Our first decision was where to live together.
I've lived abroad before, I've got itchy feet and I love hubby's home town / food / people - so at first we were going to live in America. Then we looked in the US visa requirements and realised that for financial reasons I'd have to sell my house before we could down that route, and it would take a very, very long time.
Hubby loves my home city and is craving a bit of adventure in his life, as he's never lived more than a few miles away from where he was born. His job is lower paid and his skills highly transferable, his house is rented. My job is higher paid, specialist and my house is owned. His UK visa is simpler than my US visa. So, we decided that we'll live in the UK first, with the intention of moving back to the US in a year or two or so.
The next question was where to marry. Marrying outside of the UK presents one less visa hurdle to fall at, so I'd ruled out the UK option before discussions even opened. We wanted to elope, no family, no friends, just us - so we opted for a destination wedding. We didn't want somewhere complicated, somewhere to add stress about visitor visas for him or me, or time delays or extra hoops to jump through to get a marriage licence.
We just wanted a nice place with people and processes that wouldn't distract us from what we were there for. Something like Vegas, but not Vegas. Hubby didn't like the thought. Hawaii nearly made it, but Gatlingburg in the Smoky Mountains won the day.
There's no rule to say that you can only marry once. My parents had a cheap wedding their first time around, and then 25 years later had a huge church blessing on their anniversary. It was lovely, my Mum was so happy my Dad cried throughout the whole ceremony. I can imagine they'll do the same when their 50th anniversary comes round.
My Mum says the second one was more special, not less special. in her mind the first wedding was something she had to do (wanted to do), was a requirement in order to be married to my Dad. The second one was completely optional, they didn't have to get married again / renew their vows, it was for no other purpose than because they wanted to. There's something incredibly powerful in that.