Inconvenient Annoyances

Or another American who thought the ferry to France would wait for them if they were late.

They did not.... seriously?!  Have they never used any mode of public transportation before?  That is not how it works!  Wow.

I've lived in the UK 8 years this September and not once had a visitor. No friends or family at all have come around but that will change tomorrow when an old friend and work colleague is coming up. She has had some weird requests. She promptly let me know that she will "eat anything...but really just chicken and fish"  and that she needs a running track and if not then she will just run in the road :-/ I told her before when she asked if she could come up that I couldn't take the time off apart from one day, and she said that was fine, and that she would just cook with me in the evenings and spend the day walking around the city to try to spot Tom Hardy (I am not kidding, and she will do it too because she has asked me many times over the years about any celebs I see walking around London even though I have mentioned several times I am nowhere near it). But since saying that she has come up with some plans for us even though I told her I am not able to stop working? After explaining that she said that is fine and she will do whatever I do and go wherever I go (again...working!). I am annoyed already (is that bad?) but I think maybe I am more annoyed with myself for not planning this better and not trying to plan more activities, but at the same time I am self-employed and if I don't work I don't get paid and things have been super tight (plus I have a visa to pay for next year!)

"Whoa, whoa, friend... who invited you?"  It really sounds like she invited herself.  If that's the case, she does not get to then make demands on you.  You've been up front with her about your availability.  If you need to work because you have obligations, then it's going to have to be up to her to find ways of filling her time.  I get the sense that she is using you for a free AirBnB and convenient travel companion, so she can have her little "independent adventure".  But I'm a cynic.

Anyway, I would say, you do what makes you happy.  If spending time with her would only be out of a misplaced sense of duty, don't do it.  You didn't initiate all of this, and you don't owe her anything.  However, if you two are the sort of friends who can pick up after 8+ years and have the best times together, and that's what you want and can afford to do, then blow off work and hang out with her.  But don't bankrupt yourself or your business because she has demands.

(/...and get off my lawn!)

My sister and her family  (from very rural Mississippi) left America for the very first time and visited me this summer.

It all started when my 30 year old niece asked if the water was safe to drink. (She was drinking bottled water when she asked.)

They ended up not leaving the west end of Glasgow for a week. Didn't even go to Edinburgh because they thought the train was too expensive.

They left Glasgow for Orlando and spent a couple of days at a Disney Resort and spent more money on an ice cream sundae than it would have cost for 2 adults and 2 kids to take the train to Edinburgh.

I'm still salty about their visit. It seems like 10 days and several thousand dollars wasted to explore a country and you don't even leave Kelvingrove.

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My sister and her family  (from very rural Mississippi) left America for the very first time and visited me this summer.

It all started when my 30 year old niece asked if the water was safe to drink. (She was drinking bottled water when she asked.)

They ended up not leaving the west end of Glasgow for a week. Didn't even go to Edinburgh because they thought the train was too expensive.

They left Glasgow for Orlando and spent a couple of days at a Disney Resort and spent more money on an ice cream sundae than it would have cost for 2 adults and 2 kids to take the train to Edinburgh.

I'm still salty about their visit. It seems like 10 days and several thousand dollars wasted to explore a country and you don't even leave Kelvingrove.

Oh, wow!  So many people have family/friends that are infuriating!  I'm not alone!  <hugs you all>

I have so much pent up inside me that I never talk about except to my husband, who has the patience of a saint.  But it has coloured the advice I give to others when they ask what they should do. 

Don't get me wrong. It will be good to see her. But I am quickly reminded that she was always great fun...in small doses. She asked if she could come stay, I said "sure" without asking for how long, before she said it would be five nights. It's not a problem that she stays over at all, it's just these weird messages I get like "So I will be needing a running track". Erm, sure...let me build one in the back yard that I don't have.

She is a world traveller and very independent. I will of course show her how to get the bus and tram to places, even taking the tram back to mine so she sees how to use it and where to get off. It helps I am the last stop! This is her first trip to England and says she doesn't have a problem doing things on her own, but then she makes these plans with me when I already said I was going to be busy which then makes me feel bad.

Thanks for the tips all! I understand I sound like an ungrateful friend, but I really do want to make this trip as enjoyable as possible for her, but I can't be with her the whole time or meet her demands.

Oh, wow!  So many people have family/friends that are infuriating!  I'm not alone!  <hugs you all>

Oh! I have plenty more stories of infuriating family    Don't bring up the subject of "in laws" for example 

I still remember when my sister came to visit and had to be shown how to catch a bus by standing on the side of  the rode where traffic is going in the direction you want to go. Or another American who thought the ferry to France would wait for them if they were late.

I did have to be shown how to get a bus when I first got here, but I wouldn't expect it or a ferry to wait for me. My goodness, that is crazy, haha! 

I've got to say, the running track comment does make me laugh.

In all honesty, I would just welcome her the best you can and let her do her own thing when you are busy. If she is truly as independent as she says, she will have no problem. And give yourself permission to not feel bad!

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Yes!  What nctami72 said!  Especially that last bit!  You don't owe her anything, and yet you are already giving a lot when she has a place to sleep every night and you're showing her how to get around!  She can sort out the rest.  And, hopefully, you two will have a good time together on your terms and when you are free. 

I'm sure you've already thought about it, but maybe there's some ways you could encourage her to be more independent and thus more likely to explore a bit while you work.  How about a proper paper map with the tram stops and your house clearly marked?  A mobile phone for her with credit and your number programmed in?  Whatever the Manchester equivalent of an Oyster card is with some credit? 

Yeah I was going to say if you have a spare Pay-as-you-go phone or a work phone, you could maybe give her one so she can contact you and give clear directions of where you are, etc.

When my parent's came, my husband forwarded his work phone to his personal phone and my parents borrowed his work phone just to be able to connect with us or google directions if required. I think that definitely helped them be a bit more independent. When I used to come visit, he had a Pay-as-you-go Nokia that he'd take to festivals and he would stock it up with a few quid of credit for emergencies (in case we were separated or he had to work or something) and I was good to go. Helped me feel more confident about being alone where I wasn't totally familiar and mobile roaming was extremely expensive so I wasn't going to put it on on my phone as a broke 21 year old.

Oh, wow!  So many people have family/friends that are infuriating!  I'm not alone!  <hugs you all>

I have so much pent up inside me that I never talk about except to my husband, who has the patience of a saint.  But it has coloured the advice I give to others when they ask what they should do. 

You need to visit here [ https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/ ] or here [https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/]

Don't get me wrong. It will be good to see her. But I am quickly reminded that she was always great fun...in small doses. She asked if she could come stay, I said "sure" without asking for how long, before she said it would be five nights. It's not a problem that she stays over at all, it's just these weird messages I get like "So I will be needing a running track". Erm, sure...let me build one in the back yard that I don't have.

She is a world traveller and very independent. I will of course show her how to get the bus and tram to places, even taking the tram back to mine so she sees how to use it and where to get off. It helps I am the last stop! This is her first trip to England and says she doesn't have a problem doing things on her own, but then she makes these plans with me when I already said I was going to be busy which then makes me feel bad.

Thanks for the tips all! I understand I sound like an ungrateful friend, but I really do want to make this trip as enjoyable as possible for her, but I can't be with her the whole time or meet her demands.

Out of curiosity, do you talk to her on the regular? Or is she somebody you haven't seen or spoken to in a while and she just happened to remember that you lived in England when planning her next adventure?

Out of curiosity, do you talk to her on the regular? Or is she somebody you haven't seen or spoken to in a while and she just happened to remember that you lived in England when planning her next adventure?

Yay...!  A fellow cynic. 

Yay...!  A fellow cynic. 

haha I dooo tend to be quite cynical - although this time was unintentional! haha

Out of curiosity, do you talk to her on the regular? Or is she somebody you haven't seen or spoken to in a while and she just happened to remember that you lived in England when planning her next adventure?

I've not seen her probably in about 10 years. We used to work together and became friends that way, but sort of drifted after we both left the place. She pops up on Facebook every few months or so to ask me how London is (despite my repeatedly telling her I don't live anywhere near London) and if I have ever seen celebrities out and about. 
I think she has just been grating on my nerves since I feel like she isn't actually hearing anything I am saying. I would like to see her again but didn't expect this.