IO's and all the back and forth

I don't think anyone is calling you a liar or trying to be rude about your situation in any way. People here really are trying to help, but one thing you have to consider is that most of us have gone through/are going through the immigration process to obtain visas. It's difficult to watch people (not necessarily you), who take advantage of the system, which ultimately results in stricter immigration rules for everyone. We want to help people emigrate as legally as possible; part of that is making sure people are aware of rules and how the system works. And that is why people here do not condone lying or even telling half-truths to IOs, even if it's just for a short visit.

As for you saying you're going to the UK for tourism/shopping/etc isn't up to anyone here to determine if you're deceiving IOs. But believe me when I say that none of us here want to see you run into any trouble in future dealings with border control if the IO does decide you're being deceptive.

Exactly this!  All I meant by my post was KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) --Not implying your stupid either!  If the main reason your traveling to the UK is to visit your boyfriend, then just say so- and say it like your hiding nothing (your obviously not!)
   Immigration is so hard and is changing all the time, it's tough to keep up with everything.  We just want you armed with the best knowledge possible- sometimes it comes in forms that are more matter of fact or blunt, but these people have lived through this and had to struggle and are giving you the info you need to be successful.  
   I think everyone on here is wonderful and giving up their time to answer a question that is important to you.  Don't be discouraged and think we are coming down on you- it's not that at all.

Hi!
I just wanted to share my background with you, as the DH and I dated for 5 years and saw each other frequently. I *always* told them I was going to see my boyfriend/fiance/husband; I always had proof of my job and whatever apartment I was renting, and I never, ever had any trouble. Not once. Occasionally, it took about a minute to get through the line, but rarely more than 20 seconds maybe? They would ask when I was leaving (and I was usually staying for at least three weeks, and the entire summer vacation sometimes), and I would occasionally be asked how I was supporting myself (usually prompting a laugh by replying "on, my enormous salary as a teacher") and that...would be it. The only time I did have trouble, I was WITH DH as we'd just come back from a weekend break in Paris, and the IO wanted to know if I was re-entering to restart my visa.  Since that hadn't even occured to me (and I was leaving 2 weeks later anyway!), I said "uh, no" and after a few more questions, she let me through.

I understand that you are worried about this, and it is super stressful, but the reality is that IO's are not there to stop you from visiting your boyfriend, they are there to prevent you from breaking the law, if you're not doing that (and can demonstrate it), it shouldn't be too terrible.

I’m totally for legal immigration.  At the moment my aunt and uncle are going through an absolute nightmare trying to get their adopted child (from Lebanon) into the US.  I would love to see them have an easier time of it – and for my uncle to have not been denied entry into Lebanon for telling the IO that he was there to visit the baby the US won’t let him take home yet.  If he had said he was there for tourism he would have been let in and would have had more time with his son. 

In a year I’ll be the one waiting for my visa to come through, and all of my i’s will be dotted and my t’s crossed properly.  I haven’t worked in the UK under the table (I was asked to) to make everything legal down the line, I’ve never been in any country under illegal circumstances – no matter how difficult the process was.  Heck, when I was in Russia I diligently collected all of my train tickets and registered any place I stayed more than a night in as requested, just to not be asked to show any of it.  (As I had spent about $600 registering, I was rather miffed.) The bf and I keep every receipt, call logs, email logs, everything.  We’re not doing anything wrong, or illegal, or taking advantage of the system. 

I have a friend who’s UKC now husband was refused entry into the US for their wedding – despite having job/house and proof of his life in the UK.  He told the IO that he was there to get married with intention to return to the UK.  How are people, who are being truthful meant to operate under a system that is driven partially by an IO’s whim and whether or not they are in a good mood that day?

It's true that everyone is just trying to help you.  Keep in mind that you aren't seeing the countless post after countless post that those of us who have been here for years have read from American women who were refused entry when they came here to see a "friend."  Like the label or not, we've been here for a while and know that American women are known as some of the worst when it comes to trying to play the system, and those of us who do it honesty, as you have been doing in your other travels to other countries, pay the price for their pushing the limits. 

IOs are skeptical and are sometimes very good at sussing out when someone isn't telling the whole story.  They can ask question after question until an initial story falls apart and it becomes evident there's more to the picture than they've been told.  We've seen so many who worried and didn't quite tell the truth, even if they weren't lying, and it came back to haunt them and made applying for future visas more complicated.  We've just seen that happen with a lot of people and are trying to save any potential grief.  If it got to a point of refusal, that would end up in your permanent record and would then impact all future travel here.

It's totally true you could possibly get in with no trouble whatsoever, but we've seen a lot of others who weren't able to and would have been fine if they had just been totally truthful and provided documentation to back up what they were saying, just in case.

when i entered the uk for the first time, i didn't have a job or return tickets ( this was because, for some reason, the airline wouldn't allow me to print my return tickets ) and i told them i was coming in on holiday.   i was detained for about 2 hours and they questioned me about everything from what my mother does for a living to what her plans were for the future to what did i intend on doing if i had a falling out with the person i was staying with.  i was advised, before i even left for the airport, by my soon-to-be brother in law's girlfriend to tell them i was coming in on holiday.   i did that and said i would be staying with my boyfriend ( now fiancee ).  the IO went in search for my fiancee to question him about EVERYTHING he could in regards to our relationship, and he returned an hour later to ask me if i was trying to stay illegally.   i told him i have been wait listed for school here and that i have a six year old son to return to but that wasn't enough.  it took another hour of questioning before he finally let me through, and by that time, everyone else was gone!

anyway, like everyone else is saying, DO NOT LIE.  it just makes things much more difficult.  thankfully, in my case, the next time i enter the uk, it will be with a spousal visa in hand. 

I’m perfectly comfortable saying that I’m on vacation or that I’m visiting E, as I will be.  I’m not sure what will be the answer as I’ll be flying right from work and half dead by the time I arrive.  I’ll just be sure to have a copy of my lease and a few pay stubs on me and maybe a letter from my employer that I’m expected back.  If the IO wants more info, I really don’t know what that would be.  If someone were to take the time to thumb through my entire passport, they could easily find the handwritten exit date from one of my previous visits.  That could defiantly be a red flag.  I’m not actually so worried about my next two entrances, as I finally am employed and have concrete ties to show.  I haven’t had these before.  Going without any ties to home to the UK is complicated.  I’ve become very defensive because of the lying accusations. 

Short of someone finding the hand written note in my passport and asking me about it I don’t think that there is any way that any way my prior entrances have been noted as suspicious.  If there was a problem it would have come up on my last trip when she ran my passport. 

I’m more worried about E and his 5 week trip here.  We really have some of the worse luck when it comes to seeing each other and every trip ends up shorter or even canceled (dumb volcano).  He doesn’t want to say that he’s here to visit me and really prefers to stick will tourism/visiting a friend.  I’ve just heard so many horror stories about being denied entrance when there’s a partner involved.  He’ll need to be here three more times prior to my coming to the UK with a marriage visa.   The last of these will be for our wedding and only about 2 months after his previous visit.  He doesn’t own a home yet (we’re looking) and while he does have a good job with a well known company, he didn’t like my idea of getting a letter written.  Plus, his boss is hardly ever on site. 

I know that people here have done what I’m doing – that’s why I posted.  I was looking for a place to help me figure out all the stuff I’m going to need to do over the next year.  My biggest pet peeve as a person who likes to get things over with is that there is nothing I can do but read stuff online for quite some time.  No one needed to accuse me of lying and making the system more difficult for anyone else.  I know that waiting for a visa can be nerve racking – I’ve done it many times before.  I feel your pain and in a year it will be me counting the minutes.

Putting this in prospective. A girl I knew from my business quit work in San Francisco and traveled to Heathrow and was put on a plane back to San Fransisco the same day. Her BF was waiting for her to come out of baggage and she wasn't allowed to see or talk to him.
If I had to guess as to the red flag she set off I would say it was the limited amount of funds she had with her along with some other answers she gave.
The bad part of reading on this forum is you might be shaking like a leaf when you get interviewed after knowing what can happen and therefore setting off alarms.

I have a friend who’s UKC now husband was refused entry into the US for their wedding – despite having job/house and proof of his life in the UK.  He told the IO that he was there to get married with intention to return to the UK.  How are people, who are being truthful meant to operate under a system that is driven partially by an IO’s whim and whether or not they are in a good mood that day?

Did the husband overstay before? Or did he have an arrest on his record? There's probably more to the story than the IO being in a bad mood.

If you're that worried wouldn't it be possible for your boyfriend to apply for a US visitor's visa beforehand?

According to them it was just an IO in a bad mood.  I don't remember him over staying at any point, they had met in the UK while she was attending school there and he didn't come here often.  I only met him, like twice, before she left.  I don't know if there's something else there that they don't want to share.