Phone Etiquette

Excellent post cheesebiscuit.

The 'All right' thing must be an English thing, because I've never encountered that on the phone in Scotland. If I say hello, the person phoning says hello back and usually says who is calling. The scenario you describe seems very similar to me to the American 'Hi, how are you?' that you get when walking past someone you know on the street or something. They'll usually have long since walked on before you can even say 'Fine.' Not peculiarly British at all IMO.

Whenever my partner's parents phone, they always take several minutes to ask how I am, ask after my mum, have a wee chat, so maybe it's just that your wife's parents aren't into small talk rather than that all British people are rude on the phone. As for the repeated goodbyes, my partner's dad does that, but his mum doesn't, and neither do any of my friends.

I don't see how texting is 'hiding'. It's just cheaper, faster, more efficient and often more convenient for the recipient. Just because you don't like it doesn't make it bad or wrong.

Texting. I hate being called by people for short messages, if someone calls you, you have little choice but to answer, you could be on the bus, in a shop, at work, you have no choice but to interrupt your day and answer it.
A text, a short, concise, informative text, that you can read at your leisure, that gives you information that you need. What could be better?
Email is fine for me, but not everyone sits in front of their email or Facebook all day, lots of my friends check their email once every couple of days.

Yes!

I really don't want to hear the person sitting next to me on the bus talking about their plans for dinner.

Or have to tear myself away from work to listen to a long phone message when I could read a text in a few seconds.

Texting is efficient and private.

Yes!

I really don't want to hear the person sitting next to me on the bus talking about their plans for dinner.

Or have to tear myself away from work to listen to a long phone message when I could read a text in a few seconds.

Texting is efficient and private.

I agree.  I've got an unlimited messaging package on my phone, and use texting this way.  I work in an office with no privacy, and sometimes need to communicate something brief.  Nobody I work with needs to know what I need to pick up from the store, how the sick pet is doing, etc.

If I needed to have an extended conversation with someone, I'd call that person.   

Hey people!  I'm not anti-England or anti-text messaging by any means.  I'm not a tourist.  And I am not the type of American who believes if you don't do something MY way - it's wrong.

I'm just trying to understand the protocol.  When some guy in this post is telling me I'm living in the "dark ages" yeah, it made the hair on my neck bristle.  I'm just curious is all.  And I'm going to stand my ground in saying that as far as texting goes?  I feel like if it's stupid stuff like "Honey can you please pick up some milk....?"  Fair play.  I'm talking about relying on it to do MOST of your conversing, planning, and communicating.

And thanx Cheesebisquit for yer post....you nailed the "all right" thing.  You have to realise that when you come from a land where "are you alright" means quite literally - "have you injured yourself?"  It's gonna take some getting use to.  That's it really...

And thanx Cheesebisquit for yer post....you nailed the "all right" thing.  You have to realise that when you come from a land where "are you alright" means quite literally - "have you injured yourself?"  It's gonna take some getting use to.  That's it really...

It's a nuance that people who have spent a long time out of the States or haven't lived there long don't really get.  When I first moved here, "you all right?" alarmed me every time I heard it.  Do I look pale?  Do I have a big gash on my head I don't know about?

There really isn't an equivalent in the US as when someone says, "Hi, how are you?" you don't answer with the same question unless you answer the question first.  In fact, it's a signal to an awkward or some sort of out of whack exchange (surprise, sexual attraction, hurried exchange in passing, whatever) when one or both people actually don't say how they are.  Maybe "How do you do?" in certain circles is roughly the same.  But to be fair, even British people have taken the phrase to task.  I read The Book of Dave a few months after I moved here, and now whenever I hear it, I can't help but picture the motos when I hear it said in a certain way.  You get used to it, and I always respond, "I am fine, how are you?" or "Not bad, and you?"  I cannot just answer with the same question although that is acceptable.  That said, I've never heard anyone answer the phone with it or even use it on the phone.

Texting takes a bit getting used to, but I've come to prefer it.  My husband works a job where he can't always answer his mobile.  I can send him a message whenever I want without having to guess when he's on tea break or has a free moment.  I only wish he'd use it more to me because he invariably calls when I am on the other side of the flat, and we only have one phone for the landline.  Having a good email/text phone with a qwerty keyboard helps a lot with adapting to it.  Although I love my new phone, I miss the ease that I could fire off texts and emails on my Blackberry.

You'll get the swing of things.  Perhaps this should have been posted in homesickness and hard times, because I don't think the OP meant it as an attack on British culture.  It's an adjustment thing.  I am not saying he's homesick.  He's experiencing cultural adjustment.

 My wife's parents never take the time to ask how I'm doing.  They always just ask to speak to her.  There is no tension between us at all.  They just always do that.  Which is something my Mother would never in a million years do.

I understand where your wife's parents are coming from.

I'm not comfortable making small talk.

If someone calls to speak to DH, and I happen to pick up the phone,  or if I call someone and another person picks up,  it's difficult for me to think of what to say to the person at the  other end.

I need to have a reason for a call. I really can't just chit chat about the weather or something like that.

I'm also unsure of how busy the other person is - If I don't talk long enough, will they think I am rude? If I talk too long, am I interrupting them when they are in a hurry?

For that matter - maybe I am busy. Maybe I was in the middle of doing something when the phone rang; I just picked it up because I happened to be closer to the phone than DH.

Maybe I'm in a hurry, and I just called your wife because I needed her to answer a question or I need to confirm some plans with her at the last minute.

Regarding this and the texting issue, you seem to associate etiquette with having a lot of free time on your hands.

By any change, did you  move to London from a much more sparsely populated place in the  US, where the pace of life is slower?

I don't think texting all the time is a British thing.  I have preferred texting over calling for at least five years, in the US, Japan, and now the UK.

Someone once broke up with me through a text message that said "Sorry, but this just isn't working out for me" or something like that and then refused to answer any of my calls when I called to find out why. Very cowardly. So I agree that if someone has something truly important to say (Sorry, I can't make it tonight, for example, at the last minute, is pretty important) then I would rather hear them say it to me personally rather than send a text, mainly because I may not see the text in time for some reason. But if they are just sending a little blip to let me know they are thinking of me or if its something not too important, then a text is fine, though everyone who knows me knows I never have my phone with me, its rarely charged up, and I get no signal in the house anyway. They know the best way to contact me is on my home phone or via email. So my advice is: if you don't like the texts, then don't give anyone your mobile number. Give them your home phone and tell them to call you there if they want to talk. I really only carry my mobile for emergencies and I store my phone numbers in there so I don't lose them. I don't really call anyone with it since its expensive and the signal sucks at our house, so I just use the home phone, unless I'm away somewhere. DH gets ridiculous jokes in text messages on his phone all the time, which would annoy the crap out of me. Ugh.

My MIL is overly courteous to sales callers and telemarketers, etc., to the point of being hilarious. She will say no thank you about a hundred times, and then a "No Thank You, RIGHT??" at the end to let them know she is serious. Then she says Bye about ten times before she hangs up. LOL.

By any change, did you  move to London from a much more sparsely populated place in the  US, where the pace of life is slower?

No...I grew up in San Francisco which is a multi-cultural, technology friendly, uber as urban gets society.  I have a huge group of American friends and colleagues and we don't ever send texts to each other if it's something important.  I'm not trying to stir up a heated debate.  But I've found that living in the UK people tend to rely on texts at important times.  And I'm just trying to figure out why?  

Scenerio:  I was out a couple of weeks ago with the boys and things started to go on a little late.  One by one ALL the guys I was with sent there girlfriends/wives texts saying they were going to stay out longer.  1 guy infact got into a "text argument" because his wife got a little peaved at the fact.  So there they are in the pub angrlly blipping each other back and forth and he's saying to the rest of us "What do I say now?"

I was the only guy who called his wife - told her the story.  And that was that.  Problem solved.  Does anyone see where I'm going with this?  If anyone of my friends in the states did that, there would definately be a war on there hands because the implied thing here - is being too cowardice to call, because you might be up to some mischief.  Or is it in some ways not making a call because you're so afraid of hurting the other persons feelings?
It's your wife for godsakes.  Just call her and let her know you'll be a little late.  

Again, I repeat.  I am not referring to stupid stuff.  And I am desperately NOT trying to make sweeping statements about Brits.  But I experience scenerios like this all the time.

YOU think it implies being too cowardly to call or whatever other reasons. How many times does it have to be said, texting is WAY cheaper for a lot of people, so if it's the difference between a free text or 20p a minute, people will text instead, and it's become completely culturally accepted to use texts in most situations; therefore people generally don't consider it rude or cowardly or whatever, they just see it as normal. They guy's wife would probably have been even more annoyed if they'd had a 15 minute phone argument in public and ended up spending several pounds on the call.

Again, I repeat.  I am not referring to stupid stuff.  And I am desperately NOT trying to make sweeping statements about Brits.  But I experience scenerios like this all the time.

I'm not sure why you seem to think this is a British thing? Many of my American family, friends, aquaintances text more than they ever talk on a phone. Heck, I text my ex-husband at work to make sure if he's going to be able to pick up my daughter from daycare if I'm working late...that's pretty important, yet I use text for it. Why? He's discouraged from taking personal phone calls at work but he can usually shoot back a quick text. Everyone's got their own thing. It isn't about cowardice, rudeness, or impropriety. It's a personal preference...chocolate to vanilla ice cream.

And Super, it isn't just an English thing, that's all I hear when I'm with the Scottish fiance..."Alright?" Him, family, friends, often answer the phone like that, the door like that...it's a standard greeting. (Usually if it's a buddy, it's more like "Alright, b*wbag?" Haha.) I'm still getting used to it...my intial reaction is to respond with, "Uh, yeah, why do I not seem alright?" Anyway, maybe it's a regional thing?

In matters of cultural differences, projecting your own prejudices and judgements upon the actions of other people is not normally "best form", in fact,  I wouldn't like to call this narrow-mindedness but it can be suggested as such.
Something that could be done instead would be considering opposing viewpoints -

For instance - how about considering the following, without jumping to the idea of cowardliness? (Btw, I find that the idea that a man would be afraid of telling his wife laughable, and quite old fashioned! It conjures up images of a fishwife in curlers from an old sitcom! If my DB or my friends DB is going to be late, they will TEXT  in case of worry, not for any other reason.)

1. It would be rude to call at the table, so in order not to ruin atmosphere and leave people seated alone, a 10 second text could be sent instead.
1a. If people did in fact call at the table, or in the group then everyone could hear their conversation, this is a double whammy of rude and uncomfortable for those who could overhear.
2. Most men would not consider this to be hugely important information and more of a courtesy, certainly not akin to being broken up with (poor Jewlz, what a jerk!) in levels of importunateness, and therefore perfectly acceptable to being put in a text. That one person's wife (which he obviously did not expect) was offended was unfortunate, and seems to be the exception rather than the rule.
3. The wives may have taken this opportunity to have a relaxing bath, watch a film, read a book, go out with their own friends, they may have small sleeping children and would not appreciate the interruption of a text.
4. It would not normally provoke a discussion topic, the response to "I'm going to be later than normally" would not usually solicit a response of more than "Have fun", "Don't be home too late", "can you grab some milk at the 24 hour garage?" and therefore suitable for a text.
5. If a simple text to tell your spouse escalates into a "war" for your friends in the US because of what is "implied" then I would honestly suggest contacting Relate to discuss trust issues in their relationship.  
How is this preferable to a UK spouse sending a text to say their going to be late not being a big deal? Surely the latter is preferable to the former?! This makes absolutely zero sense to me.  

A text implies trust in a relationship in this manner. It can be sent from anywhere, it is not a discussion it is information. It is one loving partner telling another that they will be home later and not to worry. A call in this situation is an untrusted partner checking in with their prison guard to ask permission to stay out later.    

Carrie, I meant specifically as a phone greeting. Maybe I misunderstood what MD said, but I thought he meant that he picks up the phone and says, 'Hello?' and the person immediately says, 'All right?' I've never encountered that in nearly 7 years. In person yes, though still usually after a hi or hiya. Could be regional, or more common in some demographics.

A call in this situation is an untrusted partner checking in with their prison guard to ask permission to stay out later.    

LOL.   I would call only because DH's mobile doesn't get a good signal in our house either, so he might not get the message, or it might take ages to come through and I'd already be home by then!   But definitely, I can see texting over calling if there are sleeping children, or maybe the wife is watching a movie or who knows what. It is often less of an interruption to get a short text that takes only a few seconds to read versus having a phone conversation.

Carrie, I meant specifically as a phone greeting. Maybe I misunderstood what MD said, but I thought he meant that he picks up the phone and says, 'Hello?' and the person immediately says, 'All right?' I've never encountered that in nearly 7 years. In person yes, though still usually after a hi or hiya. Could be regional, or more common in some demographics.

You're probably right. It was hard to decipher what the OP was getting at, frankly, so my bad.