differences in UK/US weddings??

Agreed!  We kept our costs down by keeping our guest list very, very short.  Didn't even have to deal with the hassle of who sits at what table - because we were only 20 people & the venue was able to accommodate that we all sat around one long table.  Lol!

This is what we did, as well.  Glad to hear I'm not the only one bothered by the reception-only tradition!   

Yeah, I get it about limited space/resources/money for the sitdown meal, and some just being invited to the evening do - I don't mind that at all.  We've been to a couple weddings like that where we were just invited to the evening bit & we went & that's all fine.

When you put it like that, emmylou, people coming to the ceremony at their option, then to the evening bit (without the formal meal in between) - I think that's okay.

On the other hand if the guest was expected to be at the ceremony, then leave for awhile & come back again - that would just kind of irk me.  Especially if I had to travel some distance.  But you're right, it's probably just a cultural thing.

I'm very interested in how the wedding party we're going to next Friday is going to be.  I think they are going to have some food there - the bride is Caribbean-British so I'm hoping for some yummy Caribbean food!  It's BYOB though (going to be a big dance party kind of thing) with an off licence down the street.  And they're going to have cabaret acts & burlesque dancers there!

On the other hand if the guest was expected to be at the ceremony, then leave for awhile & come back again - that would just kind of irk me.  Especially if I had to travel some distance.  But you're right, it's probably just a cultural thing.

Yes, I think this is ultimately what bothers me.  I know the wedding I am attending next month will have a lot of out of town guests who are not invited to the main meal; I guess if they are fine with coming all of that way and not being included in the meal, then great, but I wouldn't feel comfortable asking someone to travel 5 or 6 hours, get a hotel room for the weekend, and then not give them a proper meal.   But I didn't do a big fancy wedding exactly for this reason--we didn't feel right asking people to travel if we weren't willing to spend a lot of money to feed and entertain them!

I agree - expecting someone to be at the ceremony and then again at the evening is not cool, especially if they have traveled some distance!

Saying that, the wedding that I went to in the US was very bizarre indeed, and I know its not an american thing because DH and his friends found it weird too. We went to the ceremony in the early afternoon and then had to entertain ourselves for 4 hours while the bridal party went to get photos done! Then we headed to the venue in the early evening for the meal and reception. Odd!

I'm very interested in how the wedding party we're going to next Friday is going to be.  I think they are going to have some food there - the bride is Caribbean-British so I'm hoping for some yummy Caribbean food!  It's BYOB though (going to be a big dance party kind of thing) with an off licence down the street.  And they're going to have cabaret acts & burlesque dancers there!

This sounds awesome!!!

ETA - evening receptions with extra guests and buffet are the norm here! Also we saved our cake cutting until all of our evening guests had arrived

Agreed that it's the norm. I just wanted to point out to the OP that just because something's done a certain way here doesn't mean she necessarily has to do it that way. These days, I don't think there are really many hard and fast rules when it comes to weddings. Do want suits you!  

Agreed that it's the norm. I just wanted to point out to the OP that just because something's done a certain way here doesn't mean she necessarily has to do it that way. These days, I don't think there are really many hard and fast rules when it comes to weddings. Do want suits you! 

Absolutely!

Maybe it's because I'm old, but I just couldn't be doing with a wedding that went on & on all day in our case (neither could DH)!  Lol!

We had our ceremony at 5-5:30-ish pm (I was late getting ready & getting there - lucky for us the registrar was nice & understanding).  (Open bar before the ceremony while DH and the guests were waiting.  )  Then Bucks Fizz & canapes & photos with the whole group.  Then our sitdown dinner (no disco!) which lasted on into the night with several courses, drinks & everyone chatting.  It was fun but plenty long enough for us!

Oh yeah & most of the guests stayed in the hotel where we had it (as did we) so we all met up again for breakfast in the morning (B&B) before everyone took off. 

Oh yeah & most of the guests stayed in the hotel where we had it (as did we) so we all met up again for breakfast in the morning (B&B) before everyone took off. 

We did that too - it was soooo nice having brekkie with everyone the next day

Are you talking about the Vic -- behind the Town Hall, Mrs. R?  That's where DH and I first met!! It was the first pub I ever dared walk into and there was supposed to be a meet-up for young librarians. The only ones who turned up were my colleague and his friend (guess who?) who wasn't a librarian!

I have a UK wedding to attend next month and I've been told the format is ceremony, meal served only to very close family and friends with cake cutting done then, a few hours break in the afternoon, and then a larger evening reception (with snacks, but no meal) that everyone is invited to, including some people who weren't invited to the ceremony!  Is this how others have found UK weddings to be?  I was a bit surprised that some people are told to come to the ceremony and then told to entertain themselves for 5 or 6 hours while some of the guests were given a meal, and then expected to come back for the evening party later on. 

I have attended two like this but it has been by far the rare exception.  I have been to some 20-ish weddings and all the rest where those invited attended the whole day.

Another difference - no flower girls or ring bearers in the UK (sometimes small girls are counted as bridesmaids). The Best Man keeps hold of the rings before the ceremony.

Evening reception-only invites are a huge pet peeve of mine. To be it just says "we like you enough to want your gift, but not enough to pay for your meal". And yeah, we're having everybody, all day, even though that means we're strictly limited to 86.

Are you talking about the Vic -- behind the Town Hall, Mrs. R?  That's where DH and I first met!! It was the first pub I ever dared walk into and there was supposed to be a meet-up for young librarians. The only ones who turned up were my colleague and his friend (guess who?) who wasn't a librarian!

That's the one, BD!  I love that pub.    I always want to get there at just the right time & stealth my way into one of the cool, comfortable booths right in front of the bar, with enough room for 6-7 people to sit.    It's also neat when you see wedding parties in there.  Register office wasn't in Town Hall when we got married, so that wasn't an option - it was in an UGLY 1960s tower office building, near where I work - lol!  Since then the register office went into Town Hall instead, and it just makes sense - get married there, & head over to the Vic after. 

Whitelocks (down a little narrow ginnel beside the big M&S on Briggate) is nice too, and supposedly older, but it's a little cramped inside.  Good on a sunny day though if you sit at the picnic tables outside (in the ginnel).

So on balance, I like the Vic more!  

Come on over & we'll all meet up there!  

Another difference - no flower girls or ring bearers in the UK (sometimes small girls are counted as bridesmaids). The Best Man keeps hold of the rings before the ceremony.

Now that is one US tradition that I did steal! My 3 year old nephew was our ring bearer, our dressmaker made him a cushion and he carried them down the aisle - he was very shy and all the pictures ive seen are of him hiding his face with the cushion - so cute!

I could actually talk about weddings all day long - i love them!

Come on over & we'll all meet up there!  

You're on! Should be in Leeds sometime later this year. I remember Whitelock's too!

You're on! Should be in Leeds sometime later this year. I remember Whitelock's too!

Keep me posted!  Hope it's not when we're away on holiday, because it would be lovely to meet you.