Waiting on the visa, starting to run out of juice

We've been married 8 years, and I do hope that we'll be processed quickly as we're simply relocating for his work (he's UKC, I'm USC) and resettling, but there's no guarantee that being a straightforward application will make it go through faster. For the first 2 weeks I was so bogged down in work here in the US and packing up the house for sale that I didn't let the separation bother me. The following 2 weeks I was very focused on my family and seeing people who I may not see for a while and I didn't have to let the separation bother me.

But now we're on week 5, the visa is applied for, the job is done, the family is visited and all I'm really doing anymore is waiting and dwelling. I'm so unhappy. I've done a couple social things, but probably not enough. I know he's bored and unhappy in the UK without me, although luckily his job is starting to get easier and he's finding some satisfaction at work. I'm considering seeing if my old job will have me back for an undetermined amount of time because I need to focus on something other than the wait. Anyone have any other suggestions?

I can relate to that!

My husband is in the UK and I'm waiting on my visa to join him as well. I really felt our application was super straight forward and would be processed quickly. Here I am going on 4 weeks now and I feel like I'm borderline depressed! My entire life is on pause. People ask me to commit to things in the future that I really can't because I'm not sure if I'll be here. And another part of me is not wanting to plan because I'm hoping I'll be gone by then. It's so frustrating!

Luckily, I knew it was really an undetermined amount of time and I haven't put my official notice in at work. I was very open about our decision for me to move since November so they are graciously letting me take my time. But working isn't too easy either.. It's hard to invest in the job wholeheartedly when I know I'm about to leave it at any given day.

Unfortunately, I don't have many suggestions to make it easier because right now I just feel like that's impossible Keeping busy does help... but would really help would be knowing my visa has been approved! Hopefully some good suggestions come so we can both benefit

Hope yours is resolved soon!

I'm edging towards completely depressed. If I still had a car I'd go back to volunteering at the library or see who else needs volunteers. Not really fair to volunteer if i'm not going to be reliable though.

I'm basically feeling it worse now because I don't really have a place here anymore. I'm not really wanted or needed here. I am needed and wanted there, but not legally permitted to go yet. It's quite disheartening.

Good luck to you. Hope you get your visa soon!

I'm also feeling depressed. For the first month of waiting I did fun stuff. A road trip visiting family and friends, camping at the Grand Canyon... But once that was done and I still had no visa, I lost the will to do anything fun. During the fifth week I was a complete wreck, ripping my hair out, crying, feeling like I was gonna throw up all day, laying in bed for hours at night not being able to fall asleep. Day 26 I had a nervous breakdown. Day 27 I took a deep breath and forced myself to calm down. I told myself that if it takes twelve weeks, there's nothing I can do about it. I'm keeping busy with work, and in the evening I try to go to the library, or go for a hike or a swim before I allow myself to go online and get worked up about the visa. Physically, I feel better, but emotionally I still feel drained.

Like you said angelchrome, I just feel kinda useless. I feel like a burden on my sister and her boyfriend, who I've been staying with for the last 3 weeks, even though they're awesome and have been trying to keep me entertained. Meanwhile, my husband has to do everything to get our new flat ready while starting a new job, and he's making family visits without the new wife. What a way to spend our first year of marriage. Also doesn't help that my parents keep asking if I've found a job in the UK and I have to tell them for the millionth time that I can't apply until I get a visa.

I guess I just feel like a turd floating pointlessly through life at the moment. I wish I could be cryogenically frozen and woken up when the UPS guy rings the doorbell with my passport.

Wow you guys have it tough but I am sending quick wishes your way...I hope everything seems to go in a speed warp and you get that visa quickly!

I'm so sorry ladies.  The wait sucks, and I know how worrisome it is.  Hopefully, it will come soon!

I'm so with you guys on all of it.

The other day was the worst. I logged into my email, no new messages. At the end of every day, I actually go into my spam folder and sift through to be sure my magical message didn't get lost along the way. And there it was! "Your Visa Has Been Approved!"  - My heart lept!! I opened it - It was spam from Capital One. The cruelest email I have ever received. Had it been any other month in my life, it would have been meaningless junk as usual.

Peggles, I'm going through the same thing too. My husband is all moved into our new cottage and I don't get to be there to unpack boxes & settle in. Not feeling much like a newlywed either In fact, you're sort of a hero in my eyes right now because I'm only at business day 18. Another 10 business days? I'm not sure what I'll be like. You're still posting rational thoughts so to me, you're an inspiration!

I hope I get to read a happy post from you tomorrow!!

Aw! EmmJayye you're so sweet! Your post made me crack up!

On the other hand, oh my god, your spam story made my eyes well up. That's horrible. I'm impressed your computer is still working. If that had happened to me I think I would have stomped it to little bits! I also check my spam for the visa email and it makes me feel grateful that I only get penis enlargement ads. 

Thanks Jenn and Sarah for your kind thoughts! Angelchrome, how are you? Did you manage to get back into volunteering? I know what you mean about being unreliable, but it's important to think about yourself too. When I realized that I could be waiting another two months, I found a job in a cafe. I feel guilty that any day now I'm going to have to tell them that I'm leaving the country. But at the same time, I really don't know what state I would be in if I didn't have that distraction.

Try to find something that takes up a lot of time. I think volunteering is a great idea. Or take up a new hobby. I've been swimming a lot and keeping track of how many laps I do, trying to increase it gradually. If you stick to it, small things like that will make you feel better about yourself, something I desperately needed in this period of nothingness.

EmmJayye, I am also convinced that my visa notification will come in my spam folder.  I've only been offered pharmaceuticals, though.  I am finding them more and more tempting.

I've recently started a new job at a pizzeria I have no intention of keeping, and just started a new volunteer stint at the local library after summer reading ended.  And I've decided to learn Spanish in my spare time.  I hate having to be dishonest about my plans, but I'll go stir crazy otherwise.  I'm pretty sure this couch has an imprint of my butt. 

Maybe a little joke to boost everyone's mood.  It's my favorite:
What's invisible and smells like carrots?
Bunny farts!

Ok, it's not that good, but I hope it at least got a little smile.  Release of endorphins and all that. : )

Peggles - Not going to lie. There a few loose keys on my keyboard now.

Way to go for both of you for getting jobs to pass the time by! I'm still in my social services position until I receive "the email". As soon as I get it, the two week notice goes in. If I had already left my job, I'm not sure that I would have been able to overcome the despair of waiting on the visa & get another job.. I think that's great you did!!!

Today is day 20 and I think I'm at a point where I start my days with low expectations. In fact, my husband and I have changed our frame of mind. Instead of reassuring each other every night that "the email will come tomorrow", we now say "it's definitely not coming tomorrow". Maybe setting the bar low will ease the blow of another silent day.

The spam emails you both mentioned really made me laugh I got another one two days ago from "an English banker" looking for somewhere to deposit his millions. If only I had received that 20 days ago.. I could have included it in my application for proof of funds. 

Angel - I read that you still haven't even received an email confirming your documents arrived safely at the Consulate and that "your visa application is being processed". I know others have pointed out that some do not receive emails, but that would leave me feeling a bit uneasy... It seems like the processing times through NY have slowed down to an absolute crawl. Hopefully, they're nearly done with their parade of student visas for the new semester and can focus more closely on ours!

Well, not to be a Debbie Downer but I do think that low-expectation is the way to go, at least in terms of self-preservation.  I think I waited my first month on the edge of my seat everyday and time just crawled by.  After it became apparent it wasn't going to come in 30 business days, I just set my sights on 50 and haven't really been expecting anything to happen.  Which, sounds really depressing, but it has been better for me and time has gone faster.  And my stomach doesn't have that stress/dread feeling anymore (mostly).

But, on the other hand, New York is supposed to be faster, so hopefully you won't get to where I'm at in days and won't need to go numb to the waiting.  I'm glad that you've got a job to occupy you in the interim while you wait.  Having something else to think about during the day helps so much!

Angelchrome, I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling right now.  Does the local humane society need any help?  The one near me doesn't require any sort of commitment to come in and play with dogs and cats.  And the animals are really so happy for whatever attention you give them, which has helped me combat bad feelings and keep from getting too hung up on my own situation.  The limbo situation sucks, like trying to decide how much food to buy or whether you need to get another bottle of shampoo, etc.  Additionally, I ended up having to move from my parents' house to my friend's couch in the middle of all of this--talk about not feeling wanted.  But, it sounds like you are moving toward something that is going to be great!  Things will change and get better.  Even if they do really suck right now.

Oh!  And while in the middle of this, I got my approval!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully this means a wave of settlement approvals coming, now that maybe the student visas are slowing.  I've still got all my fingers crossed!

I finally got the email saying the visa is processing, which relieved a huge amount of tension for me. I've moved onto my sister's sofa and although they've been very kind and welcoming I don't really belong here and I feel distinctly homeless and alone. I'm going to work on her garden though and maybe having a project and physical exercise will help. It usually does.

Slowloris, Congratulations again on your approval You're one of the Lucky Ones now!

The Humane Society suggestion is a great idea. I'm a firm believer in "puppy therapy". Something about playing with a puppy always makes me feel better. I'm sure my dog is annoyed with my recent overly affectionate behavior. Oh well...At least he can't talk back.

Angel - You must feel so relieved now that you received the first email! Another UKY member had posted a response from the NY Consulate stating settlement visas are taking about 8 weeks... ugh for the both of us!!  It's awful being in this state of limbo. I'm staying with my mother right now as I wait which is going alright for the moment. My bigger issue is driving my car around because it failed diagnostics for inspection. Estimated cost of fixing it is entirely a new engine at about $5k - obviously not paying that when I'm leaving the country. So now I have to be a super stealth driver and just hope I don't get pulled over or coordinate with family to borrow a car....So far, so good - but so annoying!

Have fun gardening! It's mum season!

Thank you, EmmJayye! : )  I'm so happy to have it, although after 2 months, I don't feel particularly lucky.  I am really glad that the approval rate is so high for US settlement visas, so at least most of the people on here will only have to make it through the awful awful waiting game and then things can start again.  But probably puppy therapy should continue though.  I hope that the weather isn't too humid for you, EmmJayye.  I went to college in New Hampshire and remember this time of year as particularly sticky.

Yay, I'm glad you've got the email, angelchrome!  It's so heartening to hear that someone has seen it!  Processing commences!  Yay!  And, if you're gardening, you can get a bit of a tan, which was a big deal to the Brits I met.  I think my fiance got his first watch tan in Australia and he was very proud.

i just wanted to say i relate in many similar ways. Ive been waiting to leave for past 9-10 months!! My girlfriend is in the UK, and i applied for university at start of November of 09. Its been a rough year, besides the distance i was stuck in a job i hated, most of my friends moved away and i been the only one left in town. This whole year has been nothing but waiting, waiting for my life to move forward.

Like you i feel like my life has been on a pause for a year or so, sitting idle. I quit my job in june, and sold my car a month ago, got rid of everything here. I was hoping to leave on august 16th to see some of europe, and be in london (tomorrow) thats why i got rid of my car and job so early. Due to "new immigration policy" they made my visa entry date 27 september!! a whole month later. So now i have nothing what so ever to do but wait. I thought i would already be gone traveling europe and in london tomorrow, so like you i already did lot of family things, and got situated....wasnt expecting a whole nother month.

Sometimes im ok but today ive been feeling so depressed and bitter....im a prisoner to time, and i still have few weeks to go. It sucks not having anything to do but wait, everyday is the same. I wake up and already want to go to bed and start the next day. There is and has been nothing here for me for a long time. I just want to move forward again, not just exist day to day, watching everyone else moving forward. This year has been nothing but suffering and waiting and it still seems a million miles away. I feel your pain. Good luck to you!