Waiting on the visa, starting to run out of juice

Sorry to hear that Syntax. I was wondering what it must be like to have to keep waiting after you get your visa. I guess despite the relief of having the visa you're still stuck waiting. That's one hell of a wait too. This is a good place to vent.

Reminds me of that piece from The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss:

"The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting"

I've also been listening to songs that suit my wallowing in self pity:
Sound of Silence- Simon and Garfunkel
Across the Sea- Weezer
I can't be with you- Cranberries
Can't cry anymore- Sheryl Crow
Here comes the rain again- Eurythmics
Nothing compares- Sinead O'Connor

And this one I now believe was written about me right now:
Basket Case- Green Day

And this one I've read is good for road rage. Also good for visa rage:
Don't worry be happy

Sorry to hear that Syntax. I was wondering what it must be like to have to keep waiting after you get your visa. I guess despite the relief of having the visa you're still stuck waiting. That's one hell of a wait too. This is a good place to vent.

Reminds me of that piece from The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss:

"The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting"

I've also been listening to songs that suit my wallowing in self pity:
Sound of Silence- Simon and Garfunkel
Across the Sea- Weezer
I can't be with you- Cranberries
Can't cry anymore- Sheryl Crow
Here comes the rain again- Eurythmics
Nothing compares- Sinead O'Connor

And this one I now believe was written about me right now:
Basket Case- Green Day

And this one I've read is good for road rage. Also good for visa rage:
Don't worry be happy

Thank you for your kind words. Yes receiving the visa was a huge relief, little did i know i would have over a month left at receiving it though. Stupid new policy is responsible for that. August has def been the worst month of my life!!! 2 more days of it.

Anyways good luck to you all who are still waiting as well. One day at a time i suppose.

Anyways good luck to you all who are still waiting as well. One day at a time i suppose.

Okay, now that I know I'm not the only person waiting, my heart goes out to you all.  I sooooo get it.  Nobody in my life quite understands how hellish this can all be ('why are you upset?  you should be excited!  you are so lucky!' blah blah blah), and that lack of understanding cuts me to the core sometimes.  Yeah, I'm pretty damn tough and have been tolerating and working through all of it for a year and a half but I'm slipping off the edge now 

I'm pretty new here, but this forum has brought me a ton of answers, information, and most of all - comfort.  I'll be submitting my spousal settlement (I'm USC, he's UKC) in a couple weeks.  I feel insane beyond belief.  Yet, in the midst of it all, I feel a whole lotta kindred spirits when I read all of your words.  It helps.

Waiting to live your own life can be a slow and subtle soul-killer, IMO - but only if you let it.  Waiting has crept up and whacked away silently at so many of my core aspects of self-identity.  Honestly (and at the risk of sounding dramatic) I don't know who I am anymore.  I'm choosing to see this as the GOOD NEWS (in spite of the moments spent dangling on the cliffs of insanity) and to reach inside myself for yet more power, guts, courage, ferocity, and self-awareness.

Even if no one else gets it.  I am becoming rock solid, expanded in my cultural/inter-personal awareness, and learning how to breathe when it seems the whole world is smothering me, stifling me, and leaving me behind.  I've lost friends, family, money, pets, culture, self-identity, even the stupid knick-knacks that sat on my shelves, the car I drove for years, the foods that comforted me, the overly warm touchy-feely ways of my fellow Americans, the general positivity of my subculture in LA, etc etc etc etc ... I've truly lost it all.

All that's left is me.  So, I sofa surf amidst the  purgatory and the outside world of the HO and their subsequent papertrails and ambiguity.  I don't know when I'll be able to return to a life that is my creation.  But, I've got me.  My one suitcase of belongings.  And all the resilience that keeps me going.

And all of you do, too.  Sure, your story may vary a bit.  But we are all tough cookies, and we can do this.  Even when we are dangling by one arm off the cliff, with hair askew and anxiety level high, feeling out of control because we can't control the HO ...

We are tough cookies, dammit. 

Here's to you, fellow cookie    I see your courage, tenacity, and willingness to see it through. 

Okay, now that I know I'm not the only person waiting, my heart goes out to you all.  I sooooo get it.  Nobody in my life quite understands how hellish this can all be ('why are you upset?  you should be excited!  you are so lucky!' blah blah blah), and that lack of understanding cuts me to the core sometimes.  Yeah, I'm pretty damn tough and have been tolerating and working through all of it for a year and a half but I'm slipping off the edge now 


And all of you do, too.  Sure, your story may vary a bit.  But we are all tough cookies, and we can do this.  Even when we are dangling by one arm off the cliff, with hair askew and anxiety level high, feeling out of control because we can't control the HO ...

We are tough cookies, dammit. 

Here's to you, fellow cookie    I see your courage, tenacity, and willingness to see it through. 

     I liked a few things you said, and to point out...i think we are all tough to have gone through what we have. I have learned a lot as well these last 12 months. A friend of mine said me and my gf are strong, when i asked how he replied "to be strong in your case is to suffer", which many of us have. Even though we are strong and try to remain positive, i think even the most sane, strong individuals thrown into our situation would, and will bring out the worst in them at times. It has tested my sanity to the max, and i feel ive lost it quite a few times, only to get back up.

It is hard because as you said nobody but you guys and my gf can understand what any of this is like day in, day out, month in, month out. To comment on another thing, everybody does say to me "ohhh you should be happy" "almost there soon" all those comments, though are meant with good intentions, do the opposite!! The lack of understanding, not knowing the feeling of having your like being on hold for a year +. I have found this month of august to be the hardest because its so close to the end. It doesnt help that i have already packed my life up here. I just desire the feeling of movement in my life again.

This has def been the biggest mental challenge in my life to date, the waiting seems to never end!! i have 20days left to europe now, and im struggling with this. I should have already left weeks ago!! This was not expected.

I am glad to have found this website, and it does feel good knowing you all understand this constant waiting game, and waiting to begin a life while others go on with theres. I cant wait till we all are over there with our loved ones moving forward finally, because we all deserve it and have earned it.

    Even though we are strong and try to remain positive, i think even the most sane, strong individuals thrown into our situation would, and will bring out the worst in them at times. It has tested my sanity to the max, and i feel ive lost it quite a few times, only to get back up.

This has def been the biggest mental challenge in my life to date, the waiting seems to never end!! i have 20days left to europe now, and im struggling with this. I should have already left weeks ago!! This was not expected.

It does bring out the worst ... and the best.  And sometimes those are one in the same, LOL. I try to remember to stay positive, but sometimes I just feel so miserable, lonely, frustrated, empty, dead inside, alienated, stranger-to-myself, and COMPLETELY insane

I think the closer I get, the more my long-repressed frustrations are coming to the surface.  The light at the end of the tunnel only makes the darkness seem more unbearable. 

    I liked a few things you said, and to point out...i think we are all tough to have gone through what we have. I have learned a lot as well these last 12 months. A friend of mine said me and my gf are strong, when i asked how he replied "to be strong in your case is to suffer", which many of us have.

I've said more than once to people that I think a major reason my husband and are are so solid is because we had to choose this relationship over and over again, even when distance was hard, when money was tight, when we were lonely, when we felt weak. Either of us could have said "well, this is too hard" but neither of us ever felt it was too hard to do these things if it meant we could be together. It is pretty miserable at the moment, but so worth it to me.

I've said more than once to people that I think a major reason my husband and are are so solid is because we had to choose this relationship over and over again, even when distance was hard, when money was tight, when we were lonely, when we felt weak. Either of us could have said "well, this is too hard" but neither of us ever felt it was too hard to do these things if it meant we could be together. It is pretty miserable at the moment, but so worth it to me.

Well said!  We feel the same way.  If we can get through this, we can get through anything - as individuals AND as a couple 

It does bring out the worst ... and the best.  And sometimes those are one in the same, LOL. I try to remember to stay positive, but sometimes I just feel so miserable, lonely, frustrated, empty, dead inside, alienated, stranger-to-myself, and COMPLETELY insane

I think the closer I get, the more my long-repressed frustrations are coming to the surface.  The light at the end of the tunnel only makes the darkness seem more unbearable. 

yeah to the closer i get the more unbearable it gets... especially after a month delay added onto the already long wait (1 year!) It just seems cruel and unfair at this point, like im supposed to suffer. So close but so far, this has def been the hardest month to date, not much to do to occupy my time since everything is gone and ready.

Im glad i read this post so thank u OP. You all are inspirational!

Well said to everyone! I couldn't agree more that this entire experience is a journey in more ways than one. I can't remember the last time my life wasn't revolving around waiting, countdowns, layovers, phone cards, tearful goodbyes, heartstopping reunions...it goes on and on. I believe I've mastered the art of telling time in a way that makes it sound quicker. My husband is "one sleep away" from me right now, or "In 5 minutes, it will be midnight UK time, which means... I'll see you the day after tomorrow!!"   Talk about feeling desperate I can't wait to know what it will actually feel like when all of that is removed from the equation of our relationship and we can just *be*.

I think one thing that makes this visa waiting game so intolerable is that there is no "date" I can focus on. It was one of the few things that helped us get through the distance. Focusing on that date that we would be together again. But this 2 - 120 business day crap has got to go! In the meantime, I spray a touch of my husband's cologne on the pillow next to me... I know it's super cheesy, but no shame from this girl 

Peggles - love the Dr. Seuss quote! I've always felt that some of life's most important lessons are simply explained best and in children's books. In fact, one of the readings at our wedding was an excerpt from the Velveteen Rabbit. You just can't mess with the classics

Ooh, and Slowloris - "wicked sticky" in NH right now.   We're just entering another heatwave of humidity. It's been like this all summer!

My music list additions to peggles suggestions:

"See Blue, Sea Green" by Jaymay
"Set Fire to the Third Bar" by Snow Patrol
"Transatlanticism" by Death Cab for Cutie
"Boats and Birds" by Gregory and the Hawk
"Do You Want to Come With?" by Stephen Fretwell
"Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

Keep your chin up everybody!  Best of luck!

Peggles I totally have a shirt that I made my husband wear to bed most nights for a week before he left because he'd put it on after he got out of the shower and just smelled good so it smelled of him (until a couple weeks ago when I stayed with a friend who smokes heavily and then it just smelled of smoke and had to be washed.)
Scents are hugely evocative for me though, so it's totally worthwhile.

I love reading all your words of wisdom and the cute/sad stories. You're right, it is worth it, just gotta keep reminding myself that!

Slowloris, love the new songs to check out! And one specially for me for today:

It's my party and I cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry if I want to...

Happy birthday to me *sob*
Happy birthday to me *sob*
This is the worst birthday EVER
Happy birthday to me.

\

It's my party and I cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry if I want to...

Happy birthday to me *sob*
Happy birthday to me *sob*
This is the worst birthday EVER
Happy birthday to me.

Peggles, is it your birthday today?  Happy Birthday!  I hope that you will be able to have a few moments of happiness today of all days!  Grrrr ... how frustrating to have the black cloud of uncertainty darkening up your day.     Well, from my heart to yours ... go give yourself as many treats as you can think of, you deserve it!!!!!!!

Happy birthday peggles. Mine is next Monday and my birthday present is in the US with my very stressed out fiancé. I've decided not to have my birthday until he gets here because it's too painful. Definitely the hardest thing I have ever done.  The waiting game is cruel and unnecessary and I for one and finding it hard to cope with day to day life. I'm lucky that I have two kids a job and house to take care of but every single moment of every single day I imagine seeing him walking through the arrivals lounge.  It's been 4 months since I last saw him. Like u guys I have a blanket that he slept with for a week before I last saw him and every night I use it as my blankie because I feel close to him that way.

Sorry just needed to vent a little

Rachel