Phone Etiquette

I spotted this subject from a post from last year.

The thread was mostly about answering the phone.  It has almost got to the point where I jump everytime the phone rings because there  is indefinitely going to be an awkward moment.  Firstly, I never know quite what to say when someone immediately says (when I pick up the receiver) "Are you alright".  Everytime I say yes and then out of courtesy (because they immediately asked me) I ask them if they're "Are Alright".  And everytime without fail, there is an awkward pause with the person on the other line not knowing where to go from there.  Am I not supposed to ask them that question back? 

I've watched my wife answer the phone...After she gets her "all right" she says something to the effect of "yeah...yeah" BUT there is never any equal appropriate response to ask how the caller is doing.  She just launches into stuff.  I'm sorry but in a nation that prides itself on "good form" that seems kind of lazy.  My wife's parents never take the time to ask how I'm doing.  They always just ask to speak to her.  There is no tension between us at all.  They just always do that.  Which is something my Mother would never in a million years do.
I've also noticed a strange dichotomy that people I don't know very well are completely over inquisitive and feel the need to express to me more than they ever would to me if they were talking to me in person.   

Texting.....ABSOLUTELY DRIVES ME CRAZY.

Just pick up the phone and call for God sakes.  I'm not sure what the deal is but I have never experienced a more text happy culture on the planet.  Why is this?  The worst scenerio which is another bone to pick (that has happened on one or more occasion), is setting up plans to do something, meet somewhere etc...and getting a text last minute saying him/her can't make it.  I would much rather prefer someone calling me and just say that in person.  This sort of brings up another topic...but I've been on the other end of it.  I had to meet someone for something and I fell really ill from food poisoning the nite before.  I still was going to meet my appointment obligation but it was pretty apparent I wasn't going to be able to make it.  So there I was lying in bed and I asked my wife to grab my phone to call them and she looked at me quite puzzled and said "It's OK I'll just send them a text."  It's almost as if it's socially acceptable to hide behind these messages.  And somehow, someway almost the right thing to do???

Lastly...saying goodbye on the phone.  Whenever a British person is about to hang up they have to say "Bye" like 15 times.  Why can't once just be enough.  Logically the conversation has ended, so um....er....?....just end it. 

Scenerio 1:  I worked in a warehouse in Bristol for a bit and it was bustling.  Forklifts, transport tasks, deliveries etc...There was always something up and my bosses cell phone rang constantly.  Everytime without fail he would say bye like 3 times to whoever he was talking to.  With a loved one maybe?  Yeah, I get it.  There is kind of an enduring quality about it.  But here was this gruff guy from Wales talking to some trucker or something and everytime the same way of hanging up.

Scenerio 2:  One of the first times my mother called to check on me from the states my wife was on the phone with her.  I had to leave so I left them talking.  When I came back my wife was distraught because she thought my Mom hung up on her.  Background:  And my wife knows this.  My mother is an extremely busy person.  When she has to go - she's gotta go.  Nuff said.  Anyways, towards the end of the conversation my wife was doing her 3 or more "goodbye" ritual.  My Mom said "bye" and that was that.  I actually had to phone my Mom back later that evening to check and make sure everything was OK, just to see for myself by the sound of things.  My Mom simply said "What's the big deal? I had to go, I said goodbye..."

And lastly...Phone soliciters are annoying and yeah they always call at the wrong time.  But do they really need to be told to "F" off???  I've witnessed this one a couple of times.  Is it really necessary?  "No thank you" works just as well.  I've seen the nicest, sweetest, British people all the sudden flip out Jeckyl & Hyde style for some reason when this happens.

Are these observations strange to other Americans?  Any comments would be appreciated

Texts have always been much cheaper than calls on mobiles, and often people have packages with lots of texts but not a lot of minutes, so texting became the primary form of communication by mobile.

Firstly, I never know quite what to say when someone immediately says (when I pick up the receiver) "Are you alright".  Everytime I say yes and then out of courtesy (because they immediately asked me) I ask them if they're "Are Alright".  And everytime without fail, there is an awkward pause with the person on the other line not knowing where to go from there.  Am I not supposed to ask them that question back? 

I have the same thing happen to me all the time, but in person rather than on the phone. I should know by now that it's just another way of saying 'hey', but I always respond as if someone is actually inquiring about my well-being. Always awkward, but I've yet to figure out how to condition myself to respond properly. And are you just supposed to say 'hey' or 'yeah' in response?

It's totally the response thing...
Another one that always throws me is 'the statement followed by a question'. 

Example:  Where have you been?  Answer: I just got back, didn't I?
My first logical assessment is?  Why are you now asking me a question...?  I just simply wanted to know where you've been.  And furthermore, if I'm actually talking to you in person...therefore you must be back.  Can we please just get back to the root of the initial question.  Where you were?

I so can understand the Are you alright and million goodbyes.  Hilarious!

The million goodbyes just drove me crazy! Especially when men did it, dont' know why, but it did. It sounded 'girlie' to me!

The 'you alright' threw me for a bit but I got used to it. Texting also frustrated me. Especially because I had friends who would rather text than email, which, aside from 'I'm late or can't make it' phone calls, I prefered. To each their own, but I swear there will be a nation of people with repetitive stress injuries soon - in their thumbs!

Regarding texting.  Sorry mate, but you need to drag yourself into the 21st Century.

I'm with you on this balmerhon...
Texting also frustrated me. Especially because I had friends who would rather text than email, which, aside from 'I'm late or can't make it' phone calls, I prefered.

Sorry mate, but I prefer to treat people with respect.  And don't have to hide behind a cell phone (...excuse me "mobile") texting in the hopes that that's going to solve all my problems.  Doesn't matter what century you're living in.  It's called being a gentlemen.  I would also think that a nation that prides itself on it's language and correct use, inflection, and dialects would not be going out of it's way to decensitize it even with the simplest form of communications.

It's got absolutely nothing to do with respect or being a gentlemen. Texting is a quick, efficient and sometimes cheaper way to communicate.  Communication, like most things is continually evolving.  150 years ago people sent their regrets with hand delivered notes.  Times change.  

[mod note]

Come on folks. Let's be nice. Remember we're talking to real people here.

[mod note]

Come on folks. Let's be nice. Remember we're talking to real people here.

Some "real people" are pouring contempt on, and snickering at, a society's ways. Some of us have grown to love that society and its ways. Sometimes people sound like the American tourists you hear laughing at the "dinky little cars"

Yeah, my phone plan is as such that I have 600 free texts a month and ZERO free minutes.  It costs me 20p a minute to call someone.  They can either call me, or expect a text.  Is it annoying sometimes when a call would achieve the same results a bit faster? Yes.  But such is life.  I have more important things to worry about.

Sorry mate, but I prefer to treat people with respect.  And don't have to hide behind a cell phone (...excuse me "mobile") texting in the hopes that that's going to solve all my problems.  Doesn't matter what century you're living in.  It's called being a gentlemen.  I would also think that a nation that prides itself on it's language and correct use, inflection, and dialects would not be going out of it's way to decensitize it even with the simplest form of communications.

For me, it's not about manners or treating people with respect, it's about the cost of using my phone.

Texting = free
Calling = 20p per minute

I can't afford to call people from my phone very often... especially when sending a text message won't cost me a thing. If what I need to say is important or needs to be known quickly and I'm not sure if the person will receive the text/check their phone in time, then I'll call, but otherwise I'll text them. I actually feel rude calling sometimes when I think the person might be busy... because a quick text will disturb their day much less than a phone call will!

Regarding the 'you alright?' thing in the UK: usually the person asking doesn't really care whether you are all right or not and doesn't expect you to ask them the same thing back (you can say 'you alright?' in return to greet them, but it's not a serious question about their wellbeing). It's really just a way of saying 'hello'... similar to the way people use 'Hi, how are you?' in the US, when you're just expected to respond back with 'Hi, how are you?' (when I was an international student in the US, one of the orientation videos focused on US greetings and how to respond when someone said, 'hi, how are you?' to you ).

An amusing story from my UK childhood: my family don't say 'you alright?', so it took me a while to get used to people saying it to me when I was growing up. One time when I was about 12, I was at the local pool with a friend and someone we knew came up to us and said, 'you alright?' and I just mumbled out a 'yes', but when the person had gone, my friend turned to me and said with a grin, 'you're not supposed to reply to that!' .

as a person who is a bit socially awkward, I love texting. Even with my friends I am more comfortable sending a text than calling on the phone. there is an obvious end to the conversation and I don't need to make small talk. It's also cheaper for a lot of people to text and I personally find I much less invasive than calling. The other person can answer when they have the time rather than when I think they should, so looking at it from that point, it is actually more polite than ringing.  I can also text my boss when he's in a meeting and I need to tell him something urgently, but I can't phone.

I will agree it is excessive in some people (mostly teenagers) but at 15 I spent most of my time on the phone. The bigger argument I think is what texting is doing to our language. Wuz and soz are becoming words that are being used in written correspondence. That to me is the issue with texting. But all this is happening in the states as well, so to say it's a british thing is unfair.

As far as the bye thing, I only know 1 person that does this and it's my boss, and drives the office nuts. Figure by the time I've said bye and put the phone down he'll have gone through his list.

Some "real people" are pouring contempt on, and snickering at, a society's ways. Some of us have grown to love that society and its ways. Sometimes people sound like the American tourists you hear laughing at the "dinky little cars"

I actually agree in this case. I've been offended by several posts in this thread and the way that they've been phrased including the OP.

1. If someone says "Alright?" to you, it's perfectly acceptable to say "Yeah not too bad, How are you?" or "Fine, we're having great weather, you alright?".
I always reply when someone asks me if I'm alright, if your wife doesn't, I would take it up with her rather than applying a blanket criticism to the British in general.

The nature of "Are you alright?" is inherently casual, so if you reply "I'm fine thank-you, how do you do today?" or words to that effect, in a formal way then there's going to be am awkward pause. It's the equivalent of someone saying "Hey, what's up?" and you replying "I am splendid thank you for enquiring, and how might you be doing today?"

Regarding your in-laws, how often have you asked how they are? If they say "Hi Jon, is Sandra there?" could you not say "She's in the garden, I'll just get her. How are you doing today?" and therefore start some pleasantries?
My FiL(to be) absolutely just barks my boyfriend's name as a question whenever he phones, there's no apparent tention between us but he's never asked how I am, I could be on fire and he wouldn't ask.
That's something MY mother would never do. She always speaks to my boyfriend, asks him how uni is, sends him a birthday card, she even sends presents at xmas to my MiL(to be) at xmas. Have she ever got anything back? No she bloody hasn't. I'm not casting dispersions on every American ever, I just assume it's specific to the people involved (my mother is very thoughtful about people).

2. Texting. I hate being called by people for short messages, if someone calls you, you have little choice but to answer, you could be on the bus, in a shop, at work, you have no choice but to interrupt your day and answer it.
A text, a short, concise, informative text, that you can read at your leisure, that gives you information that you need. What could be better?
Email is fine for me, but not everyone sits in front of their email or Facebook all day, lots of my friends check their email once every couple of days.

3. Never noticed it at all. But it sounds like your wife was still talking when she was hung up on. That's rude to me, even if I don't agree with lots of goodbyes, if someone was still speaking to be hung up on is really rude.

4. Not unique to the UK at all! Have you ever seen Seinfeld?