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Topic: Friends please!  (Read 2850 times)

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Re: Friends please!
« Reply #15 on: August 12, 2010, 03:50:43 PM »
Woah.  Sorry that the people you have met have been unfriendly and that you took offense to my post... But I was actually trying to be helpful.   I asked why you thought people were laughing at your friendliness for a reason - I thought if you gave us an idea of the responses you have been getting and perceiving as "laughing at you" or being unwelcoming of your friendliness, we might be able to offer some insight... is it possible that you're misinterpreting something cultural, perhaps?  

Please pardon me, I did not in any way mean to be rude or hurtful!!! I completely understood the bigger picture and I do seek the advice. However, I felt that I was made to be close-minded, which wasn't the case. I'm very open to culture and adventure. I've been to other countries..and have seen a good part of the world at my age.. I simply felt that the people in my city (london) aren't as friendly as I had hoped for. I'm not trying to dismiss any advice at all. I just ask that people choose their words wisely. I have tried to correspond with others and it hasn't worked well. The end.

My intentions were not to offend anyone, apologies.

xx
« Last Edit: August 12, 2010, 03:55:26 PM by MissJenn »


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Re: Friends please!
« Reply #16 on: August 12, 2010, 03:52:06 PM »
I do know what you mean. It's not so much that londoners aren't friendly, but not outwardly friendly and sometimes they don't seem used to people not being as incredibly reserved as they are. They just keep to themselves a lot, which is sometimes appreciated, but difficult when it comes to meeting people. I probably wouldn't have made any friends if I wasn't attending a university right now. Most of the londoners I've become friends with though are far more friendly than what you'd expect - it's just getting to the point that is frustratingly difficult!

If you need an american to meet up with, I'm currently in Southwark, and am doing nothing but writing a dissertation at the moment (or so I should be!) Good luck with the job and flat hunt, too! Rubbish how the past two weeks have worked out for you.  :-\\\\

Thank you for the message :) Can you send me your email?


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Re: Friends please!
« Reply #17 on: August 12, 2010, 03:54:24 PM »
Glad I found this thread. I've been in England on and off for awhile now, and still have found it difficult to make many close friends. I'm quite outgoing and I know a lot of it is being from a big city in the States, and moving to Wiltshire and getting the taste of real english country living. (why the heck does everything close so early on Sunday?)

We are actually moving to Central London in a few weeks. I'd love to meet a few Americans to just chat with. We recently had our civil partnership ceremony (we're hitched!), and we are VERY happy.

I've noticed most of the folks on this site are female, not sure if there are any rules to the bookclub and such for a nice friendly gay guy? :)

I've been scouring england for things like Nyquil and hash browns I can pop in the toaster. I bring vats of ranch dressing and read both UK and US newspapers. I'm a bit homesick but absolutely love the English. I find them very friendly, but the entire culture is VERY different than what I've been exposed to in NYC and LA.

Would be really great to meet a few Americans not too far away from me who would like to gab over coffee at Cafe Nero! Please don't hestitate to PM me if any of this sounds interesting-

I'm definitely there!! <3 thank you for posting :)


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Re: Friends please!
« Reply #18 on: August 12, 2010, 04:28:28 PM »
I too am glad this thread came about (although I'm sorry to hear, MissJenn, that you are having a difficult first couple of weeks). 

Even though I'm not living in London at present, I'd still love to meet up when DH and I visit in December (if anyone is up for it).  Hopefully, some friendships could start and when we make our move over next year (mid-year), then I can say that I have some friends already there and hopefully meet up more once there permanently.   ;)


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    • Jennifer Knits
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Re: Friends please!
« Reply #19 on: August 12, 2010, 06:08:57 PM »
When I first moved to the UK (oh, way back less than a year ago) I figured everyone disliked me for being American, which seems fairly similar to your worry that they're all laughing at you. Heck, at two weeks I couldn't even cross the street by myself (I still have a lemming-like tendency to step out into moving traffic 'cause I was looking the wrong way).  Brits, in my understanding, are a bit more stand-offish but no less friendly than Americans. Basically that means they're not going to smile and say hello if you pass in the street or stuck in a particularly long queue but if you're lost or need help, say, carrying two very heavy suitcases up a large flight of stairs when the lift is broken, they'll help you out.

That said most of us have tales of woe in the making-long-term-friends-in-the-local-population department. Making new friends is always hard, you just have to give it time and keep trying. I'm still in the giving it time stage, myself :o)


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Re: Friends please!
« Reply #20 on: August 12, 2010, 06:27:10 PM »
Yup, and the rituals we go through to initiate friendship are different in every culture. Our international student office ran a study recently that showed that some students can get EXTREMELY confused in terms of friendship cues (and one of the examples was of students who believed they were very close friends with some American students, when it turned out that the American students were just being...friendly...as opposed to really thinking of them as close friends). It's tough all around, although, as an introvert (and shy person), I find myself usually more relaxed around the Brits because they don't require a lot of overt friendliness necessarily. That said, I will occasionally just use my Americaness to get things done that I need done quickly (I'm quite comfortable asking people to help out with the projects I'm involved in, in a way that probably seems a bit brash and American to some around me).
I've made a few friends here, but often they have close friends already as they've all grown up here! But, it does get better.


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Re: Friends please!
« Reply #21 on: August 12, 2010, 06:29:56 PM »
I don't think it's necesssarily cultural or necessarily about moving to a new country. I had no trouble at all when I moved from the US to Wales. But moving from Wales to Cornwall has been a very different experience, and it's taken a long time for me to start making friends. Sometimes it's just tricky, but it's nothing to do with how friendly you are - it's just the way it is. I've been here a couple of years and am now absolutely fine, but it wasn't that way at first. Just keep plugging away and soon enough you'll find that you fit in and have more social engagements than you know what to do with!  :)
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Re: Friends please!
« Reply #22 on: August 12, 2010, 06:57:06 PM »
Hi!

I too am having a hard time making friends. I feel like I don't "fit in" in a way with my co-workers and it has been very difficult for me at times. I work in Edgware which I think is very close to Enfield so let me know if you'd like to meet up! Maybe we could do something in the evening when I get off work!
Follow your bliss.


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Re: Friends please!
« Reply #23 on: August 12, 2010, 08:57:12 PM »
I just wish so many of us weren't dotted about the country, so far apart. I suppose I just want a wider circle of friends. I've hung out with some people from the forum a few times, but, it's not like it was for me in the States. I suppose it never will be, really. I'm friendly enough with co-workers and stuff, but, I'm just not interested in the same things that they are, so, since we don't have anything in common, I don't really make an effort, and vice versa.   :-\\\\
Amor Vinicit Omnia=Love Conquers All.


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Re: Friends please!
« Reply #24 on: August 12, 2010, 09:13:18 PM »
Try living on the Isle of Man where NO one is at!!

and it cost a freakin fortune to get off........




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Re: Friends please!
« Reply #25 on: August 13, 2010, 03:00:05 AM »
Try living on the Isle of Man where NO one is at!!

and it cost a freakin fortune to get off........

oh i wanna go there so badly.......i will come visit you when i got moved!!!!!!


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Re: Friends please!
« Reply #26 on: August 13, 2010, 12:49:47 PM »
Try living on the Isle of Man where NO one is at!!

and it cost a freakin fortune to get off........

...said the actress to the bishop.


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Re: Friends please!
« Reply #27 on: August 13, 2010, 05:46:20 PM »
oh i wanna go there so badly.......i will come visit you when i got moved!!!!!!

Defo let me know and I will show you around!




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Re: Friends please!
« Reply #28 on: August 13, 2010, 06:34:21 PM »
It hasn't really gotten better for me, but I cope with it. I have lived south of London for over 8 years now.

Over the years I've gone through the motions, feeling there was something wrong with me, hating comments made on this forum regarding people who have a difficult time assimilating aren't comfortable with their own company (which alludes to insecurity, and that isn't my case at all) and as a result I have very low expectations of meeting people casually. If a friendship develops, I embrace it. But if it doesn't I ignore it and move on.

Then there's the horrible guilt I feel sometimes about actually disliking the country of my husband's birth. Disliking a beautiful country with such an ancient and wonderful varied history. A country I would love to spend a full year travelling in, and then go back to live in an area that I find to be more congenial.

I don't beat myself up about feeling out of place anymore. I go with the flow, knowing I don't want to grow old and die here, and that's about it. My husband, child and mother-in-law are wonderful, and I know when my child starts school, and I have more personal time, I can volunteer and pursue more interests and get out more.

Most of my friends here are foreign. And the few English ones are quite dysfunctional (and women I wouldn't have hung out with in the US).

MissJenn, almost all of us here have suffered from homesickness in some form. Please don't take it as patronising when I tell you it could take you up to 18 months to feel at ease with your surroundings.

I hope your social experiences are the polar opposite of mine. And know you'll find plenty of support here to help you along.


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Re: Friends please!
« Reply #29 on: August 13, 2010, 06:39:28 PM »
I would really hesitate before you jump to conclusions that all Londoners arent friendly and you have to have American friends.  You said it yourself - you have to give it a chance and you have to give people a chance.  I hate to say it, but if you've only been here two weeks, IME, it will get worse before it gets better.  Have patience and treat every person you meet as a new person, not an unfriendly native. 

Good luck to you!!

This is so beautifully put, Mirrajay. I'm always amused when I meet a American that's newly over here. It makes me realise how out of touch I am with all things American. :)


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