Where did you get married? UK or US?

I'm in Oklahoma and my boyfriend is in Wales. We're getting engaged in December when he comes to visit and plan on getting married August/September 2011.

At this point we're planning on getting married here in the US. I am SO overwhelmed and I can't decide between a big wedding here in OK, a destination wedding in St. Thomas or a wedding over in Wales or one of the British Virgin Islands.

My question is - where have y'all tied the knot? The US or the UK? What are the differences between getting married in the US as opposed to the UK? Do you think one would be favorable over the other when it comes to the visa application? My friend thinks that it may make for an easier transaction if we get married in the UK or a UK territory. Will it make a difference? How was it with your families/friends? At this point if we get married in OK, then all of my friends will be able to come as well as the majority of my family from the Northeast (where I'm originally from) but my boyfriend will only be able to have his parents and 2 or 3 close friends afford to come over. This makes me feel awful but he states it doesn't matter to him.

ALSO, how long did you and yours know eachother before you got married? Dylan and I haven't known eachother for very long. We met in February when his friend married my best friend. I knew within the first few days that I could never be without him. It's unreal, I've no idea how to explain it. He spent two weeks here with me in April and will be back for nearly 3 weeks in December/January and I will be flying over to Wales for a few weeks in April/May for our birthdays. Will the fact that we haven't known eachother for ages negatively impact my chances of visa approval? We will have known eachother for almost 2 years by the time we get married.

Oy vey!

What are the differences between getting married in the US as opposed to the UK?

Getting married in the US is usually the easiest and cheapest, immigration-wise. Your fiance can come to the US to get married without a visa (he can just travel on the visa waiver problem) as long as he's not planning to live in the US after the wedding. Then, once you are married, you can apply for a spousal visa for the UK (costs about $1,000), which is valid for 27 months and allows you to work immediately in the UK.

If you want to marry in the UK, then you'll need a visa to do so... you'll need a fiance visa, which costs about $1,000, is valid for 6 months and does not allow you to work in the UK. Then, once you are married, you will then need to apply for a 2-year spousal visa in the UK which does allow you to work (currently costs £475 by post, but takes about 4 months to be processed and you cannot work during that time, or £730 in person for a same-day decision and you can work as soon as you have your visa and ID card).

So, in terms of visa costs:

Marry in the US: about $1,000 for a spousal visa (but there's also the cost of his flight to the US for the wedding)
Marry in the UK: about $1,000 for a fiance visa, then another £475 or £730 for a spousal visa after the wedding.

Do you think one would be favorable over the other when it comes to the visa application?
My friend thinks that it may make for an easier transaction if we get married in the UK or a UK territory. Will it make a difference?

It won't matter either way in terms of how immigration views it, but getting married in the UK involves getting 2 UK visas and getting married in the US only involves getting 1 UK visa.

The main factors for your decision will probably be based on your personal circumstances: is it cheaper for him to fly to the US for the wedding than for you to pay out for 2 visas if you marry in the UK? Are there specific people you want to be present at the wedding which will determine which country you marry in? Do you want to be able to work in the UK immediately, or are you happy to wait a few months (after you have arrived in the UK) until you are married and have the right visa?

ksand24 has some great advice there.  Definitely weigh out the costs of you possibly getting the various visas and time without work vs. his plane ticket.

My hubby and I got married in the US, but he was already living in the States.  We only knew each other 6 months before we got engaged, then married four months after that. 

We only had about 30 people at our wedding.  We chose to keep it small because I had my family where we got married and he only had a few people who could fly in for it.  So, I kept my side to only parents, grandparents, immediate aunts/uncles/cousins and a couple of close friends.  Any friends that I couldn't invite to the wedding, we had meet us out at a local bar for some drinks afterwards.  We ended up having just as many people show for the "after party" as we did for the wedding!   

Good luck with your planning and try to enjoy every bit of it!  It goes by WAY too fast.

Thanks so much for the tips! The only reason why I considered getting hitched in the UK was to make the visa process easier, but seeing as it doesn't matter...I'll go ahead and stick with a US wedding. I want to be able to start hunting for a job as soon as I get there so I know this is the best way to go

I wish this was all so much easier! I can't even tell you how many times my boyfriend and I have joked about how inconsiderate it was for my Irish relatives to move to the US. They should've just stayed in Ireland! Would've made things way easier! lol

At this point 3 of his close friends and his parents will be able to come over for the wedding fun. Another friend of his already lives here so that gives him 6 people on "his side". My side will be much larger...I have a LOT of family in Philly, MA and Jersey that will be coming down. It's going to be one helluva culture shock for Dylan (the boyfriend) because he is so quiet and polite whereas my family is loud and crazy. When he came to visit in May he was pretty blown away by my mother and her chatty-ness so I can't even imagine what is gonna happen when he's surrounded by every one. Bless him!

I second ksand's advice. 

We got married in the US due to it being cheaper for us (only 1 visa as opposed to 2), and me wanting to work immediately upon arrival in the UK.  Our wedding was a private ceremony with just the two of us and a Justice of the Peace - very romantic and intimate.  We had already known each other for years prior to getting married.

I second ksand's advice. 

We got married in the US due to it being cheaper for us (only 1 visa as opposed to 2), and me wanting to work immediately upon arrival in the UK.  Our wedding was a private ceremony with just the two of us and a Justice of the Peace - very romantic and intimate.  We had already known each other for years prior to getting married.

We're both pretty much set on marrying here in the States. I agree with what you said, it's very important for me to be able to search for a job immediately upon arrival, as well!

Now the issue we're trying to tackle is what sort of wedding we want. I was raised Catholic and Dylan is an Athiest annnnnnnd I live smack dab on the buckle of the bible belt! I have absolutely no desire to get married in a church whatsoever (even though he says he'd have no problem doing so) but it's damn near impossible to find a nice wedding site/venue here that doesn't have Christian undertones. I am the only daughter in my family and my older brother is engaged but eloping...which makes me feel like there's even more pressure on me to have a big traditional wedding for my parents' sake.

My parents have basically laid out two options: 1.) Have a massive "dream" wedding complete with fancy catered dinner, giant cake, beautiful gown and kick ass reception 2.) elope or have a small wedding and reception at their home + an incredibly gracious wedding gift (a VERY good amount of money). I have never really wanted a large wedding because I really hate being the center of attention...but then I think you only get married once so why not go batshit crazy?! HOWEVER, with the way the economy is, it'd be so nice to have a large cushion in our bank account.

My friend married her Welsh boy in February. Her hubby moved over here to OK a few weeks before they got hitched and didn't receive his permit to work until just last week. The past 8 months have been absolute HELL for them financially and I want to avoid that at all costs. I think they were looking at everything through rose colored glasses and convinced themselves it'd only take about 3 months for everything to go through immigration wise.

I am fully aware of how bad the job market is everywhere, PARTICULARLY in Wales. I have friends over there that have been unemployed for almost a year. The gift from my parents would cover my visa application, moving the things I absolutely cannot get rid of, shipping my dog, paying off some of my debts and leaving over enough to keep us feeling "safe" (in combination w/ all the money I can manage to save up, Dylan's salary & income from his rental properties) in the worst case scenario that I don't land a job for a while after moving.

So much to think about. It's quite overwhelming!

My friend married her Welsh boy in February. Her hubby moved over here to OK a few weeks before they got hitched and didn't receive his permit to work until just last week. The past 8 months have been absolute HELL for them financially and I want to avoid that at all costs. I think they were looking at everything through rose colored glasses and convinced themselves it'd only take about 3 months for everything to go through immigration wise.

If you're planning to live in the UK after you marry, then you won't have to worry about waiting ages for the immigration paperwork to go through, because the UK immigration process is much simpler and quicker than the US immigration process .

When you apply for your spousal visa, there is an option on the Worldbridge website to pay for a settlement visa priority processing service - it costs an extra $300+tax on top of the visa cost, but it means the visa should be processed within 15 working days - one of the members here on the forum just sent her settlement visa application in by priority processing this week: it arrived at the consulate on Tuesday and her visa was approved on Wednesday morning (http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?topic=64030.msg920587#msg920587)!

Because I was making the move to the UK. I made my husband promise we could get married in the US. My father is unable to travel and it was important that he was there..It also helped us out on other levels. We had looked at getting the fiance visa so I could move to the UK but the amount of money to get that visa and then to have to get married before it is up seemed a little stressful. I wanted to have a nice wedding with our family and friends. In the end it ended up easier for us. We got married in the states and then applied for our spousal visa here in the states and I was approved quickly and then I moved to England and started my life here..I think for me it was the best move because I got to get married in my hometown surrounded by our family and friends and it made my move to the UK a little easier..it is hard to explain

We got married over here and at the time we were able to marry in a COE church on my visitor's visa.  I had to travel back to the states to get my visa as you couldn't (can't) change from a visitor visa to anything else. 

If I could do it again differently, I probably would.  It meant that I had no family at the wedding and even though we saw it as a technicality and something we had to do (marriage wasn't something that important to either of us, it was the only way to be together) it would have been nice to have my parents there.  We plan on someday when (if) my folks come over having a Budhist ceremony (husband is Budhist) but that could be years off.

My sister didn't want a religious ceremony, they had an outdoor wedding in a park with a non-denominational priest.  It was a really beautiful ceremony with about 11 guests. The only person that wasn't thrilled was my priest father.  He was so happy when I got married in a COE wedding lol.

Do what feels right to you and your fiance.  It is your wedding and there is nothing that says you can't have a private ceremony followed by a big wedding in a few years time once you get settled.

Such great responses! Thank you

My mother has MS which is a big reason why we want to get married in the States - it'll just be easier for her. Plus, yeah, I'm willing to uproot my entire life to move to another country to be with my boy so he's willing to have our wedding here. Although he says he would like to live in the US someday, I cannot place any guarantees on that. When I move over there, I'm not even going to think of moving back as a possibility because I don't want to be heartbroken if it never happens.

Someone in another thread said "bloom where you're planted" and I fully plan on blooming big time in Welsh soil!

What made you all decide to settle in your sig. other's country as opposed to having them move to the States?

mimi,
that was it exactly...I was giving up my entire life to up and move to another country to live with him...so the only thing I wanted and asked for was to be married in the states. I think the decision of where the wedding will be usually always comes down to the bride.

My husband was born and bred here in Brixham in the UK and he didn't want to move. We were both financially sound at the time. But I had to consider who would handle a move better. I knew that he was the one and the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with..and as sappy as it sounds wherever he was it would be home...I figured I would be able to adapt better to living in the UK. I just didn't think he would be able to adjust to well to the states...I have been here a year now in the UK as a married woman and I won't say it has been the easiest..I have given up a great job the likes and pay of which I will never see again over here in the UK. I have left my friends and family behind and started a new life...luckily I have had great friends from this forum to talk to and vent to when things were rough..but I am happy to say that I am finally settled here in the UK and I know I made the right decision. I love and miss my family and friends but I am still in touch with them and I go visit..I just try to look at all the positives here. I am on a new adventure and who knows where it will take us..I live in a beautiful part of the country with the sea and the countryside in walking distance...and I get to spend the rest of my life with the man I love..and not a lot of people ever have the chance to find their true love..Life is what you make of it..and if you are a positive person you can make it anywhere

mimi,
that was it exactly...I was giving up my entire life to up and move to another country to live with him...so the only thing I wanted and asked for was to be married in the states. I think the decision of where the wedding will be usually always comes down to the bride.

My husband was born and bred here in Brixham in the UK and he didn't want to move. We were both financially sound at the time. But I had to consider who would handle a move better. I knew that he was the one and the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with..and as sappy as it sounds wherever he was it would be home...I figured I would be able to adapt better to living in the UK. I just didn't think he would be able to adjust to well to the states...I have been here a year now in the UK as a married woman and I won't say it has been the easiest..I have given up a great job the likes and pay of which I will never see again over here in the UK. I have left my friends and family behind and started a new life...luckily I have had great friends from this forum to talk to and vent to when things were rough..but I am happy to say that I am finally settled here in the UK and I know I made the right decision. I love and miss my family and friends but I am still in touch with them and I go visit..I just try to look at all the positives here. I am on a new adventure and who knows where it will take us..I live in a beautiful part of the country with the sea and the countryside in walking distance...and I get to spend the rest of my life with the man I love..and not a lot of people ever have the chance to find their true love..Life is what you make of it..and if you are a positive person you can make it anywhere

This was lovely Thank you. The original plan was for him to move here but then we realized that he is much more settled over there than I am over here. He has a pretty good job, property and loads of friends plus...he's never moved before. Meanwhile, I've moved all over the place and am far from having a "career".

My friend married her Welshman (he's my boyfriend's friend) in February and he moved here. I've seen first hand how lonely he gets and how difficult it was for him not being able to work and how much financial strain was placed on their relationship. I do NOT want that. I think it's easier for girls to make friends as opposed to boys, in my experience, so that pushes me a bit further into wanting to be the one that moves. I'm pretty outgoing and wouldn't really think twice about striking up conversation with those around me over there. I've heard from many people that folks over in the UK tend to not be so neighborly but I grew up in Massachusetts...pretty much the most unfriendliest state EVER and got along well enough

I've always been pretty good at making the most of any situation. A week after I graduated high school I moved from MA to Oklahoma. Talk about a MASSIVE culture shock. I took it all in stride and have built some really amazing relationships with people, so I assume (I hope!) that my past experience will help soften the blow when I move to Wales.

And on that whole "friend" basis, I've become quite close with my boyfriend's friend's fiance. She and I talk just as much, if not MORE, than my boyfriend and I. Much like my boyfriend, I feel as though I've known her for forever. It's nice to know I'll have a built in girlfriend! Also, 2 of his closest friends have befriended me on facebook and we've had some really nice consistant chats so again, I'm glad I'll have some built in friends. I don't want to be solely dependant on my boyfriend for entertainment plus we both really value alone time and such.

I'm glad I can look forward to spending time with friends when the honeymoon period begins to wane. It's important to have a life with eachother but to also maintain lives apart...if that makes any sense?

I am very close to my mom and have never been more than an hour and a half drive from her so I know it's going to be very difficult initially. Thank goodness for Skype! My boyfriend's mother and I speak on a quasi-normal basis via facebook and chat...not that I would ever consider her a replacement for my mom by any means but it's good to know if ever I need a mom hug, my mother-in-law will be very close by!

And don't even get me started about this forum! I'm so glad I found it! I've used it so much already and I've only been here for 3 days. I foresee me continuing to use it on a very regular basis before I move as well as after! Y'all are great!

The only person that wasn't thrilled was my priest father.  He was so happy when I got married in a COE wedding lol.

My mom was a little worried when I told her my BF is an Athiest but after she met him and realized how amazing he is to/for me that concern dwindled greatly. My father, however, still jokes (I hope he's joking at least...) that he won't give my BF his blessing to propose unless he converts to Catholocism. lol

On that note, did any of your boyfriend's balk at the thought of asking your dad's for their blessing before proposing? Or was that something that you didn't place importance on? My boyfriend thought I was joking when I told him I'd like him to ask my dad before properly proposing. He asked everyone over here in the States if that was "normal". Is that something that's just not done in the UK?

Someone in another thread said "bloom where you're planted" and I fully plan on blooming big time in Welsh soil!

I love that. 

What made you all decide to settle in your sig. other's country as opposed to having them move to the States?

The immigration process was the major deciding point for us.  My husband and I had been apart for several years already, and when we got married, we just wanted to be together as soon as possible and not start out our marriage being apart for a lengthy period.  Me getting a UK visa was much quicker and easier than him getting a US visa.

The second major factor for us was employment.  The work my husband does is specific to the UK, and if he moved to the US, his skills wouldn't really transfer well.  My job and associated skills, on the other hand, were transferrable to the UK, so we decided that if one of us had to give up a job, I would be the one to find a new job in a new country the fastest.

On that note, did any of your boyfriend's balk at the thought of asking your dad's for their blessing before proposing?

Maybe it was just us, but we didn't do that at all...

The work my husband does is specific to the UK, and if he moved to the US, his skills wouldn't really transfer well.  My job and associated skills, on the other hand, were transferrable to the UK, so we decided that if one of us had to give up a job, I would be the one to find a new job in a new country the fastest.

Bingo!