Nervous about 1st pregnancy.

As of this moment I am about 23 weeks pregnant, and having constant nervous dreams.  My baby boy is due to arrive around November 20th.  I know I shouldnt be nervous, but I am really scared about having a baby in the UK.  The whole midwife thing is not big in the US, and I am worried about not having an "OBGYN".  My mother says the midwives prob know alot more than the doctors, cause all the doctors do is show up to catch the baby as it comes out lol.  I am scared about not getting my epidural soon as I would like it, and just having silly thoughts.  Also my midwife said that you give birth in a room, seperated by curtains only, with 3 other women in the same room??  Luckily she said you can pay to have a private room, its pretty cheap..about 40 pound a night. But I was also curious about when my husband can be there, I was reading things about visiting hours??  I want him there the whole time, to suffer with me lol. 

Good experiences would help me alot..

Haven't had my little one yet.  But...I can tell you that a lot of your concerns will be specific to what hospital you are having your baby at.  I had the choice of 2 different hospitals to chose from (that are about 15 miles apart) and I was shocked at the extreme differences in the policies. 

The hospital I'm having my baby at has private delivery rooms (with your own bathroom and all that nice stuff)...but all you do is deliver there.  After the delivery (and your initial checking over), you are moved to the post-delivery ward where there are 8 bays per room...separated only by a curtain.  I had to be admitted for a few hours last week and there were only 3 women in there, so they each had the entire rooms to themselves.  There are several shared bathrooms throughout the ward.

There are specific visiting times (I believe it's only from 2-4pm) but your OH is allowed to stay with you while you are in active labour and for a short period of time after the baby is born (no specific guidelines but a few hours).  If you're not in active labour (like if you are being induced or after the baby is born), your OH is allowed to visit from 8am to 9pm.

Aside from the hospital specific things, I can say that I really loved the midwife-led care I received.  I've heard a lot of complaints from people not being able to get in touch with their MWs but I guess that depends on the area.  I've always been able to contact mine right away and she's a really lovely lady.  I'm considered high risk and I've been moved to consultant-led care.  I don't particularly like my consultant but I do feel very well taken care of.  I have bi-weekly monitoring at the Antenatal Day Unit (and have had since 20 weeks) and the MWs there have also been very lovely.

I'll be able to give more input soon (hopefully!) but that's been my experience so far.

In my experience the midwives were great.  I loved the non-medical approach to pregnancy and labour.  Like the last poster, I think it depends on which hospital you go to.  I had a private birthing room, but within hours I was on another ward in a double room.  I could have been in a quad, but was lucky. 

I knew I wanted an epidural and I got one at 4 cm dialated, which I think the earliest they will give is 3cm.  But I went into the delivery area insisting that I wanted it as soon as possible. I kept joking and asking until they called the anesthetist.  Make sure your partner knows you want it and just keep asking. 

You will do great!  Don't worry!

Hi,

I don't have any good experience as I'm 27 weeks this week - due the 21st of October - with my first. I understand the nerves, the only person I can really talk to here had her kids 17 years ago!  

From what I have heard from the fathers I know (most of the people I know here are male) their wives have been very well cared for.

Have you talked to your midwife about your fears?  I know that our local hospital will give you a tour.  They will show you the various rooms, and from what I can tell, they have birthing rooms where you actually go to have the baby and wards that you stay in when you aren't in active labour.

If you want to talk to someone who is almost at the same point as you, send me a pm.  I completely understand your concerns.  I'm sure someone with a positive experience will be around soon.

Pengi

Edited to add:  I just re-read that and it sounds like I'm not happy with my care which is not true at all, I am very happy.  They had trouble seeing the heart at my 20 week scan, so they just brought me back in.

The midwife led care here in the UK is brilliant, they are very knowledgeable and comforting. I was under the care of a consultant, and I only ever saw her in surgery, once I was in to have the baby, I didn't see her. I have had a v-birth and a C-section bot in the UK and have had really great experiences with midwives on the ward, and the community midwives. I love the fact that it wasn't treated as a medical condition. When you give birth, you are in a delivery room, and they are private. If you are in early labour you might be in a ward, but I personally liked being in a ward, I see my wardmate every week!! It was a good way to make friends! They do have rules on visiting hours, but they won't apply to your partner, they will let him stay for all of the gory details! Regardless of if you are in the UK or the US the epidural availability is probably the same, if you are nervous as your midwife at one of your checkups if she can make you an appointment to see the Anesthesist (I can not spell that word...) I did that and it was lovely to meet the Anestehist (sp again) before hand and then see her in theatre when I had my section!!

My little girl is only 4 months old, so I have been through this recently, honestly, it will be fine. Millions of women have happy birth experiences in the US and the UK...Have you done something like joined the NCT or taken any parentcraft classes? That might help to put your mind at ease!! I promise you, it will all be okay!

Thanks to all the responses.  I wasnt trying to sound grippy like I have recieved bad care.  I am just really nervous, mainly cause this is my first child..and never known any different then how things went down in the US with my sisters/friends.  I will definately be having an epidural.  I have a pretty good threshold for pain, but why not take the modern ways of alleviating some of it  

I am setup for the prenatal classes and will be doing the tours when I get back, currently in the US at the moment. My midwife is nice, but she said that I might get someone else..depending on who is working that day.  Fingers crossed its her, cause there is this one lady who is not very friendly, or comforting    

I am in the West London area.  I chose the hospital closest to my home, as we do not own a car.  There was a nicer hospital much further, but I just dont see how I could get there..and just dont want the hassle.  

I know how you feel.  I went through my first pregnancy in the UK 2 months behind my sister's in the US.  The questions I got from everyone back home made me wonder if the midwife system was up to par.  I remember being really worried because I was like 30 weeks pregnant and no one had looked at my cervix and this was something that my sister had done at every Ob/Gyn appt.  I asked the midwife at my next appt and she explained that it wasn't necessary and there was a very small risk that each time you went exploring up there you could interfere and cause problems.  She joked that if I really wanted her to she would, but why would I??  And thinking about it...she was right.  But it was these small differences that I kept having to explain to everyone back home.  In the end we both had really similar births and healthy babies.  She seemed to be in nicer hospital surroundings post birth, but had to stay longer.  Where my hospital ward was hot and basic, but I was home within 30 hours of delivery with excellent midwife care coming to my house. 

That was my favorite bit, the midwife home visits for 10 days after giving birth.  It was so nice to have someone to ask questions about all the things that pop up after you leave hospital.

During labour, if you do happen to get the midwife you don't really like....just have your husband ask to speak to the midwife in charge (hopefully it's not her) and ask to be assigned someone else if possible.  There will be several on duty in a decent sized hospital, so if they aren't totally busy they should be able to swap. 

I think the midwives give you even better care than the doctors!  I have worked with lots of pregnant women in the US as part of my job and came to the decision to work with a nurse midwife myself there if I were to get pregnant.  Then I could have the medical side of things but someone who actually listens to you and sticks around through the whole labour rather than coming in for the last ten minutes to just catch the baby.

I was also very happy with how my midwife came to my home as much as I needed her to after the birth.  She kept her distance once she saw I was doing fine and coping well enough, but was there whenever I had niggling questions about if I was breastfeeding right and such.  Both the midwives I've worked with were brill (I'm on my second pregnancy in a different area).

I was one who worried about the hospital thing too, and one of the things that surprised me was that I actually ended up liking being on the bigger ward during the night I was induced.  Since I wasn't in actual labour yet, DH did have to go home after 9pm, but then all us women chatted and it helped settle my nerves and made the night go well.  The other poster is also correct in saying the standards for when they give you an epidural are the same-- 3-4 cm dilated.

If I were you, I'd tour both hospitals.  If you have strong enough feelings about being comfortable with the other one, you could always find a way like taking a taxi to the other one.  It may set your mind at ease to just know you've explored all your options.

As for the other things, my sister and I had babies at the same time--me here and her in the US.  I was interested to see that we actually saw our docs/midwives about the same number of times when it came down to it.  We got ultrasounds at the same time.  She did give birth in a prettier hospital, but truthfully, I feel my aftercare was much better than hers.

I just had a positive experience giving birth in an NHS hospital about two weeks ago. During the labour, I had a private room and then was moved to a ward overnight where there were three other ladies and babies. It was fine.

Because I did not opt for drugs, I could have opted to go home immediately thereafter--actually. But it was 11 pm at night when all was said and done, and staying overnight in the ward would allow us to do the five separate tests (baby's hearing, my temperature, etc.) immediately in one fell swoop in the morning, as opposed to having to make separate appointments and separate journeys to different offices to accomplish all that. Besides, my adrenaline was so high--it's not as if I was going to sleep much that night anyway. The other ladies were as quiet as they could be. Perhaps the babies weren't! But, it put a lot of things in perspective. I may not be friends with those ladies--but, I know I'm not alone in the craziness that ensues!

No, my husband did not get to stay on the ward. But, I sent him home to sleep... some of the last hours of consecutive sleep he's gotten since the birth of the baby! He came back first thing in the morning and was involved in all of the discharge tests.

The other hospital option we had did have a hotel that couples could--possibly--stay in overnight for a small fee. But, like the poster, we opted for the closer hospital. Besides, the hotels are always first come, first served and the rooms are often all booked up for other medical procedures---as there's no way to plan the date of baby delivery! C-section ladies are garunteed their own rooms--due to infection concerns. Also, one has to be able to walk into a hospital hotel on their own accord. Therefore, ladies who opt for an epidural are not usually able to stay in the hospital hotel.  With all the variables laid down regarding the hotel, my husband and I chose the closer option without the hotel.

I did not have the same midwife during the labour as I had throughout the pregnancy check-ups. However, it was fine. During labour, you'll be surprised about what you don't care about anymore. Whoever was or was not there did not matter much to me! Frankly, the midwife at the labour was a lot more experienced than my usual midwife. I felt a lot more comfortable with the one in the labour suite. She even stayed past the end of her shift to help with the end of our baby's birth.

Iwont bore you with my own experiences with my two births, but I will suggest you taking a tour of your hospital. It will really help to put your mind at ease and you will get a feel for how things run.

What I loved most about the midwife experience is that I had one with me the entire delivery. Not once was I left alone. Not once. I had a midwife and her assistant. My midwife took one break and during this break another midwife came in her place. I was still in labor when the shifts changed but again, I was never left alone.

And I like the others I had a private delivery suite. I've not heard of women having to share delivery suites but every hospital is different. I was also very lucky to have my own maternity room. They save these for high risk cases and twins was right at the top. Hooray! I liked having my own room but I did miss out a bit on that camaraderie that some women have with the other new mums when you're in a ward. In fact, I would go into the break room to get a cup of tea and I didn't even get a hello from the other mums.