented. 

My husband hated his job.  I loved mine.

Seems simple, right?

That was five years ago.  Today in the US, my husband has been out of work for one year this coming Friday.  I left the job I had for what I thought were greener pastures - they weren't.  We have been uninsured for a year and with my husband's health issues, we really can't afford to be.  We sold my large home and bought a smaller one (before the job loss) and are struggling to hang onto it.  My son will be out of college in one year and will soon be on his own.  My family has been there for SOME emotional support for us, but otherwise offer us no help.

Meanwhile in the back of my mind is the council house my husband could have purchased for about $15K (in sterling) that he vacated when he moved to America.  And the NHS that he left behind.   

Moral of the story?  Unless you have a crystal ball, it's hard to predict where you'll be better off.  But from my perspective, think long and hard about moving back to the US and trying to raise a family.  If you have the skills for a very well paying career in the US, then you might want to go for it.  If you think you'll be 'working class', you are better off by far in the UK.

Moral of the story?  Unless you have a crystal ball, it's hard to predict where you'll be better off.  

Definitely this!

We just always planned to live in the US. I had never considered living anywhere else and DH always had this dream about living here. I only moved to the UK so we wouldn't have to wait to get married (US visas take longer, plus he had a house to sell and a business to close) It actually would've been easier for me to move there permanently but that wasn't ever our plan.

Fast forward 5 years and here we are in the US planning to make our move back to the UK permanently (at least we think so)

If we hadn't moved to the US, we'd already be well up on the property ladder, he would still have his business....we'd be in great shape. Instead we're looking at taking a loss on our house since we bought at the top of the property ladder and he'll have to work for someone else. Not ideal but it was our choice.

I think the most important thing is to make a plan you are both comfortable with but know that one or both of you might change your mind later. Don't think of whatever you decide today as something set in stone. In other words, just relax and go wherever life takes you!  

I came to the UK to as a student on a short term visa..hubs and i got married.  We decided to stay in the UK because he had already established a career, had a house.  We live in a nicer area of the UK compared to where i lived in America.  We feel the NHS is better than american healthcare - at least we know that we would get treatment.  Someone else mentioned about becoming a UK citizen.  I went through the visa process from student to fiancee to citizen and just feel that this is a good thing, if we ever decide to live in europe it would make things easier and it just makes travel in/out of the country so much easier..

8 years later and we are still in the UK...i still miss the warmer climate in america and things about the US...and always say that we might end up in America - who knows?..but for now it just feels like the right decision to live in the UK...i think you have to weigh out the advantages and disadvantages and go from there...

good luck

MrRed5 had been living in the States since 1992 as the result of a work transfer.  We sold our house in 2004 and debated the pros and cons of moving back to England. 
We moved over in June 2005.
He now states that he won't entertain the thought of ever moving back to the States which I am not pleased with.  For the most part I am happy and settled here, but I always like to have options. 

Thank you all very much for your stories and input. You all have made some great points. I have always said, we cannot predict the future and at times, it's hard to plan for things because things change, etc. I think it is just a matter of weighing up pros and cons for each country. Another thread on here a while back stated that being married to a Brit is amazing in that, it enables us to live in the UK or Europe, but at the same time, having all of these options of where to live can be tough.

I came over here and we planned on being here for a few years and then move back to the US (for who knows how long!). I need to go to grad school and I couldn't decide where I should study (decisions, decisions!). It's hard for me because although I do really like it here, I miss my family soooooooooo much. Sometimes I just get so upset because I don't know what to do. My husband's sister just had a baby, it is the first neice/nephew of the family. Since then, he has been saying he is not sure if he could move to America now as he wants to be near his family. I completely understand that! It's just difficult now to figure out a plan...

I like having many options and feeling like the world is our oyster but, at the same time, I find it very difficult as well!

Anyways, thank you all for your stories!