Inconvenient Annoyances

100% agree with Larrabee. I think a discussion just needs to happen around the important of carrying your weight in those specific areas. I find that unless I specifically spell things out for my husband sometimes, as smart of a guy as he is, he will just assume it's all find. I always find it shocking how oblivious he can be for a guy that I think is fairly intelligent!

Completely agree with this.  Subtle hints don't work with me and I am happy to be told explicitly what needs to happen. 

Lots of British people don't value food at all.  They only eat to avoid dying.  Eating a cheese sandwich every night is seen as perfectly acceptable.

When I was growing up, people in my family mostly ate dinner on their own.  Early on when I started living with my wife, she called to tell me she would be late and asked me to take care of dinner.  So I made dinner for myself and ate it.  When she came home, she was gobsmacked that I didn't make anything for her and have everything ready for us to eat together.  It took a while to work through those cultural misunderstandings. 

However, I was willing to make the effort so that misunderstanding only happened once.  I agree with you that the real problem is a lack of effort in accommodation and that must be dealt with.  Time to have a serious "come to Jesus" talk.

Lots of British people don't value food at all.  They only eat to avoid dying.  Eating a cheese sandwich every night is seen as perfectly acceptable.

For my husband, it was less about taste and more about being cheap. he's literally eat canned soup or a bit of beans on toast or whatever for dinner when I first moved here....then I introduced him to a little thing called "flavour" and we actually have real meals now where I'm not the only person that has taste buds and therefore an opinion on what dinner should be. My husband would name what he wanted to for dinner.....but it was never anything I wanted to eat because it was very boring/simple/plain and not something I'd want for dinner (or it'd be the weirdest combination that I can't even think of at the moment)...so I had a slightly different problem than Margo where my husband would give ideas.....I just hated them so was easier for me to do all the thinking. Once we had a few things that we'd routinely make, he was able to start participating in making suggestions and we branched out from there. He accepted that it was better to spend a little more to actually enjoy what you're eating vs just eating to survive (as you said) lol. I can't fault him though....being cheap is what has allowed us to be in the relatively good position we're in presently with life.

Good luck with setting up counseling margo.

I know your IA isn't a dinner specific thing, but overall general communication stuff.

But, for us, dinner is a funny topic too.
My husband is a go with the flow for dinner kind of guy. 
Usually the conversation goes
Me: "What do you want for dinner?"
J: "I dunno, what do you want?"
Me: "I dunno, any cravings?"
J: "Not really"
Me: "Veg, fish, meat?"
J: "All are fine".
Me: "How about we have X, Y, Z"
J: "Sounds great!" 

I do throw it on him sometimes, because he cooks for me a few nights of the week when I'm out having fun.  Not that he can have dairy, but he's luckily not a cheese on toast, beans on toast, etc kind of guy. He's more a I'll make either pasta, fish 'n' chips, pizza, or curry kind of guy. 

I think part of my dinner issue is that there's literally no convenience type foods I've found here that I'm not allergic to aside from that bread and a lone wrap brand. No ready meals I can have on hand for the lazy days. So dinner is either made or not, I don't have a "simple" no effort option. I really miss my instant pot, the UK version has been out of stock since I moved. I think I'm gonna have to go with another brand of electric pressure cooker because they make days like last night easy... You can keep a few bags of meal ingredients in the freezer, throw in pressure cooker without having to closely monitor it, and 45 mins to an hour later it's done, plus leftovers. (Slow cookers are good like that too, but I have allergy/histamine issues and slow cooked food ends up higher histamine.) I also miss my rice cooker. Parboiled basmati rice got old 3 months ago, I'm over it and want a variety.

I am gonna focus on getting myself myself healthy and hopefully my husband will follow suit. It's really all I can do. I'm sure it's not been easy on him seeing me completely miserable here, but with no real plan or help from him on all the challenging things it's really been a struggle.

I think part of my dinner issue is that there's literally no convenience type foods I've found here that I'm not allergic to aside from that bread and a lone wrap brand. No ready meals I can have on hand for the lazy days. So dinner is either made or not, I don't have a "simple" no effort option. I really miss my instant pot, the UK version has been out of stock since I moved. I think I'm gonna have to go with another brand of electric pressure cooker because they make days like last night easy... You can keep a few bags of meal ingredients in the freezer, throw in pressure cooker without having to closely monitor it, and 45 mins to an hour later it's done, plus leftovers. (Slow cookers are good like that too, but I have allergy/histamine issues and slow cooked food ends up higher histamine.) I also miss my rice cooker. Parboiled basmati rice got old 3 months ago, I'm over it and want a variety.

I am gonna focus on getting myself myself healthy and hopefully my husband will follow suit. It's really all I can do. I'm sure it's not been easy on him seeing me completely miserable here, but with no real plan or help from him on all the challenging things it's really been a struggle.

Margo, instead of freezing the ingredients, why don't you batch cook and make your own ready meals? That might make life a little easier? 

I'm sorry you're so sad. I hope things get better with time.

Yeah, I was gonna ask if you have a freezer where you can store batch cooked food?

Freezer is pretty small, and the histamine issues mean leftovers start making me sick pretty quickly. So I could prep a couple bags that can be squished around, but more than that isn't an option. Cooking from frozen was pretty much the best solution I found in the US. I had my routine down, moved here, and everything got jacked up. Things are slightly better now that we have a working oven. But even with more options it's not easy because it still involves standing in a kitchen chopping etc.

I think part of my dinner issue is that there's literally no convenience type foods I've found here that I'm not allergic to aside from that bread and a lone wrap brand. No ready meals I can have on hand for the lazy days. So dinner is either made or not, I don't have a "simple" no effort option. I really miss my instant pot, the UK version has been out of stock since I moved. I think I'm gonna have to go with another brand of electric pressure cooker because they make days like last night easy... You can keep a few bags of meal ingredients in the freezer, throw in pressure cooker without having to closely monitor it, and 45 mins to an hour later it's done, plus leftovers. (Slow cookers are good like that too, but I have allergy/histamine issues and slow cooked food ends up higher histamine.) I also miss my rice cooker. Parboiled basmati rice got old 3 months ago, I'm over it and want a variety.

I am gonna focus on getting myself myself healthy and hopefully my husband will follow suit. It's really all I can do. I'm sure it's not been easy on him seeing me completely miserable here, but with no real plan or help from him on all the challenging things it's really been a struggle.

Lidl just had rice cookers for sale this past week. We've had one from Lidl for the last year or two and it's brilliant. I can't imagine NOT having a rice cooker now that I have it!

Freezer is pretty small, and the histamine issues mean leftovers start making me sick pretty quickly. So I could prep a couple bags that can be squished around, but more than that isn't an option. Cooking from frozen was pretty much the best solution I found in the US. I had my routine down, moved here, and everything got jacked up. Things are slightly better now that we have a working oven. But even with more options it's not easy because it still involves standing in a kitchen chopping etc.

You should get an OT referral margo. They can help set you up so that you can sit to prepare food.

Hopefully you'll get into a new routine here before too long. 

You should get an OT referral margo. They can help set you up so that you can sit to prepare food.

Hopefully you'll get into a new routine here before too long. 

Hopefully at this next appointment they will realise I am actually disabled and help. The previous doctor didn't want to hear it and called me a hypochondriac with too many issues. If that happens again I'm finding a new practice. But I scheduled the appointment for the MSK stuff going on with the GP they assigned me (who also does small ortho procedures) so hopefully they listen. I need to schedule another for the allergies after I see how they treat me on this one. I *really* wish the NHS had proper new patient appointments so you could sit down and go over everything at once. The NHS is great for known conditions (like diabetes and MS) and acute care, but rough for anything chronic and rare.

Lidl just had rice cookers for sale this past week. We've had one from Lidl for the last year or two and it's brilliant. I can't imagine NOT having a rice cooker now that I have it!

Ooh.. Maybe I'll take a trip there tomorrow. I want to make a quiche and need a pie tin too.

BTW... Are all English people unaware of food safety or is it just my husband? Multiple times he's stored open food that's meant to be refrigerated in the cupboard. He must have an iron stomach but there's been a bunch of times he hasn't felt well lately and I can't help but think that's part of it!

Completely agree with this.  Subtle hints don't work with me and I am happy to be told explicitly what needs to happen.

I've never believed in subtle hints in relationships.  It's not fair to the person who "needs" to change.  If they don't get the hint, you'll just be more frustrated, and then blame that on them, too.

Lots of British people don't value food at all.  They only eat to avoid dying.  Eating a cheese sandwich every night is seen as perfectly acceptable.

My husband is not one of those people!  I don't even know where it came from.  I've had the food his parents make, and it's not good!

I think part of my dinner issue is that there's literally no convenience type foods I've found here that I'm not allergic to aside from that bread and a lone wrap brand.

Don't be sad about the food allergies... I haven't found many convenience type foods that are worth eating, anyway.  I don't know what the US does differently that the EU doesn't like, but whatever it is, it's tastier there.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. 

BTW... Are all English people unaware of food safety or is it just my husband? Multiple times he's stored open food that's meant to be refrigerated in the cupboard. He must have an iron stomach but there's been a bunch of times he hasn't felt well lately and I can't help but think that's part of it!

My husband is aware of food safety, as in, that it's something to watch out for, but he doesn't seem to understand it.  He thinks defrosting in the microwave is dodgy and doesn't trust it even when I cook it immediately... freezer to microwave to cooked in the span of about 20 minutes.  Meanwhile, he's happy to leave meats out on the worktop to defrost for hours!  It's like the complete opposite of what you should do.

But he hasn't killed us yet. 

Hopefully at this next appointment they will realise I am actually disabled and help. The previous doctor didn't want to hear it and called me a hypochondriac with too many issues. If that happens again I'm finding a new practice. But I scheduled the appointment for the MSK stuff going on with the GP they assigned me (who also does small ortho procedures) so hopefully they listen. I need to schedule another for the allergies after I see how they treat me on this one. I *really* wish the NHS had proper new patient appointments so you could sit down and go over everything at once. The NHS is great for known conditions (like diabetes and MS) and acute care, but rough for anything chronic and rare.

 I'd be inclined to have a chat with the ladies on the desk (If you can get them onside, your life will be so much easier) to see if they will suggest which of the GP's is likely to be the most sympathetic to your needs. Whoever you see ought to be referring you to the relevant specialist(s) not diagnosing hypochondria, that is horrifying!

Ooh.. Maybe I'll take a trip there tomorrow. I want to make a quiche and need a pie tin too.

BTW... Are all English people unaware of food safety or is it just my husband? Multiple times he's stored open food that's meant to be refrigerated in the cupboard. He must have an iron stomach but there's been a bunch of times he hasn't felt well lately and I can't help but think that's part of it!

Not sure if it's still there because this was from Asian week last week but I can have a look at some point this weekend if you want? If not, I can tip you off when it's Asian week again and keep an eye out for one?

RE the food safety, depends on what you mean? My husband doesn't leave stuff out of the fridge but insists "sell by" dates are just verryy rough guidelines for "consumption date". I just can't get on board with that. I am VERY put off by sell by dates lol My husband even fridges things he doesn't have to! (like eggs).

Not sure if it's still there because this was from Asian week last week but I can have a look at some point this weekend if you want? If not, I can tip you off when it's Asian week again and keep an eye out for one?

RE the food safety, depends on what you mean? My husband doesn't leave stuff out of the fridge but insists "sell by" dates are just verryy rough guidelines for "consumption date". I just can't get on board with that. I am VERY put off by sell by dates lol My husband even fridges things he doesn't have to! (like eggs).

My husband puts eggs in the fridge too.

But the most recent example was lemon curd. We bought one with no preservatives so I could try it, very clearly says "refrigerate after opening", has eggs and butter in it. It's been in the cupboard since buying it. I noticed him putting it on his toast this morning, realised its been opened and not stored in the fridge. It's been open for a week! Not moldy yet but... Eww.